Casting Down Imaginations (35 page)

fifty

K
aren

Terrance stared deeply into my eyes across the candlelit
dinner we were enjoying and took my hand into his own. Everything about him was
turning me on at this point, especially his touch. Since I’d allowed our
relationship to freely take an intimate turn, things between the two of us had
been great. We’d grown much closer, and for the first time since my dad’s
gambling had been exposed, my future finally felt secure. I was unsure of my
feelings about putting his needs above what I initially stood for, but he
assured me that the fact that I hadn’t been with anyone else in all of that
time only made him love me more. So I swept my guilt about the situation under
the rug and focused on loving him in return.

“I love you, Karen,” he told me.

I smiled. “I love you, too,” I said, happy that the two of us
were thinking about the exact same thing.

“I got something I wanna talk to you about.”

“What?”

He took a deep breath, but didn’t answer. He was nervous.

“What is it, baby?”

He squeezed my hand tighter. “I been talking to my agent.”

“Your agent?”

He nodded. “Yeah. I didn’t want to say anything to you at
first, because I didn’t want you to worry.”

“Worry? Why would I worry?” I asked, pretending to be dumb.
The only reason he would be talking to his agent again would be if he was
trying to get back into the NBA. And I knew he didn’t want that. At least that
was what he told me before.

“Well, you know… You’re living with me now, so this affects
you, too.”

“What is it, Terrance?”

He took a moment to gather his composure, then stated, “I’m
thinking about going back into the NBA,” with a big smile.

I pretended to be surprised. “Really?”

He grinned. “Yeah. What do you think?”

What do I think? I think you told me you didn’t want any part
of that life anymore. I think you said you wanted to settle down and get
married and have a family and focus on getting your education and that all of
the things that came along with being a basketball star just weren’t for you. I
think you trippin’.

“I think that’s great,” I lied. “If that’s what you really
wanna do.”

He looked relieved that I was willing to comply.

“But where is all of this coming from? Why the change of
heart?”

“I don’t know. It’s just… Being back on a team, man. Playing
the game. It’s my life, you know? It’s what I go to bed at night and dream
about. It’s what I wake up thinking about… Besides you, of course.”

“Of course.”

“And my agent called me. He told me there was a little buzz
stirring about me making a comeback, and he wanted to know if it was true. I
hadn’t ever really thought about it, although I did hear the rumors. But the
way he was talking, he got me to thinking that maybe this really could be. He
was pretty good to me before, so I just wanted to see what he was talking
about.”

“Well, what was he talking about?”

“My old team wants me back,” he said with a smile.

I was concerned. “I thought you said you didn’t want anything
to do with them, because of what happened before?”

“Well, I know I said that. But, if the price is right…”

“So, wait a minute. This is about money? What about staying
true to yourself?”

“I hear what you saying, but none of that pays the bills,
sweetie.”

I didn’t like to hear him talk about money like this. My
daddy taught me that money had its place, and that place was never to be before
anything else. But maybe he was wrong. After all, this was the same man who was
on the brink of losing his family trying to chase the mighty dollar bill.

“You aren’t hurting for money, Terrance.”

“Not yet. But with school, bills, taking care of you, my
money’s—”

“Whoa. Hold up. Taking care of me? I told you I would get a
job.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. You know I wanna take care of
you. I love taking care of you. You’re my baby. My number one. All I’m saying
is that the money that I do have isn’t gonna last forever. And I been thinking
about us and our future and the children that we’ll have. And I wanna give you
all the best.”

I felt a little better, now that I heard his explanation. But
I was still uneasy.

“I understand what you’re saying,” I told him. “But you don’t
have to put that much pressure on yourself. There are other things you can do.
And what about your knee? Training for the NBA is gonna put a lot of strain on
it, won’t it?”

He took my hand and kissed it. “Let me worry about that,
baby.”

“Are you sure this is what you really want?”

He nodded and kissed my hand again.

I decided to let it go and relaxed. “Alright. If this is what
you want. I will be supportive and let you do your thing.”

He smiled bigger than I’d ever seen before.

“What?” I asked. He suddenly had an energetic vibe and I
wanted to know where it came from.

He looked past me and motioned for someone to come over to
us. Suddenly I heard a violin.

I turned to see where the beautiful music was coming from. A
violinist approached us playing beautifully. She smiled at me, then at
Terrance, and stood beside us and continued to play.

What is he doing?

“I love you, Karen,” he said, and stood to his feet.

What is he…?

I gasped as he got down on one knee. My heart fluttered as I
tried my best not to scream.

He took my shaking hand into his and pulled a small velvet
box out of his pocket. The tears began to flow.

“What are you doing?” I asked him.

He smiled, and tears were in his eyes as well. “I love you,”
he told me. “I love you so much more than words could ever say. Baby, you mean
the world to me, and then more. I just don’t know what I would be with out you.
You make me a better person. And you have caused me to dream again. You make me
want to be the best man possible, and I love you so much for that, Karen. I
know I don’ messed up in the past and done some things that I shouldn’t have
done, but I know now that you are the only woman for me. I know that now. And I
want to share the rest of my life with you. So, I’m asking you, baby, the love
of my life… Will you marry me?”

I squealed, crying. I knew my face was twisting into an ugly
crying face, but I didn’t care. As I looked down at this man in front of me,
all I could see was the future that I dreamed about with him. The love we would
share, the children we would have, the cars parked in the two car garage
attached to the two story house with the white picket fence.

“Yes,” I answered him.

The violinist played louder as Terrance took the big diamond
ring from the box and slid it onto my left ring finger. It fit perfectly. We
kissed, and Terrance became so overjoyed that he picked me up in his arms and
squeezed me tight.

