Contessa (45 page)

“
Oh,
”
I say, surprised. I take a deep breath and consider his critique.

“
How does that make you feel?
”

“
I never really thought about it. It
’
s a place I love. It
’
s special because of that.
”

“
Right. And now that you know how I feel about it, what are you going to do?
”

“
Well. I kind of see what you mean,
”
I start.
“
I guess I wasn
’
t able to separate myself from the emotional attachment to the house. To me, I see depth, and dimension, and perspective, and life–
”

“
But those are from the memories you have of it, right?
”

“
Right.
”

“
So what are you going to do about it?
”

“
I
’
ll probably take it down.
”

“
See, Liv, no. That
’
s not the right answer.
”

“
Well, I could do it over. I could make it better. I mean, that was done years ago–
”

“
That
’
s not what this is about.
”

“
I
’
m not following you.
”

“
Let
’
s consider that Nate had something like that to say about your work. From when you were four until now. How many paintings would have come and gone from that bedroom wall?
”

“
Probably a lot, but I
’
m sure I
’
d get better,
”
I tell him.

“
Or you
’
d get beat down. And you
’
d stop. It happens
all the time
. But with the way your dad deals with this, whether he understands your work or not–and I have a feeling he understands a lot more than you
’
re giving him credit for–he
’
s leaving it up to you to decipher what
’
s good and what
’
s not. What
you
feel
is good or not. In the end, it
’
s just an opinion. My observations about your painting, they
’
re just my opinions.
”

“
But your opinions matter to me.
”

“
And I bet your dad
’
s do, too–above all else
–whether
you
’
re willing to admit that to yourself or not. He just doesn
’
t want to hold you back or hinder you. He lets you create, unfettered.

“
I don
’
t want you to take that painting down because I don
’
t see in it the emotions it conveys to you. That
’
s not what art
’
s about at all, and you know that.
”

“
I know. But I
’
d hate for you to have to look at something you hate.
”

“
Well, I doubt I
’
ll be hanging out in your bedroom much, anyway, so that
’
s not actually a concern.
”

“
True,
”
I laugh.
“
But I think your
opinion
is valid and brings up some good points.
”

“
Okay... and what are you going to do about
that
?
”

“
I
’
m going to try to paint it again soon. And maybe you can come with me to do it.
”

“
I would be honored to,
”
he says.
“
Just think about what I
’
ve said about Jack, okay? And, I mean, even if Nate would have been the best father in the world, the truth is, you can never have him. You can continue to live in this pipe dream of
‘
what-ifs,
’
but in the end, Olivia, that will only make you unhappy. It will keep you from enjoying so many of the things you
do
have, including a father who might find it difficult to communicate with a daughter that
’
s very different from himself. But anyone on the outside can see how much he cares about you. He has no way to hide that.
”

“
That
’
s just an opinion, too,
”
I say to him, obstinate, but joking. I stick my tongue out at him playfully.
“
But I do respect your opinion.
”

“
Okay,
”
he whispers.

“
I love you, Jon.
”

“
I love you, too, Olivia.
”
He leans in to kiss me, and slowly puts his arm under my knees, bringing my legs into his lap. My arms around his neck, he lays me down on the couch and lies down beside me. We make out sweetly until an alarm sound disrupts us both.

“
What
’
s that?
”

“
It
’
s time for you to get home,
”
he says with a frown.
“
It
’
s eleven-thirty.
”

“
Already?
”

“
Yeah. Already.
”

“
I
’
m sorry we fought,
”
I tell him.

“
I
’
m glad we made up,
”
he says with confidence.
“
This is how this night was supposed to end: with a kiss, and you in my arms.
”

“
I wish every night could end like this.
”

“
Someday, Olivia. They will.
”

I walk in the door with five minutes to spare, waving goodbye to Jon in the cab at the curb.

“
Hey, sweetie,
”
Mom says from the couch. She
’
s got her computer in her lap and a cup of tea on the coffee table in front of her.

“
Hey. Late night planned?
”

“
Yeah, I
’
ve got some last minute revisions on these holiday party programs,
”
she says.
“
I
’
m trying to knock them out over the weekend so we can have the entire week to goof off.
”

“
Cool. Where
’
s Dad? He
’
s never not waited up to make sure I made it home on time.
”

“
I
’
m sure he probably heard you come in. He just said he was tired about an hour ago and went up to our room. I could go get him–
”

“
No, that
’
s okay,
”
I laugh.
“
But I
’
m on time.
”

“
You sure are. Your hair
’
s a little crazy, Liv. I didn
’
t realize it was so windy outside.
”

My pink cheeks probably give me away as I struggle to calm it down. I just shrug my shoulders.

“
Did you have a good time tonight?
”

“
Yeah, it was great. Dinner was good. Jon
’
s mom is... different. His brothers are really sweet. They seem to be good kids. They really look up to Jon.
”

“
What
’
d you have to eat?
”

“
She made some chicken and rice dish. It had a ton of cheese in it.
”

“
Well, you probably loved that.
”

“
It wasn
’
t bad, I
’
m not gonna lie.
”

“
Did you help with the dishes?
”

“
Yes.
”
I started to, anyway, so it
’
s not like I
’
m not telling the truth.

“
Did you thank her?
”

“
Of course I did, Mom.
”

“
Okay, I just want to make sure. Did they like your gifts?
”

“
Yeah. They had very few ornaments on their tree, so I think it was a nice gift. I think I
’
ll add them to the yearly tradition.
”

“
Oh,
”
Mom says.
“
That
’
s very thoughtful of you.
”

“
They were really nice.
”

“
Good. You know, your dad and I were wondering what to get Jon for Christmas. Have you thought any more about what you want to get him?
”

“
I
’
m going to go with that distressed leather messenger bag. I found out his middle name, so we can call them to have them monogram it. I think he
’
ll get a lot of use out of it at school next year. I think he
’
s had his backpack since middle school.
”

“
Did his mom get you anything?
”

“
No. I mean, I didn
’
t expect her to.
”

“
Of course not.
”

“
Mom, last year, Santa Claus missed their house altogether.
”

“
What do you mean?
”

“
His mom didn
’
t have enough money, so she told Max that Santa was sick. Can you imagine, going back to school, and all the other kids bragging about their gifts, and realizing that
your house
was the only one Santa missed?
”

“
I thought she has a better job now. Isn
’
t that why Jon quit the program?
”

“
No,
”
I tell her, getting ready to expose Jon
’
s lie. I know this is one of those things he
’
d prefer I
’
d keep between us–he said so himself–but I think my parents have a right to know.
“
He made that up. When his dad died, he got a little money, but his family uses it as an additional source of income, so he doesn
’
t have to have a job
and
go to school. Of course he tutors for money sometimes, but–
”

“
Wait, he
’
s paying for household items?
”

“
Yes. And he pays for the extra classes at a community college. Art and the SAT prep courses.
”

“
Livvy,
”
she says, setting her computer next to her drink. I sit down beside her.
“
We never would have let him leave the Art Room knowing that.
”

“
He knows. That
’
s why he lied. He didn
’
t want to take the opportunity from someone else when he knew he
could
get by on what he had.
”

“
Oh, sweetie.
”
My mom
’
s eyes start to water.
“
He seems like such a good kid.
”