Zoey And The Nice Guy (Big Girl Panties #1) (24 page)

Addy studied her through the lenses of her glasses.
 

Zoey was on a roll, though, and no longer needed her friend to point out her flaws. “You think I was afraid of how much I felt for Kellen. You think I pushed him away so I wouldn’t have to experience the disappointment of his leaving. This is typical daddy-issue stuff I inherited from my mom, isn’t it? This is textbook abandonment issues. And I cling to my mom because I want so badly to have that kind of relationship. A real mother-daughter relationship. But she doesn’t want that at all; she’s just using me.”

Hot tears slithered down her cheeks. She took in a shuddering breath and sat her coffee cup on the table. She looked down at her lap and screwed up her face, fighting against the tears. They came anyway, silently purging her system. Addy mercifully sat by in silence.
 

When she was done, Zoey grabbed a napkin from the middle of the table and dried her eyes and nose. “Okay,” she said. “Good talk.”

Addy laughed. “You’re strong on your own, Zoey.”

Zoey shook her head. “I fake it, but I’m not. You know, I secretly long for a man just so I can hand off some of the responsibilities. Like—wouldn’t it be nice to have someone mow the lawn and take out the trash? Or a pair of arms to hold you so you can just let go for a while? It’s pathetic.”

“That’s not pathetic, Zoey. That’s human. We all want a partner. I think you, me, and Maya are so lucky to have each other—but as great as our relationship is, we each still want lovers. A committed lover to share our lives with full-time. It’s not a weakness.”

Zoey shrugged. “My mom has to have a man. She can’t be happy without one. I don’t want to be like that.”

“Your mom is a lost woman. She lost herself a long time ago. You’re not unhealthy like that. You like yourself. You’re not afraid to be left alone with your own thoughts. You’re stable, minus these insecurities that you’ve let rule so much of your behavior. And you know what? You’re only twenty-four. It’s okay that you haven’t gotten it all figured out just yet.”

Zoey leaned back. She smiled just a hint. “Yeah. There’s still time to change.”

Addy reached over and gave her hand a squeeze. The two women stood and hugged. And then Zoey drove down the highway toward Kellen’s place.

Kellen thought it was coincidence that Terry Hale showed up at the gym, but, as it turned out, Jayce had invited him.
 

It had been four days since he’d walked away from Zoey. Starting two days ago, he’d been getting up in the mornings and going to Jayce’s gym. Usually he just met Jayce there on Sundays to hold the punching bag for him. But today Jayce held the bag while Kellen punched. He took tips on his form from a guy named Ace, a professional boxer who’d been working out there for several years.
 

“That’s good,” Ace said, standing by. “Keep that wrist strong, let the power come from your body. Good.”

Kellen felt sweat drip down his back. He’d never done much of this. Jayce loved boxing, but Kellen had generally stuck to weight lifting. Now he thought he might make this a regular part of his workout.

When Terry Hale came in, Jayce let go of the bag and Ace took his place. Kellen kept punching until Jayce called him over. Kellen sized Terry up, knowing he’d dated Zoey a little over a year ago. He was a good looking guy, a couple years older than Kellen and Jayce.
 

Kellen still hadn’t figured out that Jayce had invited him here to talk. It wasn’t until he handed them bottles of water in his office and they all sat down that Kellen finally caught on. “What, is this a support group for victims of hurricane Zoey?”

Jayce’s expression remained neutral as usual. “Thought we should hear Terry’s story.”

Kellen shook his head. “I already know Terry’s story.”

“What did she say about me?” Terry asked, a pained expression on his face.

“Nothing, man. She just said I should talk to you. But now I’ve been through it, I already know how it went for you.”

Terry shook his head sadly. “I was pretty crazy about her. She’s so—fiery. Lots of passion.”

Okay, now Kellen wanted to hit the guy, but he reined in the impulse.

“But I just couldn’t be what she needed.”

“What did she need?” Jayce asked.

“Everything. She needed me to jump up at a moment’s notice to help her. She needed me to not get offended when she bitched me out. She needed me to support her but not make her feel like she was weak.”

“That’s fucking unreasonable,” Kellen said. “She’s gotta meet you halfway. It’s ridiculous to beat yourself up because you’re not Superman.”

