Dark Secrets (50 page)

He left the long
silence hanging, smiling down at the grass. “I would’ve
demonstrated my affections for you.”

“
And…” I played with
the hem of my dress, “…how exactly would you have done
that?”

David cleared his
throat and sat back up from his lean, dusting the grass and soil
off his hands. “This is getting off subject.”

“
Right.” I bit my
lip. “So, that was the reason you left school that day—not because
of my strawberry shampoo?”

“
Yes.”

“
But…why leave? Why
not just take me to the auditorium closet?”

“
Because—” He
frowned, curiosity making his eyes smaller. “Would you have wanted
me to?”

Uh, yes. Hell
yes
. “Maybe.” I shrugged.

He laughed. “And what
about now? Would you still want the same things?”

“
Maybe.”.

“
So, you trust
me?”

“
I…guess
so.”

“
What if I were to
kiss your neck?”

My heart picked up.
“Um—”

He moved closer,
taking my hand as he knelt before me. “Is
this
okay?”

I nodded, and he
brought my hand up slowly, placing it on his chest.

“
And, what if I
did…this?” He tilted my chin up, exposing my neck, and slowly
lowered his face to mine, stopping right in front of my eyes. “You
still okay?”

I nodded, breathing
out.

“
How ‘bout now?” His
warm breath moved over my neck, slipping around to my spine as his
lips gently made a line of kisses from my ear to my collar bones,
his hair brushing my cheek, his shoulder right in front of my
mouth, taking my hot, lustful breaths, and sending them back to me
with the scent of David.

“
I…I’m okay with
that,” I whispered.

He rolled back up,
keeping his hand against my face, and ran his thumb over my lashes.
“Look at me.”

I opened my
eyes.

“
Was that
okay?”

I nodded.

“
You weren’t
scared?”

“
You’re just the
same.” I shook my head, unable to believe it. “And I love you just
like before.”

A smile broke across
his lips, showing his fangs. “You cannot fathom the relief I feel,
Ara, to have you know what I am and still let me touch you that
way.”

“
You’re not that
scary.” I smirked, rubbing the moisture from my neck.

“
My human self might
not be. But you haven’t met the vampire yet.”

“
When do I get to
meet him?”

“
I’m not sure you
will.”

“
Why?”

“
Because it might
frighten you, Ara. And I. Never. Want you. To be afraid of me
again.”

“
But I’m okay, now.
If you scared me, David, you could always talk me
around.”

He shook his head.
“No. After what happened in your room that day, I will never risk
scaring you again.”

“
Why?”

“
Because I felt dead
inside,” he snapped. “I couldn’t touch you; couldn’t be the one to
comfort you. I…I felt so helpless, like you were screaming for
me—standing behind a glass partition, and I couldn’t reach
you.”

“
I think you came
across as rather in control.”

“
God, no. Do you know what it feels like when you can’t touch
someone? To be the one who placed fear in their eyes, and be
powerless to take it away? I was terrified I’d lost you—” his voice
dropped, “—and I just wanted to hold you; just make you see
me
again.”

“
It’s okay
now.”

“
I know. And that is
why I will never show you the vampire.”

“
You’ve seen my
ogre.”

He laughed aloud, his
teeth showing as he rolled his head back. “Yes, and let me tell
you, mon amour, after meeting the ogre at the funeral on Thursday
morning, I will personally see to it that you never skip another
meal again.”

“
No, you won’t.” I
looked down as I spoke. “You’ll be gone by winter.”

“
It doesn’t have to
be that way.” He reached for my hand.

“
I know. But your
world doesn’t sound too appealing—blood and death aside. You have a
lot of rules. It’d be like living with your parents for
eternity.”

“
It’s to keep
everyone in line. If vampires had free reign, the world would be
overrun with them.”

“
So, is that what you
do—maintain the law? Is that what the council is?”

“
Yes. You might say
I’m the judge and jury. I see to it that the law gets followed and
punish those who choose not to.”

“
And, do you get paid
for that?”

“
Yes.”

“
Who pays
you?”

“
All vampires pay a
percentage of their wages to the World Council. Might call it
vampire tax. And that’s how we fund the Set, research facilities,
and the lavish lifestyle of the council leaders.”

“
Sounds like a
cult.”

“
Ha!” he laughed. “I
suppose it is a bit like that.”

“
Hm, now
that’s
the organisation
I
want to belong to for
eternity.”

“
There are good
things about it, Ara. We have a lot of fun—we’re like a
family.”

“
And, if I came with
you, even though you have to return to duty, we’d still get to be
together?”

“
Yes. Like normal
people.”

“
Normal?” I
laughed.

“
We could wake up
beside each other every day.”

And those few words
almost sold me instantly. I drew a deep breath, biting my tongue
before I could tell him to take me away and turn me. “And what
about school? And what about my dreams of being a famous
pianist?”

“
School, you can
still attend. But…as for fame…”

My stomach sunk.
“Could I be famous without a face? You know, just sell my
music?”

“
No.”

“
Oh.” I looked into
my lap.

David moved closer and
pulled both my hands toward his chest. “Tell me something, my
love.”

“
Anything,” I
whispered, feeling my heart cry with the gravity of the shadows in
his tone.

