Dark Secrets (43 page)

He smiled—his secret
smile. “Do you really hate it when I call you
sweetheart
?”

My mouth hung open.
“Did I say that out loud?”

“
No.” He grinned,
rubbing the tops of his knees. “I can read minds, Ara.”

I slid down the door
and sat on the floor with my head in my palms. “How is
that…possible?”

“
I’m sorry,” David
said.

I looked up quickly to
his hand on my shoulder. “Get away from me.”

He evaporated,
appearing by my window. I dusted my arm off, scraping away any
vampire germs that might’ve been left behind, then looked over at
him; he looked so conflicted yet so comfortable as he considered
the world below. The muscles in his arms, with the way he folded
them across his chest, looked bigger, more defined. And I had once
wanted them on me, wanted to feel him against me. Now, I only felt
anger at myself for that—for ever loving him when he was such a
vile, disgusting monster.

He took a breath and
spoke to the world outside, “Despite what you may believe, my girl,
I am still human inside. And everything you’re thinking right
now
does
hurt.”

I blinked, trying to
make my mind go blank, but it wouldn’t; I just kept seeing the
faces of people as they screamed, begged for their lives, while
David towered over them and took it. “Have you always been able to
read my mind?”

He nodded, not looking
at me. I wanted to be mad, but the heat that rushed through me was
boiling mortification, more than anger. I buried my face in my hand
and groaned. Oh, so many thoughts I wouldn’t have wanted him to
hear.

David chuckled.
“That’s pretty much what everyone says.”

“
God, I feel so
violated
.”

“
I’m sorry, my love.
I know it’s awful but, if it’s any consolation, I’m not usually
listening. And I can only hear your immediate thoughts. For
anything in the past, I actually have to go inside your
head.”

I looked up at him.
“But, you can get in there—you can find things?”

He nodded.

“
That’s so freakin’
creepy.”

He became smaller.
“Please don’t say things like that, Ara.”

“
Well, what do you
expect me to say?”

“
Ah, it’s a vampire!”
He waved his hands about like a girl.

“
I kind of did say
that.” I smiled. “But you muzzled me.”

He winced, letting a
breath out. “I’m so sorry about that, Ara. I just couldn’t have you
running down to tell your dad.”

I bit my lip, knowing
full well that’s exactly what I was going to do. “So, I’m calm now.
Am I free to go, or are you going to keep me hostage in here for
the rest of my life?”

He turned back to face
me. “Will you keep quiet?”

I nodded.

“
Then you’re free to
go.”

I felt better after a
sigh of relief. Slowly, I got to my feet and opened my bedroom
door. Dad’s voice lilted up the stairs, homely and warm; I listened
for a second then looked back at David, who leaned on my desk, his
arms folded. “Was that all—is this your only dark
secret?”

He nodded.

“
So you…” I lowered
my voice. “You kill people?”

He nodded.

I stepped back in my
room and shut my door, resting my head on it for a second. “Do you
like killing them?”

“
Yes.” His voice came
smoothly across the room, making my shoulders lift around my
ears.

“
Do you…do you ever
regret it?”

“
I didn’t, no, not
until I fell in love with you.”

I turned around then.
“And what difference does that make?”

“
Compassion. Vampires
are nothing if not compassionate, but only for our own kind. When
we fall for a human, that compassion, for some reason, extends out
to their race as well.”

“
Except, instead of
loving thy neighbour, you eat him.”

“
It isn’t like that.
We don’t just walk around with a constant desire to munch on random
humans. And never those in our local community. We eat only when we
get hungry—like you do.”

“
No, not like I do. I
go to the shop—buy a packet of chips. Not walk into a dark alley
and end the local milk man.”

David laughed.
“Neither do I.”

“
So, what about when
you are hungry?” I threw my hands up. “Is it hard to live among us
then? I mean, there’s no way I could live in a chocolate
factory.”

“
I just don’t let
myself get that hungry.”

“
How thoughtful of
you.”

He cleared his
throat.

“
Does…” I looked past
him to the grey day. “So, how did you fall in love with me if I’d
look better on your plate?”

“
I didn’t choose to
fall for you, Ara. It just happened.”

“
How, I mean, what’s
a vampire even doing at our school?”

He laughed. “I’m on
leave.”

“
Leave?”

“
Yes. I work for two
years in the vampire community, then take two years to be
human.”

“
Human? There is
nothing
human about what
you
are,” I said with a mouthful of
spite.

“
We fall in love,” he
offered, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “We can eat, sleep,
walk in the day, as if we were still human. But—”

“
But you’re
not.”

“
Actually, I was going to say
but
—” he tried to keep a light grin
on his lips, but the hurt of my repulsion revealed itself within
his eyes, “—everything is stronger; our bodies, our minds, all of
our senses. We feel everything with an intensity I cannot describe;
happiness, pain, heartache—” he cringed on the word, “—and love are
so much stronger than you can possibly imagine.”

I softened a
little—about five-percent. It was the way he said
love
. There was
something so…vulnerable about it. “I don’t know.” I shrugged one
shoulder. “I think I might be able to empathise with you on the
feeling-things-more-strongly aspect.”

The sharp,
crescent-moon dimple returned as he nodded. “You have a lot of
heart, Ara. Perhaps that’s why I’m so drawn to you. You’re not like
other humans.” His smile dropped away and he looked down at his
shoes. “I am sorry that I’ve hurt you with my secrecy. More than
you know.”

