You're Teaching My Child What? (5 page)

Kirkendall came up with a “bill of sexual rights.” Inspired, no doubt, by the bi-centennial—the year was 1976—the bill declared, among other things, “The boundaries of human sexuality need to be expanded” and “Physical pleasure has worth as a moral value.”
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In keeping with the Kinsey tradition, what made sense to this SIECUS co-founder was pluralism of lifestyles, such as communes, spouse exchanges, and polygamy.

Together, Calderone and Kirkendall set out, through SIECUS, to transform how American children were taught about sex. Openness, tolerance, and joy were in; church lady and horse needles in the tush—injections of antibiotics to treat venereal diseases—were out. They were fired up and confident. Calderone even wrote to the Pope telling him he should not condemn masturbation, because studies had shown it was not harmful. He didn't answer.
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With or without the Vatican's blessing, they embarked on a crusade: to inculcate in American youth what were seen by them as eternal, unquestionable truths. Of course in those early years, Kinsey's personal life, and therefore the depth of his emotional disturbance, was unknown. Still, instead of recognizing that their views were based on the ruminations of one individual, SIECUS promoted—and continues to promote—Kinseyian thinking as if it had been engraved on tablets and revealed while thunder roared and trumpets flared.

It's June 23, Alfred Kinsey's birthday. Planned Parenthood's website marks the occasion with a flattering photo of the professor, and a celebration of his achievements.

“[Dr. Kinsey's] groundbreaking scientific investigations ... tore through the century-old veils of hypocrisy....” He demonstrated “unheard-of truths,” and made “unique contributions”—one of them a “core belief” they hold “dearly”:
Sexuality is an essential, life long
aspect of being human and should be celebrated with respect, openness, and mutuality.
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They worship this guy! Now hold on a minute. Isn't he the same Alfred Kinsey who . . . well, you just read all about him—no need to rehash the gruesome details. Really, how could this depraved individual and his discredited research be the source of anyone's “core belief,” let alone a worldwide organization claiming to be “America's most trusted provider of reproductive health care”?
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Yet that's the case. When Heather tells kids that “normal is a pretty arbitrary term” and nearly any sexual behavior can be “healthy and empowering,” she's spouting his message. When educators encourage kids to question what they've heard at home and church, to be open to the full “range” of sexual expression, and to explore and experiment, they are transmitting Kinsey's legacy.

So, if Kinsey is the idol of the sex ed religion, here are their indisputable articles of faith, the cornerstones of modern sex education.

This is not just self-actualization gobbledygook. This premise provides the rationale for integrating sex education “across the curriculum.” Translation: it can be introduced to your daughter in English, Math, and Social Studies, without your consent. Why shouldn't it? It's not about intercourse, it's language arts. How can a parent object to
that? In a fourth grade
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English class, for example, sex ed can be tied in with communication skills. Teachers are instructed, in the SIECUS and Planned Parenthood-recommended book
Teaching About Sexuality and HIV:

One prominent New Jersey sex educator came up with a creative way to express this article of faith. She put it this way: “You are not just being sexual by having intercourse. You are being sexual when you throw your arms around your grandpa and give him a hug.”
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The problem with these views is once kids believe that sexuality is “who they are,” “their entire selves” from womb to tomb, the idea that it's an appetite in need of restraint makes little sense. And the notion of waiting years for the right time and person sounds irrational. Why restrain “who you are”? Why wait for “your entire self”? Couldn't that be unhealthy?

SIECUS tells parents: “Do not wait until your children ask questions . . . be sure your young children know about HIV/AIDS infection and prevention.”
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Even “young children” need to know, they tell parents in their Newsletter “Families Are Talking”; “the only way to help prevent HIV/AIDS among young people is to share accurate, age-appropriate information so that they can protect themselves.”
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Planned Parenthood claims there is no such thing as too much information
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and that talking about sex and sexuality is best started from the time the child is born.
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By age five, they believe children need to know “how a baby ‘gets in' and ‘gets out' of a woman's body,” as well as the basic facts about HIV/AIDS.
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Advocates for Youth advises parents: “To help six- to eight-year-old children develop a healthy sexuality, families should: continue to provide information ... even if a child does not ask for it.”
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They instruct parents to tell
five-year-olds
about intercourse, though explaining orgasm can wait until he's finished kindergarten.
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Your six- to eight-year-olds must have “basic information” about abortion, HIV/AIDS, wet dreams, and periods.
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And of course, there's this universal mandate: adults must use correct anatomical terms, “vulva,” “penis,” etc.—otherwise kids may get the idea something is “wrong” with these parts of the body.
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They say failing to discuss your daughter's vulva with her in a calm and comfortable way will not only lead her to seek answers elsewhere, it will lead her into years of therapy.

