Casting Down Imaginations (38 page)

fifty eight

K
aren

I scampered around the apartment, desperately searching for
the keys to my car. I’d thoroughly searched all of my handbags, as well as the
bedroom, and so far I’d come up with nothing. I needed to hurry. The second
night of the tournament started fifteen minutes ago and I knew the parking
there was already a mess.

“Keys, keys, keys… Where are you? Why are you hiding from
me?”

I hurried over to the couch and pulled out the cushions. I
found my keys wedged in the crack. I pulled them out, relieved, until I saw the
small portion of pink lace that came out with it. With shaking hands I pulled
at it until its full identity was revealed.

A pair of panties.

And they weren’t mine.

I screamed and let them fall to the floor. With keys in hand,
I ran out of the house and jumped in my car, and screamed as I burned rubber
away from the house.

It was hard to breathe. I was hyperventilating as I drove,
and crying hysterically. I could barely see, and the car was swerving. I pulled
over into a vacant parking lot before I crashed.

Once the car was still I rested my head on the steering wheel
and pounded my seat. I was so angry, so furious.

“Noooooo!” I screamed. I could still see the underwear in my
head. It killed me to know they were only feet away from where we slept every
night. He gave it to her on the couch. Where I did my homework. Where we sat
and talked and ate dinner sometimes and watched TV. That bastard! After all
this time. All this drama, I stuck by him, and he gave it to some skank right
under my nose.

He must have done it while I was in class. That’s why Christy
came over that day. She wanted some more of what I was getting. How could he?
BASTARD!

I couldn’t even be mad at him, though. All of this was my
fault. I should have never changed myself for him. I should have stuck to my
beliefs instead of compromising to keep a man that obviously didn’t want to be
kept. All of the signs were there. I just didn’t put the pieces together. Or
maybe I put the pieces together but refused to accept what I already
recognized. Terrance proved a long time ago that he couldn’t love me the right
way when we broke up in high school. I gave him a child, and he hit me and left
me out in the cold so he could pursue what he wanted. The only reason he came
back was because his world fell apart. And there I was, dumb as can be, trying
to put it back together again for him for the sake of a love that didn’t even
exist. And now that his life was going right again, he no longer needed me. I
was so stupid! I should have left him in my past as an ex. That’s why he was an
ex, because he and I together just didn’t work, so I had to X him out of my
heart.

I felt small. I wanted my daddy. I wanted to drive home and
climb into his lap like the little girl that I still was and tell him all about
my heartache. And I wanted him to be there for me like he was the first time
Terrance did me wrong. But I didn’t even know where Daddy was.

I sat in the car and cried over my broken heart. I didn’t
know what I was going to do, or where I was going to go. For the first time I
realized how much I really depended on Terrance. I lived with him. He gave me
my car, and provided me with food and shelter. Where would I go without him?
Back home? To live with my now single mother who was struggling to pay the
bills and take care of her other child? And what about school? I had no job, and
no money of my own. I needed Terrance. What was I supposed to do now that I had
proof of his unfaithfulness? Was I supposed to stay there and pretend like I
didn’t know anything? Like I was happy and my heart wasn’t shredded into a
million pieces? Was I just supposed to laugh and smile and walk down the aisle
while everyone else knew that he was giving it to Christy and only God knew who
else?

I was tired. I just wanted rest. I didn’t want to go back
home though. Not to that den of betrayal.

I sat and I thought. It was Wednesday. Somebody was having
church somewhere, and I needed to go. It would be good to go, seeing the last
time that I even set foot in a church was during Christmas break. Hearing
someone preach was sure to bring me some kind of peace, and would probably keep
me from going back to the house and having a
Waiting to Exhale
moment by
setting all of Terrance’s things on fire.

I started on my way. I turned on the radio to rid my head of
the mimicking memories of Christy and her big boobs sashaying into the house
like they owned the place. The station was on campus radio, and they were doing
live coverage of the tournament. I gasped when I heard the news that was being
reported.

“What a shame,”
the
announcer said.
“A shame indeed. Right before our very eyes, everyone, a
tragedy. Terrance Thomas, Daytown’s shining bright star, critically
injured in the first
five minutes of the big game that was going to change his life forever. He just
made a dunk, and then suddenly fell to the ground after letting go of the rim.”

“Yes,”
another
announcer added.
“Thomas came down hard on that knee, and it did indeed look
painful. It should be noted that this is the same knee that took him out of the
NBA. Thomas made a recovery and was being scouted to return to the NBA. Some
recruiters were here tonight to watch him play, and as can be imagined, they
were heartbroken to witness this injury. We’re hoping he can bounce back from
this, but he was indeed in a lot of pain, and a recovery, if possible, will not
be easy for Thomas.”