Apology
not
accepted…yet. I
squared my shoulders. “Okay. So, you said you eat and sleep and
everything else? Why be a vampire at all?”

“
It’s not by choice,”
he said calmly, like I was an infant. “You see, it’s like an alien,
I guess. I thought about it once—how I could describe it to a
human.” He pointed at me as he spoke, then touched his chin with
thought. “It’s like an alien comes down and plants itself in you.
You’re everything you were before, except that now, you have these
incredible abilities, and your human side is driven by the desires
of the alien’s first nature—blood.

“
I’m still David, but
I’m also this alien. I drink because I’m compelled to. If I don’t
drink, I become weak and desperate, then I’d eventually turn into a
monster.” He laughed lightly and added, “Much like you if you don’t
have breakfast. Only, there’d be no stopping me. I would
kill…uncontrollably.”

Great, so, I fell in
love with an alien-operated vampire.

We stood in silence
again for a minute.

“
So, why humans? Why
not squirrels? Or cats?” I subconsciously nodded toward my window,
imagining Skittles on a plate.

David laughed. “It is
vital to consume the blood of your own kind. I am human, in part.
Without human blood, human energy, and human life force, I’m
nothing. Animal blood, and I speak from experience, not only tastes
like ash, but can’t satiate the thirst and it won’t
nourish.”

“
What if you just
didn’t eat blood at all?”

“
I’d end up back at
square one—killing uncontrollably until my hunger was quenched;
it’s much kinder to take a few lives than many.”

“
Oh, God!” I nearly
folded over and threw up. “How can there be any kindness in
killing?”

“
Live a few hundred
years and you’ll find out.”

I looked at him with a
pang of excitement. “So, are you immortal?”

“
Yes.”

“
You don’t
die?”

He shook his
head.

“
At all?” I
double-checked.

He shook his head
again and stood taller. “No. We’re virtually
indestructible.”

“
Virtually?”

“
We
can’t die, but we can get hurt. Our bones are like
cement—iron-coated cement. They do
not
break. Ever. And our flesh is
extremely difficult to penetrate—not that it would do any good to
cut a vampire, because we heal incredibly fast.”

“
Well, so, like,
there’re no stakes or holy water or silver or
decapitation?”

“
No. Immortal means
immortal, Ara. There is no death. No peace. Only an endless
eternity of mourning and solitude—watching everyone you love grow
old and wither away—forever just a memory, leaving nothing but a
fruitless hope of finding happiness again.”

“
Sounds—” I studied
his face, “—unbearable.”

“
You have no idea,”
he said through a breathy laugh as the tension in the room
eased.

“
I know you, David. I
know you have a good heart, but, I mean, I’m struggling to
understand how you can be so loving, yet so…dangerous. How…how do
you live with the guilt? For killing people.”

David laughed lightly.
“I don’t. I have no choice but to stay alive, but I hate myself for
some of the things I’ve done. You just find a way to do it without
leaving too many scars on the world—or your own heart. But there
aren’t too many vampires with empathy for humans. It gets lost when
we change. Mostly, you’re just food to us.” As he shrugged, he
flashed an easy smile at me; I shuddered.

Food
? “Don’t ever use that term
around me again, David.
I
still care for humans, you know, since I’m one of
them.”

“
I’m sorry, Ara.
We’re just from different worlds, you and I. I’ll be careful what I
say around you, I promise.” He looked into my eyes, his gaze
guarded. “Assuming you still want to see me.”

“
I don’t
know.”

He looked down at his
feet. “Would you like me to leave?”

I bit my lip, tapping
my fingertips on my leg. “Not yet.”

“
May I sit?” he
asked, motioning to the bed.

I nodded; he sat
down.

“
So, is it true that
all vampires are totally hot and sexy?” I asked after a few
minutes.

“
Depends on your
tastes, I’d say.” He sat back a little, smirking. “Get to the
point.”

“
I—” I shook my head.
“I didn’t have a point.”

“
Yes, you
did.”

“
Did not.”

“
You forget,” he
said, pushing my quilt away from his leg. “I can read your mind.
What was your point?”

My shoulders sunk.
“Why me? Why a plain, ordinary, scarred human, when you could be
with a hot vampire chick?”

He moved his words
around inside his mouth for a second. “You do things to me that no
other girl, human
or
vampire, has ever done. It’s not optional for me to love you,
Ara. I…when I’m with you—” He looked at me, breathing out before
continuing. “I’m more human than monster. More heart-and-soul than
vacant-shadowy-night.” He blinked softly and added, “Plus,” with a
smile.

“
Plus
what?”

“
Plus, I’m crazy in
love with you.”

I looked down to hide
my wide grin.

“
It’s not enough for
me just to love you, though,” he said. “I need to be with you—to
see you, to touch you—be a part of you in a way no one else in the
world ever could.”

My face fell into my
hands, his words sending giggles through my chest. I couldn’t
believe I’d managed to fall in love with a real, blood-sucking
vampire. And my parents were afraid I’d start hanging with kids on
drugs.

“
Ara? Are…are you
crying, ma jolie fille?” David’s hesitant embrace fell around me,
and the fear I felt before edged in the centre of my stomach, while
the weight of his arms on my body made my heart beat faster. But I
closed my eyes and focused on the truth; this was David. Not some
random murderer.

My
David.

I looked up, and the
vampire ran a cool fingertip under my eye—a kind of affection, kind
of touch, that felt so normal to me now.