Casting Down Imaginations (36 page)

fifty two

Anaya

I was leaving Prestige when Derrick ran to catch up with me
in the back parking lot.

“Where you rushing off to?” he asked me, out of breath.

“Home. Where else?”

“You wanna be alone, huh?”

I tried to crack a smile. He seemed disappointed, but
everyone could tell that I had been in a funk since the night Deacon showed up.

“Yeah. Not really in the mood for anything else.”

“You sure?”

I nodded.

“Come on now, girl. You been sad for the past two weeks. Why
don’t you come over to my place? We can watch a couple of movies.”

“Are you trying to get some?” I asked bluntly.

“No,” he insisted. “You just the prettiest girl here, and I
hate to see you looking so down.”

“Alright. I guess I can come hang out wit’ you,” I said after
taking a few minutes to think it over. “But the minute you try anything, I’m
going straight home.”

His smile was warming. “You have my word.”

I followed Derrick over to his place, which was more than I
assumed it would be. It was modest, nothing extravagant, but nice enough to
live in nevertheless.

“Make yourself comfortable,” he said, and tossed his keys on
the coffee table. “I’m gonna go take a shower and get this club funk off of me.
You hungry?”

I took a seat on the couch and shook my head.

“Alright. If you change your mind I got some snacks in the
kitchen. Help yourself to whatever you want. The remote’s right there. Just
don’t order no pay-per-view, or I’m gon’ have to put you out,” he joked.

He scurried on into the bathroom while I, already having
showered at Prestige, flipped through his random cable channels until he
returned. Dressed in a pair of basketball shorts and a tank top, I couldn’t
help but notice that he was fine. Too fine. He must have worked out nearly ever
day. And he smelled good, too.

“What you watching?” he asked, and sat down next to me.

I got another whiff of his cologne. He smelled really good.

“Nothing. Just random stuff.”

“Good. Then you won’t miss it,” he said, and took the remote
from me and turned the television off.

“What are you doing?”

“I didn’t invite you over here to watch TV.”

“Oh really?”

“No. TV is a waste of time. I wanted you to come over here so
I can get to know you.”

“Know me like how?”

He shrugged. “Like wanting to know if you truly are okay. You
just ain’t been the same since when your pops came to the club. I just wanna
make sure you’re alright.”

“You don’t know me like that,” I reminded him. “How would you
know if I’m the same or not?”

“Well, I know you used to try a hell of a lot harder to make
your money. Now it’s like you ain’t even there.”

“Is that a problem?”

“No. You do you. I’m just tryin’ to make sure you alright.”

I smiled at him. “I’m fine, Derrick.”

I was flattered that he cared so much. No one else did. But I
was lying to him. Every night that I had to work I got drunk, but usually when
I was at home I didn’t have to. Ever since Deacon showed up though, all I did
was drink. I drove to work drunk. I drove home drunk. Then I slept all day just
to wake up and do it all over again.

“So how was it?”

“How was what?”

“Having your dad bust up in there like that. It was pretty
obvious he had no idea what you were doing.”

I held my head down. “That’s not up for discussion.”

He backed off the subject. “So… Where do you see yourself in
five years?”

I looked at him like he was crazy. “What?”

He became very serious. “You’re not cut out for Prestige.
Yeah, it’s better than most clubs. You got security, it’s upscale, blah, blah,
blah. But it takes a certain type of woman to keep up that kind of lifestyle,
and you’re not it.”

“And what kind of woman do you think I am?”

“I don’t know. You confuse me. On one side you’re so hard. So
tough. And mean. Then there’s this one side of you that’s fragile. Vulnerable.”

“Yeah, well… I been through stuff.”

“We all have. But what matters is how we deal with it once we
get through it.”

I was doubtful. “What? You trying to save me or something?”

“Yeah. You could say that.”

“Save me from what?”

“From being just another ho at Prestige.”

“What? Who you calling a ho?”

“Look, a man’s just tryin’ to be real wit’ you. When them men
look at you, that’s all they see. I’m trying to save you from only seeing that
in yourself.”

I bit my lips to keep them from smiling. I think Derrick
really did care about me.

