You're Teaching My Child What? (27 page)

Ignoring these biological truths has done more than cause soaring rates of distress and disease: our youth cannot appreciate or experience the depth and power of genuine intimacy. They may understand the plumbing, but they do not grasp the big picture—that sexuality is like fire. Depending on the circumstances, fire can sustain or destroy. Therefore, you don't play with it.

Responsible adults desperately want to communicate this message. They want to articulate to young people what we've forever known, but has been lost in the madness: when sexuality is about fleeting urges and attractions, it is hazardous. When its place in our lives is exaggerated, it is destructive. But with the right person and at the proper time, it is transcendent and life-affirming. Those are truths our kids have the right to hear, and we an obligation to convey.

P
EOPLE SAY WRITING A BOOK is like having a baby. If that's the case, this one was a high risk pregnancy complicated by prolonged labor and an emergency C-section.by

My heartfelt thanks to everyone who helped. First, all the wonderful people at Eagle Publishing: Marji Ross, Karen Woodard, Harry Crocker, Kathleen Sweetapple, Sally Brock, John Lalor, Alex Novak, Jeanne Crotty, Christian Tappe, Mary Beth Baker, Emily Thiessen, Amanda Larsen, Amber Colleran, and Sekayi Brunson. Special recognition goes to my editor, Anneke Green, whose painstaking work and long hours are deeply appreciated.

Being a fellow at the Clare Booth Luce Policy Institute allowed me to take a break from practicing medicine, and to focus on research, writing, and speaking. I owe Michelle Easton and the other “Luce ladies”—in particular the multi-talented Jessica Cantelon and Kathleen McCann—gratitude for their generosity, creativity, enthusiasm, and warmth. Katie Collins was the ideal assistant—exceptionally
bright, good natured, and principled. Katie, you've set the gold standard for any help I might have in the future.

“Questioning” is dedicated to the memory of Hector Roybal. Hector was a warrior and a leader of men. His life story continues to inspire me and countless others.

My work has benefitted from the research and writing of so many, including Joe MacIlhaney, LouAnn Brizendine, John Potterat, James Jones, John Colapinto, Anne Bernstein, Ruth Jacobs, Judith Reisman, Gerianne Alexander, Selma Freiberg, Jay Giedd, Laurence Steinberg, Ronald Dahl, Anna-Barbara Moscicki, Sylvia Ann Hewlett, Lisa M. Diamond, and Paul R. McHugh.

I also acknowledge the awesome work of the thousands of abstinence educators around the country working in small communities and on the national level to promote the healthiest choice for teens. Valerie Huber, Leslee Unruh, all the people at the Medical Institute for Sexual Health, and many others have devoted their lives to this cause.

I am beholden to Naomi Decter, who is brilliant, professional, and high-speed. Boy was I lucky to find you!

I'm also grateful to, in no particular order, Ashley Herzog, Leah Klein, Molly Resnick, Elizabeth Christy, Charles Paternina, Tim Flanigan, Sue Schmidt-Lackner, Victor Grossman, and Adina Rimmon. Thank you Tova Pollen for your friendship and hospitality, in good times and bad. The Bendik-Rimmon household is my favorite place to eat, drink, debate, and be merry. Angela Villatoro makes my life easier.

Tanya, you've been so forgiving about my piles of work all over the place. Now we can use the dining room table for eating. You—along with Shuki, Chasida, and Ruchama, of course—are what life is all about.

Author's note: Parents, this chart gives you a place to start in unveiling sex education practices in your area.

Source: Guttmacher Institute, State Sex and STI/HIV Education Policy, State Policies In Brief, New York: Guttmacher, 2009,
http://www.guttmacher.org/statecenter/spibs/spib_SE.pdf
>, accessed June 17, 2009

Introduction

1
I pointed out this refers only to the minority of lesbians who have never been sexually active with males.

2
H. Trottier and E. L. Franco, “The epidemiology of genital human papillomavirus infection.”
Vaccine
24, Suppl 1 (March 2006): S4–15.

3
“Managing HPV: A New Era in Patient Care,” Association of Reproductive Health Professionals (January 2009)
http://www.arhp.org/publications-and-resources/quick-reference-guide-for-clinicians/managing-hpv
.

4
Press release, 2008 National STD Prevention Conference, March 11, 2008; available online at:
http://www.cdc.gov/stdconference/2008/media/release-11march2008.htm
.

5
Dr. John Douglas, in an interview on
The Early Show
, CBS News, March 12, 2008.

6
Statement of SIECUS President Joseph DiNorcia Jr. on New Data on Teen STD Rates,
www.siecus.org/media/press/press0166.html
.

7
Victoria Stagg Elliott, “Plans sought to curb teen girls' high STD rate,”
amednews.com
, April 14, 2008; available online at:
http://www.amaassn.org/amednews/2008/04/14/hlsa0414.htm
.

8
“Teen Talk: Pregnancy,” Planned Parenthood; available online at:
http://www.teenwire.com/interactive/movies/do-070213-pregnancy.php
.

9
“Fast Facts: S&M,”
gURL.com
; available online at:
http://www.gurl.com/findout/fastfacts/articles/0,,605386_708158,00.html
.

10
Esther Drill, Heather McDonald, and Rebecca Odes,
Deal With It! A whole new approach to your body, brain, and life as a gURL
(New York: Pocket Books, 1999), 87–90.

11
For example, David Parker, see
www.massresistance.org
.

12
Patricia Barthalow Koch, quoting M. Greene,
Landscapes of Learning
(New York: Teachers College Press, 1978) in “Integrating Cognitive, Affective, and Behavioral Approaches into Learning Experiences for Sexuality Education,” in James T. Sears, ed.,
Sexuality and the Curriculum: The Politics and Practices of Sexuality Education
(New York: Teachers College Press, 1992), 255.

13
SIECUS, “Guidelines for Comprehensive Sexuality Education,” touts itself as providing “an opportunity for young people to question, explore and assess their own and their community's attitudes about society, gender, and sexuality,” 19; available online at:
http://www.siecus.org/_data/global/images/guidelines.pdf
.

14
See David Elkind,
The Hurried Child: Growing Up Too Fast Too Soon
(Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley, 1988).

15
Patricia Barthalow Koch , “Integrating Cognitive, Affective, and Behavioral Approaches Into Learning Experiences for Sexuality Education,” chapter in James T. Sears, ed.,
Sexuality and the Curriculum: The Politics and Practices of Sexuality Education
(New York: Teachers College Press, 1992), 258.

16
“Growth and Development, Ages Four to Five—What Parents Need to Know,” Advocates for Youth; available online at:
http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/storage/advfy/documents/4_5.pdf
.

17
SIECUS, “Guidelines for Comprehensive Sexuality Education,” 3rd edition, 25; available online at:
http://www.siecus.org/_data/global/images/guidelines.pdf
..

18
Planned Parenthood, “Human Sexuality—What Children Need to Know and When,” October 29, 2008; available online at:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/parents/human-sexuality-what-children-need-know-when-they-need-know-it-4421.htm
.

19
Early Childhood Sexuality Education Task Force,
Right From the Start: Guidelines for Sexuality Issues, Birth to Five Years
(SIECUS, 1998), 53; available online at:
http://img.thebody.com/siecus/pdfs/RightFromTheStart.pdf
.

20
Planned Parenthood, “Human Sexuality—What Children Need to Know and When,” October 29, 2008; available online at:
http://www.planned-parenthood.org/parents/human-sexuality-what-children-need-know-when-they-need-know-it-4421.htm
.