Complete Works of Xenophon (Illustrated) (Delphi Ancient Classics) (152 page)

Syr. “It is not killing him that they desire; oh, no! but to persuade him to sleep with them.”

Soc. “Your belief, then, if I mistake not, is that if this happened, he would be undone?”

Syr. “Aye, utterly!”
[54]

Soc. “Do you not then sleep in his bed yourself?”

Syr. “Most certainly, all night and every night.”

Soc. “Marry, you are in great luck to be formed of such flesh that you are unique in not corrupting those that sleep with you. And so you have a right to be proud of your flesh if of nothing else.”
[55]

Syr. “And yet that is not the basis of my pride.”

Soc. “What is, then?”

Syr. “Fools, in faith. They give me a livelihood by coming to view my marionettes.”

“Ah!” ejaculated Philip; “that explains the prayer I heard you uttering the other day, that wherever you were the gods would grant you an abundant harvest of grain but a crop-failure of wits!”
[56]

“Good!” said Callias. “And now, Socrates, what can you advance in support of your pride in that disreputable profession that you mentioned?”

“Let us first,” said he, “come to an understanding on the functions that belong to the procurer. Do not hesitate to answer all the questions I ask you, so that we may know our points of agreement. Is that your pleasure?” he asked.

“Certainly,” was their reply; and when they had once started with “certainly,” that was the regular answer they all made to his questions thereafter.
[57]

Soc. “Well, then, you consider it the function of a good procurer to render the man or the woman whom he is serving attractive to his or her associates?”

All. “Certainly.”

Soc. “Now, one thing that contributes to rendering a person attractive is a comely arrangement of hair and clothing, is it not?”

All. “Certainly.”
[58]

“This, also, we know, do we not, that it is in a man’s power to use the one pair of eyes to express both friendship and hostility?”

“Certainly.”

“And again, it is possible to speak both modestly and boldly with the same voice?”

“Certainly.”

“Moreover, are there not words that create ill feeling and others that conduce to friendliness?”

“Certainly.”
[59]

“Now the good procurer would teach only the words that tend to make one attractive, would he not?”

“Certainly.”

“Which one would be the better?” he continued, “the one who could make people attractive to a single person or the one who could make them attractive to many?”

This question brought a division; some said, “Clearly the one who could make them attractive to a great many”; the others merely repeated, “Certainly.”
[60]

Remarking that they were all of one mind on this point as on the others, he went on: “If a person could render people attractive to the entire community, would he not satisfy the requirements of the ideal procurer?”

“Indubitably,” they all said.

“And so, if one could produce men of this type out of his clients, he would be entitled to feel proud of his profession and to receive a high remuneration, would he not?”
[61]

All agreeing on this point, too, he added, “Antisthenes here seems to me to be a man of just that sort.”

Antisthenes asked, “Are you resigning your profession to me, Socrates?”

“Assuredly,” was the answer. “For I see that you have brought to a high state of perfection the complementary trade.”

“What is that?”

“The profession of go-between,” he said.
[62]

Antisthenes was much incensed and asked, “What knowledge can you possibly have of my being guilty of such a thing as that?”

“I know several instances,” he replied. “I know that you acted the part between Callias here and the scholar Prodicus, when you saw that Callias was in love with philosophy and that Prodicus wanted money. I know also that you did the same for Hippias, the Elean, from whom Callias got his memory system; and as a result, Callias has become more amorous than ever, because he finds it impossible to forget any beauty he sees.
[63]
And just recently, you remember, you introduced the stranger from Heraclea to me, after arousing my keen interest in him by your commendations. For this I am indeed grateful to you; for I look upon him as endowed with a truly noble nature. And did you not laud Aeschylus the Phleiasian to me and me to him until you brought us to such a pass that in mutual yearning, excited by your words, we went coursing like hounds to find each other?
[64]
It is the witnessing of your talent at achieving such a result that makes me judge you an excellent go-between. For the man who can recognize those who are fitted to be mutually helpful and can make them desire one another’s acquaintance, that man, in my opinion, could also create friendship between cities and arrange suitable marriages, and would be a very valuable acquisition as friend or ally for both states and individuals. But you got indignant, as if you had received an affront, when I said that you were a good go-between.”

“But, indeed, that is all over now,” he replied; “for with this power mine I shall find my soul chock-full of riches.”

And so this round of discourse was brought to a close.

