Yours Unfaithfully (29 page)

“But I’ve got some lasagne warming in the oven for you. Eat that first, please?”

“OK, but then I must get to bed; I can’t afford to be late on this job.”

“It’s a deal, Tim, lasagne and then bed.” Nina was on her way to the kitchen; she turned and laughed dismissively at her remark.”

“That’s not funny, Neen. I’m not proud of what happened the other night and it must never happen again. We both know that.”

Nina put the plate on the dining table and sat down facing him. She watched as he eat his food. There was something very satisfying about feeding a man, having him praise you afterwards, maybe showing his appreciation. She had the measure of Tim’s resolve tonight; he was in no mood to compromise his emotions towards Melanie. She would have to wait until he was missing her more, until he was suffering the pain of loneliness as much as she was.

“Are you ashamed of what we did, Tim? Are you ashamed of me?”

“No that’s not what I meant, but we both know it should never have happened. It would kill Mel if she found out that her husband and her best friend had got it together.”

“But she never will find out, not from me anyway. Tim, we must have needed each other or it couldn’t have happened. Sometimes people need each other in a way that ordinarily wouldn’t be right, but in that special moment it is right.”

“No, Neen, what we did was wrong. I blame myself. You weren’t to blame for what I did. I’m sure you would have stopped me if you could but I lost my self-control, and my self-respect. I have to live with the knowledge of what I did, but at least I know for certain that I’ll never do anything like that again. I hope you can forgive me for using you like I did.”

“Never...? That’s a long time, Tim. Stop being so hard on yourself, I don’t feel used at all. On the contrary, you made me feel like a woman... something Ben didn’t do in years.”

“Thanks for the food, Neen, it was nice, and nice of you to get it for me. You’re a good friend.”

“Well, promise me that I can be a good friend to you until Mel gets back; let me look after you will you?”

“I will, thanks for everything. I’ll see you tomorrow. Tim was on the way out, no hint of hesitation in his stride for the door, no friend’s kiss on the cheek as he left.”

Nina cleared the plate away and tried to make sense of her feelings. What was she trying to do? Did she want to coax Tim back into her bed? Did she genuinely only want his friendship, companionship? Surely her friendship with Mel put him off limits. Most women would black ball her for what she’d done and she was prepared to let Tim think it had been all his fault. The fact is, she thought, he’s going back to a cold empty bed and I am going upstairs to the same. Somewhere in Poland, Melanie is having dinner with the Rat and he wants her so much that he has orchestrated her presence there for one reason and one reason only. After seeing the effect he had on her here in two hours, can she seriously maintain her defence for a month? The fact is, she explained to herself, Rattani has got what he wants; four weeks of Mel all to himself, and time to work his magic on her. Why then should I feel guilty for helping Tim get through the same period without his wife? By taking him into my bed, I’m not only protecting him but I’m doing it for Mel as well. She smiled at her contrived conclusion; she had judged the case against herself and found herself entirely innocent. It was clear that her motive for seducing her best friend’s husband was above reproach. She had asked the question and was satisfied that she was doing it for all the right reasons. She just had to convince Tim.

Tim’s nightly visits became a ritual in the week that followed Mel’s departure and each time the pattern was the same. Nina would pour Tim a glass of beer before sharing a meal with him. He would eat it and compliment her on her cooking, while telling her about his day, his new job, the new people he was meeting and the new places he was going. Once, after he’d met a celebrity at one of Simon’s restaurants, he was excited, eager to share his news with her. Nina in turn listened attentively to every word, asked the right questions and made sure he knew that she was interested in everything he told her. She would carry on the conversation from where it had been left the night before, proving she’d remembered where he was going that day and who he was likely to meet. As she began to learn about his boss and his work it became easier for her to encourage him to tell her more. She, in turn, told Tim snippets of gossip from her day, carefully chosen bits of information that he would find interesting but easy to understand. No point in boring him with heavy legal stuff, better to keep to the human details, and in a firm the size of hers there was always something worth relating. Tim looked forward to the meal and the exchange of news; they also talked about their feelings. It constituted a kind of intimacy, the sharing of private details, things he would normally have only revealed to Mel but, Mel wasn’t there and Nina was very easy to talk to.

