Break Me (The Summer Series) (16 page)

~*~

Kate

It took about a month of begging, but
Kate convinced Gemma to spend Christmas in North Carolina as opposed to going
home. Gemma had been doing a little better, at least when she was around Kate,
but she still wasn’t her old self. Kate knew Gemma had to let things go but was
worried, due to her history with their father and then her first time out the
gate with Abe, that she would just stop having hope. Kate knew Gemma had been
killing it at school. One of her recent short stories was even up for
publication. It was an annual contest, and usually the privilege went to a
junior or senior, but the story had been so well written the professors pushed
it through.

Gemma had been at the house for a few days and
had stuck to her routine, only replacing studying with reading. She and the
family had created a sort of ritual in that time. Kate would go for her morning
run, come home and drag Gemma out of bed and to breakfast where she barely
spoke. Then they would all do their own thing for a few hours until lunch. Gemma
and Kate would hang out after lunch, and Gray usually joined them. They would
all help set up and prepare dinner. Then they would all eat, and everyone would
watch TV, read, or just sit around the fire until they were tired enough for
bed. It was the most boring Christmas vacation on record.

Unable to take it another day, Kate went in to
Gemma’s room at 7:00 a.m. and flipped on the light. Gemma groaned and buried
herself under the covers. “Too early.”

“Nope.” Kate came and threw the covers off her.
“Put these on; you’re coming with me. I can’t do this anymore.”

“Do what?” Gemma whined as she sat up and
studied the sweat pants and hooded sweatshirt Kate had thrown at her.

“Watch you waste away. You are a beautiful,
talented, independent woman. We are not letting
he who shall not be named
take that away from you. So get up, put on the clothes, and meet me downstairs
in five, or your ass is getting an ice cold morning bath.” With that, Kate
turned on her heel and was out of sight.

~*~

Gemma

Gemma obeyed, only because she was
starting to get pretty miserable with herself as well. It was time to at least
try putting all of it behind her. She was thankful she had packed a sports bra
and dug that out before putting on the tight-fitting clothes Kate had brought
her. She put on the only tennis shoes she owned and laughed at how perfect
their condition was compared to Kate’s. She hurried down the stairs and rounded
the corner just in time to run into Kate walking out of the kitchen with a
glass of ice water.

“Good choice,” Kate said, putting the cup on
the entry table and motioning for Gemma to follow her.

Gemma’s eyes were locked on then cup. “Holy balls!
You were really going to do it.”

“Yep,” Kate said as she bent forward and
started to stretch. Gemma watched for a moment, shivering in the cold. “It’ll
warm up once you start moving. You better stretch.” Kate leaned to the side and
grabbed her ankle. Gemma started emulating her. After about ten minutes of
stretching, which Gemma knew was longer than usual for Kate, the girls walked
to the end of the driveway and then started a slow jog. Gemma felt it almost
immediately. She had run some in school—it was required—but she had not done
that in probably eight months. With every pound of her foot, she felt her
emotions breaking lose. The shift was in no way subtle, coming on almost
instantaneously and grabbing ahold of her in a way nothing had since she turned
herself off when they came home from the beach.

She started to gasp for breath as tears filled
her eyes. Her legs began to ache and then quiver in protest, but she couldn’t
make herself slow down. Kate looked over at her but saw the determination on
her face and said nothing, just continued to run beside her. Gemma let the
first sob escape and her footing faltered slightly. Still she ran on, wiping a
few escaped tears. When she let out a wheeze and then another sob, she started
to slow the pace she had built. When the next sob broke free, she allowed
herself to stop altogether and stood in the middle of the road, burying her
face in her hands.

“I’ve let him take me from myself.”

Kate ran her hand up and down Gemma’s back and
let her cry. “No one can do that.”

“Yes.” Gemma looked up at Kate, clearly
disappointed in herself. “I let him have me. I let him break me. Look at me. I’m
a shell right now. This is pathetic.”

