Break Me (The Summer Series) (17 page)

Twenty-One

The day they were to leave Gemma was
sitting on the back deck of her father’s home, waiting for the family to finish
getting ready to drive to the beach house. It was the first day of her
sibling’s summer vacation and the first time she would be back where all of her
hurt happened. It seemed like some kind of evil contradiction. Happy days and
sad days shouldn’t be one in the same. It just seemed wrong. Kate found Gemma
already up and approached her as she sipped from her mug of coffee in thought. She
reached out and handed Gemma one of her own. “You okay?” Kate whispered, taking
the rocking chair next to her.

“Have you ever seen such a beautiful sunrise?” Gemma
asked, worrying Kate with her lack of response to the question. Kate decided
not to interrupt and to let Gemma continue with whatever it was she needed to
get out. “I love how it goes from orange to purple to clear blue. It’s the most
amazing thing I’ve ever seen, actually.” She took a drink of her coffee and
then looked at the liquid inside, refusing to make eye contact with Kate. “That’s
how I feel, you know?” She wiped at a lone tear. “When he hurt me, I was that
orange section burning with pain and empty of anything but this desperate,
aching fire of . . . well, of suck.” She let out a weak chuckle. “And then this
whole last year I’ve been trying to fix me. I let go of my mom’s fears and
insecurities. I let go of some of my own. And yet do you see that line where
the orange meets the purple? Kind of like a bruise changing colors as it heals?”
She nodded her head in the direction of the sunrise and finally looked over at
Kate. “That’s me. All this time. All this work. I’m just now taking on the hint
of the first stage of healing. I thought I had made so much progress, but look
at me.” She turned to Kate then, tears starting to fall down her cheeks rapidly.
“When do I get to the blue? When does it stop hurting and get clear and
peaceful again? When do I stop burning and aching for him and start living
again? How did he make me love him so much in that little amount of time, and
then how could he do what he did so easily?”

