Dark Secrets (90 page)

“
Are you happy,
Ara?”

“
Yeah.” I reached for
my locket, dropping my hand when I realised it wasn’t there. “I
guess…I guess it just sunk in, you know? I’ve kind of been waiting
for that kiss since before…” We both knew what came after
‘before’.

He cupped my face, his
sympathetic gaze easing my soul. “It’s all okay now, Ara. We’re
gonna be fine. We’ll go home, we’ll get married, and everything
will be okay again.”

I nodded, but my heart
sunk.

“
What is it,
baby?”

“
I—” I looked at my
ring. “Marrying you I'm sure about, but…I don't know if I'm ready
to leave Dad, you know. He’s—”

“
He’s your dad.” Mike
nodded. “I get it. We don't have to think about that part yet,
okay? We’ll figure all that out later.”

I nodded.

“
Okay,” he said, then
kissed my forehead. “Hey, I gotta go tell my dad. He’s gonna be so
happy I finally asked you.”

“
Okay.” I smiled,
sweeping the lingering tear from my eye as Mike leaped off the bed
and headed for the door.

“
Baby?” He barely got
a step away before turning back and kneeling down in front of me
again, taking my hand. “You. Have made me. The happiest man
alive.”

I looked up from our
hands and into his smile.

“
I was sure I’d come
here to say goodbye,” he said. “I—I was ready to leave with a
broken heart, but instead, I’ll be bringing yours home with
me.”

I smiled, even though
one part of that story was wrong. I didn't want to go back to
Perth—I wanted to stay here, in New England, where David may one
day return.

As Mike stood up again
and walked away, I twisted the ring around on my finger. It was so
delicate that if I knocked it the wrong way I was sure it’d break.
I was happy though.

“
Dad says it’s about
time.” Mike popped his head around the corner, phone in
hand.

I grinned at
him.

“
Yes, Dad. I did.” He
turned away again. “No. Well, I need to be home next week, but we
haven’t told Ara’s dad yet.”

My smile dropped when
Mike disappeared down the hall—leaving me alone with my
thoughts.

What would my dad say?
He’d probably make me wait until I turned eighteen—or twenty-one. I
knew what my mum would’ve said. She’d be happy. Even though I was
young. She would’ve been able to see that I loved him; she would’ve
taken me shopping for a dress, and....

I let that thought
slip away with the agony it brought.

What would David say?
After all, he wanted this—he gave me away. He must’ve known, when
he told Mike to have me, that this would happen.

I wondered where he
was. If he was far away—if he was working in New York, or maybe
flying silver planes over pyramids along the Nile. My heart allowed
a small smile, thinking of the song he was referring to when he
said that. I knew he intended that phrase as a sort of statement.
And that made me sad to be wearing an engagement ring to another
man.

But the next thought
was a warm one—a happy one, because Mike’s voice, deep and husky,
travelled down the hall and into my ears. I could lay all day and
listen to him talking—especially knowing he’d come back in here
after to see me, because I was his world.

I looked down
at my left hand and traced my fingertip over the ruby. It really
was such a pretty ring, and I couldn’t help but to smile at the odd
significance of the single red rose.

Chapter
Thirty

A pale blue light
filtered between a crack in my curtains, casting shadows of
raindrops across my carpet, while memories of David paraded in my
mind.

The celebration dinner
Vicki made for Mike and I tonight kept me distracted until I was
tired. But all it did to be distracted was make me realise, even
deeper, how hard it was going to get to find things every day that
made time pass until I grew old and died.

“
I dream about you,
you know?” I whispered, imagining David sitting beside me on the
bed. “When I close my eyes, I see your face. Will it ever stop
hurting?”

The apparition shook
his head and reached out to touch me, then, like a cloud of steam
brushed away by a hand, he vanished. Only a streak of yellow light
remained in his place, filtering in from the hallway. I looked up
and smiled at Mike, who leaned against the wall with two steaming
mugs in his hands. “You awake?” he whispered.

The clock beside me
said midnight. “I am now,” I lied.

“
Sorry, baby. I’ll
leave you to sleep.”

“
No. Wait. I’m awake.
Please, come in.” My feather quilt ruffled as I sat up.

He closed the door
with his foot and walked through the darkness to my bedside. The
cups clinked together on the nightstand, and as my eyes adjusted to
the dim light, I noticed his look of concern.

“
Mike? You
okay?”

“
You were quiet
tonight—at dinner,” he said. “Is something bothering
you?”

“
What makes you think
there’s something bothering me? Maybe I’m just tired.”

“
Ara, come on. Don’t
play games with me. I’m the one person in the world you can say
anything to—without consequence.” He placed the warm mug in my
hand, securing my fingers around it before letting go. “Don’t try
to lie to me.”

I sighed and looked
down at the creamy layer of warmed milk, forming a white coating of
froth in the mug. “I was in love with him, Mike.”

“
David?” He nodded
after a deep breath, sitting down. “I know. And I know you probably
always will be. I do understand that, Ara.”

“
And you’re okay with
that?” I asked slowly.

“
Why wouldn’t I
be?”

“
Because it’s…I mean,
how can you want to be with me—knowing I’ll always have another man
in my heart?”

He paused, and thought
changed his expression. “Ara, I love you—everything about you—past,
present, future. He was obviously a big part of your life the last
few months and, you know, he kept you safe while I wasn’t here,” he
said simply. “So, if you always have a place for him in your heart,
baby, that’s something I can live with.”

My eyes filled with
liquid. I smiled down at my hot chocolate, then took a sip through
my teeth.

“
You don’t know how
happy I am to see this on you.” Mike unfolded my ring hand from the
cup, pressing his thumb firmly to the stone. “I dug it out so many
times, practiced my speech, then put it away again.”