5.
Callias now said, “Critobulus, are you going to refuse to enter the lists in the beauty contest with Socrates?”

“Undoubtedly!” said Socrates; “for probably he notices that the procurer stands high in the favour of the judges.”
[2]

“But yet in spite of that,” retorted Critobulus, “I do not shun the contest. So make your plea, if you can produce any profound reason, and prove that you are more handsome than I. Only,” he added, “let some one bring the light close to him.”

“The first step, then, in my suit,” said Socrates, “is to summon you to the preliminary hearing; be so kind as to answer my questions.”

“And you proceed to put them.”
[3]

“Do you hold, then, that beauty is to be found only in man, or is it also in other objects?”

Crit. “In faith, my opinion is that beauty is to be found quite as well in a horse or an ox or in any number of inanimate things. I know, at any rate, that a shield may be beautiful, or a sword, or a spear.”
[4]

Soc. “How can it be that all these things are beautiful when they are entirely dissimilar?”

“Why, they are beautiful and fine,” answered Critobulus, “if they are well made for the respective functions for which we obtain them, or if they are naturally well constituted to serve our needs.”
[5]

Soc. “Do you know the reason why we need eyes?”

Crit. “Obviously to see with.”

“In that case, it would appear without further 9ado that my eyes are finer ones than yours.”

“How so?”

“Because, while yours see only straight ahead, mine, by bulging out as they do, see also to the sides.”

Crit. “Do you mean to say that a crab is better equipped visually than any other creature?”

Soc. “Absolutely; for its eyes are also better set to insure strength.”
[6]

Crit. “Well, let that pass; but whose nose is finer, yours or mine?”

Soc. “Mine, I consider, granting that Providence made us noses to smell with. For your nostrils look down toward the ground, but mine are wide open and turned outward so that I can catch scents from all about.”

“But how do you make a snub nose handsomer than a straight one?”

Soc. “For the reason that it does not put a barricade between the eyes but allows them unobstructed vision of whatever they desire to see; whereas a high nose, as if in despite, has walled the eyes off one from the other.”
[7]

“As for the mouth,” said Critobulus, “I concede that point. For if it is created for the purpose of biting off food, you could bite off a far bigger mouthful than I could. And don’t you think that your kiss is also the more tender because you have thick lips?”

Soc. “According to your argument, it would seem that I have a mouth more ugly even than an ass’s. But do you not reckon it a proof of my superior beauty that the River Nymphs, goddesses as they are, bear as their offspring the Seileni, who resemble me more closely than they do you?”
[8]

“I cannot argue any longer with you,” answered Critobulus; “let them distribute the ballots, so that I may know without suspense what fine or punishment I must undergo. Only,” he continued, “let the balloting be secret, for I am afraid that the ‘wealth’ you and Antisthenes possess will overmaster me.”
[9]

So the maiden and the lad turned in the ballots secretly. While this was going on, Socrates saw to it that the light should be brought in front of Critobulus, so that the judges might not be misled, and stipulated that the prize given by the judges to crown the victor should be kisses and not ribbons.
[10]
When the ballots were turned out of the urn and proved to be a unanimous verdict in favour of Critobulus, “Faugh!” exclaimed Socrates; “your money, Critobulus, does not appear to resemble Callias’s. For his makes people more honest, while yours is about the most potent to corrupt men, whether members of a jury or judges of a contest.”

6.
At this some of the company urged Critobulus to take his kisses, the need of victory; others advised him to get the consent of the young people’s legal guardian; and others indulged in other badinage. But even then Hermogenes kept silent. And Socrates, calling him by name, inquired, “Hermogenes, could you define ‘convivial unpleasantness’ for us?”

“If you ask me what it actually is,” he answered, “I do not know; but I am willing to tell you what I think it is.”

Soc. “Very well, tell us that.”
[2]

Herm. “My definition of ‘convivial unpleasantness’ is the annoying of one’s companions at their drink.”

Soc. “Well, do you realize that at the present moment you conform to the definition by annoying us with your taciturnity?”

Herm. “What! while you are talking?”

“No, but in the intervals.”

“Why, don’t you see that a person could not insert even a hair in the interstices of your talk, much less a word?”
[3]

“Callias,” said Socrates, appealing to him, “could you come to the rescue of a man hard put to it for an answer?”

