Captive (22 page)

Enough is e-fucking-nough. I’m not going to stand here with my thumb up my ass, and listen to anyone, and that includes my family, treat the woman I love like this. I take a step forward, but as I do Adelyn reaches back placing a hand on my lower stomach, stopping me in my tracks.

The softness of her touch shouldn’t be able to stop me, but I can’t deny the effect her strong fingers have on the surface of my skin. It’s as if she’s singed me, the heat we create between the two of us still burns as bright as it ever did…and it’s fucking magnificent.

Adelyn’s boots click across the scarred hardwood floor as she closes the distance between them. She’s noticed she has an audience, but Adelyn being Adelyn, isn’t doing this to put on a show. She’s doing this to show Lou she’s done with taking her shit.

Faster than I can blink Adelyn reaches out, grabbing Lou’s wrist in a tight grip, twisting her arm behind her back, pinning her back to Adelyn’s front. A few jaws around the room drop, and a hearty laugh comes from off to the side where I spot Boss leaning against the kitchen pass-through.

“You might want to say you’re sorry, little girl. Addie’s got a hell of a temper, and she isn’t afraid to unleash it on your ass.”

“No fucking way,” Lou snaps.

She doesn’t get another word out before her knees buckle taking her to the floor with a loud thump. Billy lurches forward, but Cage grabs his arm holding him back, saying something that has him going solid, not moving an inch. Aside from the muscle in his jaw ticking, I’d have said he’s turned to stone after whatever Cage said. Chances are it was something along the lines of Lou starting shit she’s going to have to learn to finish herself, knowing Cage the diplomat.

I can’t argue with that. Lou’s gotten away with running her mouth for too long now, and after the words she’s just exchanged with Adelyn I think she’s about to be taught a very important lesson.

“Let her up, Pix. She gets the idea, yeah?” That voice belongs to Fury. He’s the last person I would’ve expected to call a halt to this, begging the question why are the Vengeance boys here at all?

Slowly Adelyn releases her hold on Lou, and makes the wise decision to take a few steps backward. No telling what the hell cat might do when she’s this pissed off. Not completely backing down, Adelyn speaks loud enough for everyone to hear.

“That was your last chance, Lou. I’m not going to stand by and listen to you badmouth me anymore.” Shaking her head sadly she adds, “I stood by and took it in the beginning because I thought I deserved your anger, I hoped one day you’d be able to see past it, and remember that we were friends, but clearly you can’t. This is the only concession I’m going to give you. You stay away from me, and I’ll make damn sure to stay away from you. If you want to hold on to anger that stemmed from something you’ve got no fucking idea about, that never involved you to begin with, then have at it. But don’t you fucking dare take your shitty misplaced attitude out on me again. I won’t have it, and I won’t lay down and let you treat me like a doormat either.”

Pipe breaks the silence that’s followed Adelyn’s declaration by clapping loudly. It echo’s off the walls, and rolls around the room like thunder. He’s shortly joined by every other man in attendance, and that includes my son. I’ve never been prouder of him than I am right now. I get it’s got to be hard for him to throw his hat in the ring backing Adelyn’s play and not his wife, but he’s made the right decision in this instance.

“About fucking time, Adelyn. About fucking time,” Pipe yells.

I have had enough of sharing her with my brothers now, so closing the distance between us, I scoop her up, and throw her over my shoulder. Letting out a squeak of surprise, Adelyn goes still and allows me to carry her to my room.

I don’t use this room often anymore, but it’s always made up in case it’s needed and thank fuck, because I need it right now. Not only because I want to feel her close to me again, but because I want some privacy for what we have to talk about. The nosy bastards I call my brothers wouldn’t know the meaning of privacy if it jumped up and bit them in the ass, which means anywhere other than here wasn’t an option, so she’s just going to have to deal.

Easing her down from her perch was a mistake. As her lithe body slides down mine I feel my body harden in response, and every nerve ending spark to life. I should’ve just dropped her on the bed, and taken the opportunity to put some space between us. But no one’s ever accused me of being a smart man have they?

Having her here, in my room, back in the clubhouse again, within touching distance, the fact she is touching me plays havoc on my willpower. I’m hanging on to it by a thread, and to be honest I don’t think it’s going to take a lot, if anything to snap my fragile hold on my self-control. Like I’ve said before, Adelyn’s adept at reading people, so she’s got to know how close to the edge I am, and she proves she does by taking a tentative step away from me. Not this time, she’s not going fucking anywhere until I’ve made her hear me out. And if that means I’ve got to tie her to my bed while she does, I’m fully prepared to do so.

“Um…What are we doing in here,” she says looking around nervously.

I don’t want her to be nervous. Fuck, I never want her to be nervous around me. Taking her hands in mine I look deep into her beautiful crystal clear blue eyes, and say,

“I just want, no, I need to talk to you, Angel. Nothing more, I only want you to hear me out. If after that you want to walk out of here and never come back then I’ll respect that, but please,” I say begging her. “Please just hear me out.”