But this is a bad idea.

A young child's ability to think logically is limited. His understanding of the world is magical and egocentric. Why did his uncle leave? Because little Johnny wished he would. Why is it raining? So Johnny can wear his new boots. He devises his own theories to explain reality, based on his experiences. Providing facts that are beyond his experience—his uncle had a heart attack and went to the hospital; it's raining because ocean water evaporates ... will likely be ineffective. They will sound bizarre, even impossible, to him. The result: confusion.
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The sex ed oligarchy must realize that a young child has his own theories about where babies come from, and he will cling to them regardless of how carefully and deliberately parents follow their instructions. Large amounts of unexpected information that cannot be easily assimilated into previously held beliefs can be distressing to children. Rather than having “the talk”—a frank, detailed monologue about penetration, sperm, egg, and invisible, deathly viruses—parents should take a child's own theories into account, then slowly introduce him to new facts.
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Key word: slowly. It's a process, to be driven by his curiosity, not by what experts say he should know by a certain age. Provide one new item at a time, and make it a dialogue, not a lecture. Limit your response to the question you are asked. “Where do babies come from?”

“Well, what do you think?”

Then,

“I could see why you'd think they come from a store (hospital, the internet), but a baby grows inside his Mommy.”

Let the child sit with that, unless he asks for more.

“Where does it grow? In a place mothers have called a uterus/womb.”

Resist the temptation to elaborate. That's enough for now. Allow him to absorb it; it will take time. Expect him, every so often, to revert back to believing babies come from a store. Just say calmly, “No, a baby grows inside his mommy.”

Later, once he has assimilated that fact, he'll want to know more.

“How does the baby get in/out?”

Again, you ask, “How do you think?”

He'll rely on his experience: by eating/elimination. For him, this is logical. Any other answer will be met with skepticism; it doesn't fit in to anything he already knows. Proceed slowly.

Explain intercourse and HIV to a five-year-old? And expect him to get it? No matter how carefully it's done, he's just not equipped to hear so much, so soon. A penis enters a vagina? Sperm joins egg? “Body fluids” are shared, and maybe a virus that makes you sick? He's never heard anything like it, so the ideas cannot be absorbed. He'll misunderstand, and that's likely to cause worry and distress.

Be prepared, parents, for some surprises if you follow the experts' advice. One writer described a boy who concluded, “If I grew from an egg, I must be a chicken,” and a refused to eat his breakfast.
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“Egg” meant just one thing to him. What if, instead of being born, he'd been made into an omelette?
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No judgments are allowed, even of established high risk behavior.

Planned Parenthood tells parents that “the most important lesson we can share with our kids is
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‘Being different is normal,' ”
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and their book,
A Family Resource on Sex and Sexuality
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recommended by sex educators at Rutgers, identifies a variety of relationships—monogamous, open, or group sex; long-lasting (months to years) or brief (hours to days).

Go Ask Alice tells teens that “S/M pushes the boundaries between pleasure and pain” and assures them it's “absolutely” normal. She also teaches them about drinking urine, cleaning their whips, and inserting objects into their penises.

Mind you, Planned Parenthood claims to promote “a common sense approach to women's health and well-being” and “Alice” is produced by the Health Services at Columbia University. Wouldn't common sense dictate that kids must understand that some ways of being different are not normal? Wouldn't it emphasize the indisputable fact that casual sex and multiple partners is a health hazard, especially for
women? And regarding Alice's celebration of fringe behaviors: shouldn't we expect more from one of the most esteemed medical institutions in the country?