Everything I've Never Had (30 page)

He’d picked us up for Sunday Mass the next morning before driving us up to the country. I wondered if our family would notice that we’d driven out together. We’d never done that before.

We’d had lunch and walked the grounds a bit before the bottom fell out of the sky. Now, we are holed up in the family room because of the torrential downpour. The kids are being fabulous. The adults seem edgy. My mother, my sister-in-law, and I sit on the couch looking over some designs. My mother had never shown any interest in my work, but since the accident and our falling out, she’d seemed determined to play nice with me—a blessing in disguise. I still don’t trust her completely, though.

As surreptitiously as possible, I steal as many glances as I’m able of Adrian and the younger boys. He’s held them all enthralled as he’s showed them how to play some songs on the piano. I’m pretty sure he’s played every Elvis song under the sun. My father and father-in-law sit next to the older boys regaling them with Naval battle stories. My teenage nieces sit in the far corner with their phones out, laughing and giggling over God only knows what. Louis and my older brothers sit and discuss law stuff. How boring.

Reflecting on this peaceful familial setting, it’s all I can do not to laugh aloud at the bomb Adrian and I are about to drop. The irony is not lost on me that my nefarious family can live the life they do and appear like the ideal family. Not to mention, commit their reprehensible acts without batting an eye, but they are going to lose their shit over my choice of husband. Maybe it won’t take us too long to get back to our sense of normality.

My mother asks me a question about some fabrics I’m considering using for the throw pillows of my next shoot when I hear the soothing sound of the piano cease. I look up to see Adrian taking a call. Putting the room at his back, he walks the short distance over to the windows. I hear her ask me another question, but I don’t answer as I’ve noticed Adrian’s stance get taller and tenser with his conversation. I think it may be my imagination, but then I catch a glimpse of his white-knuckled hold on the phone. I pass the book to my mother as I begin to go to him. But before I can stand, he hits the end button and spins toward me, his gaze searching as it meets mine. I see trouble brewing in those eyes of his. I can’t even imagine what could make him look like this.

I worry my lip a little as I wait for him to make a move. Never releasing me from his gaze, he takes a deep breath before he finally says, “Kimberly?” I hear my niece respond. “Will you and the girls take the kids into the playroom for a little while?”

Adrian has never asked anything of them, so I would imagine this triggers alarm bells for everyone because the room becomes silent and the kids start moving toward the door without any prompting. “Sure thing, Adrian,” she replies as she ushers them from the room, leaving only the adults.

Paralyzed, I sit in wonder at what is going on. I can’t make myself move even though I want to go to him and comfort him. Is it his father, his mother? He doesn’t make me wonder long. “My unit has been activated,” he says, “and we’re being sent back to Iraq.”

A sob erupts from my throat. I feel my mother startle and turn her eyes to me. I still can’t look away from Adrian. I see him swallow hard a couple of times, fighting off emotion. I hear my brothers start muttering about fucking politics, and I hear my father and Tripp’s father commence to discuss duty and the call to protect. I don’t think about any of that. All I can think is how messed up the situation is over there now and how my man is being sent over in the thick of it.

Finally, I’m able to pull myself from the couch, stumbling a little as I feel quite light-headed. Adrian’s brow furrows, but he doesn’t make a move to help me as I right myself pretty quickly.

Moving behind the piano, I run my hands up his chest and around his neck, bringing his forehead down to mine. I close my eyes and bring my lips to his, kissing him with everything I have in me. I hear a few startled gasps, but I can’t be bothered to care.

After a minute, I pull back and place little kisses on his lips while I murmur, “You’re going to be fine. We’re going to be fine. You’re so amazing at what you do, and I’ll be right here waiting for you when you return. I love you, Adrian. Do you hear me?” He nods at me. “We’re OK.” He nods again.

I’m so impressed with my family because it takes them a couple of minutes to break us up. Of course, it’s my mother’s voice that I hear. “Celeste, do you care to tell us what exactly is going on?”

I’m not the one who answers though. Adrian’s found his voice again and says what he’s been dying to say since day one. Spinning me around in his arms, he wraps them around me before he says, “Family, Celeste and I are getting married.”

I feel myself chuckle. I can’t believe he just said that.
What happened to breaking it to them gently?
Louis moves in to shake Adrian’s hand and say congratulations while my mother just sits in stony silence next to my sister-in-law, who waits for my mother’s reaction to determine how she’ll react. My brothers do much the same as they move to stand behind my father.

Tearing my glance from my mother, I seek out my father, who looks quite shocked but not angry as I’d feared. Maybe that’s to come later. He breaks our gaze, and mine follows his to my father-in-law. Ah, there’s angry. If I were a lesser woman, I’d wither up and die on the spot.

Chip looks toward my father and I hear him mutter, “Fix this. Fix it now,” before storming from the room.

My father stands and walks over to me. “Is this who you want, Celeste?”

I bristle at his use of that rude pronoun. Adrian has a damn name. He’s not a
this
. But a temper tantrum might not be helpful right now. So I answer his question. “
Adrian’s
who I want, who I need, who I deserve, Daddy.”

“So you’ve been sneaking around behind our backs then?”

Adrian answers for me. “No, not really. We’ve only been seeing each other a couple of weeks and were all set to tell you today—just not like this.”

