Dark Secrets (38 page)

“
You’re letting me
down gently.” I searched his face for proof. “You promised him
you’d make me okay again, and maybe you fell in love with me in the
process, but then you realised, didn’t you, that I’m never going to
change, that—”

“
Do
you really believe that? Do you
really
think I would do
that?”

“
You’re a nice guy,
David. But this—” I held my hands out, presenting me, “—this is a
lot for anyone to take.”

“
Ara?” He reached for
me again.

I pulled away. “Just
stop it.”

“
No. What you just
said—it’s not true. I never made any deal with your dad. I love
you. I—”

“
But it doesn’t
matter, does it?” I said drily. “You’re leaving, whether you love
me or not.”

“
Ara. What can I do?
Please.” He stepped closer, his hands out, wanting to grab me.
“Please just…just tell me how to fix this.”

“
You can’t.” I turned
away. “It’s over.”

“
No.” His hand shot
out and he spun me into his chest by my arm. “I’m not going to let
you go that easily.”

“
Well, you don’t have
a choice.” Using the tops of my forearms, I pushed his hands off
me. “Just like I don’t.”

“
Choice, huh? So, you
want a choice?” he called; I kept walking. “I could tell you why I
can’t stay—I could give you a choice, but you won’t like
it.”

“
But at least it
would be on my own shoulders.”

“
And what then?” He
grabbed my arm again, stopping me. “What if you hate me
after?”

“
I
hope
I
do. Because it’ll make losing you so much
easier.”

His mouth hung open,
his body thrusting forward slightly with each breath. “I will die
inside—if you hate me.”

“
Either way,
someone
gets hurt.”

He nodded once. “Then,
I’ll tell you—because I would die a thousand deaths to save you
from the pain of a paper cut, Ara. But I can’t tell you here. Not
now.”

I scoffed, shaking my
head. “Right. You can tell me, but not today, huh? Same old
story.”

“
Ara, will you stop
acting like a child?”

“
No! You know what?”
I rolled my hip back, sinking my hand onto it. “Maybe you should
just do us both a favour and leave now.”

“
Why do you do that?”
he called as I walked away. “Why do you light your own
fuse?”

I rolled my
eyes.

“
It doesn’t have to
be this way. Ara?” He came up behind me, inhumanly fast, and
grabbed my arm, releasing it quickly when I glared at
him.

“
I
said, leave me alone. I am not your little toy, David. And I’m so
tired of being in pain.” He backed up as I walked slowly forward,
poking his chest. “You know what your secrets are; you know me—know
how I’ll react. Do you even
need
to tell me? Really?”

He stood taller, his
hands falling to his side.

“
Didn’t think so.
Just go, okay. Just leave me to get over you.”

His mouth hung open,
tongue between teeth and lip. “You said you were ready to hear. You
said you were ready to know my dark world.”

“
Well—” I looked over
at the school. “Maybe that was the anger talking.”

“
And what
now?”

I bit my lip for a
second. “I don’t want to hate you, David. I don’t want to know if
I’ll hate you forever.”

“
Then what do I
do?”

It was clear; there
was only one thing he could do. I nodded, preparing myself. “Just
leave.”

He rolled back on his
heels, eyes focusing on some black pit of nothingness.
“Leave?”

“
Yeah. Just go now,”
I said, and despite the invisible strings tying my heart—trying to
make me move toward him—I forced myself to turn away, leaving
everything behind.

When I took one last
glance backward, David was gone.

“
Ara!” Ryan called,
running toward me at full speed.

I quickly swiped the
tears away, forcing a smile. “Hi.”

“
Hi.” He stopped
running and looked at my cheeks. “You okay?”

I nodded, sniffling.
“What’s up? You look—” I looked at his eyes, how red they were.
“Have
you
been
crying?”

He put his hands on
his hips, panting, folding over a little. “Yeah.”

“
What
happened?”

“
Nathan Rossi.” He
caught his breath. “He passed away early this morning.”

“
Oh no!” I covered my
mouth.

“
I gotta find David.
You seen him?”

“
Does he
know?”

Ryan shrugged. “Don’t
know. That’s just it—he was closer to Nathan than any of us. We’re
worried ‘cause no one’s seen him today.”

“
I
have,” I said.
I just broke his
heart.

“
Did he say
anything?”

“
I never gave him the
chance.”

He nodded to himself,
his hands still on his hips. “Did you have a fight?”

“
Mm-hm.”

“
Come on.” The stench
of his sweat wafted up when he put his arm around me. “I’ll take
you to the office—get you a tardy slip.”

“
Thanks,
Ryan.”

Chapter
Fourteen

Emily sat with her
hands wedged under her knees, her legs swinging over the edge of
the stage, trying to talk through the sobs. I wandered down the
aisle silently, hugging my sheet music, trying not to disturb her
quiet speech.

“
If he was here right
now, he’d probably slap us on the shoulder and tell us to get
up—that the show must go on.” She sniffed, wiping her face softly
with a tissue. “I know it’s been a hard day, and—” she motioned
around the room, “—most of us have gone home. But, Nathan’s gone,
and…I know this whole thing started out as a way to help his mom
with the hospital bills, but now she’s got a funeral bill on
top…of…that.” Her voice broke. Ryan leaped up and sat on the stage,
wrapping his arm over her shoulder. “So—” she composed herself,
“—having said that, rehearsals will continue and so will the show,
as a memorial concert.”

“
But we’re not doing
it this week, right?” someone in the front row asked.

Emily shook her head.
“We don’t have to. Any votes on when we should hold it?”

“
Yeah,” a boy said.
“Weekend after next. The funeral’s this Thursday, so…” he let his
voice trail off.