“I don’t give a damn about what other people think about me,”
I said, trying to be tough.

He laughed. “Yeah, right.”

“I don’t,” I insisted.

“So I guess that’s why you ran out of the club crying when
your daddy busted you, huh?”

“Don’t talk about my dad,” I warned him. “It could get nasty
up in here.”

“Alright. I’ll back off.”

“What do you see when you look at me?”

I surprised him. But he was honest with me.

“I see someone who’s way more than she thinks she is. She
just got caught up and somehow ended up on the wrong path. But all she has to
do to become who she wants to be is get over her past, and start on her
future.”

His sensitivity made me fidget. I wanted to cry, but I didn’t
know him like that. So instead I just sat there and pretended that he hadn’t
said anything at all.

He leaned over and gave me a kiss.

“What’s that for?” I asked him.

“You looked like you needed one.”

“Whatever,” I smiled. “You just tryin’ to put your lips on
me.”

“Maybe. But I won’t do it again if you don’t want me to.”

“You better not,” I said, and then kissed him.

“What was that for?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I think I’m still drunk.”

“What the hell? Girl, you drove over here drunk? Why didn’t
you say something? I wouldn’t have let you drive like that.”

I shrugged and leaned back on the couch, suddenly exhausted.

“Oh, no. You’re not going anywhere tonight. I will not have
something happening to you on my watch. You’re sleeping on the couch.”

“Whatever. I can drive home,” I said, but before I knew it, I
was asleep.

fifty three

K
aren

I woke up sweating and out of breath. I clenched my chest,
wanting my heart to stop beating so fast. I didn’t know if I’d been dreaming or
hearing voices, but I didn’t like whatever it was that I’d just experienced. I
reached for Terrance, but he wasn’t there. Once again I was in his bed, and I
was all alone.

“Oh, God,” I whispered, trying to calm down. But I couldn’t.
I was too scared.

It was horrible. When I was asleep I saw Terrance in a
vision. He was a little bit older, but he pretty much looked the same. The way
he looked at me was different, though. There was no love there. It was more
like distain. He hated me. In my sleep I could feel my broken heart. And I knew
I was in a loveless marriage. He constantly cheated on me. And he had children
with other women. The worst part of it was, I never could get pregnant by him
again, no matter how hard I tried. I was openly disrespected. Everyone knew
about his affairs. They were out in the open for all to see. His colleagues
smiled in my face, but behind my back they laughed at me. I spent a lot of time
alone because I couldn’t trust anyone. Terrance had slept with all of my friends.
The only reason he wouldn’t let me divorce him was because we didn’t have a
prenuptial agreement and he didn’t want to pay alimony. I was miserable.

I shook my head as the water from my eyes flooded down my
face. Was this what my future was going to look like? Would he really treat me
like that? I wanted kids! I wanted a man who was going to love me and be there
for me, and I wanted to be happy!

Terrance came in just then. His face asked me what I was
doing up so late, but when he realized I was crying, it immediately turned into
concern.

“What’s the matter?” he asked.

I couldn’t even look at him. I pulled my knees into my chest
and just cried. It was after two o’clock in the morning. He was supposed to be
hanging out with some of his friends, but I knew it wasn’t true. It was
starting already. Where had he been? What was he doing out so late? Why didn’t
he call me to let me know where he was, or that he was okay? What was he doing?
And with who?

He sat down next to me and pulled me into his chest. “Is
something wrong back home? Are you alright? Is everyone okay?”

I managed to nod. “Where you been, Terrance?”

“I told you I was with the fellas. Just playing some video
games.”

I nodded again, even though I knew he was lying. He hugged
me, and I smelled perfume on him. It wasn’t mine. I cried harder.

“What’s wrong? What has gotten into you?”

“Do you love me, Terrance?”

“You know that I do.”

“No, seriously. Do you love me? Do you really want me to be
your wife?”

“Absolutely,” he smiled at me. “Is that it? Are you getting
the jitters already?”

I hugged him as tightly as I could as I continued to cry. I
loved him. I loved him so much, and I didn’t want to lose him. He was my everything.

“Everything’s gonna be alright,” he told me. “Come on. Let’s
get in bed.”