“I tried so hard to give her everything she needed and wanted, but eventually I just couldn’t and I snapped. I said some awful things to her. And—and you just can’t do that because as much as she seems like this hard-ass, strong woman, she’s actually really fragile. She doesn’t get hurt, she…shatters. And then, in that moment, you’ve lost any chance you had of being with her.” Terry’s voice was numb. He shook his head, dumbfounded.

Kellen leaned back in his chair. “Sounds like I’m lucky to be out.”

“You’re not, though. I was happier with her than I am without her.”

“I don’t think I was in that deep,” Kellen rebutted.

Jayce snorted.

“What?” Kellen asked. “You got something to say?”

Jayce’s eyebrows went up. “You’re getting awfully mouthy after only three days of boxing lessons. No, I don’t have anything to say.”

“Good. Because the reason I’m so together today, as much as breaking up with Zoey hurt, is because I didn’t let myself get too close. I was careful. After all the warnings I got, I should never have started seeing her. But, at least, I was careful.”

Jayce frowned and nodded. “Good. Thanks for coming in, Terry.”

“Sure, Jayce. I’ll come by the bar tonight for that beer you promised me.”

After Terry left, Kellen just sat there, staring at Jayce’s desk. “Wanna go work out some more?” Jayce asked.

Kellen exhaled. “Nah, I think I’m done.”

“You wanna—like—talk or something?”

Kellen laughed. “That’s big of you, but I wouldn’t want you to overextend yourself.”

Jayce shrugged. “I can talk. Just works better with the bar between us.”

“It does, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah. So…let’s go over there.”

Kellen started to laugh at him and tell him it was completely unnecessary, but then he realized he wanted his friend’s company this morning. He showered in the gym locker room and dressed and then drove to Jayce’s bar, which wasn’t open yet. But Jayce led him in through the back and then stood behind the counter while Kellen sat on a stool.
 

“Whiskey?” Jayce asked.

“It’s nine in the morning.”

“Mimosa?”

Kellen laughed. The great thing about Jayce the bartender was he always knew the right drink to serve. He was mixing something even as he was joking about Mimosas. He poured two Tom Collins and handed one to Kellen, who took a drink and then sighed. “I cried actual tears the night we ended it.”

Jayce didn’t say anything.

“I don’t know how I got so hooked so fast. It’s like all or nothing with her.”

“Some chicks are like that.”

“She just…needs you so intensely, but then at the same time she’s shoving you away. I can’t live like that. I don’t want to.”

“Then don’t.”

Kellen nodded and drank. “Wish I didn’t miss her, is all. Wish we hadn’t had those few insanely memorable moments together.”

“Sex good?”

Kellen looked at him and shook his head. “There are no words.”

Jayce pressed his lips together in a semblance of a smile. “Well you can throw darts at her face if you want.”

“I thought she took that picture down.”

“Someone put it up again.”

Kellen chuckled. “I’m not angry with her. I’m just—confused…and hurt.”

Jayce took another drink. “You ever call Rick’s sister? Beverly, right?”

“Yeah, Beverly. No, I never called her.” Now hardly seemed the time to be thinking about another woman.
 

“Faster you fuck someone else, the faster you’ll be past the pain.”

Kellen narrowed his eyes at Jayce. “You’re not even over your high school crush and you’ve been with dozens of women.”

Jayce shrugged. “It’s just standard advice, man.”

“Yeah, well, what do you think I should do? I don’t want standard advice, I want you to tell me what you think of me and Zoey.”

He shrugged again. “I think it doesn’t make a lot of sense.”

“That’s all? Me and Zoey don’t make sense?”

“I don’t know, man. What do you want me to say? You’ve been seeing each other less than a month, you fell hard and fast—it’s surprising is all. Doesn’t mean it can’t work. It’s just—unexpected.”

“Well, would it be ridiculous of me to try and make it work? Or would I just be prolonging the pain?”

“Oh, there’ll definitely be pain.”

Kellen laughed and shook his head. “Yeah, all right. But, like you said, this has been less than a month. Is there enough there to try and salvage?”

“One fight and it’s over—sounds pretty weak.”

Kellen took a drink and thought about it. “Yeah. I mean, if it falls apart that easily, there’s probably just not enough there to fix.”

