Blind Dating: (6 page)

Now, the kids are older, those days have gone.

He replies – I know what you mean?

I question – Do you have kids?

He says – Yes, but she lives in Italy with her mother.

I question – Do you go there often?

He said – No, I was getting married, and my future wife, made it very clear, that she did not want to me going there. 

I question – So what happened with the future wife?

He replied
- She died

I reply – Oh
, so did you get in contact with your daughter.

He replies – In all honesty, I was always torn.  At the end of the day, what kind of woman stops you seeing your own
child.  Is she worth marrying, the simple answer was no.  Then, we found out about her disease and then I could not leave her, loved her too much and nursed her to her last days.

Just then it dawns on me.  We have been in the coffee shop a long time, and I was nearly late when I entered. 
Therefore, I do not even need to look at the time,   I tell him, I need go to.

He replies – You are late and
I just killed the conversation, I am good that at the best of times, just make sure you call me to do a speech at your wedding.  I can cut down on the numbers, by being the first to speak.

We laugh, and on that note, I run out of the door to work.

Sitting at my desk now, drifting off, thinking about the fact that I think my life is bad.  But compared to his you can tell, Rodney still loves his fiance and is never going to see her again.  Wonder how long ago it was? Either way, it seems like it was not long ago, because it still bothers him.  Then, I recall the letter I received yesterday.  It is still in my bag, I wonder what it is.  I open it up to discover it is my High School Reunion dance in 3 months time.

Should I go? I start to question.

Course, nothing to lose, and cannot remember the last time I went out and had a good dance and a good time.  I start to think too hard, because now my head is hurting at just remembering it.  The last few months, I have been looking good and feeling good about myself.  Also, it is a good reason to get a new outfit, therefore, every reason to go and none to come out with excuses.

High school, hmmm, the best years of my life.

I was high school prom queen
the last time, I went for a prom.  Wow, Kimberly, you think about the good things all the time.  Do you not remember what really happened that night?  You were supposed to be Prom Queen but that bitch, Melissa.  She locked me in the cupboard, and told him, my High School King that she saw me kissing Jamie in the hallway.

He
believed her, and was crowned High School King with her as Queen.   I stayed in that cupboard all night long.  My parents thought I scored, they wanted me to relive the night they did with pure pleasure!

I remember the next day at school when the garniture, opened the door.  His first words were – was there alcohol at the prom? And why did you lock yourself in the cupboard?

How does someone lock themselves in the cupboard?

OK, so the Prom was not all that, and I do not remember or know what actually happened that night.  This means that I should be making up for it this weekend! Wait this letter did not come yesterday, it came 2 months ago, so which letter came yesterday.

I need to start paying attention more often.
  I never get anything through the post it is just bills or Tom contesting his alimony.  I think if they are happy together then why does he always have to keep giving me grief once in a while.  Or is this simple joy of being an ex-  that makes them want to do this.

You hear some stories but until it happens to you, you do not think it is true.  Like the one who decided he wanted to leave, so leave.  He leaves then complains that for the 5 years of their marriage he worked, and for 2 years she was at home.  Having their children, I may add, so they should split the proceeds 80/20.  When the judge said no, he ran off.  He emptied their accounts took what he could and never saw his wife or children again.

Just to avoid paying alimony.  Was it worth it?

I suppose, because I never had to pay it, I would never think about the extremes men or women would go to avoid it.

Just felt bizzare to me.

They are your children too, so that sense of responsibility goes when you split up.  Or it was never there and you just kept it up for appearances, in order not to be classed
the a* hole you really are?

Who knows?

I have a son, but to comprehend or even try to second guess, what goes through
a mans mind, I would never try to do.  Look at Pa, most of the time, I think the only thing that goes through his mind is toileting and eating.  Because, they are the only two things, he is passionate about when he is speaking to you.  The rest of the time he is complaining or just ignores you.

I never tell the kids the true story of what happened that night at Prom.  I tell them the version about when I was crowned, so they think I loved school so they will love school.  If I told them especially Eric, he would never go back to school, and it is hard enough as it is, to get him to go now.  Let’s keep it the good old version, it should have been if it was not for the b-i-t-c-h, that ruined the night.

I do not tell him I was bullied, otherwise he would say it is some family curse, we were all bullied.  Even though the girls are love in their school.  Then again it is private.  I sent them to private school because they were so bright, they aced their tests and got in on a scholarship, otherwise I would have sent Eric too.  He realises this, that the only reason he does not go is because it is not free for him and he appreciates that.  He is a good boy and this is the reason I do not know why he is bullied.

Kimberly, can you come in here, Derek calls?

Sorry, my mind was somewhere else?

I can see, he replies

I draft up my notes.  I hear his feedback and actions.  All I can think about is this weekend, and then where I am going to buy something to wear.  I saw a new boutique down
5
th
Avenue
.  They had some lovely dresses; I think I will buy a red one.  I do not know what it is about red but I always look hot.  Yes, red it is.