Whilst guarding the car outside a restaurant in Oxford, Tim reflected on how much he’d told Nina during the past week; highly personal things, things that belonged to Mel and him, but after a couple of beers and with only the prospect of returning to his empty bedroom, he became increasingly willing to share his innermost thoughts with her. Why not, he reasoned, after all... who else is there to tell? It’s not my bloody fault that my wife has gone off with Nina’s boss. He sat contemplating all that had happened in the past month. There was an uneasy pang in his stomach. Mel, his wife, his lovely wife... he loved her to bits, where was she? What was she doing right at this minute? She was somewhere in Poland. Was she thinking about him, missing him as much as he was missing her? If she was, she’d leave for home right now. He was missing her so much that at this minute he considered driving the Maybach to Dover then across Germany straight to wherever she was in Poland. He ached to see her, to touch her; he tried to picture her face and was scared when he couldn’t. He couldn’t see his wife’s face; instead he was seeing Trudy and his kids sitting around the family dinner table, just as he did each night when he got home. There was something else that wasn’t right; Mel’s phone calls to him each night. OK, she’d talked to him for quite a long time on a couple of nights, but she didn’t say much about what she was doing out there, about what she was doing each day and, more importantly, what she was doing each night. Each evening he told Nina all about his day, but he knew nothing about what Mel was doing. She always asked about the kids, asked him how he was, even asked how Nina was, but she never spoke about her time there. Why? What was it that she didn’t want him to know?

He was sweating so much he had to open the car window. The cloud of anger around his head was suffocating him, drowning him in a fog of not knowing, not knowing what she did every night in Poland. He was getting himself into a panic, he needed to calm down, he opened the car door and stood outside in the fresh air and stamped his feet. Clenching his fingers open and shut should help to control his physiology, help to stop his brain from running wild. He needed to get back to his normal state before he went mad. As quickly as the attack had started, it stopped while he paced up and down taking deep breaths. Thank God, he had got himself right, he saw his boss returning and tried to put the episode out of his mind. Simon chatted away as usual on the drive home and he listened as always, but today he heard nothing. When eventually he became aware of Simon’s anxiety he snapped out his shell in an effort to act normally. “Sorry Simon, what did you say?”

“I asked you how your wife was getting on in Poland; in fact I asked you three times... are you OK, Tim?”

“Yes, of course, I was just concentrating on the road, that’s all.”

“No you weren’t, Tim, you nearly hit the curb on that last bend. I think you’d better tell me what’s worrying you. It’s to do with her being away isn’t it? Are you finding it hard to manage the children? Would it help if I gave you a few days off?”

“Thanks Simon, that’s kind of you, but honestly they’re no problem and the nanny, Trudy, she’s doing a great job with them. I don’t think they’ve noticed Mel’s gone she’s so good.”

“But you have... noticed she’s gone, is that it?”

“Yes, I’m missing her, missing her like mad if I’m honest.”

“That’s good, Tim, that’s proof that you have a sound relationship.”

“Do you think so?”

“I’m absolutely certain of it, and what is more, for you to feel like that you must both be very much in love with each other. I don’t doubt that she is missing you every bit as much.”

“I hope so, I really hope so.”

“Tim I could fly you out to Poznan this weekend if you want? You could surprise her. You’d have to fly to Berlin and then get a train to Poznan. I’ve done the trip quite a few times. I have several properties in Poland. Sadly, as yet, I haven’t acquired anything in Poznan, but I will, in time.”

“Is it a nice place?”

“It’s a wonderful place, Tim, she’ll be enjoying the city and the food I’m sure. Ask her if she’s been to the zoo, you know my love for animals, Tim, I visit zoos wherever I go and Poznan has an excellent one. If she likes animals she should make sure she visits it.”

“I’ll ask her,” Tim said, instantly thinking, who would she go with...? She wouldn’t want to go to a zoo on her own. Would she go with her work people? Why not? He fought against the imminent reoccurrence of another panic attack. What the hell does it matter if she goes to zoo with her work mates. It matters because she does everything with them; she works with them, eats with them... he stopped short of saying she sleeps with them.

