Zoo (9 page)

I don’t care that Janice, Greg, or Kale can
see me. I don’t care that the public can see me, even though I
could get into trouble for allowing them to see my strained
emotions in their ridiculous amusement park. I am lost in my own
dark world and they don’t exist here.

A shadow falls over me, darkening the inside
of my eyelids even more. I refuse to open my eyes to find out what
it is. I want to keep crying.

The shadow stays for as long as I am awake.
Eventually, I fall asleep from exhaustion.

YUCK!

It doesn’t take long for Janice and Greg to
consummate their new relationship. Since the second he arrived,
they haven’t left each other’s side. And when they decide to become
intimate with each other, it just so happens to be right next door
to me. I’m happy for her, but this is too much.

It started off with
Janice’s girlie giggles. Then, there was some heavy breathing, and
now I’m lying here listening to muffled moans.
Gross!
I can’t listen to this any
longer. This dirt floor is just as good as any other,
right?

I grab my scratchy, cotton blanket and
quietly crawl out of my tiny hut, where I immediately stumble over
Kale’s sleeping body. I fall on top of him, which startles him
awake. My face lands on the ground inches from his face, and my
body is awkwardly sprawled across his. He stares at me and smiles.
“Hi,” he says.

I scramble off of him as quickly as possible
and trip again on one of his legs. My butt hits the ground hard.
“Kale! What are you doing right outside my hut?” I kick at his
stupid leg.

I dislike him again for not being James, and
I am reminded about my theory that he’s trying to charm me so he
won’t be sent away. He knows what’s at stake. So what is that cocky
smile really about? Our moment of shared torture yesterday is over
now.

“
Sorry. Your huts are
hidden and next to the fire. I didn’t want to sleep out in the open
next to the glass. I’ve been sleeping here since I got here. You
never said anything before,” he answers honestly.

He stands and offers his hand to me. I swat
it away. “I didn’t know you were sleeping here,” I huff. He was so
close to me all this time. I’m not sure how I feel about that.
“Doesn’t matter. You know what? You can have it. My hut. I can’t
sleep here with that going on.” I point to Janice’s hut while
pushing myself up off the ground.

“
I can’t take it, it’s
yours,” he says.

“
Not anymore. Really, take
it.” I snatch my blanket off the ground and push my way through the
thick ferns, searching for a new place to call home. I decide
against the waterfall area before I set off, because I figure if I
had to listen to it all night, I’d probably have to get up and pee
every two seconds. So, off I go in the middle of the night, toward
the front of the enclosure.

I burst out of the jungle into the open
space and realize that I don’t really want to sleep next to the
glass either. I also don’t want to sleep next to the latrines or
the cow. Where am I going to go?

I finally settle for curling up at the base
of the apple tree. It’s the only place that will block me from a
direct line of sight to the public, though not well. The ground
here is knotty from the roots. There’s a shallow dip between two of
them, and I seem to fit comfortably in the hollow.

As I lie there, I can hear laughter—joyful
laughter of men and women. It’s coming from somewhere beyond our
enclosure. I hadn’t heard it when I was in my hut. Odd. I peek
around the trunk of the tree and look into the night for its
source. Through the window of James’ home, I see four shadowed
people sitting around a table, their images flicker by
candlelight.

Four people. Not three.

JAMES HAS RETURNED!

He’s finally back! It feels like it’s been
an eternity. I can’t imagine what could have kept him away for so
long. I’m excited and jealous at the same time. I’m envious of the
girls that he will now be sharing his enclosure with. I don’t want
him laughing with them or getting to know them in a way he can’t
get to know me. It’s ridiculous to be jealous over someone I’ve
never met, but I’ve enjoyed our conversations. I don’t want it to
end.

I watch them through the building’s dimly
lit window, even though I can’t see much. I watch until someone
blows the candles out for the night. No one leaves the building to
go to the other wooden structure. They are all sleeping under the
same roof tonight. I don’t want to think about who will be sleeping
where.