Others around us clapped as we gathered our things,
congratulating us. Terrance left two hundred dollars on the table to pay for
our food and to tip the waiter and the violinist, and we hurried home to make
love.

fifty one

Karen

I sat on the sofa next to Terrance with the phone pressed to
my ear, nervously waiting for Mama to answer on the other end. Terrance put his
hand on my knee to keep it from bouncing. It worked for only a second, my
nerves getting the best of me.

“Hi Mama,” I said when she finally answered. Terrance flashed
me a reassuring smile of support.

“Hi Karen. How are you.”

“I’m great, Mama. I’m great. I have some news to tell you.”

She gasped. “You pregnant?”

“No!” I scolded. “Nobody’s pregnant!”

Terrance laughed.

“Oh,” Mama said, relieved. “Well, what is it, then?”

“Terrance and I are engaged.”

She didn’t say anything.

“Hello? Mama, you still there?”

“AAHHH!” she screamed. “Girl! Are you serious? You better not
be playing with me!”

“I’m serious,” I said as I pulled the phone away from my ear.
She was so excited, her yelling was making it hurt.

“What?! Where is he?” she asked. “Where is that Terrance? I
wanna talk to him!”

“He’s right here. Hold on, Mama.”

I passed the phone to Terrance and gave him a thumbs up sign,
but he already knew that Mama was thrilled. His mother had been as well when we
delivered the same news to her only a few minutes ago.

Terrance kept smiling and got on the phone. I couldn’t tell
what it was she was saying to him, but the majority of the conversation
consisted of him saying “yes ma’am” and “okay” and “I promise I will” over and
over again. When he was finished, he said good-bye and was careful to address
her as “Mother,” then he passed the phone to me.

“Congratulations, baby,” Mama told me. “Now you know your
brother is going to have a fit when I tell him this.”

I laughed, already knowing the expression that was going to
be on his face. My protective little brother wasn’t going to be too pleased.

“But you have to tell your father.”

I stopped laughing. “What?”

“You heard me.”

“I don’t wanna tell him,” I whined, getting scared. Daddy
didn’t like Terrance, and he wouldn’t be happy to hear this news.

“He’s still your father,” Mama told me. “He has a right to
know.”

“Can’t you tell him for me?”

“I guess I could. But he’s not my daddy, and I’m not the one
that’s getting married.”

“Please?” I begged.

“No, baby. You’re a grown woman now. Remember? Ain’t that
what you told us when you decided to go live with that man?”

I knew that was going to come back to haunt me. “Yes.”

“Alright, then. It’s time you started acting like it. Go on
and call your daddy and tell him the news.”

I sighed, knowing that a fight was coming. But this was my
doing and I had to face it sooner or later. I may as well get it over with.
There was no sense in delaying the inevitable.

I said goodbye to Mama and called Daddy on his cell phone.
When he answered I could tell that he was surprised to hear from me.

“I have something to tell you,” I said. “You may not like it,
but this is it, and I want to just say it and get it over with.” I grabbed
Terrance’s hand and squeezed it tight. “I’m engaged,” I finally confessed.

There was a long pause.

“To do what?” Daddy asked.

I rolled my eyes. “What do you think?”

“I know not to get married, because nobody called me and
asked me for your hand in anything,” he said harshly.

“Come on, Daddy, don’t start,” I mouthed off.

“Well, what do you expect me to say, Karen?”

“Why can’t you just be happy for me? Mama was.”

“Your Mama don’t see what I see,” he said. “She’s thinking
about money, and that this boy can take care of you. I’m worried if he’s gonna
treat you right. If he’s gonna do right by you.”

“He is, Daddy. Terrance and I love each other, and he makes
me very happy.”

Daddy wasn’t convinced. “Nawh, baby. It’s more to a marriage
than just paying the bills.”

“I guess you should know.”

Daddy was quiet. All that came through the phone was a long
sigh.

“I’m still your daddy,” he told me after a minute or two had
gone by. “I know I done made some mistakes, but I’m still your daddy. Don’t you
forget that.”

There was pain there. I could feel it.

I wiped the tear that formed in my eye. “I’m sorry, Daddy.”

“I forgive you, baby,” he told me. “I just wanna know when
you’re gonna find it in your heart to forgive me.”

I didn’t answer him.

“Look, you grown so I guess you’re gonna do what you wanna
do,” he said wearily. “I can’t say that the two of you have my blessing on
this. I didn’t raise you to live this way, and you seem to be compromising a
lot for this young man, and I don’t know why. You used to have high standards.
You used to aim for the top. I don’t think you’re getting the best that you
were holding out for. I honestly don’t. But these are decisions that you are
going to have to live with. I’m not going to stress over it. I just hope you
know what you’re getting yourself into.”

I wiped the other tears that fell as Terrance put his arm
around me. He didn’t know what Daddy was saying, but he knew that I was getting
upset. I tried to assure him that I was fine.

“I do, Daddy,” I answered.

“No you don’t,” he said. “You have no clue. But I’m praying
for you. And I love you,” he told me, and hung up the phone.

“I love you, too,” I whispered to the dial tone in my ear,
and gave the phone to Terrance. He hung it up and kissed my face.

“You okay?”

I nodded, even though I wasn’t.

“It’s gon’ be alright.”

“I know,” I said, and wiped the last of the tears away from
my eyes.

“Good,” he said. “You know what I feel like doing?”

“What?”

“I wanna make love to my fiancé. Is that alright with you?”

I wished he wouldn’t have just said that. Daddy’s words
rewound and played again in my head. I hugged my future husband. He swept me
off of my feet and led me into the bedroom we shared. I stared at the diamond
ring that was on my finger and convinced myself that everything would be okay
in the end.