Captive (20 page)

“No, we really don’t. Anything we had to say to each other should have been said years ago, it’s too late now, Max.”

“It’s not too late, it’ll never
be
too fucking late, Angel. You and I both know we’ve got unfinished business, you’ve just gotta give me five minutes to explain some shit to you. That’s all I need, five minutes. Can you give me that?”

I hear the pleading tone in his voice, and as much as I’d like to give in, to hear him out, I won’t. Not now, not ever. He had his chance and he blew it. All the times I tried calling, texting, showing up at the clubhouse to talk to him, he had people send me away, ignored me, or sent my calls to voicemail. I reached out, and he shut me down. Much like I was doing to him now. Shaking my head I forcefully pull my arm away, wrapping it and the other firmly around my middle.

“No, I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t,” he says with more than a hint of anger lacing his voice.

“Both.” And with that I return the favor he bestowed on me years before…I walk away from Max ‘Reaper’ Andrews, and I don’t look back.

“Have you ever noticed that a woman’s ‘be ready in five minutes’,

Is exactly the same as a bikers ‘be home in five minutes’?”

-
      
Bikers Guide to Life

Watching Adelyn walk away from me again, granted this time it’s her doing the walking not me, is harder than I’d anticipated. If it wasn’t for the fact Trig was about to be lowered into the ground I would’ve taken off after her. As it is, I’ve got not only an obligation as an officer of the club to be here, I’ve got more respect than to just take off before all is said and done. That doesn’t mean it isn’t tearing me apart to watch her leave though.

At first when I saw her making her way through the rows heading for the limo, the thought crossed my mind that she was going to leave permanently. Not just the cemetery, but Blackwater too. Don’t ask me why when it’s plain as day that if my asshole-ness hadn’t chased her off already this certainly wouldn’t, but it didn’t stop the fear building in my chest.

I have no doubt when we’re all back at the clubhouse I’m going to have some explaining to do regarding why I took off in the middle of the service. It’s not like they don’t know where I went, I was in their line of sight the entire time for fucks sake, but that won’t count for shit when it comes to my brothers. The lack of respect will be a big issue, I knew that when I stood up, but their biggest concern is going to be surrounding keeping me from Adelyn any way they can.

I’d tell them not to bother, because there’s not a damn thing they can do to stop me, but I don’t see the point in wasting my precious oxygen relaying the message. In my mind they should save theirs too, it won’t happen, but a man can dream.

Ever since I got back, I still haven’t told them where I was it’s none of their fucking business, several of my brothers have taken it upon themselves to warn me away from Adelyn stating she needs time and space to deal with recent events. In truth, they told me to ‘stay the fuck away from her, and try not to make shit worse this time’, end quote. Why they thought I’d listen now when I never have before is beyond me, but kudos to them for giving it a go.

I respect the hell out of them for protecting her, even if it is from me, she needs that, someone in her corner watching her back. But the likelihood of me being able to keep myself away from her for more than a couple of days is not high, more like never going to happen. Especially not when being near her again, and I’m talking about barely being a foot from our bodies brushing, sets my blood on fire, and my system t overload.

If she had any idea the effect she had on me she’d run a fucking country mile. In this case I’m glad she doesn’t know, I don’t want her running from me, I want her running to me. The memory of her after being inside her tight little body was enough to hold me over for the last three past years, but now, after experiencing the impact of her sweet perfume surrounding me, the way her voice flows through me like water, and the spark in her eyes reserved solely for me. I know memories aren’t going to be enough anymore. I want more. I need more. I
need
her.

“What are you doing over here, Reaper? We need to get back, they’re starting the procession now.”

That voice has the opposite effect of the woman who’s just turned her back on me for the last time. Beth’s voice is like nails on a chalkboard, and aside from wanting to gag her, and not in a good way, I want nothing more than to tell her to fuck off.

She’s been up my ass for the past four days acting clingier, if that’s possible, than she was all those years ago when we were actually together. I found her practically camped out on my doorstep when I got home, and I’ve been hard pressed getting her to leave. Not that I’d considered letting her stay, I hadn’t, but it was like prying a barnacle off a hundred year-old ships hull making her go home.

I haven’t stuck my dick in Beth since the day Emily found her in my house, not for Beth’s lack of trying especially in recent months, but regardless of her insistence that we’re good together it hasn’t happened. Nothing has the power to wither my dick like the mention of Beth’s name and sex in the same sentence these days, why I’m not sure, but it’s like kryptonite to my poor deprived cock.

There is one thing in my life that’s changed over the past thirty-eight months, it’s sad to admit but no less true, and that is that my cock hasn’t seen any action that isn’t my own hand. Yeah I know, it’s fucked up. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve thought about it; taking a nameless, faceless woman to bed, to bury myself inside her until I forget the woman I love was committed to another man. Thing is, as soon as the thought entered my mind it left just as quickly. I knew it wouldn’t work. Erasing Adelyn’s never been an option, because it’s fucking impossible. And as much as the bitch standing beside me would like to give it the old college try, I had no desire to take her up on her numerous offers of momentary satisfaction.

“In a fucking minute, Beth. Why don’t you go catch up, I’ll be there when I’m ready.” I’m not subtle with my brush off anymore. They weren’t working, so blunt it is.

“Why do you have to be such an asshole all the time? I just want to be there for you, offer you some comfort after you’ve lost someone you care about. It’s obvious that bitch isn’t interested, Reaper, why don’t you let it go it’s been years.”

She’s fucking crazy if she thinks I’ll let go of anything when it comes to Adelyn. Not gonna happen. Sneering at her, I turn around to face her fully.

“Watch your fucking mouth when you talk about her. Better yet, don’t talk about her at all. I’ve told you, Beth, I’m not interested in what you’re offering, so pack it up and fuck off.” I say, striding off in the direction of the line of bikes gearing up to lead Trig’s casket to its final resting place.