Kate jumped to her feet and wrapped Gemma in a
hug. “I don’t know, sweetie. I can’t understand it because I saw how he looked
at you. Hell, it was so bad we could all almost
feel
how he felt about
you. But you
can
do this. We
will
get through this summer. And
you
will
have clear blue skies again. I promise.” Gemma just nodded into
Kate’s shoulder, trying to compose herself and fight her way back to the level
of okay she had been before this day.

~~~

Unlike any other year, the drive to
the beach could not have gone faster. Gemma felt as if she had crawled in the
van only to immediately be climbing out again. She knew for a fact everyone in
the car had spent the ride trying to distract her. Karen had questions about
her latest manuscript, her father had questions about whether or not she
planned to try writing while they were at the beach, and Gray had stories about
his end-of-year party. It was crazy to hear what her now sixteen-year-old
brother had been up to when she wasn’t paying attention again.

Kate, of course, did the best job by spending
the majority of the ride trying to convince Gemma to join her in a half
marathon early the next year. “Oh, come on, Gemma. Please? We’ll be living
together; we can train together every day. It’ll be perfect. I’ve always wanted
to do one.”

“Kate, my limit is, like, three miles.”

“Gemma, this is why we’ll train for the marathon.”
She looked at Gray as if Gemma were the dumbest person she had ever met.

“Ugh.” Gemma threw her head back. This had been
going on for at least twenty minutes; she was at her limit. “How do I let you
talk me into this crap?”

“Yay!” Kate yelled while Gray laughed behind
them.

In her turmoil, Gemma threw her head back and
looked to the side just as they were pulling into the driveway. She took a deep
breath and looked toward Kate for some sort of support. Her sister winked at
her and squeezed her thigh. “I can do it.” Gemma whispered.

“Yes, you can.”

“Thanks, Kate.” Gemma started to get out of the
car and then turned back to Kate. “Was that all a distraction or do I really
have to run a marathon?”

“It’s a half marathon, and I’ll see you outside
at oh-700, partner.”

“Poop.” Gemma laughed as she finished getting
out of the car. She was the first one to gather her things, so her dad handed
her the key and she made her way to the door to let everyone inside. As she
approached, she noticed something and froze a few paces from the door, fear
icing her veins. Kate and Gray walk up behind her and looked between the door
and Gemma in confusion. It was Karen who broke the silence. “What is that?” She
walked forward, and just as she was about to lift it off the ground, Gemma gained
her voice.

“No.” She walked forward and rested her hand on
Karen’s arm until she stepped away. “Don’t touch it. Just leave it there.” Gemma
knew that Kate had to recognize the loaf of bread, what it represented, and who
it represented. She had been the one to help him buy it last summer for Gemma’s
birthday dinner. But Gemma wouldn’t let him have another piece of her. Without
looking at it again, she unlocked the door and headed to her room.

Gemma volunteered to go to the store with Kate
and her mother to stock up the house with the food and necessities they hadn’t
wanted to worry about packing. They stopped by Dockside Coffee so she could see
Sarah on the way, but she didn’t stay long, just in case anyone thought to find
her there. After helping cook dinner, Gemma finally retreated to her room. She
started to unpack and was distracted looking out her window toward the beach. She
wanted nothing more than to be down there, reading or people watching. Instead
she had to worry if he would be there, or worse, Megan. What if they were
together now? What if he had taken her command to stay away and decided he
would move on? But then, why would he have left the bread? Gemma shook her head
and went back to work, setting up her room, making sure in the process she
locked her window to avoid temptation.

The next morning Kate’s alarm woke them for
their run. Gemma knew this would be her best time of day. There was no way in
hell any of their old friends would be up this early, and it was her chance to
be on the beach or just around town without any worry. Kate had decided that, to
celebrate the beginning of summer, they would go for coffee as soon as they
were done with the run, and Gemma hugged her immediately. “You really do get
me.” Gemma smiled.

“Yeah, yeah. Just get your butt ready. We’re
going four miles today. Gemma made a pouty face but headed for her dresser to
get her clothes.

They were rounding the final corner, heading
back to the house, when they saw Emily leaning against her car in their driveway.
Kate looked to Gemma as if to make sure this was okay. “We can take another lap
if you need?” Kate panted out.

“No.” Gemma started to slow her pace as they
got closer. “I need to do this. She isn’t the one who cheated. It’s time I let
go.”

“Sounds familiar.”

“Shut up.” Gemma smiled over at Kate.

When they were right in front of Emily, both
girls came to a stop and bent over their knees to catch their breath. When
Gemma had taken a bit longer than usual in that position and felt as if she
were fully composed, she stood up straight and looked at Emily, waiting for
what she had to say.

“How are you?”

“I’m okay. I’m better. You?” Gemma put her
hands on the back of her head to help her breathing.

“I’ve been better.” Emily pointed to the house.
“I’m glad you all came back. When you left so suddenly and wouldn’t talk to
anyone, I started to think I would never see you two again.”

“I just needed to get away. I needed some
time.”

“I know. If it had been me, I would have done
the same.” Emily fidgeted. “Are—are we okay?”

Gemma studied her for a minute, doing both a
heart and a little bit of a mental health check. She didn’t want to revert to
who she had been after last summer, and she knew it was time to move forward. “Yeah.”
Gemma nodded. “I just . . . I can’t see him. I know it’s silly, but I’m just
not over it yet. Seeing him, especially happy and with someone else, may be the
nail in the coffin.”

“Oh, Gemma.” Emily walked forward and hugged
her. “It isn’t like that at all. He—”

“Stop.” Gemma pulled back and made sure Emily
was looking her in the eye. “I don’t want to hear anything about him, okay?”

“Yeah.” Emily nodded. “Whatever you want.”

“So,” Kate interrupted, “anyone up for some
coffee?”

“Yeeeesssss.” Gemma dragged out the word. “I’m
dying for it.”

“Then let’s do this thing.” Kate clapped before
pulling Gemma and Emily behind her toward Emily’s car.