I got in bed and forced myself to stop crying. He gave me a
long kiss and went into the bathroom to take a shower. He was trying to hide
it, but I already knew. I loved my man with all of my heart, but he was
cheating on me.

fifty four

Karen

I sat on the couch with stacks of wedding magazines and
fabric swatches surrounding me, feeling overwhelmed. There was so much that
went into planning a wedding that I hadn’t even thought about. You needed to
find a place to have it, pick out dresses, find someplace for the reception,
register for gifts, find tuxedoes, make a guest list, hire a caterer… the list
just went on and on and on. I was starting to think that the wedding really was
more about everyone else and less about Terrance and me. I understood now why
people eloped.

Terrance walked in then, obviously exhausted from a hard
workout at the gym. I stood to my feet and greeted him with a kiss, then went
into the kitchen and fixed him a plate of food from the dinner I’d already
made. I’d found a way to fit cooking and cleaning into my schedule every day
since he’d blown up at me about it, no matter how much studying I needed to get
done. Even when he didn’t come home, there was food here waiting on him.

“Coach was trying to kill us today,” he told me as he sat
down at the table.

I gave him a fork and a knife and tucked a napkin around his
collar.

“He got to get y’all ready for that tournament that’s coming
up,” I said, and put his plate down in front of him.

He nodded and started to eat. “Yeah. And I heard another NBA
team is coming.”

I smiled, proud of him. “That’s great, baby. What is that,
seven teams so far?”

“Yep. And they all coming to see your boy kill everybody that
gets in the way of me and that hoop.”

“That’s right baby.”

I watched him eat, gulping down everything after he only
halfway chewed it up. I guess all that exercise worked up quite an appetite.
And he was just so cute.

“What you been doing?” he asked me.

I grunted, suddenly feeling tired. “Trying to plan this
wedding,” I said. “Have you thought about a date yet? I really can’t plan too
much without it.”

He shrugged. “We’ll get to it. We got time.”

“Let’s just go elope,” I said.

He frowned heavily. “Nawh.”

“I’m serious,” I insisted. “I mean, why does the whole world
have to be there? This is just about us, right?”

He shook his head. “I can’t do that to my mama. I’m her only
child, and she’ll kill me. Then kill you for going along with it.”

I sighed. This was true. I hadn’t thought about how that
would make our families feel.

“Well, let’s just have a small private wedding. Just family,
that’s it.”

“What’s the rush?”

I was taken aback. “What do you mean, what’s the rush?”

“Why you trying to get married so fast?”

I was confused. “Why not? I mean, you do want to get married,
right? Ain’t that what this ring is all about?”

“Yeah, we can get married. But I’m just saying, I ain’t
trying to get married next week.”

I was astonished. Here I was planning this big wedding, the
one that he claimed he wanted, and it suddenly felt like he was flipping the
script on me.

“So what are you saying?”

He was growing annoyed with me. I could tell by the way he
was angrily cutting the steak that I spent so much time making for him while he
was at the gym.

“I’m just trying to figure out why you acting up. I told you
I was going to marry you, didn’t I? You got a ring on your finger, don’t you?
How much you want from me?”

My mouth dropped open. “I want a
commitment.”

He let his fork and knife fall to the table. “Commitment?”

“Hell yeah. How long you expect me to walk around this house
and play wifey to you?”

“I didn’t ask you to play wifey. You needed a place to stay,
and as your man, I gave you one.”

“And pressured me to have sex with you every chance you got!”

“I didn’t force you to do nothing. You’re a big girl, and you
made your own decisions. You not happy? You wanna leave, there’s the door.”

I gasped. Outrage came over me. “No you
didn’t.”

“Look… Let’s just calm down, alright?” he said. “Let’s just
chill. All I’m saying is, there’s no rush. We have plenty of time to get all of
that squared away. Right now I just want to focus on school and this tournament
and getting back into the NBA. You can understand that, can’t you?”

I rolled my eyes at him and stood up from the table.

“Baby. Come on, let’s sit down and talk about this.”

“You’ve already said enough,” I told him, and went into the
bedroom and closed the door behind me.