Emily looked around
the rest of the group. “Everyone agree with that?”

People shrugged or
nodded. Emily looked at me, and I smiled, bringing one shoulder up
to my ear.

“
Okay, so, two
weekends from now. And we’ll need to draw up new ticket sale
signs—if you guys can take care of that?” She nodded toward the art
students; they nodded back. “Okay. So, thanks for coming,
everybody, and—” she stood up, “—let’s get this show on the
road.”

The small group
disbursed, murmuring between themselves, while Ryan walked Emily
off stage and talked to her quietly at the base for a second. She
nodded, wiped her face, then hugged him tightly and walked
away.

“
Hey, Em,” I said, deliberately avoiding
how are you
or
I’m sorry.

“
Hey, Ara. Where’s
David?”

“
Didn’t Ryan tell
you?” We slid into the end seats on the front row.

“
Mm. No. What
happened?” Her eyes narrowed.

I just shattered him
to pieces
. “He uh—he left school for the
day.”

“
Really?” She slid
down in her seat, folding her fingertips over her eyes. “I feel
like such an idiot for crying at school. I wish I’d left,
too.”

“
Oh, Em—don’t. It’s
not silly at all. Hell, even I’ve done it.”

“
Really?” She sat up
a little.

“
Mm-hm.” I hugged my
music sheets.

“
Well, why? Was
someone mean to you?”

I shrugged.

“
Who?”

“
Remember the
theatrical kiss thing—with David, the toilets, my first
day?”

“
Oh, yeah—Summer and
that short girl she hangs around?”

“
Yeah.” I
laughed.

“
Summer was telling
us the whole story, you know, that afternoon.” Emily leaned back in
her chair. “No one believed her, though—about David kissing you. I
wouldn’t have if you hadn’t told me about it in History
class.”

“
Why? Is it so hard to believe David would kiss
me
?”

She laughed once.
“That wasn’t what we didn’t believe; it was how Summer said he was
doing it to stand up for you. David doesn’t stand up for anybody,”
she added with a hint of spite.

“
He stood up for the
Apple King, at lunch that day.”

“
Yeah, it seems
you’ve unearthed a new David.” She looked down at her hands,
flipping her silver padlock bracelet. “So—he went home,
huh?”

I shrugged.
“Do you think he’ll come back?”

“
He does this, you
know?” She smiled sympathetically. “If things get too…emotional, he
takes off for a few days. But, he’ll be at the funeral on Thursday.
I’m sure you can speak to him then.”

“
But, what if it
wasn’t because of Nathan that he left? What if it was for some
other reason? Would he still come back for the funeral?”

“
What other reason
would he have?” she asked, smiling at Spencer as he walked past; he
didn’t smile back.

“
What’s the deal with
Spence?” I asked. “Was he close to Nathan?”

“
No. You saw that,
huh? The quick-look-away thing he does.”

“
Yeah. Does he do
that a lot?”

“
Every time I look at
him.”

“
And you think it’s
‘cause he doesn’t like you?” I tried to stifle a giggle.

“
It must be. Why
would he do it if he liked me?”

“
Because, Emily—” I
shoved my notes on the chair and stood up, “—he’s a guy. They’re
more afraid of you than you are of them.”

“
Ara!” she squeaked.
“What are you doing?”

I ignored her, walking
over to Ryan, Alana and Spencer. My brilliant idea of setting Emily
up with Mike was about to go out the window…

“
Hey,
guys.”

“
Hey, Ara.” Alana
leaned a little closer. “I was thinking…about the sleepover this
weekend?”

“
Yeah.”

“
Um, could we…maybe
move it to next weekend?”

“
The Saturday before
the concert?” I confirmed.

“
Yeah. With the
funeral this week…” She nodded at Emily, sitting low in her chair,
staring at her feet. “Might be a bit much.”

“
Yeah. That’s cool.
Next week’ll be fine.”

“
So, Ara?” Ryan
asked. “Are you coming to the wake at Betty’s on Thursday
night?”

“
I um—I didn’t know
about it. Why is Mrs Rossi doing it there?”

“
She’s not,” Ryan
said, placing his arm around Alana. “It’s just a bunch of us kids
fare-welling Nathan in our own way. Betty’s was his favourite
burger joint—we figure it’s appropriate.”

“
Oh, okay. Well, that
sounds cool. I guess I’ll try, but I may have to go to Mrs Rossi’s
with my dad, you know—pay my respects as a family.” I
shrugged.

“
I get it. Totally
cool. If we see you there, we see you there,” Ryan said.

“
Hey, so, you two are
going together, right?” I asked Alana and Ryan.

“
Yup.”

“
So, why don’t you
take Emily, Spence? I know she needs a ride,” I lied, hoping he
wouldn’t pick up on the fact that I couldn’t know that, since I
didn’t even know about the wake before now.

Spencer smiled over at
Emily—looking away before she looked up.

Hopefully, this was
one match that’d work out well.

* * *

Grief struck the
school like a tidal wave; the teachers cancelled homework for the
week, and even my dad, when I woke up this morning and begged him
not to make me go to school, just sighed and said, “Fine, stay
home—but just for today.”

I froze on the spot,
watching him walk away, half expecting him to turn back and say he
was joking. But Dad wasn’t his usual self; I think the grief of
losing his ex-wife and a student in the same year was taking its
toll.

There was no point in
going to school, anyway. David wouldn’t be there, and I couldn’t
bear the emptiness surrounding that place without him. I only
stayed at school yesterday for the small glimmer of hope that he
might decide to come back. He didn’t. Instead, he had inflicted on
me a foul taste of what life without him would be like, and already
I couldn’t take it.