Contessa (43 page)

“
When we
’
d reach the end of the aisle, I wouldn
’
t stop. I
’
d keep going. I
’
d carry you to the car, to the plane, to the boat, to the ends of the earth, Olivia. I would lay you down on a bed so soft, you
’
d get lost in the billowing blankets, but I
’
d find you, and I
’
d kiss you again, and I wouldn
’
t stop. And I
’
d keep going.

“
I would make love to you.
”
I duck my head into his shoulder, blushing. He lets go of his grasp and puts his fingers under my chin, directing me to look into his eyes.
“
I would make love to you all night and well into the next day, because I know I could never get enough of you. I
’
d make sure all of your wishes for our first night together were completely fulfilled. I wouldn
’
t leave anything out. Anything you wanted, Olivia, I would give you.
”

“
You
’
d wait to be married?
”
I ask him.

A small smile spreads across his lips.
“
Whatever you want, I
’
ll give you.
”

“
I don
’
t think I want to wait.
”

His smile grows.
“
Then I
’
d rearrange the order of my plans a bit... but I wouldn
’
t leave a single step out.
”

This makes me beam.
“
You really think you want to marry me?
”

“
No,
”
he says.
“
I
know
I do.
”

“
And you
’
re sure I feel the same?
”

“
Don
’
t you?
”

“
I know I
’
ve never felt this way about anyone else,
”
I tell him honestly.
“
It just seems too good to be true sometimes.
”

“
I
do?
”

“
No, the
situation
does. I mean, I just can
’
t figure out how you
’
re so certain.
”

“
Okay, remember when I told you that everything I
’
ve done so far in my life has been to get into Columbia?
”

“
Yeah.
”

“
Well, that was a lie. Sort of. Everything I
’
ve done up until this point has been to get into Columbia and to get you to fall in love with me. I thought one might be the means to get the other.
”

“
You don
’
t have to go to Columbia to get me to love you.
”

“
Well, then maybe you loving me will get me into Columbia.
”

“
I have power, but I don
’
t have that kind of power.
”

“
You
’
re wrong. The promise of you ending up with me has made me want to be the best man you can be with. I don
’
t want you to wake up later in life and think,
‘
We were just kids. He didn
’
t turn out to be the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
’
I want to become that man.
”

“
But I don
’
t need an Ivy League guy. My dad may want that for me–
”

“
And if anyone has your best interests at heart right now, Liv, it
’
s him. I trust him.
”

“
I wish you wouldn
’
t put so much stock into what he thinks. He doesn
’
t even know me.
”

“
I don
’
t know why you think that. I miss my father so much. I feel like you take your dad for granted. If he
weren
’
t
around, you
’
d miss him. You know you would.
”

“
Sure, but I just don
’
t think he was the right dad for me.
”

“
You think you could have picked a better one?
”
he says mockingly.

“
I think my mom could have,
”
I tell him seriously.
“
I think she did.
”

“
What are you talking about?
”

“
I think I was supposed to be Nate
’
s child.
”

“
What?
”

“
Think about it. He was an exceptional painter, like I am. He was a free spirit, like I am. He wasn
’
t naturally smart, like I
’
m
not
–
”

“
Whoa, Liv. You
are
.
”

I blow him off by shaking my head and continuing.
“
He was cultured, and I
’
m really trying to read more, and see more, and learn more. You
’
re helping with that. But really. Couldn
’
t you see that?
”

“
Sometimes having a parent that
’
s just like you isn
’
t a great thing. They become more of a friend, and less of a parent.
”

“
I don
’
t see anything wrong with that.
”

“
Well, I do. Seeing my mom and her complete lack of discipline for my brothers is disappointing. She just wants to be the cool mom, you know?
”

“
Well, you turned out okay.
”

“
I had the influence of my father, and the intuition to know which qualities of my parents were good and which ones weren
’
t.
”

“
What was your dad like?
”

“
He was the disciplinarian. He could be pretty harsh, but I learned early on to stay on his good side. He didn
’
t expect too much from me. Good grades, good manners, good morals, and a fair amount of independent thought. That
’
s all he asked for. The first three came naturally, so it wasn
’
t a stretch.

“
The last one came after he got sick, though. I looked up to him so much in life that his beliefs were mine. But when he got sick, I started to become my own man. I had to. Mom
’
s never really had a belief system. Her world revolves around herself, and that wasn
’
t a world I wanted to be a part of. So I started doing things on my own–without Dad
’
s assistance because he couldn
’
t help, and without Mom
’
s because I didn
’
t
want
her help.

“
And that
’
s what made me this person.

“
You know, if you
’
re so different from your dad, and you feel like he doesn
’
t get you, you need to pull away
less
and talk to him
more
. Tell him what interests you. I guarantee, when he sees how passionate you are about the things you love, he will learn to cherish those things that make you unique. My mom tells me weekly how proud she is of me, and we are nothing alike.
”

“
You sound like my mom,
”
I tell him, moving out of his lap and sitting with my legs crossed in front of him.

“
I happen to admire your mom.
”

“
I do, too,
”
I admit.
“
And I admire you, too.
”

“
I
’
ll be honest, Olivia, I think it
’
s a little weird for you to look at Nate in that way. You never met him.
”

“
But I
feel
like I know him. I know so much about him, from Mom and from Granna.
”

“
You know what they
tell
you. Did you know he was a womanizer?
”

“
Huh?
”
I do remember mom saying he had a lot of girlfriends, but I
’
d never heard such a negative connotation associated with him.

“
Yeah. He was in the paper all the time. I couldn
’
t even count the number of women he was linked to.
”

“
What, did you research him?
”
Although I don
’
t like what he
’
s telling me, I
’
m paying close attention now.

“
Awhile back, yeah.
”

“
When?
”

“
It was years ago.
”

“
How?
”

“
You can find old articles about him in the Times archives.
”

“
Well, why were you researching him?
”

“
I wanted to know who this Nate guy was, whose Art Room I was so lucky to be a part of. I was a little surprised at what I found. To us, he was presented as some sort of saint. But he wasn
’
t, Liv.
”

“
They never said he was a saint.
”

“
They never told us about his indiscretions, either.
”

“
Why would they? We
’
re kids. We
’
re there to create.
”

“
Exactly. But this man they
’
ve presented to us–he
’
s not the man you think he is.
”

“
Well, you don
’
t know him, either.
”
I know that this information about Nate should upset me, make me like him less, but in truth, it only makes my imagination go wild.
“
Do you remember if there was ever a woman named Simone?
”

“
There were too many, Liv. I couldn
’
t possibly remember names. If you
’
re so interested, look him up.
”

“
I will,
”
I tell him with a shrug as I put my boots back on.

“
Hey, don
’
t be mad,
”
he says, trying to soothe me
as he holds
on to one of my arms. I struggle free from his grasp and get up, moving to the sofa.
“
Liv, please.
”

“
He loved my mother. All those other women didn
’
t matter to him. She told me that.
”
I fold my arms in front of my chest.

“
I can accept that. But no one knows what sort of father he would have been.
”

“
I know he would have been better than the one I have.
”

Jon grabs his t-shirt and pulls it back over his head. As he puts his button-up back on, he shakes his head at me.
“
I think you
’
re wrong.
”