Zombie Rules (23 page)

             
“Okay handsome.” She smiled warmly at me. She was wearing nothing but a pair of silky white lacey panties. When she raised her arms to hang the clothes, it caused some kind of change to her physique that was just…erotic. It reminded me of a lithe ballerina. She had gained weight in all of the right places. I think I could have watched her all night. She caught me looking. “What?” She asked.

             
“You’re beautiful.” I said simply.

             
She smiled warmly. “The sooner you get the generator turned off, the sooner we can go back to bed.” She smiled again and went back to hanging up clothes.

             
I started to don some clothes, but figured why bother. I put my heavy parka on and sneakers. Nothing else. Hell, I was only going to be outside for a second. I turned the light off before opening the door. It was a habit instilled upon me by Rick. You never wanted to be silhouetted in a lit doorway, an easy target for your enemy.

             
It was cold out and there was a full moon hanging in a crystal clear sky. The icy air felt invigorating, but I definitely did not want to be outside for more than a minute or two. I trotted to the back of the house. We had a lean-to built around the generator that was closed in on three sides and insulated in order to keep the sound down, but it wasn’t completely soundproof. The generator needed air circulating around it, otherwise it’d overheat, and it needed somewhere for the exhaust to go.

             
As I walked in the open portion of the lean-to, I quickly realized I was no longer alone. The reeking stench was my first warning. Standing in front of the lean-to was a massive rotting hulk, clad in gore encrusted bib overalls. He was well over six feet tall, maybe closer to seven feet, and had to weigh at least three hundred pounds. He was either attracted to the sound of the generator, or perhaps he was admiring Rick’s handiwork. Hell, maybe he was planning on stealing it and taking it back to his zombie house. He was certainly big enough to carry it over one shoulder. I stood there confused. Where the hell had he come from? How did he get past the fences and the creek?

             
Somehow he heard or sensed me and turned around. I stumbled back. A portion of his face was completely rotted off. He had a long beard on his good side that had pieces of putrid flesh stuck in it. Whether it was his flesh or someone else’s, I had no idea. He emitted a raspy, phlegmy howl and lunged toward me. I tried to back up but stumbled over something in the yard, probably a big frozen pile of dog shit. I managed to catch myself from falling, but it allowed the hulk to close the distance between us. He grabbed my arm, pulled it to his mouth and chomped down. He was amazingly strong for someone who was decomposing. I felt the crushing pressure of his jaws clamping down on my forearm. I thought he was going to snap it in half. Fortunately for me, I had my parka on. It was thickly insulated. The padding allowed me just enough slack to wiggle my arm out of danger.

             
So now I was totally naked, except for a pair of shit covered sneakers, in a life or death struggle with an abnormally large zombie. I ran backwards and bumped up against the wood pile. I suddenly remembered, I had a nice pile of kindling split up and lying at one end. They were a mixture of seasoned hickory and oak, nice and hard. They were about two feet long and just small enough in diameter for me to get a good grip. I grabbed one in each hand. Big boy had realized there was now nothing edible in my parka and dropped it. He stretched out his arms and made his way toward me.

             
It was time for a little bit of Mohammed Ali. I danced around him, slipped in and hit him in the head with one of my pieces of kindling, and then would dance back just out of his reach. Mr. Ali would have been proud. I kept this up for what seemed like several minutes, the big behemoth had a head as hard as an anvil. I was knocking pieces of flesh off each time I hit him, but it did not seem to matter. He would stagger with each blow and then start shuffling toward me again. I finally knocked his arms away with one swing and got in one terrific blow to the top of the head. Big boy went down to his knees. I moved in, dropped one of the pieces of wood and used both hands to launch a grand slam home run against his head.

             
Mr. Ruth would have been just as proud as Mr. Ali. The zombie’s head cracked open like a ripe watermelon and putrid brain tissue flew out.

             
It was about this time Julie ran up. I had no idea how long she had been standing there. She pointed a shotgun from about six inches away and put some double-ought buckshot into his head for an elegant, but needless, coup de’ grace. He was finished. I must confess though I did not even see him fall, for at the moment I was staring at Julies jiggling breasts and very erect nipples. She had not bothered with clothes either, not even sneakers. She was only clad in a pair of those incredibly sexy panties.

             
She looked over at me wide-eyed, breathing heavily. “I forgot about the safety!” I smiled nervously and slowly pushed the barrel away from me, as it was currently pointed at my nether regions. We made sure big boy was truly dead, and then made a quick walk around the yard looking for any other possible threats. It was quite cold, so we made it a quick search and hurried went inside.

             
We were both shivering quite a bit now. The cold, combined with the adrenalin dump was having an effect. I motioned outside as I looked over at Julie. “We’ll drag him to the sinkhole and burn him, but not tonight, first thing in the morning.” Julie nodded. She then leaned the shotgun up against the wall and jumped on me, wrapping both her arms and legs around me.

             
“Oh my God, that was a rush! I mean, I was watching you fighting that thing and all I could watch was your dick flopping around, and when I shot him, I think I had an orgasm!” We fell to the floor then. We didn’t even make it to the bedroom.

             
We had slept later than usual. When I opened my eyes it was already past six. The three stooges were all lined up with their muzzles on the bed, staring at us expectantly. I nudged Julie. She moaned and pulled the covers over her face. She was definitely not a morning person.

             
“C’mon, we need to get the body disposed of. Afterword we’ll have some breakfast. We’ve got a hell of a lot of things to do and I’ve got a lot to talk to you about.” Larry gave a small whimper. I suspected he needed to visit the yard badly.

             
I got no response until I pulled the covers down. Julie groaned. “You always have this sense of urgency thing going on. Can’t we just have one lazy day?”