~~~

They sat at the coffee shop for hours,
catching up. It turned out the year hadn’t been kind to Emily and Ryan. They
were still together, but the distance had taken its toll. She was attending NC
State while he had stayed locally and had no plans to leave, ever. Emily had
struggled with knowing that wasn’t what she wanted but also knowing she didn’t
want to give him up. This summer would be their chance to figure out what the
plan was not only for their future as a couple but for their future as
individuals. It was their chance to figure out where their hearts were truly
being drawn. Gemma hated that her need for time had cut her off from a friend
going through something so difficult and was hit with guilt immediately. She
promised herself she would be stronger in the future, not only for her friends
but for herself. A guy couldn’t own her so completely, and no one ever would
again. She was sure of that.

When Emily dropped them back at the house, the
girls headed in to take showers. They felt disgusting after sitting in sweaty
clothes so long. Kate went first and Gemma waited in the room, deciding to open
her window and smell some of the beach air. When she lifted it, she looked down
and gasped in surprise. She had expected to see her chair and the wooden
planks, not a giant bouquet of tulips, her absolute favorite flower. She looked
around outside the window, trying to make sure Abe wasn’t anywhere around, and
picked up the arrangement before crawling back inside.

“Whoa, nice,” Kate said as she walked out of
the bathroom and noticed what was in Gemma’s hands. “Let me guess . . .”

“Please don’t.” Gemma set the flowers on the
dresser and grabbed her clothes, heading into the bathroom without looking
back.

Karen made the pasta that Gemma secretly, not
so secretly anymore, loved for dinner, and they all sat around and ate together.
It was strange for Gemma; she had been able to avoid almost every meal with
this family the summer before, and now it was just how things were done. She
hadn’t even realized it was happening, but she had started letting them in. Her
mother had even accepted things, telling Gemma to try to give her father a
chance. It had been long enough. Gemma was starting to suspect her mother had
met someone and was just scared to admit it. Gemma didn’t blame her. They
didn’t exactly have the best track record going between them. Zero for two
wasn’t something to brag about.

Her father didn’t hurry back to his loft after
dinner, instead asking the kids about their day. Gemma let Kate answer for her.
They had hung out at the coffee shop and then spent the rest of their time
hanging around the house. Gemma had been bored out of her mind, but the
alternative wasn’t an alternative at all. “You girls should go to the private
beach at least. I know you’re trying to avoid a certain person, but you know neither
he, nor anyone else, is allowed there unless you let them in. I don’t want you
to spend your summer cooped up. That’s my job.” He smiled at them and Gemma
nodded. She knew he was right. She needed to face things. She needed to leave
this house. She would die if she had to spend eight weeks just as she had spent
her first day.

Twenty-Two

The next day, as she was preparing
herself both physically and mentally to go to the beach for the first time of
the season, she looked out her window, almost to prove to herself there wasn’t
anything there. When she looked down, however, there was a very large bottle of
SPF-75 sunscreen. She tried not to but almost instantly started to laugh. She
hated how well he knew her—hated that he was clearly trying. It only led to
hope that he was still alone, hope that she couldn’t have because there was no
chance for them. Not now.

As Gemma and Kate made their way along the
beach a little later, she was enjoying the way the sand burned her feet and the
wind blew warm on her skin. In the distance, she saw someone whom she thought
looked like Trey and momentarily fought with herself. He was kind of like
Emily, a bystander, but not the guilty party. She should at least say hello to
him, but he was also the last one seen with Abe before he went off with Megan. Clearly,
he didn’t find it necessary to stop the two of them. Was he really someone
worth her time? Just as she was preparing herself for him to approach, he
finally noticed her, and she saw him do an awkward double take, before he
quickly turned and walked away.

“Well, that was strange.” Kate scoffed.

“Yeah, maybe he’s still struggling with missing
out on you last summer.” Gemma teased.