Derek
is now standing over me, saying can you hear me?

I stop in my tracks and recollect where we were, Sorry, I was just thinking about something else.  My mind drifted

I have really lost the plot.

He asks - is this about what happened the last time you were in my office? It is like you are avoiding me these days.  You seem to spend more time working from home, or you are calling in sick.

I reply, do you have a problem with my work? I am thinking, yes so that I can spend more time on the Internet, otherwise, the kids pester me all the time, and then want to know what I am doing.  They did not realise I knew what the Internet was for, now I am using it all the time.  Because, in my day, it was never invented.

You know, I do not and you never answered the question?

I am done here then.

He seems upset by my responses, as I leave.  I tell him the truth.  For years, I have enjoyed working here, working with you because I am your Assistant and you respect me, and praise me for my work.  This allows me to feel that in my pathetic world, I am good at one thing.  You want to cross over this line; you want to be my friend.  I do not want that, because the moment you do that, I am not doing a good job, because I have done a good job.  You will no longer be able to criticise me, because I will now be your friend.  Therefore, there is no plausible reason for us to be friends.

With that statement I closed the door.

After I closed the door, Derek finally understood.  All this time, he was being sensitive about the change in our relationship.  When in fact their relationship has never changed. I think this was the part he wanted to change, and I clearly did not.

I did the strangest thing when I went home. I went on the Internet back on the ICQ site.
)
I had forgotten that the children were not at home for a few days, they said they wanted to go to Home B, because they had not been there in a while, and Auntie Christine seemed very stress.  They thought that nothing could make her feel happier then waking up and seeing her favourite nieces and nephews.

Christine admitted that they were right.

She asked Jennifer if her daughter, Erin could come over too, she was a bit younger, but seeing as Christine was practically at home for the next 4 weeks and we all lived in close proximity, it seemed and felt like a good idea. 

Furthermore it gave Jennifer and Ryan time to be spent together.
It looked like they needed that time together, because before, we knew it they were driving down to Miami, to spend some much rested time together.  Said they needed it, no one questioned what that meant, we all knew that being married was not easy, and there were good and bad days.

Christine
told me she was getting nervous about her job.  They were trying to step up the mark, and they were bringing in new recruits.  She was in her early 40’s but felt old compared to some of the children, as she liked to call them. That they were bringing in.

One of them looks like they should still be in High School!

The other one looks like they just came out of
Kindergarten.

Then she would confess.  They have new bright ideas.  At times, I do not think I can compete, I mean who can compete with them.  I have not studied since I left college or even been on a training course of any value.  I think I need to step up the mark.

I think I have just got comfortable, we all do it.  We think we are good, we think we are indispensable, and then something happens, actually something like this and makes us realise,
that actually we are not that good.

We can be replaced, and it hurts, it hurts so much especially when you are woman, because no matter how much you want to fit in the game, we as women always have to work that much harder to get  respect.  Especially in Senior Management, because as much as they say we are equal we are not.

I never get asked to come on the youth, it is always like Kevin are you free to come on my yacht this weekend, then as an afterthought, it is like sure, Christine you too.  We cannot change the boy’s game.  We have been to court for our rights, but it never changes their minds.  As much as it saddens me to say it.  I knew this and I stayed in the game thinking I was so good, at having got so far in it.  I was just kidding myself.  I need some time to retrain my body, mind and soul.  Like you have done, which is why you are looking so hot these days.

The worst time, was when one of the bosses, said you are still single, so that is the best way to get ahead, and I agreed.  It was only when we ended the conversation, I thought; Wait, would he ever have this conversation with a man in the office.  I came to the conclusion, he would not.  I did not do my usual interview to find out, because I already knew the answer.  Also, if I did, they would just think typical woman – always fishing to start up some case!

So, she signed up for a few training courses, and took some well-deserved time off work.  She was home at a decent hour, and the kids would be there waiting for her. Spoiling her and making her feel loved.  Just what auntie needed?

Yesterday, I left work early; I wanted everything to be perfect for tonight, the High School Reunion.  Even though, I am going alone, the idea of actually getting dressed for a special occasion which did not even the family or kids excited me.

I did not want to do my usual running around on Saturday morning, between little league, volleyball and gym.  Then, the shopping and cleaning.  So, by the time, I get ready to go out, I am exhausted and most of the time, I decide I will not go.

I think the kids are more excited about the reunion then I am.  They are always proudly telling me Mom, you were Prom Queen.  I always leave out the part about me being locked in the cupboard.  They ask for photos and I simply tell them they were destroyed in the fire.

I did all the shopping, cleaning and cooking on Friday.  So, that Saturday after rushing with the kids, I could chill in the afternoon and take my time to get ready.  And it worked.  I opened a bottle of wine invited
Christine and we sat there talking about High School and catching up.