“Gemma, you are going to be okay, I promise.”
Gemma appreciated that Kate didn’t lie and pretend Gemma was doing fine. It was
obvious she had lost herself for a while.

“I want to do this. I want to get in shape. I
want to find new hobbies. I want to discover who I am in college as I’m
supposed to.” The desperate look in Gemma’s eyes spoke volumes. It wasn’t about
getting skinny. It wasn’t about needing something to do; she already knew that
writing was her passion. It was about finding a way to be whole again, a way to
be okay with just herself and her words, and a way to live, really live,
without Abe or anyone else for that matter.

“Okay.” Kate squeezed her hand, “I’ll help you.
I promise.”

“Thank you for kicking my butt into gear.”
Gemma let out a weak laugh.

“Eh, it’s what sisters do.”

~~~

Gemma was serious when she said she
was ready for a lifestyle change. She not only adopted Kate’s morning runs but
she also started to take care of herself in other ways. For starters, she no
longer holed up in her room any time she wasn’t with Kate or in class. She even
went to a few parties with her roommate. There was still a void in her heart,
and no way in hell was she so much as looking at another guy, but at least she
was
living
again, or as close to it as was possible.

Gemma couldn’t believe it when she agreed to go
with Kate and her friends on spring break a few months later. All the girls
were nice enough; that wasn’t the issue. It was just so far out of her comfort
zone. That was probably exactly why she agreed if she really thought about it.
She still hadn’t let go of him. She still cried herself to sleep some nights. She
still ached for his touch. He still completely owned her heart. When she
arrived at her father’s house to load her things in the car that they would all
be driving to Florida, her father was sitting on the front steps, waiting on
her.

“Morning,” he said, bringing her a cup of
coffee.

“Thanks.” She took it awkwardly and shifted
from side to side, wondering where Kate was.

“I just wanted to tell you to have fun and be
safe.”

“Oh, thanks.” She avoided his eyes as she took
a sip of her coffee.

“Uh,” he said quickly as she started to step
around him. “I also wanted to say how happy I am to see you and Kate and Gray
getting along so well. I know for a long time you blamed them for my mistakes. I’m
glad you let them in.”

She cleared her throat and studied him for a
moment. “Yeah, sure.” With that, she did step around him and head in the house
to see where Kate and the others were.

~~~

The drive seemed to take forever. Riding
with six girls in an SUV was more than Gemma had ever experienced. Thankfully,
she had seniority and was able to sit in the front seat with Kate. She may have
killed one of them otherwise. The next scream she heard would be the last for
whoever let it loose. They pulled up to the beachside hotel they had rented a
few rooms in, and Gemma nearly fell out of the car in her haste to get away.
She started walking without a backwards glance, pulling her phone out to text
Kate that she just needed a minute and would be right back. As soon as she
heard the waves crashing in the distance, she let out a sigh of relief. The
water and the sand and the silence just felt like home to her. She walked
toward an open area on the beach, still needing space from people, and heaved
out her exasperation.

As she looked around, her heart ached at the
familiarity and felt renewed by her surroundings. She needed this. She needed a
break from life—on the beach, surrounded by the peace and comfort she craved—but
she needed it far, far away from the memories and possibility of seeing Abe.
She twisted her feet back and forth, burying them in the sand, and closed her
eyes, absorbing the feel and sound that surrounded her. For the first time in a
long time, her mind was able to relax. She was able to ignore her head’s
convictions and her heart’s ache and just melt into her surroundings. The peace
she felt was welcome. She felt the smile forming on her lips and wanted to hug
Kate for her genius.

She returned to the group soon after and felt
her peace leave quickly as she surrounded herself, again, with the chaos of
Kate’s friends. They spent the first evening at some bar with the worst food
she had ever eaten. Gemma didn’t have a fake ID, so she was the designated
sucker to make sure they all made it home alive. It wasn’t all bad. She did get
to watch one of Kate’s friends fall off the bar. It felt like retribution for
the hour-long discussion she’d had to endure on the way down about her
boyfriend’s motives in taking her to dinner at Angelo’s instead of The Grill.