“Such a tragedy,”
the
first announcer said.
“Such a young man to go through so much heartache. An
ambulance has just come and taken him away to University Hospital. We don’t
know as of yet what is going on medically with him, but we all hope that
everything turns out okay for the guy. He’s a stellar player, a hard worker…
His teammates love him. We really do wish him the best.”

“I need to add, Bob, that when the doc looked at him, he did
not seem hopeful at all. Did you see the look on his face? There was pure agony
there, Bob. Pure agony. He tried to appear optimistic for the fans, but I saw
right through it. He was devastated for Thomas. Absolutely devastated. And it
should be noted that although Thomas was playing again and scouts were trying
to recruit him, he was still having trouble with that knee from when he was in
the NBA. I hate to say this, but I really do believe that tonight, we witnessed
the end of a career… It’s just so tragic.”

“Tragic indeed… You know, a team member just told one
reporter that Thomas said he heard a snap before he fell, which does indeed
sound like a torn ACL. But only the doctors can diagnose that…”

I made a U-turn in the middle of the street and bolted to the
hospital.

fifty nine

K
aren

I ran to the front counter of the emergency room, huffing,
barely able to breathe.

“May I help you?” the woman behind the counter asked me.

“Terrance Thomas,” I panted.

She shook her head at me. “Fans are not allowed to see
patients.”

“I’m not a fan. I’m his fiancée,” I explained.

She smirked. “Sure you are. Just like the twenty other women
over there,” she pointed.

I turned to the waiting area of the room to see almost ever
chair full of scantily clad women. I rolled my eyes.

“I am his real fiancée,” I told her, and held my ring up for
her to see.

“I’m sorry, honey,” she apologized. “But you gon’ have to
wait over there like everyone else.”

“This is an emergency!” I snapped at her. “I need to see my
fiancée now!”

“Me too!” one of the ladies in the waiting area yelled.

“You gon’ have to wait over there with everyone else,” the
hospital worker told me.

“Wait,” someone interjected.

A nurse appeared beside me. “You’re Karen Stephens, aren’t
you?”

I nodded.

“Come with me,” she said, and took me by the arm. We walked
behind the counter and through a set of curtains. “I recognize you from the
paper. Terrance is down the hall and in the last room on the left.”

“Thank you,” I said, and hurried off to find him.

“Wait,” she stopped me.

I turned to find her looking regretful.

“I have to warn you. There’s been another woman in with him.
I think she said her name was Christy. We tried to tell Mr. Thomas that only
family and close friends were allowed, but he became upset and insisted that
she was his sister. I didn’t believe him. I know a groupie when I see one. I
just thought you should know.”

My blood was boiling. Even injured he would still defy me.
Before I could say anything else the nurse hustled off, back to her important
duties. I hurried down the hall and into Terrance’s room, ready to bust his
other kneecap, but when I saw him lying there looking so pitiful, my heart
softened for him. He looked drained, and I could tell that he had been crying.
His face looked pale, even with his chocolate skin. His knee was propped up on
a stack of pillows with a wrap around it, and his head was tilted back, asleep.

“Oh, baby,” I whispered in sympathy, and rushed to his side.

He woke up when he heard me, and greeted me with a cold
stare.

“Where the hell you been?” he asked angrily. “Why weren’t you
at the game? I had people looking for you and everything, and you were nowhere
to be found.”

“I’m sorry,” I apologized. “I hurried over here as soon as I
found out.”

“You still didn’t answer my question. Where the hell were
you? How come you didn’t answer your phone?”

I realized for the first time that I didn’t have my phone. I
left it when I ran out of the house, away from the pink panties that I found in
the couch…

Those freaking panties!

I was about to bring them to his memory when Christy walked
in, carrying a pitcher of water, popping her gum as usual.  

“Well, well,” she said with sarcasm. “Look who finally
decided to show up.”

If she knew what was good for her she would shut up. I was
ready to bust her upside her head with that pitcher.

“What are you doing here?” I asked her.

“Taking care of my man,” she said, and leaned over Terrance’s
bed and kissed his forehead. I was outraged by her boldness, but even more at
Terrance for allowing her to be so disrespectful toward me. I was his fiancé,
but he was acting like he forgot that fact by letting her parade around the
room like it was the other way around.

“You better keep your stanky lips off my man,” I corrected
her, since he obviously wasn’t going to.

She laughed. “Please. Baby, you need me to get you anything
else?” she asked Terrance, suddenly ignoring me.