Scanning my face she nods her ascent. That’s good enough for me. Pulling her down to sit on the bed I begin. This isn’t going to be easy to tell her, and truthfully if I thought I could get away with never sharing the gory details of my past I would. But this is Adelyn, this is the woman I love, and she deserves to know why I treated her the way I did. Why I said, and did the things I did. I might not be able to give her anything else but I can give her this.

Wrong Side Of Heaven – Five Finger Death Punch

Saying that I’m uncomfortable seated on the edge of Max’s bed with him sitting beside me would be an understatement. I’m more than uncomfortable, and it’s only because of what he’s about to say. His proximity is making me feel things I’ve got no business feeling, and that can only lead to further heart break I’m not sure if I’d recover from this time.

I don’t doubt my own internal strength, or resilience, what causes me the greatest concern is how easily Max can wrap me back up in a world I don’t know if I want to be part of anymore. That’s the reason Boss, Diesel, and Fury are here after all. I wanted to tell them face-to-face that I won’t be coming home, or what they consider to be my home. I intend to stay in Blackwater permanently, whether I welcome or not.

After losing Dakota they ganged up on me, pleading with me to come home, spend some time with my family, and adjust to my new reality. I couldn’t do it. And that’s not because I didn’t want to see them, have them take care of me like they always have, it’s because I didn’t want them treating me like I was breakable anymore. I wasn’t the fragile young girl they took in years ago. I’m a strong, independent woman now, and it’s time I make my own way in the world.

At first they didn’t take the news well when I informed them of my decision this morning, but after seeing how determined I am to stick this out they backed down offering to support me regardless of the fact they didn’t agree. It was a weight off my shoulders to know they would still be there for me in some capacity. Maybe not the way they always had been, but they would still be around if I needed them. Not that I thought they would desert me, because honestly I don’t think there’s a situation I can conjure that would have them doing that, but it was a fear nonetheless.

But sitting here…on Max’s bed, alone in his room I’m wondering whether I should have enlisted their help to deter this little chat until both Max and I were on more neutral territory.

“Hey, you okay, Angel?”

I must have been off in my own world for too long. That’s been happening a lot lately too. Ever since Trig died I’ve taken to spacing out as I like to call it. Pulling myself out of my thoughts I look up to see the worry creasing his brow.

“I’m fine. What did you want to talk about?” I sigh heavily.

Sitting down next to me Max leaves a few inches of space, but not enough to give me any relief from the ache that’s slowly building between my thighs. I’d like to tell you that my reaction to him is purely chemical, that it’s due to my lack of sex life since long before Trig died, but it’s not. My reaction to Max is because of Max, and no other reason.

“Will you look at me, Angel? I need to see your eyes when I tell you all this.” Max sounds pained, and a big part of me wants to reach out and grab his hand, offer him some kind of comfort. But that’s not my place anymore. I’m simply here to let him unburden himself of some of the demons he’s kept locked away for far too long.

Finally turning so we’re face-to-face while still sitting beside each other he smiles gently, more gently than he’s ever smiled at me before, and starts talking.

“By now you’ve probably heard the rumours around town about Carly. They’re mostly true though, not rumours or gossip.” He right, I had heard what people said about his ex-wife and her habit, but I wanted to hear it from him, not believe what small-minded people with nothing better to do had to say.

“I was young and fucking stupid, we met, I thought I fell for her when really all I felt was lust. Nothing more, nothing less. I didn’t realise that until I met you though, Angel. I didn’t see that all I had with her was a physical connection that died faster than our marriage, way faster.” My heart starts to pound in my chest, and I’m hanging on every word he says. “She got pregnant right after we started seeing each other, and I’m not proud to admit it, but I wasn’t fucking happy about it. I don’t know if that’s because I didn’t sense it’d work out with her in the long run, or if it was just too soon for us, but whatever the reason it was a fucking shock.”

I can imagine it would have been. From the little information I’ve gathered over the years Max was only nineteen when Carly fell pregnant with their first child. It might not sound young, but for a biker whose only dream until then had been to ride free and hard, that was almost the worst thing that could happen to him.

“I didn’t know Carly was already in deep with her habit, didn’t have a clue, not until Ryan was born anyway. The doctors told me the reason he didn’t survive was the cocktail of drugs they found in his blood stream when they tested it. They could only assume that the levels would’ve been a fuck ton higher if they’d taken the sample straight away.”

Chest heaving, Max looks close to tears, but he pulls himself together quickly and keeps going.

“Ryan was stillborn, he never got a chance to take a breath, he didn’t open his eyes, fuck, Angel he never had a chance.” Abandoning my earlier reservations I reach over and grab his hand. Squeezing tightly, I hope I’m giving him the courage to go on. He needs to let this go, and I’m willing to sit here for as long as it takes until he does.

Max squeezes my hand back, and that’s when I know he’ll make it through this. As painful as it is for him, he’ll make it through it.