Suddenly, the hollow between the tree roots
isn’t so comfortable, and I feel agitated just like I did before I
came to lie in it. James was the one good thing about this place,
and now I feel like I’ve lost him. Although, he was never really
mine to begin with.

The night seems to take forever to pass.
I’ve barely slept as I have been anxiously waiting for the sun to
rise so I can meet James at the glass wall to talk. He probably
won’t even meet me, since he’s got a gorgeous brunette waiting to
be impregnated by him.

I uncurl myself and climb out of the hole
that I sought refuge in for the night. My body is sore and rigid,
so I stretch before going to the waterfall to fill my pouch. First
I reach my arms up high, and then I twist side-to-side. I notice
that the sky is clear today like most days, and I admire it for the
briefest moment. When I’m done stretching, I sneak past the bamboo
huts. Everyone is still asleep, and it seems like Kale took my
former sleep space after all, because he is no longer lying outside
its door.

The sound of splashing
water is audible now as I approach the waterfall. I’m about to push
through the foliage when I see Kale bathing.
So
, he’s not sleeping after all. His
skin is bare down to his waist where the water graciously covers
the rest of his unclothed body. My cheeks burn from embarrassment.
I go to turn away, but stop.

Now I can see the black tattoos on his back
that his shirt hid before. The patterns cover most of his back and
make a sleeve down his left arm. He turns, and I can see that they
even creep over a small portion of his muscular chest. I don’t know
what they are. A maze? Tribal art? They are intricate and
mesmerizing.

Pulling back into the jungle to give him his
privacy, I decide to wait until I hear him leave. After some
splashing around, everything quiets. I peek out from behind the
dense foliage and see that Kale is no longer in the area. I hurry
over to the water, not wanting to waste another precious
second.

Perching at the water’s edge, I move my
container under the falling water. A stream of cold liquid runs
down my arm as I wait for the pouch to fill. It gives me goose
bumps, and I wiggle from the chill. Once my pouch is full, I
quickly carry it down to the front of the enclosure, sit, and mix
up some mud to use on the glass wall. And I wait.

:)

He’s coming this way, and he looks
gorgeous.

James walks toward me with
a manly swagger. He smiles when he sees that I already have a
message written for him on the glass.
Are
you okay? Where were you?

He pours some water from
his canteen onto the ground beside him and begins mixing it with
the dirt. He replies,
Tried to escape. Got
out. Got caught. Blood trail. Glass cut leg open.
He washes the message away once he can tell I’ve
read it.

R U ok now?
I write back, but what I want to write is:
How far did you get? What was is like out there?
Did anyone try to help you? Why didn’t you come for me?

Yes,
he writes. They must have healed him before bringing him
back.

Now I want to ask about the girls in his
enclosure, but I don’t want to sound desperate. As I try to find
the right words, I notice he is writing something else.

He has taken care of the
awkward question for me.
They sent you
mates?

Yes. U 2?

Yes.

We stare at one another. I’m wishing he were
here instead of Greg or Kale. I wonder if he’s thinking the same
thing.

Is it totally insane that I have a crush on
him, and we’ve never been closer than 20 or 30 feet to one another?
I’ve never heard his voice or held his hand. I’ve never laughed
with him or kissed him. I want to though. James gives me something
to focus on while I’m waiting to get out of here. He’s my only
source of happiness in hell.

He writes another
message,
Anymore protests?

Using the slimy mud, I
write with my finger,
No. been quiet.
Where did they take you?

? white room. white bed. no window. people
in white suits.

I nod in response. I would
have been terrified being alone while I was injured like he
was.
Sorry
, I
write.

The public begins to trickle in, but James
brings his finger up to the glass and writes one more thing.

BEST DAY EVER . . . ALMOST . . . KIND OF . .
.