“And you’ve already decided on marriage?” he asks disbelievingly.

“Daddy, we’ve been falling in love with each over the last couple of years.” I hear my mother’s startled gasp upon that confession. I look over to her. “I’m sorry, Mother, but it’s true. I wasn’t in love with Tripp, and you know it. Not that you cared. Either of you.” I meet my father’s gaze again. “Adrian and I didn’t jump into things, however. We were there for each other as friends until recently when it became more.” Adrian’s arms tighten around me before releasing me and asking to speak to my father alone.

I’m left with my mother who beckons me over to the couch to sit beside her before proceeding to shock the hell out of me. “I’m turning over a new leaf where you’re concerned, Celeste. If you want to be with Adrian, who am I to stop you? I only want for you to be happy, so I will support you.”

“Thank you, Mother.” She doesn’t reach out and hold me like I would if it were one of my children, but it’s the warmest feeling she’s ever given me, so it’s good enough for now.

Our ride home is quiet. The boys sense something is up. Adrian holds my hand as usual. The only difference being his thumb has numbed mine with the little path he’s worn with its constant movement. I don’t want to give this up. Not for even a moment much less however long I’m about to lose him for. Leaning my head back on the seat, I look over at his profile and smile. He glances toward me and gives me a tentative smile of his own. I mouth, “I love you.”

He mouths, “Thank you.”

It’s kind of an odd response, so it makes me grin a little wider. His eyes find their way back to the road.

Once we talk to the boys and explain how Adrian will be leaving us in four days, we make our tired way out to the sunroom. I’m really impressed with how well the boys took it. Of course, they don’t know the full extent of what is going on over there. Like true developing men and patriots, they are proud that Adrian will be going over to support his unit. Archer even said he couldn’t wait until he could join the Marine Corps. Again, my father would die. Finn jumped out and defended my dear old dad’s branch by declaring that he was going to be a Seal. Paris was quiet but smiled in all the right places. He’s a thinker that one, and I’m sure I’ll find out all about those thoughts real soon.

Adrian follows me into the sunroom and starts massaging my shoulders before I can make a move to sit down. Reveling in his touch, I lean back into him and moan. God, that feels so good. I utter that exact sentiment without thinking, eliciting a chuckle from him.

“You’re so easy to please,” he says as his expert hands make their way down my back in a soothing, rhythmic pattern.

He relaxes me enough that I’m able to say what I feel is all. I turn and grab his hands in mine. His stare focuses on my hands, so I crouch down a little to get his attention. “What are you thinking right now?”

Kissing the backs of my hands, he releases them and strides over to look out over my back lawn. I allow him to have a minute to himself before sliding over and snaking my arms around his middle. Laying my head between his shoulder blades, I focus on breathing in and out for a few minutes and let his scent saturate my every pore.

Pulling back, I repeat his techniques from earlier as I wait for him to disclose what’s going on in that beautiful head of his.

I hear him draw in a shaky breath after a few minutes, and it startles me. He finally turns to me and pulls me to him almost violently. His hands and mouth are everywhere, and like a leaf clinging to its branch in a storm, I latch on tight and take him.

He shudders under me before pulling back and grasping both sides of my face, his frantic gaze seeking mine out.

“You’re scaring me,” I mutter. I’ve never seen such a wounded look in someone’s eyes before, and I can feel the pain and restraint emanating from him.

“I’m sorry,” he chokes out. “I don’t mean to. It’s just what I’m about to say is killing me, but I have to say it. I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I have to, though.”

Rubbing my hands up and down his arms, I say, “I’ll be fine. I just need you to talk to me. We’re going to be fine.”

“I...I don’t want you to wait for me.” I try to pull back on those words but he doesn’t let me, his hands pressing in hard. “You don’t deserve that after everything you’ve been through. You watched your husband die a slow, painful death and struggled to make it own your own with your boys. And you did, but that was hell. I don’t want to be the one causing you pain, Celeste. You don’t deserve to sit here and worry about me and wonder when or if I’m coming home. That’s not fair.”

Even though his hands make it difficult for me to speak, I can’t get my next words out fast enough. “Adrian, I love you. Period. End of discussion. I will wait for you to come home so that we can be together because I
cannot
,
will not
have it any other way. Neither of us deserves any of this, but you’ll go and serve our country because that’s who you are. And I’ll be here waiting for you to come back to me because that’s who I am.”

His hold relaxes; his forehead falls to mine. I close my eyes and breathe him in before he pulls back and places a series of kisses on my forehead. “What did I do to deserve you? We’ve barely been together three weeks, and you’re willing to wait on me for six months? We haven’t even slept together. Do you even know what you are waiting for?” he asks with a chuckle. Oh, thank goodness, my Adrian is back from that dark place that suggested he leave me.

“It’s like I told my family—I’ve been falling in love with you for a long time. This is not a casual relationship for me. I’m not in this to have a good time.”

His brow furrows before he asks, “You’re not having a good time?”

I laugh in earnest now at my sweet man. “Oh, yes, worrying about our
delightful
family, fighting off your various groupies, and watching you try to break up with me is all great fun.”

“Geez, so much drama. I hope he’s worth it,” he says as he leans in to suck my bottom lip into his mouth.

“Oh, he’s worth it all right,” I’m able to mumble before he consumes me.