“
How long have you
had it?”

“
I,
uh—I
designed
it
when I was seventeen—” He scratched the back of his head. “Ara,
I’ve been in love with you for forever. I was just too stupid to do
anything about it. So, finally, about a year ago, I took the design
to a jeweller and had it made.”

“
A
year? God, you
are
stupid,” I scoffed.

He sighed a few times,
opening his mouth to speak then stopping, until finally, he quietly
said, “Your mum said the same thing.”

“
Do you mean
Vicki?”

“
No.” He smiled. “I
mean, yes, Vicki knew about the ring—”

“
Since
when?”

“
Uh, I told them
about a month ago—” And suddenly, her strange behaviour toward Mike
made so much sense, “—But, I was talking about your real
mum.”

I looked at the ring.
“Did she get to see it?”

He nodded. “She
cried.”

“
So, she
approved?”

He laughed. “Of
course. She practically had us betrothed from the day you were
born, Ara.”

The soft smile I gave
felt nice across my mouth; I liked smiling, especially for my mum.
“Well, it’s easily the most immaculate ring I’ve ever seen, Mike. I
can’t believe
you
designed this—for me.”

“
Well, you’re my
beautiful rose.” He laughed then—at himself, I think. “Look at me,
Mike the poet.”

“
I like poetry. I’ve
always been a sucker for a romantic.” I placed my cup on the
nightstand next to Mike’s.

Mike smiled. “Squidge
over.”

I moved to the cold
side of the bed, letting him slip beneath my covers, coming to rest
my cheek against his ultra warm chest. He felt so different from
David; he was bulkier, warmer, and the sound of his heart beating
in his chest brought a kind of fear to my own—knowing it could
break or stop beating by the smallest, stupidest mistakes. But the
humanness of Mike made me feel oddly safe in a way I hadn’t always
felt with David. I was comfortable with him—we matched. Mike was my
human match.

Mike’s arms relaxed
heavily around me, like wearing a bead-filled doorstop as a hug.
“Are you excited about the ball?” he asked.

“
Mm-hm.” I nodded,
drifting away to the sound of his deep, constant breath.

This would be my life
from now on, and I had to admit, after all the pain, after all the
loss and loneliness, it finally felt like I could
breathe.

A semi-conscious dream
stole my eyes to the images in the back of my mind; I rolled my
face up once more to smile at Mike, see what he thought of my
dream, but he couldn’t see it, and while that was reassuring in a
way, it also made me feel a little…lonely.

I slipped back into my
dream, walking down a long aisle toward my destiny—toward Mike. I
tried so hard to picture David there in Mike’s place but I
couldn’t. It was Mike. It had always been Mike.

As I stood beside him,
I pulled the red rose from my bouquet and gave it to
him.

“
You don’t need this
anymore, Ara.” He kissed my lips and let the rose fall to the
floor. “Every part of your heat belongs to me now.”

I watched the red
petals hit the ground, then looked up into his smile. “From this
day on—for always,” I said.

He nodded, reaching
for me, and as I rolled my face into his hand, I jumped back with
the cold shock of electricity through my cheek, waking to the feel
of icy skin and a familiar sweet scent hiding under the shadows of
dawn. “David?” I whispered.

No one
replied.

I jumped out from the
warmth of Mike’s arms and ran for the window, stopping dead, seeing
a yellow rose on the windowsill. My ruby ring suddenly felt
heavy—almost as if I was wearing the pain in my soul; I picked up
the cold, thornless blossom and pressed it to my nose, spotting my
iPod on the sill underneath it. Our lives, every inch of our
journey had been mapped out in song on that device—from the first
time I saw him and fell in love with him, through the days of
wondering if he loved me, to the heartache of knowing he only loved
me enough to leave me for my own good, and finally, to losing him.
It would do me no good to listen to that playlist again, even
though I knew that’s what David wanted. But I just couldn’t live my
life in the past anymore. I had to find a way to move
forward.

The street below was
desolate and quiet, no sign of David having been or gone. The dawn
sky looked cold and grey, like the world was readying itself for
rain, and all the streets were empty, the lights still on along the
footpath, while a soft red glow outlined the mountains to the
east.

I looked over at Mike,
sleeping peacefully, and drew in the sweet pear scent of the rose
once more. Then, as I went to press the Home button on my iPod,
noticed a new playlist there, titled “Ara”. It only had one song,
so I stuffed my earphones in and pressed play; I could move forward
tomorrow. Today, I just wanted to be closer to David by thinking
about him—pain or none.

A delicate piano told
a sad story, making my heart ache in the first bar. I pushed open
my window, leaning on the frame as the words began; I’d never heard
this song before. I knew David liked John Mayer, but he’d never
even said which song was his favourite. I wondered why he put this
one on my iPod and no other song. And then I listened more
carefully to the words, relating instantly to the feeling; falling
asleep thinking about the one you love—your heart so broken because
they’re gone. You dream, for a moment, that they’re right beside
you—that everything in the world is finally all right. But the
warmth of their hand, the clear memory of their smile dissipates
suddenly, destroyed by waking. It almost makes you want to sleep
for the rest of your life so you can be together.

I checked the title of
the song again, smiling. Appropriate. “Dreaming With A Broken
Heart.”

Tiny bumps of chill
dotted my belly with the kiss of a cool breeze, and the sun touched
the earth just over the horizon, warming everything around me; the
treetops became pink and gold, and orange leaves floated softly
down to the ground, like autumn snow.

I pinched three of the
yellow petals from the stem of the rose and held them out over the
lip of the window frame; one for my heart; one for my soul; one for
eternity. They all belonged to David. Each and every bit of me
would always be his—no matter what my dreams may tell
me.