Zombie Pink (32 page)

After all, his sister had suggested he hang out there, right?

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

It happened
so quickly. One second
Andrea was walking along flirting with Roger, the next second...

SHE WAS BEING GRABBED!

“ANDREA! ANDREA!”
Drew shouted.

“PUT HER DOWN, ASSHOLE!” Roger roared.

Andrea heard
Lisa’s shrill cry of “OH MY GOD! WHAT JUST HAPPENED?”

And Nick and Gina hollering, “BLAST HIM, ROGER, BLAST HIM!”

But this guy was
quick. And strong!

Where the hell did he come from?
Andrea wondered.

He raced across the soybean field at such a speed
, clutching Andrea in a death grip. She felt
wetness splash onto her
forehead.
But mostly she had a view of the ground
.
She saw
his shoes. They
were
dirty gray sneakers caked with blood.

Then Andrea heard a gunshot
.

Roger was shooting in her direction
!

What if he misses
? Andrea couldn't help but think.
What if he gets me
?

The ground was zipping past below her.

“ANDREEEE-AAAAA!” she heard Drew screech.

“STOP HIM!” someone else shouted.

Their voices were sounding further and further away.

Then there were more gunshots.

Next thing Andrea knew, she was being dragged
into some sort of building.
She saw a
wood floor with hay scattered around. It
was stuffy and smelled like horse poop.

The guy roughly tossed Andrea into
a bundle of hay.
The hay was scratchy yet springy, and impossibly sweet smelling
. Immediately, she sat back up to face her kidnapper. Her
heart was
beating a mile a minute.

She brushed some pieces of scratchy hay off her dress and bare legs
. The guy – the zombie
....wait a minute –
the fake zombie
?
was leering at her.

He was just standing there with the creepiest smile Andrea had ever seen
. His eyes! Cottage cheese chunks
were caked around the corners, the eyes themselves sporting a bright red crimson color.

Devil's eyes....

Devil's eyes with cottage cheese in them?

How could someone do that to his own eyes
? Andrea wondered.

His skin was covered in that same hot pink angry rash with oozing pustules popping out on his cheeks and big red bloody spots in places where he had scratched too hard.

The mosquito bites
!
Andrea thought in horror.
Do the mosquito bites lead to the rash
?

Is this virus for real after all – and the whole thing starts with a mosquito bite just like Gina said
?

Andrea looked
around. The only escape route
was the barn door, which he was standing right in front of
. There
was no way she could reach that door if
she tried to run for it right now. She would have to wait for him to cross over to the other side of the barn
... or be otherwise occupied.

Why isn’t he trying to eat me
? Andrea wondered.
I’ve never heard of a zombie carrying a person into a barn before
.
Then again, I’ve never heard of a pink zombie with white chunks coming out of it's eyes, either
!

I just have to wait and see. If he comes at me, then I
'll
fight. My adrenaline is up.

I can do this
!

He was breathing heavily, like a bull in a ring.

Then he made his move
.
As he approached Andrea, her whole body tensed up, prepared for the fight of her life.

He licked his dry skinny lips.

“Haaaaa,” he said, although the noise came out sounding more like a breath than a word.

WHERE THE HELL IS ROGER
?
Andrea's brain screamed.

Right on cue, she heard
more gunshots outside. The
super loud noise stopped the asshole right
in his tracks.
He froze, halfway to her, the creepy smile slowly melting off his fucked-up face
.

I hope no one in my group got shot
!
Andrea thought.

Then slowly, the nauseating smile reappeared... this time, granting Andrea a grand view of his rotting gray-tinged teeth
.

“Ohhhhhh!” he moaned like he was a bad actor in some home-made Frankenstein movie.

He inched toward Andrea, slowly maneuvering across the barn floor in an overly dramatic stiff-legged gait
.

The whole thing seemed really
fake to Andrea.

What if I try talking to him
? she suddenly wondered.

“Is this for real?” she asked, surprised at how strong her voice sounded despite how scared and helpless she felt.

Then she added, “You don’t have to do this!”

Andrea wasn't quite sure why she said
that.
She was grasping.

But her words mad
e no impact.
Now he was growling, sounding like a little kid trying to scare his big brother
.
Closer...closer...Andrea stood up in the mound of hay, smoothing her dress down in the back, ready to push him away
.

Then he was on top of her. It happened so fast
!
Easily, he pushed her
back down.
Andrea felt his dried lips grazing her
ear.
She smelled his gross breath which carried the strong odor of
rotten meat. She struggled
against him, but it was
pointless. This guy
was
super strong.

He was licking her
ear!
Then her ear was
inside
his diseased mouth, while he made super loud sucking sounds like he was slurping down a delicious ice-cream soda.

“Mmmmmmm-mmmmm,” he mumbled.

After that, he spent an inordinate amount of time gently nibbling her
earlobe.

Oh God! He’s going to bite my ear off
!
Andrea thought, cringing.
Any second
!
I’m going to become one of these creatures
!

She tried to move her arm so she could punch him, put her arms were pinned down beneath him.

Then he said something.

“Shit,” he mumbled.

