Zima Blue and Other Stories (60 page)
He dreamed of the worlds ageing. On some the conditions were right for the genesis of microbial life. But the universe had to get very much older and larger before he saw anything more interesting than that. Even then it was scarce, and the worlds where animals stalked ocean beds before flopping and oozing ashore had a precious, gemlike rarity.
Rarer still were the worlds where those animals staggered towards self-awareness. But once or twice in every billion years it did happen. Occasionally life even learned to use tools and language, and looked towards the stars.
Towards the end of one particularly vivid cosmological dream Renfrew found himself focusing on the rarity of intelligence in the universe. He saw the galaxy spread out before him, spiral arms of creamy white flecked here and there by the ruby reds of cool supergiants or the dazzling kingfisher blues of the hottest stars. Dotted across the galaxy's swirl were candles, the kind he remembered from birthday cakes. There were a dozen or so to start with, placed randomly in a rough band that was neither too near the galactic core nor too close to the outer edges. The candles wavered slightly, and then - one by one - they began to go out.
Until only one was left. It was not even the brightest of those that had been there to begin with.
Renfrew felt a dreadful sense of that solitary candle's vulnerability. He looked above and below the plane of the galaxy, out towards its neighbours, but he saw no signs of candles elsewhere.
He desperately wanted to cradle that remaining candle, shelter it from the wind and keep it burning. He heard Piano Man singing:
And it seems to me you lived your life . . .
And it seems to me you lived your life . . .
It went out.
All was void. Renfrew woke up shivering, and then raced to the suiting room and the airlock, and the waiting antenna, seeking contact with that radio signal.
'I think I understand,' he told Piano Man. 'Life has to be here to observe the universe, or it doesn't have any meaning. It's like the idea of the observer in quantum mechanics, collapsing an indeterminate system down to one possibility, opening the box and forcing the cat to choose between being dead or alive . . .'
Piano Man took off his glasses and polished them on his sleeve. He said nothing for at least a minute, satisfying himself that the glasses were clean before carefully replacing them on his nose. 'That's what you think, is it? That's your big insight? That the universe needs its own observer? Well, break out the bubbly. Houston, I think we have a result.'
'It's better than nothing.'
'Right. And how did this universe manage for fifteen billion years before we dropped by and provided an intelligent observer? Are you seriously telling me it was all fuzzy and indeterminate until the instant some anonymous caveman had a moment of cosmic epiphany? That suddenly the entire quantum history of every particle in the visible universe - right out to the farthest quasar - suddenly jumped to one state, and all because some thicko in a bearskin had his brain wired up slightly differently from his ancestor?'
Renfrew thought back to his dream of the galactic disk studded with candlelight. 'No . . . I'm not saying that. There were other observers before us. We're just the latest.'
'And these other observers - they were there all along, were they? An unbroken chain right back to the first instant of creation?'
'Well, no. Obviously the universe had to reach a certain minimum age before the preconditions for life - intelligent life - became established. But once that happened--'
'It's
bollocks
, though, isn't it, luv? What difference does it make if there's a gap of one second where the universe is unobserved, or ten billion years? None at all, as far as I'm concerned.'
bollocks
, though, isn't it, luv? What difference does it make if there's a gap of one second where the universe is unobserved, or ten billion years? None at all, as far as I'm concerned.'
'Look, I'm trying, all right? I'm doing my best. And anyway . . .' Renfrew felt a sudden lurch of intuitive breakthrough. 'We don't need all those other observers, do we? We
have
observed the entire history of the universe, just by looking at higher and higher redshifts, with increasing look-back times. It's because the speed of light is finite. If it wasn't, information from the farthest parts of the universe would reach us immediately, and we'd have no way of viewing earlier epochs.'
have
observed the entire history of the universe, just by looking at higher and higher redshifts, with increasing look-back times. It's because the speed of light is finite. If it wasn't, information from the farthest parts of the universe would reach us immediately, and we'd have no way of viewing earlier epochs.'
'Fuck me, man, you almost sound like a cosmologist.'
'I think I might have become one.'