I think I hear her mutter something about regretting this, but I can’t be sure, I’m too far away to make out her words. This isn’t the time to get into this shit with her again, not that any time is going to be the right time, but today, fuck no. To be honest I don’t even know why she’s here to begin with.

At first I thought I saw tears in her eyes when some of my brothers were on the podium talking about Trig’s life, what he’d achieved, how much the club loved him, but those tears dissolved the second Adelyn stood to make her way to the front. When Adelyn had taken her place on the podium Beth didn’t look sad, resigned, or dejected anymore she looked fucking pissed. I felt Beth’s flinch when Adelyn started talking about Trig’s first love, and him still holding a candle for her. It was an interesting development, Beth’s reaction to her words, and I wondered whether she knew the woman Adelyn was talking about, if she would relay the message to her that my brother died loving her. Doubtful seeing as Beth is such a self-centred bitch, but again I could only live in hope.

The cavalcade of cars carrying the women, children, and friends of Trig’s, followed behind a line of bikes, the like of which Blackwater, Colorado hasn’t seen since Pipe’s old man, the last MC member to pass away, had been laid to rest in this very cemetery. Two rows at least twenty-five, if not more, bikes drive the deserted road that winding through memorials, to the towns long since dead. Reaching the peak of ‘Lone Mans’ Hill’, a name given to the burial plots reserved for MC members by the MC, riders cut their engines, and dismount their bikes.

The rest of the service; the laying of the Devil’s Spawn flag folded on his casket, the flowers women and children place on top, the memento’s some of the guys leave, and the final prayer signalling the end of Trig’s era, happens quickly, almost too quickly. A bit like the way his life ended; too fucking quickly.

Long after the others leave I find myself sitting in front of his headstone, much the same way I was a few days ago at my daughters. I feel like I owe Trig something, more than a few words over an inanimate wooden box, more than a token gesture of friendship, I owe him a fuck ton more than that. He was after all the one who protected Adelyn when I couldn’t. The one who soothed her fears, and heartache. He was the man she came to depend on when I proved she couldn’t lean on me. I owe him everything, and I’ve got no fucking idea what to say to him.

Someone’s life can’t be measured in how long they walked the Earth, it’s measured in who they touched, how much of a difference they made while they were here, and Trig…he measures up better than any other man I’ve ever known.

Hunching over myself with my forearms resting on my knees, and my head hanging low, it’s almost as if I can’t handle looking at the slab of marble three feet from my position. Acknowledging it’s there makes this shit all the more real. We might’ve had our differences, one of which being Adelyn, and the fact he had her and I didn’t, but first and foremost Trig was my brother. And no matter what, I’ll mourn his loss the same as any other.

“She did you proud, brother. You would’ve been so proud of how she handled today, how she spoke her mind, and you’ve got yourself to thank for that. Before you, after I did wh-what,” my throat convulses at the words a few times before I clear it, and keep going, “I did to her, no one thought she’d come back from that, she’d suffered so much, gone through more fucked up shit than anyone we’ve ever know, none of us thought she’d pull it together and keep going.”

It’s true. We all, the MC and our families, considered Adelyn too fragile to withstand that kind of loss all over again. More fool us, because she came back from it stronger than ever.

“Don’t know if you know this, but Priest, Pipe, and I considered putting a suicide watch on her for a minute there, if it wasn’t for you coming along we would’ve too. I don’t think there’s anything I can say, or do to repay you for saving her like you did, but I want you to know I’ll never forget it.”

I sit quietly for a few minutes just listening to the non-existent sounds of the cemetery. It’s a kind of peace you can’t find anywhere else, and while some might find it spooky, I find it calming in an odd way. No one here’s expecting anything from you, you’re free to say what you want without judgement.

The wind’s picked up, and the sound of the leaves rustling are drowning out the birds that were chirping not long ago. Rain’s coming, I can see it on the horizon. The clouds are rolling in, and it won’t take long for them to close in forcing me to leave…for now. It’s not like I planned to camp out here, but I wanted more of a chance to gather my thoughts, to come up with something meaningful to leave Trig with until I can get back to see him again.

Huffing a sigh I shake my head,

“I can’t take back any of the shit I said to you, any of the stuff I did to you, or her either, and I wouldn’t want to. Not because I don’t feel like an asshole for doing it, but because you were who she needed at the time. I couldn’t be there for her like you were, couldn’t pull my head out my ass long enough to see anyone else’s suffering but my own. You could. You could see how far down she’d fallen, and you were the one capable and ready to pick her up again. I want you to know how grateful I am, because without you she wouldn’t be here, and without her here I’m fucking nothing. I mightn’t have been worthy of her back then, but you can bet your ass I’m gonna do everything I can to be worthy of her now.”

And I am. I’m going to make this right with Adelyn if it’s the last thing I do.

“I know I’ve got a lot to make up for, she might not even talk to me let alone forgive me, but I’ve got to try brother. I should’ve listened to her years ago, I should’ve tried harder to understand her pain, but I can’t change the past. There’s no going back, only forward. I promise you this though; I’ll watch over her for you, make sure she’s safe, and as happy as I can make her. No matter what she’ll be taken care of, I promise you that.”

Standing up I say one last thing.

“Safe travels, brother. Ride fast and free to the other side, and I’ll see you again one day.”

What I didn’t know was there were two people watching my final goodbye to my brother. One watched on with tears of relief, and the other…a mask of resentment and anger that burned so deep it almost consumed them.

Another thing I didn’t know is it wouldn’t take long for everything to change all over again. The question was would any of us come out the other side unscathed, or would be all be held captive to the second watchers demons and need for revenge.