Kate woke up early the next morning and ran
with Gemma, admitting she hadn’t had that many drinks since she wasn’t here to
hook up. She fessed up to Gemma that she just wanted a little break. Gemma
resisted the urge to ask how much of that had to do with Simon. She had tried
to forget about a lot of things from the prior summer, but the memory of how
happy her sister seemed with him and the thought that she had left so abruptly still
bothered her. The night before Gemma’s world had imploded something had shifted
for Simon and Kate. Gemma still felt guilt over their abrupt departure and what
was left unsaid for Kate.

By the third night of their trip, the appeal of
the getaway and even the beach was lost to Gemma. A packed beach with people
looking for any chance to hook up all while wasted just wasn’t her thing. Too
many bad memories revolved around that very scene. She asked Kate if they could
just have a boring dinner in a boring restaurant that night and Kate readily
agreed. Apparently, she was hitting her limit with the four bimbos of the
apocalypse. As they sat and talked, a couple of guys were making their interest
obvious. When they offered to take the girls to a local bar that was spring
breaker free, the girls excitedly agreed—Kate because it would finally be a fun
night and Gemma because the thought of going back to the room to watch the
History Channel just depressed her far too much.

The bar happened to be a karaoke bar that was
pretty lenient on its serving policies. The girls sat at a table with the guys,
drinking beers and laughing as contestant after contestant failed to hit the
mark. The guy who had chosen to pair off with Gemma wasn’t terrible looking. He
was average height with dark hair and hazel eyes. He had a couple of adorable dimples
in his cheeks, which seemed to draw her eye more than she expected they would. He
wasn’t Abe, but maybe it was time she tried to see someone else besides him
when she thought about her future. Kate leaned over and said she was going to
go for a walk with her bachelor but for the sake of safety they would remain
right in front of the bar on the beach.

Gemma leaned over and asked if Bryan would like
to do the same. He smiled at her while nodding his agreement, and after he paid
everyone’s tab, they walked out and made their way the opposite direction down
the beach. When they were far enough away that Gemma could make out the shape
of Kate but couldn’t see any specifics, she pulled him to a stop and made him
face her. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“What was it that drew you and your friend to
our table?”

“Aside from the fact that you’re both
beautiful?”

She laughed. “Yes, aside from that.”

“I guess you just seemed as if you wouldn’t be
a waste of time. You didn’t seem like the rest of them.”

She stepped forward and put her hand behind his
head, pulling him toward her mouth. He placed his hand on the small of her back
and pulled her flush to him and gently placed his lips on hers. The kiss gained
speed quickly, and before she knew it, his hand was on her bare stomach,
working its way higher.

Twenty

That small and simple movement snapped
her back to reality, and she jerked away, putting her hand to her lips. “I’m
sorry,” she said as tears filled her eyes.

“What happened?” He started to step towards her,
and she took another step away.

“I just can’t. I’m so sorry.” She turned then
and ran toward their rooms, hoping Kate noticed her leaving and didn’t worry. It
was as if, with that kiss, the reality she had been avoiding finally came to
light. Yes, she could move on with life and even find some form of happiness. No,
she wasn’t completely broken by what happened. And, yes, she was so much better
than what Abe had done to her. However, she still did and always would love him.
For her, that once-in-a-lifetime love had happened and she was oddly thankful
for it, but now she would forever have to live without what she had only been
able to enjoy for such a short period of time.

The rest of the week was pretty mellow. Gemma
gave up pretenses and just did her own thing. She found a cute little coffee
shop that reminded her of Sarah’s Dockside, so like most days for her when she
was at the beach, she made herself at home there and caught up on some reading
and writing she had been putting off. When they finally drove home, everyone
was so tired there was a lot more sleeping and a lot less talking, thankfully.