Missed
you
. That’s what I keep reading over and
over again on the glass dome. I can’t believe it. My heart stops
and I start to sweat. Did James “miss me, miss me” or did he just
miss having someone to talk to? A goofy smile finds its way to my
shocked lips. I force myself to look at the man across from me who
has his own sly smile waiting. I can’t get over how handsome he is.
I wonder if he knows how good-looking he is.

The monumental moment is interrupted by
Betsy’s mooing from behind me, and it causes me to turn around.
Kale is standing next to her watching me. His face is in a state of
melancholy. He wears the sleeves of his white shirt rolled up to
his elbows, and I can see his tattoos on his tense left arm.

How dare he spy on me and invade my privacy.
Jumping up from my spot next to the glass, I hurl my water pouch at
him and yell, “You are such a stalker! Every time I turn around,
you’re there.” I advance toward him and continue, “I hate to tell
you this, but you and I are never going to happen. You can stop
being so charming, because I can’t do want they want. I don’t care
what the Keepers have planned for me. I’m sorry that you are at
risk because of my decision, but I can’t.” Perhaps that’s why I’m
focusing on a guy I can’t touch. There’s no risk of being hurt.

Kale smiles, his full lips twitching up at
the sides. Why is this so funny?

“
Wouldn’t have dreamed of
it, Princess,” he says mischievously. “Besides, it looks like lover
boy over there has a pretty good shot. Don’t want to get in the way
of true love. How’s it going, by the way, with him stuck in that
enclosure and you being stuck in here with me?” He pauses, but
quickly adds, “So, you think I’m charming?”

Standing face-to-face with
him now, only inches apart, I’m close enough to stomp on his foot.
And I do just that. I slam my heel down hard on his bare toes. He
would have fallen over if Betsy had not been there for him to lean
on
.

“
Screw you!” I say through
gritted teeth. I push my limp hair out of my face, puff my chest
out, and storm off into the jungle to be alone. He’s messing
everything up. He’s confusing me.

I can hear his laughter until I reach the
waterfall. The calming sound of the rushing water tumbling over the
edge of the rock wall dissolves some of my anger, but only
slightly. I sit on the side of the pool and dangle my legs in the
cool water. Peeking around, I decide it’s safe to go ahead and take
a shower. I desperately need to wash away some of the negative
feelings that have been plaguing me.

I’m not used to being
around people 24/7. Growing up as an only child left me to my own
company most of the time. I’m having a hard time dealing with being
stuck in a small space with three other people. That’s not
including the fact that I’m supposed to mate with one of them. I’m
not equipped to deal with this situation. Or Kale. Actually, I
don’t think anyone is equipped to deal with
this
situation. I really do feel bad
for Kale. But my decision won’t change. I can’t mate with someone,
whether I like them or not—whether they are James or
Kale.

I shed my clothes as I try to shed away my
bad mood. My skin screams joyfully to be free of the itchy fabric
of the sack dress. I toss it on the ground and slip into the
waist-high water. Goose bumps spring up all over my body, and I
yearn for a hot shower one more time. I shut my eyes and try to
pretend it’s warm, but who am I kidding, freezing cold water is
always going to be freezing cold water.

Once again, I think about
escaping. I need to get my enclosure-mates and James out of here. I
feel motivated after my nice moment with James. The anger is
starting to fall away, and it’s being replaced by hope and renewed
courage. I smile to myself as I silently chant,
I think I can, I think I can
.

And just like that a light bulb goes off or
the stars align—or something. I know what to do!

THE NEW PLAN

I can write on the glass!

Tomorrow is Sunday, the Keeper’s check day.
I’ll have to wait until Monday to go ahead with my new plan. I’ll
wait until the park is heavily trafficked, and then I’ll use the
mud to write on the glass. It’s a better idea than just screaming
at the public. They’ll think I’m some kind of crazy animal. But
this way, maybe they’ll realize that we’re real, living, breathing,
intelligent people like they are. Perhaps they’ll get over whatever
disconnect they’re having that makes them think this is okay. The
power of the pen or muddy finger can be huge, right? Plus, yelling
around here has never gotten anyone anywhere.