I felt my eyes grow so wide, I purposely narrowed them
because I thought they were about to fall out.

“Nawh, I’m cool,” he said, staring at me the whole time.

A pang hit me when I realized what it was he was trying to
do. He was trying to make me jealous!

“Hell no,” I said aloud.

“What did you say?” Terrance asked.

I just shook my head at him with disappointment. “I can’t
believe you. No, wait. As a matter of fact, I can. I can, because I knew you
were doing this behind my back the whole time. And silly, stupid me, being
dumb, thought that maybe if I
gave you some,
you’d change. I was stupid
enough to believe that coming from a selfish bastard like you!”

“Bastard?” he asked, offended.

“Yes! Bastard! Selfish bastard!”

“You need to watch how you’re talking to him,” Christy had
the nerve to say.

“Why are you even still here?” I asked her.

“I’m here because my man asked me to come.”

Another pang went through me. I stared at Terrance with
disbelief.

“You asked her to come?”

He didn’t answer me.

“So that’s how it is? The minute you don’t get what you want
in me, you run off to some other chick?”

He still didn’t answer me. I looked down at my ring and
started to take it off, but he stopped me.

“Whoa, whoa. Girl, what you doing?”

“Don’t stop her,” Christy said. “Let her take it off. It’ll
fit just fine on my finger.”

He punched the side of his bed, finally annoyed with her.

“Can you leave us alone for a few minutes? I need to talk to
my fiancé.”

Christy took a few steps backward. She was clearly appalled
by his request. It appeared all over her face.

“Your fiancé?” she asked him. She was about to get loud.
“Your fiancé?”

“Christy, don’t start, man. Just go on in the waiting area
and wait for me to call you.”

“Go in the waiting area? Fool, you must be high off them pain
meds they gave you. I know you don’t expect me to play number two now that
she’s here.”

“You always been number two,” I informed her.

“Don’t say nothing to me, okay!” she snapped at me.

“Christy, calm down, man. Have some class,” he said.

“Class?”

She gathered her things angrily, cursing and screaming so
loudly that a nurse came in and threatened to have her escorted out by
security. On her way out she felt obligated to let me know that no matter what
happened, she was always going to be there, whether I like it or not, because
she had a hold on Terrance. It didn’t matter if I wore the ring, she was the
one he was sneaking off with at night, which meant that with her was where he
really wanted to be.

I stood there fuming, taping my foot, trying not to scream.

“My knee is gone,” he told me. “The doctor told me it’s
shattered. I won’t be able to play anymore.”

I chuckled. After all the drama that just happened, he wasn’t
going to even acknowledge the fact that another woman just told me to my face
that she’d been with him. It had never been more obvious to me than it was
right now. Terrance was selfish. He didn’t love me the way a man was supposed
to love a woman that he was getting ready to marry. It was all conditional. We
hinged solely on his wants, not my needs. He was not, nor had he ever been, the
man for me.

“How long have you been cheating on me, Terrance?”

His eyes pierced with disapproval. “How are you going to ask
me something like that after what I just told you? Didn’t you hear what I said?”

“Don’t evade. I wanna know the truth.”

“I ain’t in the mood, Karen. Don’t come at me with that right
now.”

“Was she the only one?”

A tear fell from my eye when he didn’t answer. She wasn’t.
There were probably countless others. All the parties he went to alone, never
coming home until the next day. Coming home in the middle of the night smelling
like perfume. Our relationship was over. There was no use in pretending that we
had something any longer. I’d already done that, and now it was time to face
reality.

I took the ring off and placed it on his lifted knee.

“So you gon’ leave me, too?” he asked. “I thought you were
different, Karen. I thought you were the one somebody in this world who was
gon’ love me no matter what.”

“Maybe that’s the problem. You thought you could run around
and do whatever and I’d stay with you because I love you. And you know what?
The truth of the matter is that I almost did. I actually almost did. But I love
myself more than this. I’m a good woman and I deserve a man who is going to
love me the same way that I love him. And you just don’t do that for me. I love
you, Terrance, and you know what? I probably always will. You were my first
love.” I thought about it for a second. “Actually, I take that back. You come
second. My first true love is myself, and I love myself way too much to stay
here and go through anymore of this with you.”

I fought the desire to hold him in my arms as he cried,
because I knew if I did I would end up staying with him. So, I turned on my
heels and walked out of the room, crying the entire time. I passed Christy in
the hallway talking to a doctor, and I overheard him tell her that Terrance
would not be able to play basketball again. Even though I took the elevator,
she beat me to the parking lot.