When Gemma decided to accept that she would be
alone but could still be happy, it completely changed her outlook. It lifted a
weight off her shoulders while leaving her perpetually sad, less sad than
before but sad nonetheless. She wasn’t content, but she wasn’t miserable. She
just . . .
was
. Kate hated to see it, so she was constantly trying to
distract Gemma and come up with things for them to do and places for them to go.
By the end of the school year, when they weren’t both studying, they were
searching for an apartment and the things they would need to fill it. Kate had officially
been granted permission to live off campus since it would be with her sister,
and this was actually something that lifted Gemma’s spirits.

And then, before either of them knew it, it was
that time again. They had talked about how they were going to handle things on
the beach a few times over the past few months. There was no way it was
possible for them to avoid everyone all summer. Emerald Isle was just too small,
and after both of their affairs with the local eye candy the summer before,
they were just too noticeable. One thing had changed over the previous year:
along with Gemma’s acceptance of her future was the confidence she now had. It
wasn’t as if she’d had some crazy or cheesy makeover montage like one would see
in a movie. It was just that with her workouts came a little more pride. With
her acceptance of what had happened and who she was destined to be came a few
more smiles. And with the success she had in her writing over the school year
came assurance that she at least had her future career figured out.

She moved out of her dorm room a week before
they left for the beach. The kids were still in school, which meant she spent
her day with Karen and her father. Awkward was an understatement. Over the past
year of seeing each other almost weekly, she had been able to make herself talk
to them in small spurts, but she was nowhere near ready to spend all day everyday
with them. Gemma would eat breakfast with Kate before she left for school and
then head to her room to spend some time writing. Then, when it was time for
lunch, she typically sat at the table with her father and Karen as they tried
to force conversation. She never wanted to admit how much they were growing on
her, and being with them like this made it even more difficult. The fact of the
matter was that they had been selfish and left her to figure life out while
they moved on with their happily ever after.

Karen made peanut butter cookies or had Reese’s
in the house at all times. Gemma wasn’t clueless. She knew that they’d figured
out her weakness for peanut butter. She just tried to keep from getting caught
enjoying them.

Kate was a senior, so her day ended at 1:30
p.m. That was when they were taking their runs these days. It was beautiful
outside, and Gemma couldn’t believe that she was starting to get a few tan
lines for the first time in her life. Kate teased her mercilessly about it.

A day before they left for the beach, Kate
dragged her to the hair salon and had them clean up her cut. She also bought
her a few new eye shadows and liners. Gemma knew what she was trying to do, but
she wasn’t an eat-your-heart-out kind of girl. She was also a broke college student,
so she took the free stuff and smiled about it. Kate was excited to go back,
most likely hoping things with Simon could pick back up, and Gemma had no
intention of standing in her way, even though the thought of Kate being able to
pick up where she left off last summer put Gemma in a funk she hadn’t been in
for a couple of months.

Kate swore she would have nothing to do with Simon
when Gemma asked her what her plans were with him. Kate must have thought she
hid the look of yearning when his name was mentioned. Gemma fought with herself
over them. She didn’t want to see her sister hurt as she had been already. She
didn’t want Kate to have to eventually face the reality of what she lost with
Simon when she was clearly working very hard to hide what she already felt,
even after nine months apart. But what if? What if Kate was the lucky one like
Karen? How could she possibly step in when Kate claimed to have it all under
control and Gemma would just be projecting her insecurities onto her sister?

“If you want to see him, you’re allowed to,
Kate. He isn’t the one who cheated.”

“And I’m not the one who was cheated on, but I
hate Abe just the same.” Kate raised a brow at Gemma in challenge. “Just let me
have my high ground, and you worry about keeping that tan going when we get to
Emerald Isle.”

“Maintain skin cancer. Ignore Kate’s love life.
I think I’ve got it.”

“Good.” Kate turned around quickly. “Wait, are
you sure you have it? I can write it down. I know you struggle.”

“Shut up!” Gemma laughed as she left the room
to finish packing.