“I confronted Carly about it, demanded answers, but she denied the lot, everything. She said she’d never touched drugs a day in her life, the results had to be wrong. You’ve got to remember I was young, it’s not an excuse, but you’ve got to know, I had no idea what stillbirth meant before Ryan let alone how that shit happened.” I believe him. I really do. “I gave her the benefit of the doubt, I didn’t hang around after though, I couldn’t. As soon as I knew she wasn’t in any danger I took off. For six months I was gone. I missed Ryan’s funeral, missed the chance to mourn his death with my brothers, skipped out on training I was signed up for with the FBI, I just skipped town.”

Understanding hits me hard and fast. Max was worried I would leave because that’s exactly what he had done. So I interrupt to ask,

“That’s why you were so angry when I told you I was pregnant. You thought I would leave, and not give you the chance to meet your daughter, be her daddy?” It’s phrased like a question, but it’s not one he needs to answer. The agony written all over his face is answer enough.

“Yeah Angel, that’s why I was angry. I’m so sorry. So fucking sorry I’ll never be able to tell you how much.” Shaking his head angrily he says, “The thought that I’d get the opportunity to be a dad again had me over the moon. No matter what I said to you, how much of an asshole I was, you have to believe me when I say I wanted our daughter, Angel. I wanted her more than I’d wanted anything other than her mother.”

That statement hits me like a ton of bricks too, and the look of shock on my face has Max chuckling.

“Are you telling me you didn’t know I’d been in love with you for months before we ever ended up in bed?” He asks with that stupid grin plastered on his face.

My eyes must be as wide as saucers, my mouth is gapping open, and I don’t think I’m capable of speech other than to manage a garbled,

“Um…”

“Jesus, Angel. From the second I saw you I knew I wanted you in my bed. I didn’t know how to control myself around you, so I pushed you away, treated you like shit. It fucking sucked, but it was the only way I knew how to keep my distance was to make you hate me.”

“I never hated you, Max. I couldn’t hate you even if I wanted to,” I whisper.

Pressing a kiss to the back of our joined hands, Max looks calmer now.

“Yeah, I know. You’re too good for me, I knew that too. I didn’t want my past tainting you. You’d been through enough shit of your own to take on a fucking mess like me. I figured it was best for me to never have you, because I knew if I did I’d never be able to let you go. And I was right, I couldn’t.” Another kiss. “We might’ve been apart for a long fucking time, Angel, but there wasn’t a day I didn’t think about you. Wonder what you were doing. A day didn’t go by without me needing to know you were safe, and happy. By the time I pulled my head out of my ass it was too late, you’d been hurt, and there wasn’t a fucking thing I could do about it. I’d failed you, and the whole thing was my fault. Losing Dakota. Losing you. Fuck, I practically handed you to Trig, gift wrapped.”

I’m not sure if I should be offended Max is referring to me like I’m some kind of ‘thing’ that can be given away, or if I should take his words at face value. He doesn’t give me time to ponder it before he breaks into my thoughts,

“Not like that, Angel, never like that. You’re more important to me than anything, even my son. I don’t think of you like something for me to own, that I can guarantee you.”

Hmmm…

“Don’t look at me like that, baby. I might not have shown you how much you mean to me, but I’m planning on fixing that if you’ll let me. I know you’ve got no reason to take me at my word, or trust a damn thing that comes out of my mouth, but I promise you I’ll spend forever trying to make this right.”

His words alone wouldn’t have convinced me, but them and what I heard him say to Trig when he thought everyone had left is.

“I know you will, and I wish I could honestly say that I can give you the chance to, but I can’t, Max.” He looks panicked, and goes to speak when I stop him. “I’m not saying no, I’m saying I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel. I don’t know what everything you’ve told me means. And I don’t know if I can be part of the life you’ve created for yourself here. I don’t want to feel like I’m fighting anymore, Max, and I feel like with you that’s all it will be. We’ll be fighting to move past everything we’ve gone through together and apart. It’ll be a fight to overcome what the club thinks about me, what your family thinks about me. Most of all, we’ll fight to make it work between us when we don’t even know how to make it work for ourselves yet.”

“But,” he interjects.

“No! Listen to me,” I plead. “You have to deal with losing Ryan. Losing Dakota, and then losing Trig on top of everything else. You have to come to terms with me having had a relationship with your brother that spanned two years. And I have to learn how to rely on myself, not calling in the men from Vengeance to fix my problems every time I jump at a shadow.” Squeezing his hand once more before letting go I stand, and give him my parting promise. “I told the guys this morning I was staying. I’m not leaving, Max, which means you still have a chance. If you really mean what you just said then come and find me when you’ve got your head together. I don’t want all of that between us starting out, and I don’t think you do either.”

I hate leaving him looking like he does. He looks like I’ve just kicked his puppy, and killed his prized Goldfish, but it’s for the best. Until Devil’s Spawn find the person responsible for Trig’s murder, and Max overcomes his grief, his guilt over losing two of his three children, there isn’t a chance in hell we will make it together.

I’m willing to wait for him…as long as it takes, but I won’t give in this time. I deserve more from him. I deserve
all
of him. And right now he can’t give me that, so I’ll wait.