Kate inhaled, aghast. “You brat!” The girls
took off running, Kate trying to kick sand on Gemma from behind. When they
noticed Gray walking toward them in the distance, trying to show off some of
his newly acquired muscle a little too obviously, they both stopped what they
were doing and laughed. Before he was in earshot, Kate whispered to Gemma, “Do
you think he still has that thing for Emily?”

“Doubt it.” Gemma shrugged. “He’s got that girl
he’s seeing and Emily’s way too old anyway.”

“Damn,” Kate grumbled, “that was fun.”

“You’re terrible. Every time Ryan kissed her, I
swear Gray died a little inside.”

“He does have abs now.”

“Oh my God! Are you suggesting he has a
chance?” Gemma laughed.

“Who has a chance?” Gray asked as he met up to
them.

“Trey”—Gemma laughed—“with Kate.”

“You jerk!” Kate yelled and took off after
Gemma again.

~~~

Day four’s surprise was an iced
coffee she found before she showered after her run. This gift had one more detail
to it than the other gifts had had: a note.

I
miss you.–A.

That was all. She wondered if she should let
him know signing a note like that only made her want to watch
Pretty Little Liars.
She tried to tell herself she wasn’t softening and that it didn’t
matter, but there was no denying there was a cracking of the ice she had
surrounded her heart with for nearly a year. The girls decided that the day before
had worked out pretty well and would use that as their pattern for the typical
day. Their runs were getting longer already, so it was a little later before
they showed up at the beach. Gray had already made it ahead of them and had set
up their spot.

After applying her new sunscreen, Gemma lay
back and enjoyed the rays making the back of her eyelids glow. Distantly, she
heard yelling and laugher, and it only helped to relax her. All of a sudden,
she started to distinguish the laugher. It was a little too familiar. It didn’t
take long to know for sure that it was him, and he was close, too close. After
freezing for a solid fifteen seconds, she jumped into action. Kate realized
what was going on only moments later and was right behind her, throwing her
stuff together as well before trying to escape. Abe stutter stepped when he saw
her and stared for a moment, immobile.

He walked up slowly, but she felt every step as
a pounding throughout her body. Her back tensed as she waited for his first
words, but she remained where she was, facing her fear, Kate’s presence giving
her some much needed strength. “Gemma,” he almost whispered, and to her it felt
like a caress. She was pretty sure a shiver ran down her back but was too busy
trying to figure out an escape to think too hard on it. It had been so long
since she heard his voice she ached to see him. She hadn’t heard from him since
that last call, the one that should have won awards for the amount of damage it
did on shattering her heart.

She wanted this over with, she was ready to end
what would no doubt be the hardest thing she had ever had to endure, and she didn’t
want to prolong the moment any longer. She turned to him slowly and answered. Hadn’t
she told him there was nothing he could say or do? She wouldn’t be cheated on,
and she wouldn’t be left for a guy’s first girlfriend or some cheap lay. It was
all too familiar and she was out; she wasn’t going to be changing her mind. It had
been fun while it lasted, but it was time for him to lose her number and her
address. If he wouldn’t, she had no problem leaving again. At least that’s what
she told herself to say. Hearing her name on his lips and seeing the way he
looked at her right that moment only ignited desires that she had never fully been
able to quench as well as feelings she would never be able to extinguish.

“Please, Abe,” she pleaded. “Let’s not do this.”

“How can you say that, Gemma? You felt the way
I did, I know it.”

“The way you felt? Are you kidding me?” Her
voice rose, so Kate and Gray came a little closer, flanking her, showing her
support, and giving Abe a subtle warning.

“Gem, I have no idea what happened that night,
but there is no way I was in my right mind.” He pulled his hair in frustration
and looked her in the eye. “The way I love you, the way I
still
love you?
Gemma, this is crazy.”

“You have the oddest way of showing your
emotions,” Gemma sneered.

“Exactly! Gemma, a person doesn’t willingly
cheat when their heart feels like this, no matter how much they drink.”

