Blind Dating: (9 page)

I thought getting it on was a vital piece of our survival, and to date, I cannot even do that.  Every time we go on a date, I am so drunk, I just about make it home, or he just about makes it home.  It is starting to scare me.  One time, I said I would not even touch wine.  He gave me two shots of whiskey, OK they were his home shots, which were 10 times the size of what you would get in a bar, and I was gone.  So much so, that I think I am turning into an alcoholic, and I am more sex deprived then I was when we started dating.

At least, when we were dating I was just dreaming and fantasying about it, knowing it was a long shot off.  Now, I am sitting there preparing for it, going to the sex shop, getting games, chocolates’, and so much more.  I may as well play them by myself.  At least I will remember what happens the next day, and it will be money well spent.

One night, I did try playing them with him.  Megan found a nurse outfit on one of her big teddy bears, and chocolate all over her dolls, the next afternoon.  I do not even remember the whole event, and all I could think was – that was 100 dollars down the tube!

You guessed it was smashed again.  The problem is everyone loves him, I am starting to fall for him, but then the other night, I was wondering was I falling for him or was I falling for whiskey, because now I have stopped drinking wine.  I am starting to just go straight for the hard stuff.  It goes down quicker and does not give me a headache the next day.

Then, I think if I was addicted then I would want to be having it during the day.  But, I only want to have it when he is around.  More to the point, he is the one that always instigates it.  For example, when we went on the hot air balloon ride, I was nervous.  There he was with gin in a flask.  Before, I knew it I was up in the air redecorating the whole of the city, vomiting.  Then, when we landed, actually I do not remember landing.  I just remember coming home to discover, that Hannah’s teddies were covered in chocolate.  Trying the sex games again! Think that was the last time after that night, I went to that shop, I gave up.

Especially when the shop keeper, made a comment, about I am really getting some.  They had never seen me before now, they are seeing me all the time, and I have more make-up and wearing some sexy clothes, and boy have I lost weight!  They said her man must be good, damn good.  He knows how to treat a woman and make her come back for more.

I looked round the shop, I needed to meet this woman and find out her secret. I obviously did not have a clue.  I needed to find a way, to make him notice me, so that we could get it on and in.  Until I realised, I was the only one in the shop and they were talking about me.  I put back all my items and left laughing all the way down the street, and cackling when I reached the front door!

I was not sure what I was laughing more about, the fact that they thought I was getting it on, or the fact I was not getting it on, but everyone else saw it that way,  I had to ask others, because if simply shop assistants thought that who had only seen me a few times what were others saying.

Christine, do you think I and prom King are getting down and nasty all the time?

She replies, course, we all do.  You dress differently, you lost more weight,
you do your hair even more regularly then before you started going out even more regularly.

I cannot say
anything; I just put the phone down laughing.

I am on my bed screaming.

How naïve have I been? I appear this way to the outside world, but in the real world it was a totally different story, far from it.

I am going to cancel our date.  One weekend of not drinking will do my body the world of good.  I need to detox for at least one week.  Maybe I need to permanently detox.  He seems to think he is still in High School and I am on a totally different level.  These last few weeks, I have explored things and done things I have never done before.  The problem is I never remember them the next day, or exactly what it is I have done.

Therefore, is that classed as a relationship worth having or on a slippery dangerous slope?  I am in a better position in life, to understand the difference between the two, and maybe because I am old.  Too old to play games and pretend, just straight to the point, and I know the score; will give him a few more weeks, but I can see and feel where it is heading.

I sit down with full concentration as I log on.  Lonelysingle is on there, he really is an interesting guy.  This is the thing with chat rooms; you have no choice but to talk.  You do not have the distraction of dinner or drinking or anyone or anything else, it is just the two of you talking.

He likes to go to the opera, listen to music, different types of music.  Go to concerts mainly classical music, and jazz concerts.  Therefore, I feel that we are in two different worlds, but I like the idea that he has hobbies and other interests outside of work.

I cannot figure out exactly what he does for work.  He says it is nothing of interest and he spends all day talking about work and off work when he is there therefore, the last thing he wants to do when he leaves is discuss work.  He feels because of work this is why he is where he is today, and he resents it to a certain degree.

He has a group of friends that he went to College with in USC.  There was a time, he thought that he would settle there, he loved being near the beach and the sun.  Then, he got tired of not being at home, and said he has never regretted it, because there is nothing quite like home.  Also, he was getting fed up of those California girls; I asked him what that meant, he said, that he would tell me once he meets me.

He has never been married, but he nearly was, she died in a horrific car accident, the day after he proposed.  Actually, the second one he had proposed to die too, after that day, he decided that he should not propose again, to stop women losing their lives!

He can laugh about it now, but at the time, it was like he was getting paranoid, after the second time his Mom said, do not propose again, I think it is just safer.

He laughed what else could he do!

I observe and I thought, I had problems, and he is like you do – you should have married, John.

How many times, have I heard this!

