Broken Wings (Contemporary Romance) (19 page)

When Angelina returned to her cottage, she could see there were several messages displayed on her answer phone. She pressed the play button and listened.

“Hello, my name is Sean McKay, you don't know me but I was with Joshua on the day of the explosion. I was part of his bomb disposal team on that terrible day. I just thought you may want to talk about it with someone who was there. Here's my number should you ever need to.”

Angelina replayed the message several times before writing down the telephone number he'd left for her. She sat down, thinking on her next move. She desperately wanted to hear what happened that day as she had only been given a vague description of the events and they were by no means enough for her but she was also afraid it may dash any hope she had about Joshua ever coming back to her.

It took two days for Angelina to respond to Sean's message. She invited him around to her cottage and he thankfully accepted. Just before Sean was due to arrive, Angelina was on edge; she had no idea what to expect. All she knew was one soldier had survived and was seriously wounded, having lost an arm. By eleven o'clock, Sean was knocking the door. Angelina took a deep breath before opening it.

“
Hello, please come in, Sean. It's lovely to meet you.” Angelina tried not to stare at his arm, which was bandaged up and held up with a support. “Please sit down. Can I get you a drink, tea or coffee maybe?” asked Angelina.

“
No, I'm fine, thank you.” Angelina sat down; it was Sean who spoke first.

“
Firstly, I would like to convey my condolences for your loss. I know what you are going through, believe me. There is nothing anyone can say to make it easier for you but I thought if I met with you and told you about Joshua and what he was like to work with, well, I thought it may help you somehow. Joshua was the best at what he did. We all had so much respect for him. His men are struggling with his loss too, as he has left a huge hole which will never be filled.

“
On that fateful day, we were out on operations when an infantry soldier reported a suspicious object buried in the ground and that's why we were called to investigate. As it turned out, it was a large bomb which had been planted by insurgents. It was imperative we destroy it as soon as possible to protect the lives of civilians in the area. It was Joshua's job to destroy it; we stood back and watched in awe as he put his expert skills into motion. He successfully destroyed the bomb and we all made the surrounding area safe. It would have been a great day for us if it hadn't been for the unexpected attack from insurgents. We had no way of knowing it was coming, Angelina, it was totally unexpected.

We were walking back to our armoured vehicle; the t
hree soldiers who were killed in the explosion were standing on the far side of the vehicle while myself and Joshua were on the opposite side. The next thing I knew, I was slipping in and out of consciousness. I managed to radio for help before falling unconscious. I don't really remember much after that.”

There was a brief silence before Sean continued.
“It wasn't until quite some time later that it was discovered Joshua was nowhere to be found. His dog tag was found near the scene and there was a lot of blood, which could have been anyone’s. That's all we know. We have heard nothing about anyone being held captive, which is quite unusual, if that's the case.”

Angelina just stared out of the window, contemplating her response. She turned around and looked at Sean who was sitting down, a man with a kind but beaten face. He looked exhausted.

“I cannot believe and will not believe he is dead until they retrieve a body. They have nothing of my Joshua. Something does not feel right to me, Sean. I'm not insinuating foul play of any kind, I'm simply saying there has to be more to this than we know, otherwise they would have found something of Joshua left behind at the explosion surely?”

Sean looked at Angelina with a sad expression, not knowing what to say to her.

“Joshua was a very lucky man and he knew it too. He spoke of you often and he was a changed man after he met you. We all noticed the change and it was quite a shock to us, I can tell you!” They both smiled as they remembered Joshua; shortly afterwards Sean left with a promise to visit again. Angelina was left with her thoughts.

That night she could not sleep, once again tormented by her dreams. Joshua was calling out to her once more, she could hear him but she could not see him or reach him and then there would be nothing. She woke up abruptly in a cold sweat, with her breathing slightly laboured. She sat up and reached for the glass of water sitting on her bedside table.

The same dream she'd had before Joshua went MIA; was it a coincidence? She wanted him alive so badly she was clinging to anything, no matter how far-fetched it seemed to everyone else, anything that presented her with a tiny bit of hope.

Chapter
Twenty Two

Angelina called her boss to inform him she would need more time. She simply was not ready to face work, regardless of the advice given to her by a few people who thought it may be good for her. Geoffrey was understanding and assured her that her position was not at risk and she could take all the time she needed. She was just about to leave for the lodge for a few days when her house phone started ringing and stopped her dead in her tracks. She contemplated ignoring it and then changed her mind, huffing as she picked up the phone.

“Hello, may I speak with Angelina Ferria please?” asked the caller in a rather official tone.

“
Angelina speaking, how may I help you?”

“
Miss Ferria, we have some news regarding your fiancé who went missing in action some time ago. Miss Ferria, are you still there?”

Angelina had to steady herself as she sat down on the bottom step of her stairs.
“Yes, I'm sorry please go on.”

“
Joshua is alive, Miss Ferria. He escaped capture by insurgents and was eventually picked up by infantry soldiers yesterday. He was immediately flown to a military hospital in the UK where he is currently being treated for severe injuries. Miss Ferria, that's all I can really tell you at this time. I don't know quite how to say this but Joshua has insisted on no visitors whatsoever for the time being.” The military official left details of the address where Joshua was being treated so she could write to him directly.

Angelina was happy and confused. Why didn't he want her to visit? This made no sense to her at all. She couldn't think of any good reason for his bizarre request. She called Lucy and abandoned all thoughts of heading to the lodge. After she advised Lucy of her fabulous news, she set about penning a letter to Joshua. There's clearly been some kind of mistake, she thought to herself. She googled the military hospital, wrote down the telephone number and then picked up the phone and dialled the number straight away.

