Contessa (92 page)

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Authors: Lori L. Otto

Tags: #Fiction, #Coming of Age

BOOK: Contessa
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Camille, hand me a slice of cheese?


What, are you helpless?

She jokes with me, holding the box away from me. I stick my plate in front of her, and she finally sets a piece of pizza down.

Now go get me a soda.


Fine,

I respond, setting the plate down and getting up.

Anyone else need anything?


You can spike it if you want,

Camille suggests.


Absolutely not,

Lexi and I say in unison before breaking out in laughter.


I feel like I got a free pass today,

I admit, trudging up the stairs to the kitchen. After grabbing some drinks, I return to the basement and start to settle back into the couch.


Your phone rang,

my cousin says. I pick it up quickly.
Jon!


It

s Jon!

I shriek.

He finally called me back!


Did he leave a message?


No. I have to call him. I

ll be right back.


Go!

Camille orders me. I take my phone and my food into my bedroom, shutting the door behind me. I call him back quickly, anxious to talk to him.


Hey, Liv,

he says, his tone even and serious.


Hi.

I can

t hide how happy I am to hear his voice.

Did you get my messages?


No, I haven

t checked them yet–


Oh,

I cut him off.

Well, everything

s okay–


Listen, I

m not calling to talk about things. I just wanted to let you know that I

m not going to be tutoring you anymore on Tuesdays.

I wait for an explanation, but he doesn

t offer one.

Why not?


Well, you said you have someone at school–


But I could always use your help–


You and I both know we don

t use that time to study. Maybe we both should.


Jon, what

s wrong?


What

s
wrong
? Was I witness to an alternate universe at your house yesterday?


No, but we

ve worked things out–


Things can

t just go back to normal. You lied to me. You embarrassed me. You made a fool out of me,

he says.


I

m sorry, Jon. I left you messages. I want to talk about it.


I

m upset,

he says simply.

And you

ve been a distraction to me, anyway.

My heart literally skips a beat at this comment.

I

m about to graduate, for God

s sake. I

ve got so much work to do–projects and papers and essays. I don

t have time...

His voice trails off.


For me?

He

s still silent.


You don

t have time for
me?

I ask him louder, growing increasingly angry and hurt.


The world doesn

t revolve around you,

he says.

I think it

s time you learned that.

I start crying, but I make sure not to let him know. I don

t respond to him at all.


Did you hang up on me?

I swallow the lump in my throat.

No. I

m here.


Did you have something else to say?


Aside from my apology, Jon... I mean, I love you. But if you think that I believe I

m the center of the universe, you don

t know me at all.

The tears break through now, fast and heavy. Lexi and Camille come into my room.

Because
my
world has revolved around
you
for the last six months!

I try to take a few soothing breaths.

And I can see that was a mistake now.


Are you finished?

he asks.


Sure,

I say flippantly. I could say a million more things, but I

ve already been burned by that once this weekend.


Fine. Bye.


Wait. Jon?

I hold the phone to my ear, waiting for a response. I expected a conversation, a rebuttal, something. I didn

t expect him to hang up!

He

s gone,

I whisper sadly, tossing the phone onto my bed.

He

s not going to tutor me anymore. I think he broke up with me. For
real
.

Lexi hugs me while my best friend sits down next to me, patting my leg.

For
good
.

My head is pounding when I wake up. I don

t really even remember when the crying stopped and sleep began, but it couldn

t have been that long ago. It

s still dark outside.

I get up to find some tissues and finally hear the rain pouring outside. A quick glance through the small windows shows daylight. A very dreary daylight.

Very fitting. Very appropriate.


You okay?

I jump, startled at the soft voice.


I didn

t even see you there,

I laugh at my cousin. I

d walked right by her, her body covered by a black blanket that matches the couch.

Yeah. I

m... whatever,

I tell her honestly, only feeling exhausted and numb.


Your parents came home not too long ago.


Did they come down?


Yeah. I told them, Livvy. I hope that

s okay.


Sure.

The urge to cry is too much, and I just let it out. I continue to the bathroom to get tissues, but return to the couch and sit down by Lexi. She sits up and shares the blanket with me.


I know he loves you,

she says.

The way he looks at you–looks after you–that

s how Kyle is with me. I have no doubt of his feelings.


It doesn

t matter. He doesn

t want to be with me.


Maybe not right now,

she concedes.

But he

ll come around.


It hurts so much,

I cry.

And I can

t even blame him. I have no one to be upset with but myself.


Well, you know what you did was hurtful, Livvy. But you can

t change it. You have to accept what you did, learn from it, and forgive yourself.


If he doesn

t come back, I

m not sure I can. He was the best thing that

s happened to me since that day I met Mom and Dad.


Your happiness can

t hinge upon the actions of other people. You

re in control of your destiny.


Well, maybe someone shouldn

t have let me have the wheel quite yet. I obviously don

t know what I

m doing.


You

re young. You make mistakes and you learn from them. That

s what being a teenager is all about. Stop beating yourself up over this. Just calm down and give it some time.


Focus on something else. Want to go paint?


No,

I mutter.

I want to sleep some more.


Well, then go do that. Honestly, you probably only got about four hours of sleep.


I think I will.

I hug my cousin.

Thanks for being here for me.

CHAPTER 1
8

After a few failed attempts to talk to Jon the days following the break up, I stopped trying to call him. That following Tuesday, instead of our tutoring session, I went to the art supply store and bought a few new canvases and paint. I started two new projects. I painted maniacally in my free time, one project in my studio at home, the other one at the loft. Mom took me there for a few hours each Saturday and Sunday so that I could work with more privacy.

The first Thursday without Jon, as well as the one after that, I waited for ten minutes after class to see if he was coming to walk me home. He never showed up. The third week, I gave up hope and finally accepted the break-up. I left with Granna, letting her take me home because I couldn

t see through the tears.

I sat in the car with her before I went into my house, waving at my dad as he and Trey sat together on the porch. They went inside, giving me some time to compose myself, and Granna

s driver excused himself, taking out a cigarette and puffing on it slowly as he wandered the sidewalk. Granna sat quietly until I was able to talk. I took a few calming breaths as she took my hand in hers.


You

re going to be just fine,

she

d told me.

You have to believe me.


I know.

I knew I

d get through it somehow, but it seemed so much had changed for me in such a short period of time. I also knew, deep down, that all the changes were for the best.


Can I just ask you one question?


Of course you can. Anything.


I love my dad, I do. I appreciate him now, more than ever.

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