“
If
I were to leave today and promise never to come back, and you knew
you would die an old, grey woman—that you would meet your mom and
Harry at the pearly gates—” He breathed out heavily through his
nose, then looked into my eyes, “—but you would’ve missed an
eternity with me—is that something you could live with?” His hand
tightened on mine. “Could you watch me leave, knowing you’ll
never
see me
again?”

The thought filled my
mind like a roll of film from a sad movie or a Kleenex commercial:
David, walking away—saying goodbye to him for the last time, for
forever. He’d drive down the long, winding road, and when he
disappeared over the distant horizon, I’d turn around and walk
away. My life would go on in the exact direction I planned for. I’d
marry, have babies and grandbabies, and a happy, full life—but a
life without David. And it hurt. It burned in a way I never wanted
to feel. But while love could possibly shadow morals, it didn’t
quell my desire to live, to die—to see Mum and Harry again on
whatever the other side was.

“
Ara?” He slid his
fingers along my chin and turned my face toward his. “You’ve got to
stop making your life about Harry and Eleanor’s death.”

My heart jumped with
the mention of my mother’s name. It had been a long time since
anyone said
that
name. A tear fell onto my cheek where the cool air around the
lake took the warmth from it, leaving a cold line down my
face.

David wiped it with
his thumb. “Sweetheart, you don’t have to live in my world, but if
you decide to stay human, you do have to
live
. I care so much for you. And
this sadness you keep inside will stop you from finding happiness,”
he said softly. “Your every thought, every path you take, is
influenced by their death. It
has
to stop.”

“
But you make it all
okay. I can’t live without you, David, I’ve already decided that.”
His face doubled under my tear-shrouded vision. “Just, living with
your lifestyle, that’s a different matter. How do I do
that?”

“
I’m not asking you
to kill anyone, today. But if, at the end of the summer, you
haven’t come to accept murder, then you have to accept that we can
only ever love each other from afar. Do you understand
this?”

With those words, my
tears spilled past my lashes, and the reality of losing him
suddenly became so much more potent.

He softened, touching
the back of his finger to my trembling lip. “I’m sorry, my love. I
never meant for you to hurt like this.”

“
I’m okay.” I
sniffed, wiping my tears away. “I just don’t really wanna think
about you leaving for now.”

“
Okay.” He opened his
arm and I slid over, nestling close to his chest.

“
Maybe I’ll change my
mind about becoming a vampire once I’ve had some time to think
about it all.”

He released a very
long, very slow and shaky breath; I looked up, leaving the
closeness of his body when I saw a tear in his eye.

“
David, what’s
wrong?”

His knee came up as a
prop for his elbow, his fingers tightly tangling in his hairline,
while the sunlight emphasised shadows around his temples, making
them seem deep—showing contours of his face I’d never noticed
before. “I was so afraid I’d lost you.”

“
I know.”

No. You can’t
possibly know what I’ve been through these past few days, Ara.
There is no way to describe the agony I’ve suffered, worrying that,
even driving down here today, that you were going to tell me
goodbye.” He cast his eyes to the blue sky, then closed them for a
second. “It’s almost like…I am afraid I’ll wake up in a moment and
none of this will be real,
you
—” he touched my face, “—won’t be
real.”

“
I’m real.” I touched
his hand.

“
If I had lost you—”
He pulled away, resting his elbow back over his knee, “—If you had
told me that you could never love me for what I am, I would’ve died
inside—enough that I would’ve spent eternity searching for a way to
end my life.”

“
How dare you—even
think
like that?” I got to my knees in front of him.
“Suicide? That’s a coward’s choice, David. I don’t ever want to
hear you say that again.”

“
Oh, look who’s talking.” He looked up at me, kind of
laughing. “Do you really think I don’t hear
your
thoughts,
girl?”

My mouth fell open.
He’d obviously been listening to me a lot more than I thought.
“Those thoughts are private.”

“
Not
anymore.”

“
How dare
you.”

“
How dare
you
.” He rose to his knees as well, becoming taller than me
again. “You are my soulmate, Ara—your life belongs to me, and I
will not let you have thoughts like that. Not ever.
Clear?”

“
No. Not clear. Those
thoughts were…” I looked around for the right words. “Were images
conjured up in a moment of extreme heartache and loneliness,
David—fleeting thoughts—never intentions.”

“
So you would never
have acted on them?” he asked, looking down at me.

“
God, no. Never. But
you
would. That’s the worst part about this. You
lecture me, but you—” I stabbed my fingertip into his chest. “You’d
take the first express to purgatory if it meant easing your own
heartache.”

“
If it were possible
for me to die—” he held back a smile, “—yes.”

“
No!” I shook my head. “You don’t get to say that. No matter
what happens, no matter what life throws at you, you always have to
keep going.
I
did.” I pressed my palm to my chest. “It hurt me to keep
going when Mum died, but what would
you
be doing if I just gave up when
I wanted to, when the pain got too much?”

“
Well, it won’t
matter what happens to me in our case, because if you stay human,
you will never know, will you?”

“
No. You can get
through it. You can live—find happiness again.”

He shook his head
decisively. “I won’t be the same man if I lose you.”

“
No
one stays the same, David. Everything you are is as a direct result
of something that’s affected you in your past, whether it was
horrible
or
wonderful—and no one has the right to destroy themselves
because they can’t deal with the pain,” I said. “You have to
learn
from it. It’s not
over—the good in your life—it’s not over until you’re
dead.”