I knew it
!
Andrea thought.
He’s not a real zombie
!

Unless...

...unless he was slipping in and out of zombie-ness, just like Mimi had done?

“You’re not a real zombie!” Andrea blurted out.

He stopped what he was doing
.
Her soaking wet ear felt weirdly cold.

“So?” he barked. “What makes ya
so sure? I mean, I sure do think you taste good
, heh, heh!”

He laughed, like that was the funniest thing he’d heard in years.

“What the fuck?” Andrea said,
still struggling to get free. “Why are you doing this? I don’t get it!”

“Like I care,” he responded.

Then he made this super loud, super fake sounding growl. To Andrea, it sounded more like a bad impression of a
lion than a zombie.

“RAWWWWWWR!” he shouted.

“Jackass,” she muttered.

“Bitch!” he spat.

Then his nasty hands were all over her body; squeezing her breasts – hard.

“OWWW!” she screamed.

He just laughed and squeezed harder.

“You can join us, ya know,” he whispered into Andrea's soaking wet ear
. “Then you can be free! Do whatever
ya
want! Roll around outside naked!
Get some damn soybeans up your ass! Right now, you're gonna get my thick stick up your ass, ya stinky little
bitch!”

That’s when she saw his huge erection tenting out the front of his tight muddy jeans.

FUCK
!
I’M GOING TO LOSE MY VIRGINITY TO A ZOMBIE-WANNA-BE
? Andrea screamed inside her head.
That’s worse than Mark Fishman
!
I can’t believe it.
NO! I won’t let that happen
!

His gross hand was now under Andrea's dress, grabbing at the flesh of her inner thigh. Then he rammed a finger under the elastic in the crotch of her underwear and stroked her naked labia..after which, he roughly shoved a dirty finger up her vagina causing Andrea
to shriek.

He chucked evilly, then grabbed her cotton panties and yanked them halfway down her thighs in one fell swoop
.

Andrea was utterly powerless to do anything about it.

He made a noise, like he was pleased with what he saw in front of him.

He tried to insert his finger into her naked vagina again
.
She clamped her legs together as tightly as she could.

“This is fun!” he suddenly declared, surveying the girl's pubic area with it's sparse soft curly wisps of light brown pubic hair
. “You have
a pretty lady box!”

Then he stopped
to rub his eyes.
Andrea took the opportunity to slip out from underneath him, but she didn't
get very far. He grab
bed her and pulled her down on the hardwood floor of the barn and proceeded to lick her face.

“Mmmmmm – mmmmmm.” he moaned, slobbering.

What if he bites my cheek
? Andrea worried.
Or bites my nose off
?

She remembered the nose they saw by the side of the road.

Oh my God
! Andrea thought.
The naked woman in the field with the hole in her face
!

Did this guy do that?

Did he bite her nose off
?

She tried to pull away, but it was
useless.

She tried desperately to remember some karate/self defense advice she'd seen in a movie.

All she could come up with was,
GOUGE HIS EYES OUT
!

Even if she could do that, though, would getting that gooky eye crap on her skin infect her as well
?
Andrea knew one could contract HIV by being exposed to bodily fluids...

Unlike Roger, Andrea was not convinced this whole thing was
fake.

What if this guy was in the
process
of turning into a zombie?

Then his corroded hand was massaging her naked butt cheek. Andrea could feel his rock hard erection poking her through his rough scratchy jeans.

“Mmmmm – mmmmm,” he was
muttering. “
I
can do whatever I want. No one can stop me
.”

“Wanna bet?” Andrea suddenly heard someone growl.

IT WAS ROGER!

He was standing in the doorway of the barn, aiming his gun at her attacker.

The guy just smiled
his dumb creepy smile at Roger. Then he subject
ed Roger to his ridiculous fake lion roar.

“RAWWWWR!”

Andrea took the opportunity to yank her underpants back up

“She your bitch?” the guy asked Roger, totally ignoring the gun pointed at him.

Then he looked at Andrea and said, “Hey girlie
. Pull them
undies back down. I
ain’t done with your ass.”

He laughed again, before spinning around and yanking Andrea's underwear back down.
After that, he pushed her down on the barn floor where she laid helplessly
on the wooden planks like a beached mermaid.

Next thing Andrea knew, she heard the
loud crack of the gun going off.
Then she heard the sickening sound of the guy’s head hitting the barn floor.

Roger helped Andrea
up. Then
, thoroughly embarrassed, she pulled her underpants up yet again
. For some reason, the
only thought running through her head was,
Roger
saw
my naked vagina
!

As she stumbled out of the barn, arranging her clothes and glancing at the lifeless form of her wanna-be rapist zombie, it happened
.
Andrea felt a distinctive sting on her
bare arm.

“FUCK!” she shouted, administering a hard slap to her stung skin
. But it was too late
.

She'd been bitten by a mosquito.

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

It turns out that the whole thing was a fake. A big fat fake.

Honestly, have you ever heard tires being slashed during a real apocalypse
?

Many claimed the popularity of the show Dead Heads triggered the catastrophic event.
Ironically, the show was twice as popular, afterwards.