“No, I mean you. You sound pretty weak if you clock out after one fight. I’ve never actually witnessed this for myself, but I hear tell there’s such of a thing as a healthy, long-term relationship, and that those couples actually work through their problems.”

“So you think I should work at this?”

Jayce shrugged. “Depends on the nature of the problem. There’s some things that can’t be fixed, and you have to decide whether you can live with that. Like, maybe Zoey will grow up a little and quit throwing public temper tantrums—but she’s always gonna have a temper. Can you live with that?”

Kellen frowned.

“And, she’s always gonna have a mother she loves and wants to take care of. Maybe she’ll change on that, but you have to be prepared to live with it. Can you?”

“Hmm.”

“She’ll learn to think before she reacts, but she’s always going to say things that are hurtful and then have to apologize for them. Can you live with that?”

Kellen blew out a breath. “I’ve met Beverly. She doesn’t seem like the kind to lose her temper.”

Jayce drained his drink. “Yeah, Beverly probably doesn’t have any intolerable flaws. Best call her.”

“What’s with the tone?”

Jayce just gave him an inscrutable look.

Kellen finished his drink. As usual, not a lot of help from Jayce. He was a good listener and supporter but definitely hit-and-miss in the advice department.
 

Zoey had only been to Kellen’s cabin that once, but she had no trouble finding it again.
 

She parked and slammed her car door shut, hoping to announce her presence. She made it halfway up the brick path toward the door before Sophie came flying out. “Aunt Zoey!”

“Yay! Sophie, girl, I’ve missed you!” She lifted the five-year-old into her arms and spun her around.
 

Matthew came out a second later and gave her a side hug. “Hey, Aunt Zoey.”

“Hey, stud.”

She looked up and saw Maya standing in the doorway, smiling sweetly. Her bruises were barely visible, just faint discolorations. Zoey put Sophie down and went into Maya’s open arms. “I’m so sorry,” Zoey apologized.

“You didn’t do anything to me. We just wanted you to have some space.”

“And you wanted to get your kids away from the crazy Odell women.”

Maya laughed. “That too. Come in. Kellen went to the gym. And I think the grocery store, too. We don’t have much food at the moment.”

Kellen’s being gone was both a relief and a disappointment. Zoey followed Maya and the kids inside. The place was gorgeous. Her last time there she’d been hurried upstairs to his bed. Now she got a chance to look around. The floor plan was open. They walked past the living room on their right and a set of stairs on their left that led to a loft.

“That’s where Kellen sleeps,” Maya said.
 

Zoey’s eyes drifted upwards and she couldn’t help imagining him up there, sprawled out naked on his big bed.
 

The living room was sunken with two steps, making it feel separated even without walls. Beyond it was the dining room and to the left, the kitchen. To the right of the dining room and living room was a hallway. “The guest rooms are that way,” Maya said. “On the other side of the stairs is a den-slash-office. You wanna see?”

“Sure.”

She followed Maya into the den. It was a large room with lots of windows. Off to the back were some leather couches, a television, and a game console. Toward the front was Kellen’s desk and next to that, a drafting table. There were photos everywhere, but there, on top of his desk, were the photos he’d taken at her house. The children with their snowmen.

“Isn’t that precious?” Maya asked. “He’s going to frame it for me.”

Zoey smiled down at it. She laid it down and picked up the ones he’d printed of her. She let out a laugh as she passed the one of her in the kitchen giving him ‘the look.’ The ones of her in the snow were gorgeous. He’d experimented with black and white and some other filters.
 

Suddenly she put them back on the desk and stepped away. “I shouldn’t see these. It seems so intimate. He didn’t invite me here.”

“I wouldn’t have brought you in here if I thought he wanted to keep them from you.”

Zoey gazed at the photos from a distance.
 

“Isn’t it funny,” Maya said, “how photos tell as much about the photographer as they do the subject? I mean, you can really tell how the photographer is feeling in the moment that he takes that picture.”

Zoey had been thinking something similar, she just hadn’t put words to it. “They’re just pictures. Everybody takes pictures.” She turned and left the den. She found her way to a sofa in the living room and sat. Maya joined her a moment later.

“How’s your mom doing?” she asked.

Zoey sighed. “When’s school start?”