“Well, apparently you’re walking proof that
isn’t the case.” She started to turn and walk away. She couldn’t handle any more
excuses, any more lies.

“Gem . . .”

“Don’t call me that, ever again.” She turned
and pleaded with him, “Go. Please.” She let the first sob free and started to
walk away because she couldn’t stand to be close to him for another second. She
took off in a sprint, desperate to get away from everyone. As soon as she
rounded the bend and was out of sight, she heaved a heartbreaking sob and collapsed
so she could cry the tears she thought she had dissipated long ago.

~*~

Trey

Trey watched as Abe’s shoulders fell
and he turned to walk somberly back to the group, a single tear streaking his
face. The jovial attitude of five minutes before was long gone. The group dropped
into a circle, surrounding him without words, and waited as Abe pulled himself
together, all the while staring out at the ocean. “What the hell am I supposed
to do?”

Emily reached out to Abe and held his hand as
Ryan rested a hand on his back. “Give her a little more time, man,” Ryan said.

“It isn’t time she needs.” Emily looked up into
Abe’s eyes regretfully. “There were some things that girl would have never
cared about. There were some she would have gotten over no matter what. But
this . . . This is one of those that she just can’t.” Abe shook his head and a
few more tears escaped. “I’m so sorry, Abe.” Emily cried along with him.

“I still don’t understand,” Ryan said. “How did
you let yourself get that wasted?”

“I told you I have no idea. I literally
remember two beers and two shots. You know I can handle a hell of a lot more
than that.”

“This all just stinks of Megan. She had to have
been feeding you drinks or something.”

“Either way, drunk or sober, I made the
decision to sleep with her. I lost everything. It’s over, man.” Abe lowered his
head and let a deep breath out. “I think I’m going to head home. I’ll see you
all at the party later.”

As he walked away, Trey, Emily, and Ryan
watched, all looking as devastated as Abe was. It had been a long year,
watching their friend lose his heart, his happiness, and his hope. No one in
the group had forgiven Megan for what happened. It was almost understood among
them that she had somehow taken advantage of Abe in an already shady situation.
She had finally given up her run for Abe during the holidays when he was home, and
once that happened, she must have realized that no one else in the group cared
if she was present either. She had shown up at a few parties, and she always made
sure her presence was known, but she had stepped out of their circle, and no
one seemed to mind that in the least.

~*~

Kate

When the girls got home, Gemma headed
to her room to relax without a second glance at her siblings. Kate told Gray
she was going to go make all of them snack, and he headed to the media room
without a backward glance.

When she was in the kitchen, Kate didn’t even
have to think about what she would be putting together. She started pulling out
and mixing the ingredients for peanut butter cookies and was sure to make it a
double batch. This was the greatest thing Kate ever learned about Gemma.
Knowing her weakness had benefited their relationship on so many levels. Every
time Kate pissed Gemma off she turned to these bad boys and their fights lasted,
at most, the amount of time it took to bake a batch.

Her father came down the stairs to the kitchen when
the smell of baking peanut butter made its way up to his writing area. “Uh, oh,
what did you do now?”

“Ha, ha.” She rolled her eyes. “Actually, it
was that douche of an ex-boyfriend. Cheating beach scum, ass hat.” Kate said
then flinched as she realized her current audience.

“Don’t feel bad, I know what he did, and I know
what I did. I also know what I had and have to make up for with not only her
but you as well.

“I know. It’s just you never cheated on us; you’ve
never cheated since us . . . I hope.”

He simply gave her a look that said not to push
his good graces.

“It’s just that for Gemma”—she shrugged and
started to push the fork into the cookies, making the crisscross pattern on
top—“it’s all she’s known. She was born into a home broken by infidelity. She
was raised by a mother who never let her forget that men do that, and then the
first one she allows herself to trust does it within a matter of weeks.” Her
father merely nodded his understanding and walked away, head down and defeated.