Somehow he got them safely back to the manor and then drove home as fast as he could. He barely said hello to the kids and cut Trudy short when she started to tell him what they’d done earlier in the day. “Sorry, can’t stop, tell me later, thanks,” and he was out the door.

He walked straight into Nina’s kitchen. It was force of habit now, and it would have seemed ridiculous to knock first. She was ready for him, same as every evening, smiling, reassuring. Tonight the smell of her cooking affected him the way lavender might an over-active child. He felt strangely calm for the first time in hours. He was bursting to tell Nina what had happened to him, to explain to her the crazy thoughts that had invaded his mind today. He needed to unload all that stuff as soon as possible. Nina would listen, she’d understand, she would help him through this. He downed his beer in seconds before attacking the food like he hadn’t eaten for a week.

“Are you all right, Tim? You look like you’ve just escaped from Alcatraz. Are you going to tell me about it?”

“That’s the thing about you, Nina, you can read me like a book. You understand me perfectly. I’ve had a terrible day; I wanted to get back here to tell you about it. Neen, I think I’m losing it.”

“Go and sit down on the sofa and I’ll bring you another beer, then you can tell me what’s upset you. Whatever it is we’ll talk it through, you’ll be fine, trust me.”

He did as he was told. He did trust her, she was the only person he could trust. He couldn’t trust Mel, not at the moment. Where was she, what was she doing? Why hadn’t she ever mentioned the zoo if it was such a big thing there, what was she hiding? He sat down, almost unaware of where he was, his mind was returning to the state he was in earlier; so many questions, so many things he needed to ask Mel, but where was she? Why couldn’t he ask her? And that was another thing... why did she insist on always ringing him? She had made it clear that he should only ring her if it was an emergency. She would decide when they could speak, how long they could speak for, she decided everything. She’d probably intended to be picked for this trip, she’d said she didn’t want to go, talked about resigning, but that was rubbish. Even as she’d told him how upset she was, she was telling him she’d decided to go anyway. It was a ruse, a plan to pull the wool over his eyes; he’d been a fool to even think she didn’t want to go. All that stuff about their marriage being back to how it used to be... she’d said that when they were on holiday, but on her first day back at work she’d announced that she was off again for a month. She knew all along... it was so obvious... how come he hadn’t seen it at once? Nina sat down beside him and passed him another beer.

“So, come on, Tim, out with it, what’s upset you?”

“It’s Mel; I don’t think she’s told me everything... I’m sure she planned this trip, she wanted to go with him, your boss, after you told me about that night here it was obvious. She hasn’t told me about the zoo; why not? And why would she keep that a secret if she hadn’t been there with him?”

Nina was confused in more ways than one. Had Tim found out what really happened that night when Mel had got too close for comfort with Ratty? How could he? He didn’t know anyone who was at the party except herself and Mel. She’d admitted they met here but she hadn’t hinted at any impropriety, and what was all this about a zoo? Had someone else put ideas in his head? She decided to find out more before she gave too much away.

“I don’t understand Tim, what’s this about a zoo?”

“Mel’s bound to have been there, Simon told me. He knows Poznan well, he said everyone goes to the zoo. She wouldn’t have gone alone, she went with him, but she never mentioned it to me, that’s proof that she’s up to something, isn’t it?”

“I don’t think so, Tim. I don’t think it proves anything. You don’t even know for sure if she’s been to the zoo. Why don’t you ask her? Has she phoned yet tonight?”

“No, well not when I left home.”

“So you might have missed her call? Why don’t you go back home until she calls and then come back and tell me what she said? We’ll probably find you’re getting upset about nothing.”

“No, bugger her, I won’t be told that I can’t phone her. Why shouldn’t I if she’s got nothing to hide. Tim took his phone from his pocket and dialled the number Mel had saved into his phone.”

Nina could hear it ringing. He looked pathetic, like a little child she thought, like those you see at the beach when they’ve lost their Mum. His expression exuded panic. Melanie’s voice sounded anxious, as well it might be – after all, they had agreed he would only ring her if there was an emergency.