'Just don't make a career of it,' Piano Man said. He shook his head exasperatedly, then started playing 'Bennie and the Jets'.
A week later Renfrew told him the news. Renfrew's companion played the tentative ghost of a melody on the keyboard, something that hadn't yet crystallised into true music.
'You waited until now to tell me?' Piano Man asked, with a pained, disappointed look.
'I had to be certain. I had to keep tracking the thing, making sure it was really out there, and then making sure it was something worth getting excited about.'
'And?'
Renfrew offered a smile. 'I think it's worth getting excited about.' Piano Man played an icy line, dripping sarcastic bonhomie.
'Really.'
'I'm serious. It's a navigation signal, a spacecraft beacon. It keeps repeating the same code, over and over again.' Renfrew leaned in closer; if he'd been able to lean on the phantom piano, he would have. 'It's getting stronger. Whatever's putting out that signal is getting closer to Mars.'
'You don't know that.'
'Okay, I don't. But there's the Doppler to consider as well. The signal's changing frequency a little from day to day. Put the two things together and you've got a ship making some kind of course correction, coming in for orbital insertion.'
'Good for you.'
Renfrew stepped back from the piano, surprised at his companion's dismissive reaction.
'There's a ship coming. Aren't you happy for me?'
'Tickled pink, luv.'
'I don't understand. This is what I've been waiting for all this time: news that someone's survived, that it doesn't all end here.' For the first time in their acquaintance, Renfrew raised his voice with Piano Man. 'What the hell's wrong with you? Are you jealous that you won't be all the company I'm ever going to have?'
'Jealous? I don't think so.'
Renfrew plunged his fist through the white nothingness of the piano. 'Then show some reaction!'
Piano Man lifted his hands from the keyboard. He closed the keyboard cover very gently and then sat with his hands in his lap, demurely, just the way he'd been when Renfrew had first witnessed him. He looked at Renfrew, his expression blank, whatever message his eyes might have conveyed lost behind the star-shaped mirrors of his glasses.
'You want a reaction? Fine, I'll give you one. You're making a very, very serious mistake.'
'It's no mistake. I know. I've double-checked everything--'
'It's still a mistake.'
'The ship's coming.'
'Something's coming. It may not be all that you expect.'
Renfrew's fury boiled over. 'Since when have you had the faintest fucking idea what I expect or don't expect? You're just a piece of software.'
'Whatever you say, luv. But remind me: when was the last time software encouraged you to take a deep interest in the fundamental workings of the universe?'
Renfrew had no answer for that. But he had to say something. 'They're coming. I know they're coming. Things are going to get better. You'll see when the ship comes.'
'You're going to do yourself a lot of harm.'
'As if you cared. As if you were capable of caring.'
'You've found a way to stay sane, Renfrew - even if that means admitting a tiny piece of piano-playing madness into your world. But there's a cost to that sanity, and it isn't
moi
. The cost is you can't ever allow yourself an instant of hope, because hope is something that will always be crushed, crushed utterly, and in the crushing of hope you will be weakened for ever, just as surely as if you'd mainlined some slow-acting poison.' Piano Man looked at Renfrew with a sudden, scholarly interest. 'How many instants of defeat do you think you can take, big guy? One, two, three? From where I'm sitting I wouldn't bet on three. I think three might easily kill you. I think two might get you on a shitty day.'
moi
. The cost is you can't ever allow yourself an instant of hope, because hope is something that will always be crushed, crushed utterly, and in the crushing of hope you will be weakened for ever, just as surely as if you'd mainlined some slow-acting poison.' Piano Man looked at Renfrew with a sudden, scholarly interest. 'How many instants of defeat do you think you can take, big guy? One, two, three? From where I'm sitting I wouldn't bet on three. I think three might easily kill you. I think two might get you on a shitty day.'
'Something's coming,' Renfrew said, plaintively.
'I thought for a while you had the balls to get through this. I thought you'd banished hope, learned to keep it outside in the cold. I was wrong; you've let it in again. Now it's going to stalk you, like a starved, half-crazed wolf.'
'It's my wolf.'
'There's still time to chase it away. Don't let me down now, Renfrew. I'm counting on you not to screw things up.'