She was not prepared for the response that she received. When asked to be put through to Joshua Allen, she was told he would speak to no one.

“
But I'm his fiancé, of course he will want to speak with me,” pleaded Angelina as she cried down the phone.

“
I'm so sorry, Miss Ferria, but we have to respect the wishes of our patients.”

Angelina sat in shock, still holding the phone to her ear long after the hospital had rung off. Eventually she placed the telephone back onto its receiver. She couldn't get her head around what was happening. This should be the happiest moment of her life, yet she was conflicted and confused and did not know where to turn. She headed out and posted her letter. She wanted Joshua to receive it as soon as possible. There must be a simple explanation for all this, there just has to be.

Lucy arrived at Angelina's cottage an hour later with Richard in tow. “Thank you both for coming, I need to make sense of all this. I just don't understand what's happening at all.” Angelina updated Richard and Lucy on what had happened when she called the hospital. They looked at her quizzically.

“
Look, why don't I try to call them and see if I can get through?” offered Richard.

“
Oh would you, Richard? That would be great, here's the number.”

They sat in silence as Richard punched the number into the phone. After a couple of minutes of pleading with the person on the other end, Richard rang off, crest-fallen.
“I'm sorry, Angelina, it appears Joshua is refusing to take any calls. He does not want to speak with anyone,” advised Richard sadly.

“
So what now? Is that it, after everything we've been through, we are expected to accept this? Well I can't, I want answers and I need to hear them from Joshua. I posted him a letter today. I will wait for a response and then I'm thinking of heading out to Birmingham. Apparently he is recovering in the QE MOD wing.” Lucy and Richard were stunned and at the same time full of respect for their determined friend.

“
Angelina, right now, for whatever reason, Joshua is refusing to speak or see anyone other than the people treating him. We have to respect his wishes. I'm not saying permanently but just for now at least. He's been through a traumatic time and needs some time to adjust, I'm guessing. Right now we have no idea what he's been through or how he was treated when captured. We have no idea as to the extent of his injuries right now either,” advised Richard.

“
Okay, okay, I hear what you're saying. I will give him some space for now, but if I don't get a response from my letter, well then I'm heading to Birmingham and no one will be able to stop me.”

Lucy and Richard left an hour later after a long discussion on the possibilities of Joshua's rather surprising wish not to take any calls. Angelina wanted to see him more than anything in the world, to hold him once more and see his face. She thought of every possible reason why he did not want to speak to her but none made any sense. She climbed into bed early and cried herself to sleep.

Angelina passed through the next ten days in a complete daze, her pain turning to anger as the time passed by slowly and she did not hear a word from Joshua. Then on the eleventh day, she received a response to her letter.

My dearest Angelina,

It's with a heavy heart that I write you this letter in response to yours. I could feel the pain in your words which makes this an even harder letter to write. Angelina, I need to find myself again, to rediscover who I am. This second tour has changed me beyond belief and I am not the man I was. It would be unfair of me to fill you with empty promises I'm unable to keep. You deserve to be happy, Angelina, without the complications of an emotionally crippled soldier holding you back.

I have requested no visitors and no telephone calls. Please, please respect my wishes; that's all I ask of you. You're a beautiful woman and deserve only the very best. I cannot deal with the demands of a relationship for my own reasons and need to concentrate on where I'm going and how I'm going to get there. I just know that right now it's a road I need to journey alone. You will always hold a very special place in my heart and I wish you nothing but happiness. You will find love again with someone more worthy than me.

Love Joshua x

Angelina could not believe what she was reading. Her tears built up as it began to register that Joshua no longer wanted to be with her. Reading the words in his own handwriting, she could no longer fool herself. She was so angry with him. He had no idea what she had been through, believing he was dead, contemplating her own death and almost following through with it. All that and for what? A Dear John letter. She screamed out loud until she could scream no more. She threw down the letter and then took off her heart pendant and ring and shoved them in a drawer.

Anger was good; at least she could function better with anger coursing through her veins. She decided to take a hold on her life once more. She called Geoffrey and informed him she would be back at work the following day. She no longer wanted to stay at home, wallowing over someone who had no interest in her anymore. She couldn't settle all day. She was like a cat on a hot tin roof, her behaviour erratic, doing anything and everything just to keep herself busy.

Angelina spring cleaned her cottage from top to bottom until it was gleaming. She finally caught up on her washing and ironing, which she had neglected over the weeks. When she finally settled down at the end of the day, she called Lucy. Within twenty minutes, Lucy was at her door.

“
Lucy, I just don't get it. I don't understand why he could throw us away like this as if we were nothing,” cried Angelina.

Lucy read the letter from Joshua before responding.
“Angelina, you have to let him go now. As your friend, I am not going to sugar coat anything for you. This letter is very clear. For reasons only Joshua will ever understand, he does not want to see Richard either. He's clearly struggling emotionally with what happened in Afghanistan, he lost some of his men out there and knowing how this affected him the first time around when he lost Jason, I would very much imagine he's not dealing with it all very well. He clearly needs space and time. You say he's in the QE in Birmingham, well, he couldn't be in a better place right now and I would imagine he may need to go to rehab as many soldiers do. If this is the case, he will be sent to Surrey for the QE deals with the medical side and Surrey deals with the rehabilitation of soldiers not coping very well, I believe.”