             
“Maybe one day, but not now. We have so much to do and a limited amount of time, so you’ve got to work with me. You must trust me. I’ve got our best interests in mind.” Julie groaned again, but threw the blankets off and shuffled to the bathroom. She stopped, yawned, and rubbed her eyes.

             
“I do trust you. You know that, right?” She looked at me sleepily. Her face was puffy and her hair was disheveled, but she looked beautiful. I smiled with the realization I was falling for this girl.

             
We drug the remains of the zombie to the sinkhole with the ATV. It was about eight feet deep and ten feet long and shaped like a poorly drawn oval. It was used because it was in a remote location and several feet below the elevation of our well. Julie rode on the back with her face close to mine. We used some precious diesel to get a good fire going and now we sat and watched the body burn. “You know, I have no idea where it came from. We should check the fence line. Can you hold off from breakfast for a few?” She nodded agreeably. “Good. I want you to see the property too.”

             
We rode the fence line until I found a portion of the fence with a post tilted at an odd angle. It looked as though one or more of the cows had pushed against it and the soft soil gave just a bit. The result was part of the fence line had sagged close to the ground. I looked at the fencing closer and found some scraps of denim caught in the barbed wire, presumably from the zombie’s bib overalls. I had tools and a tamping bar on the back of the ATV. Julie and I had the section of fence repaired in no time. We did not come across any other zombies, which further convinced me big boy was a farmer who had lived nearby. Somehow, he heard the sound of the generator and was drawn to the house. It is a quandary I needed to figure out a solution for. “We’ll have to inspect the fence like this frequently, but I think that we’re good for now.”

             
“Yeah, whatever. Is it time for breakfast now?” She asked indifferently. I think my jaw dropped, then she burst out giggling. “Got you!” She was right, she got me.

             
Not to be outdone, I grabbed a handful of semi-frozen cow manure and started walking toward her. Her laughter turned into a shriek and she ran. Like a girl. I told her so.

              I finished butchering the cow with the band saw. It was the first one I had ever done. I had watched Rick and Mr. Parson do it once, which was about the extent of my knowledge in this particular expertise. I started by killing it three days ago and left it hanging so all of the blood would drain out. It was not a clean operation, but I got it done. I had a chart of all of the different cuts of meat and sort of got it figured out. I would cut a slab with the saw and hand it over to Julie. She’d rinse it off and put it in a cooler, which had some ice lining the bottom. I had set several ice trays filled with water outside the previous evening. It was yet another tedious chore, but, like all of the other chores, very necessary. I hoped we could better preserve the meat this way, rather than smoke curing it or freezing all of it outright. We worked it out and cleaned up the residual products. As I finished cleaning, I began questioning Julie.

             
“Okay, go over it again.” It had been two weeks. We were expecting visitors this afternoon.

             
She made an exaggerated sigh. I looked over at her. I’m sure I irritated the crap out of her at times, but this was important, so I stared at her pointedly. She relented.

             
“I’m going to hide in the sniper hole behind the tree and watch for Jason and Macie to drive up. I’m to call you on the walkie-talkie and let you know if it’s just the two of them or if there is anyone else with them. If everything goes well, you’re going to radio me when they leave. If I don’t hear from you, or I hear gunshots, when they drive back down the road kill them both. If I can’t get a good shot on them, disable the car.”

             
“What about your escape?” I asked.

             
“Bug out if I’m able, if not, hide in place.” She replied.

             
“For how long, and what is your bug out route?” I continued pressing.

             
“Wait until well after dark. Recon the bridge for at least an hour for enemy movement with the night vision gear. If there are any enemy and if I have an opportunity, shoot them and then sneak back to my hole. If there’s nobody there, go through the concertina the way you showed me. Recon the house and make sure there are no enemy. Oh, if I’m inside before you come home, you’re going to throw a couple of rocks at the door before coming in. That way, I’ll know it’s you and you’re alone.”

             
“And if you’re inside alone and someone walks through the door without first throwing a few rocks at it?” I pressed.

             
“I’m to keep all of the lights off and use the night vision gear. If someone comes through the door and it isn’t you, shoot them.”

             
I stopped what I was doing and made eye contact with her. “Do you think you can do it? Kill a real person?” She nodded her head.

             
“Okay. I believe you can too. According to Rick though, when you’re at that critical moment your moral consciousness will sometimes…”

             
She cut me off. “I can do it, okay? As far as I’m concerned we should have killed them the first time they showed up.” I nodded. She was a feisty one. I walked up and kissed her. We held each other for several silent seconds.

             
“Alright, let’s get cleaned up and we’ll have a bite to eat. I want to get you in place at least a few hours before they’re scheduled to arrive.” We ate the rest of our lunch in relative silence, with the exception of the dogs emitting pitiful whines in hopes of food scraps.

*****

              Julie was in place. Zach had placed her there with instructions only to sip her water when absolutely necessary. Otherwise, she would have the urge to urinate every ten minutes. He had fashioned a pseudo camouflage outfit made out of strips of burlap bags. Hopefully, it provided adequate camouflage. Underneath, she had on some oversize long johns, three pairs of socks, jeans, and boots. It was quite cold out. She got in the hole he had dug out behind a fallen tree, and then put branches and leaves over her. She checked her watch Zach had given her. It was a Tactical 5.11, just like the one Rick and Zach were wearing when she first met them. It was just before four p.m. She’d already been sitting there for two hours. There had been no sign of life, and she had drunk more water than she had intended to. She did not fully understand why Zach had wanted her in place so early, but did not question him. She had realized early on he was smarter than most people. And he was her boyfriend. She liked thinking in those terms. Just as she thought of him his voice softly came out of the walkie-talkie.