That night Renfrew dreamed not of cosmology, but of something stranger and more upsetting. It was not one of the dreams he used to have about the past, for he had trained himself not to have those any more: the sense of sadness and loss upon waking almost too much to bear. Nor was it one of the equally troubling ones about visitors, people coming down out of cold blue skies and landing near the base. When they came through the airlock they arrived with flowers - Hawaiian leis - and utterly pointless but lovingly gift-wrapped presents. Their faces were never familiar at first, but by the end of each visitation, just before he woke, they would always start to transmute into old friends and loved ones. Renfrew hadn't yet trained himself not to have that kind of dream, and given the news about the radio signal he was sure at least one of them would haunt his sleep in the days ahead.
It was not that kind of dream. In the dream Renfrew rose like a sleepwalker from his bed in the middle of the night and crept through the base to the same medical lab where Solovyova had died, and placed his head into one of the functioning scanners, conjuring a glowing lilac image of his skull on the main screen, and then he emerged from the scanner and examined the readout to learn that his optic implants had been dead for years; there was no possible way it was picking up the Bosendorfer, let alone the talking ghost that played it.
In the morning, when he woke from the dream, Renfrew couldn't bring himself to visit the medical lab, in case he had already been there in the night.
By day he kept a weather eye on the radio signal. It strengthened and Dopplered, moving quickly against the stars as it fell into the grasp of Mars. Then the signal altered, switching to a different, equally meaningless burst of repeating binary gibberish. Renfrew knew that it meant something, and intensified his vigil.
A day later, a meteor flared across the twilight sky, etching a fire trail, and dropped behind the closest range of hills under a dark umbrella of parachutes.
'I'm going out to find where they came down,' Renfrew said.
'How far?'
'I don't know how far. Can't be all that far beyond the western marker.'
'That's still twenty kilometres away.'
'I'll take the car. It still works.'
'You've never driven it alone. It's a long walk home if something goes wrong.'
'Nothing's going wrong. I won't be alone.'
Piano Man started to say something, but Renfrew wasn't listening.
He pre-breathed, suited up, climbed onto the skeletal chassis of the buggy, then went out to meet the newcomers. As the mesh-wheeled vehicle bounced and gyred its way to the horizon, Renfrew felt a thrilled elation, as if he were on his way to a date with a beautiful and mysterious woman who might be his lover by the end of the evening.
But when he crested the hills and saw the fallen ship, he knew that nobody had ridden it to Mars. It was too small for that, even if this was just the re-entry component of a larger ship still circling the planet. What had come down was just a cargo pod, a blunt cylinder the size of a small minibus. It was tangled up with its own parachutes and the deflated gasbags it had deployed just before impact.
Renfrew parked the buggy, then spent ten minutes clearing fabric away from the cargo pod's door. The re-entry had scorched the decals, flags and data panels on the pod's skin to near-illegibility, but Renfrew knew the drill. Back when the base was inhabited, he'd occasionally drawn the short straw to drive out to recover a pod that had fallen away from the usual touchdown beacon.
He was sorry it wasn't a crewed ship, but the pod was the next best thing. Maybe they were still getting the infrastructure back up to speed. Sending out a manned vehicle was obviously too much of a stretch right now, and that was understandable. But they'd still had the presence of mind not to forget about Mars, even if all they could muster was a one-shot cargo pod. He would not be ungrateful. The pod could easily contain valuable medicines and machine parts, enough to relieve him of several ever-present worries. They might even have sent some luxuries, as a token of goodwill: things that the synths had never been very good at.
Renfrew touched a hand against the armoured panel next to the door, ready to flip it open and expose the pyrotechnic release mechanism. That was when one of the scorches caught his eye. It was a data panel, printed in spray-stencilled letters.
HTCV-554
HOHMANN TRANSFER CARGO VEHICLE
SCHEDULED LAUNCH: KAGOSHIMA 05/38
DESTINATION: THARSIS BASE, MARS
PAYLOAD: REPLACEMENT LASER OPTICS
PROPERTY: MARS DEVELOPMENT CORPORATION
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