“Yes, indeed,” said he: “we are absolutely quiet every time the flute is played.”

Hermogenes retorted, “Is it your wish that I should converse with you to the accompaniment of a flute, the way the actor Nicostratus used to recite tetrameter verses?”
[4]

“In Heaven’s name, do so, Hermogenes,” urged Socrates. “For I believe that precisely as a song is more agreeable when accompanied on the flute, so your discourse would be embellished somewhat by the music, especially if you were to gesticulate and pose, like the flute-girl, to point your words.”
[5]

“What is the tune to be,” asked Callias, “when Antisthenes here gets some one at the banquet cornered in an argument?”

“For the discomfited disputant,” said Antisthenes, “I think the appropriate music would be a hissing.”
[6]

The Syracusan, seeing that with such conversation going on the banqueters were paying no attention to his show, but were enjoying one another’s company, said spitefully to Socrates, “Socrates, are you the one nick-named the ‘Thinker’?”

“Well, isn’t that preferable,” he rejoined, “to being called the ‘Thoughtless’?”

“Yes, if it were not that you are supposed to be a thinker on celestial subjects.”
[7]

“Do you know,” asked Socrates, “anything more celestial than the gods?”

Syr. “No; but that is not what people say you are concerned with, but rather with the most unbeneficial things.”

Soc. “Even granting the expression, it would still be the gods that are my concern; for (1) they cause rain under the heavens and so are beneficial, and (2) they produce light, also under the heavens, and are thus again beneficial. If the pun is strained,” he added, “you have only yourself to blame for it, for annoying me.”
[8]

Syr. “Well, let that pass. But tell me the distance between us in flea’s feet; for people say that your geometry includes such measurements as that.”

At this Antisthenes said to Philip: “You are clever at hitting off a person’s likeness; wouldn’t you say that our friend here resembles one with a penchant for abuse?”

“Yes, indeed,” came the answer; “and I see a resemblance in him to many another kind of person, too.”
[9]

“Nevertheless,” interposed Socrates, “do not draw the comparison, lest you take on a similar likeness to one stooping to abuse.”

“But suppose I am likening him to all the upright, the very e/lite; then I should deserve to be compared to a eulogist, rather than to a detractor.”

“Ah, you resemble the latter right now, for you are asserting that every one is better than he.”
[10]

“Would you have me compare him to those who excel him in villainy?”

“No, not those, either.”

“What, to no one?”

“No; don’t compare him to any one in any particular.”

“But if I hold my peace, I do not understand how I am going to render services suitable to such a fine dinner.”

“That is easily effected,” said Socrates, “if you will be reticent on matters that should not be talked about.”

Thus was quenched this bit of convivial unpleasantness.

7.
Then some among the rest of the banqueters kept urging Philip to go on with his comparisons, while others opposed. As the clamour rose to some height, Socrates once more interposed, saying: “Since we all want to talk, would this not be a fine time to join in singing?” And with the words he began a song.
[2]
When they had finished, a potter’s wheel was brought in for the dancing girl on which she intended performing some feats of jugglery.

This prompted Socrates to observe to the Syracusan: “Sir, it is quite probable that, to use your words, I am indeed a ‘thinker’; at any rate, I am now considering how it might be possible for this lad of yours and this maid to exert as little effort as may be, and at the same time give us the greatest possible amount of pleasure in watching them, — this being your purpose, also, I am sure.
[3]
Now, turning somersaults in among knives seems to me to be a dangerous exhibition, which is utterly out of place at a banquet. Also, to write or read aloud on a whirling potter’s wheel may perhaps be something of a feat; yet I cannot conceive what pleasure even this can afford. Nor is it any more diverting to watch the young and beautiful going through bodily contortions and imitating hoops than to contemplate them in repose.
[4]
For it is of course no rare event to meet with marvels, if that is what one’s mind is set on. He may marvel at what he finds immediately at hand, — for instance, why the lamp gives light owing to its having a bright flame, while a bronze mirror, likewise bright, does not produce light but instead reflects other things that appear in it; or how it comes about that olive oil, though wet, makes the flame higher, while water, because it is wet, puts the fire out.
[5]
However, these questions also fail to promote the same object that wine does; but if the young people were to have a flute accompaniment and dance figures depicting the Graces, the Horae, and the Nymphs, I believe that they would be far less wearied themselves and that the charms of the banquet would be greatly enhanced.”