Last week, was my birthday, and after we both discovered we
both lived in Seattle there was a hint of meeting up for birthday celebrations, but I am not sure I am ready for that.  Mainly because I am unsure about Prom King.  Also, I like the fact that I do not know LonelySingle, once we meet then things may change, not sure I want them to.  Also, not sure I can meet someone that knows absolutely everything about me. 

Even down to the fact I had a threesome in college!  That is the problem is I did not even go to college, but everyone that was in the threesome did!

I did enjoy his company.  It meant no drinking, just straight conversation.  Also, it meant, I did not necessarily have to be me.  I did try talking dirty to him once; he totally changed the conversation claiming that he really did not know how to do such things especially with a complete stranger.  I was totally embarrassed until one day I got a message, do not be embarrassed by what happened the other day, I quite liked it. I just did not feel comfortable with it, but I think I could give it a go.

So, the next day he gave it a go and all I could think about was, please stop, until eventually, I wrote down please stop.  It was too painful.  He was writing things like-

Guess
what I want to do to you tonight.

I replied, what?

He said; throw you on the ground harder than hard.

I questioned, what does that mean.

He replied, it means, I want to grab you and put you on the ground.

I questioned, so you are going to hurt me.

He replies, course, hurt you and turn you.

Now he was just being silly, or so I thought. I questioned
, if he was hard.

He said
, no he had loads of money.

And I laughed, saying, no I want to make you hard.

That was enough for him to sign off – did not speak to him for days.  He is very shy, I can tell.  I like that factor, confident at work, but not in the bedroom.

The kids told Mom about me and the Internet, and spending a lot of time on there, also they
raised suspicions that I have met someone on there.  Mom nearly had a heart attack.  Was it someone on that Facelook?  It is dangerous you know, then she on a tantrum about someone who met someone on the Internet and they were either raped, or killed.  What she fails to point out, I am not saying the people deserve it.  I just feel that these people let that person in to their world too quickly.  Also, that happens to people who do not meet their partner over the Internet.  Whenever I point that out, it is always the same.  The only reason for that is because they got their ideas on the Internet.

Internet is evil

Facelook is bad

Let’s to go back to the old days

I highlight to her that there are certain places in America that still operate like the good old days like the Ramesh, but she never feel safe with that knowledge.  She turns around and asks where in America, do they still live like that and we should look it up on the Internet.

You can never win with my Mom.

There are other people who have a different type of story.  I highlight this to her always, look at Bill Gates and his wife.  Essence Atkins met her husband on Match.com.  No one is shy of online dating these days, and this is how I tell my family over dinner. I joined a Dating Chat site a few months ago.

Pa, says what is that? What she talking about Mom?

Mom nearly has a
heart attack-she cannot speak.  The whole thing was worth it.

I continue to say,
A lot of famous people have tried online dating I go on to say Halle Berry, Kimberly Rivers, Amy Winehouse, Rolando Bloom and Rivers Cuomo.

Mom says
, you are justifying your usage of these sites, to drug addicts, alcoholics, and compulsive divorcees.

Oh in that case, yes it is a good thing to do!

Seriously Pa, this is all from your side of the family, first the divorce, now this!

This was the first time, I felt so ashamed.  Everyone sat there in amazement at this discovery, that my Mom was actually ashamed of me.  I never knew.  You made me feel small at times and criticised me.  Then again, you are only a Mom if you do this.

But, this was totally different from that.

I excused myself form the table and I just left.  No one spoke.  No one knew what to say, everyone felt for me, but I am the only one who knew what that felt like.

Tomorrow night will be the girl’s time of their lives, they are looking forward to it, and so am I.  Megan opted for a soft pink dress, with a puff at the bottom.  Not too revealing, but subtle enough for her to look like an absolute superstar in it.  Hannah on the other hand went all out and opted for Gold.  She says she feels like a star and cannot think of any other colour to wear which will orchestrate that.

The work situation has not changed.  Derek, may not be the perfect boss, I thought he was, and he seems to get on well with everyone but me these days.  Our relationship is strained, and I am unclear why it has to be that way.  He no longer requires that I take notes or minutes he requests that Keith does it.

Which in a way is good?  The whole ordeal has got me thinking about my position in life, and has drawn me to one conclusion.  I want more.  I have been considering teaching.  I think tonight when I come back from the Prom; I will look into it in more detail.

Everyone says I should do, more importantly; I think and feel I should do.  I have not even told Mom about my plans.  Cannot our relationship is strained; everyone hopes that going on this trip will make a difference our relationship will change.

We will see what else we can do.  Teaching is starting to appeal to me.  I love being with kids and surrounded by them and I help with their homework at times.  Neighbours have sent their kids round to be tutored.  So, I am thinking down that avenue, and will see where that takes me. 

I do not think I could teach children my kid’s age, so we are looking at younger children maybe 5, 6. Middle school age.  I think I would be able to relate more to that age group.  I am getting excited just thinking about the whole ordeal.  There is only one major problem, how much will it cost me to do it.