You're Still the One (24 page)

She tried to suppress a smile and failed. Her adorable dimples flashed for a brief moment, and Hayden wished he saw them more. Like the other day on their hike, when they'd been practically ever-present. “That was nice of him. I guess it is pretty good.”

“I'll make a point to stop in and taste it.”

“How was your day?” she asked. “Seems like they keep you pretty busy up there. I thought I saw you digging holes, and then Kyle said you were conducting interviews.”

“Yeah, whatever they need.”

“You've always been that guy—the one who fixes everything.”

He had. Kind of dumb that he'd come to resent that because the truth was that he enjoyed being that guy. He liked feeling needed.

“Very dependable,” she added.

He snorted. “Tell that to my boss—
former
boss—in France. I told him I wasn't taking the job. He wasn't happy. A little pissed, truth be told, but he understood and eventually wished me the best of luck.”

The same couldn't be said about Gabrielle. She'd called precisely five minutes after he'd hung up with her father. That had gone considerably worse. She'd been
very
pissed. It seemed she thought they had more of a relationship than he did. He'd been so confused. She'd specifically told him on several occasions that they were not a “thing.” Still, he'd apologized profusely and hoped she'd be okay.

Standing here with Bex, he thought about taking her with him to France when he went back to collect his things. They could stop over in Germany—it wasn't Oktoberfest, but she'd love it anyway.

Wait, what the hell was he doing? Planning a future with her? No, no, no. That wasn't happening. They'd fallen into some habit last week, but it couldn't last.

She pivoted. “Well, I'm going to turn in.”

There was something off here. She seemed . . . removed. But maybe she was just tired. He touched her arm and instantly regretted it from a self-preservation perspective as heat threaded through him. “You okay?”

She turned her head, her green eyes wide and luminous as she looked up at him. He saw vulnerability in their depths and questioned his sanity. He wanted her, he didn't want her. He didn't
want
to want her. Yeah, that was it.

“I'm fine. I'm just . . .
Hayden
.” She exhaled softly.

He didn't know what she meant or what she was thinking, but he set his glass on a shelf in the pantry and moved toward her. He cupped her face, tracing her jaw with his thumb. She closed her eyes briefly and tipped her head, nuzzling into his touch. Her fingertips found his abdomen and pulled gently at his shirt. He lowered his head and kissed her, their lips meeting softly.

He pulled back and looked down at her. She gazed up at him, and he wasn't sure she'd ever looked at him like that—with such emotion. It completely swept him off his feet. He kissed her again, angling his head and pulling her against him. He curved his hand behind her nape and licked at her lips until she opened for him. She clutched at his sides and kissed him back fervently, their tongues tangling with urgent need. He suppressed a groan, loving the feel of her, wanting all of her.

He lifted his head. “We should move this upstairs.” Before his mother came back and squealed with joy upon finding them in an embrace.

She splayed her hands over his chest. “Wait.” Something about the way she said the word made him pause. The bliss pitching through him faded. “What are we doing?”

Uh-oh. Not this conversation.

He stepped back and picked up his beer. “I was getting a snack.”

She frowned at him. “That's not what I meant.”

He clutched his beer like it was some sort of talisman against the intimacy of the conversation she seemed intent on having.

She moved closer. “I want . . . I want to be with you. More than ducking upstairs before someone sees us.”

Fuck.

What had happened to uncomplicated? “Why are you bringing this up now?” He glanced around, half expecting his parents to pop out of the woodwork. “Here?”

“Because I can't keep doing this without saying something. Every time we're together, I . . . I want more.” She touched his free hand. “Don't you? The way you touch me, the things you say . . . It seems like maybe you do.”

So she didn't want uncomplicated. She wanted something else entirely. Something he wasn't sure he was ready to give her. And he honestly didn't know if he ever would be.

He pulled his hand away. “Let's get one thing straight. The man I am today isn't who I was five years ago.”

She blinked at him, realization crystallizing in her eyes. “I guess you aren't.”

“I don't want a relationship right now. Not with anyone.” He didn't want to hurt her, but he also had to be honest. “I like being on my own.”

She took a moment to seemingly process what he said before tentatively asking, “Is that because it took you so long to get over me?”

Damn, he wished she hadn't known that. “Who told you that?”

“Does it matter? It's true, isn't it?”

Completely. But that was
his
pain. And he'd finally conquered it. He didn't need her dredging it up again. “You know what doesn't matter, Bex? Everything that happened after you left. You gave up any right to know what I did or what I felt.”

She winced. “I know. I'm so sorry. Tell me what I need to do to make it up to you.”

God, how many times would he have crumpled under those words? If she'd come back to him and said them anytime before Alex had died, he would've gladly given himself over to her. But not now. He didn't want to revisit that ache any more than he had in the past five minutes. “There's nothing you can do. I've moved on.”

“What about the past week? It hasn't meant anything?”

It had meant more than he wanted to admit. He'd started to feel . . . something he didn't want to. “It was great, but I think it's done now. I don't want to go back, Bex. Only forward.”

She moved closer to him, so that he could feel her heat. “We
could
be forward. Not the old us, but a new and improved us. I love you, Hayden. I don't think I ever stopped.”

Her words sliced into him, flaying the old wound. A part of him would always love her. He couldn't help that. He could, however, protect himself from further heartache.

He stepped back from her, intent on fleeing upstairs to his room. “That's too bad, because I did.”

B
EX SAT IN
her office in the brewhouse and blinked at her computer screen after zoning out for the umpteenth time. She'd spent most of the night tossing and turning, her mind and body a twisted knot of stress and regret. She never should've told Hayden she loved him. The look in his eyes had been enough to make her wish she could take it back. But she couldn't. Just like she couldn't wipe away the pain she'd caused him five years ago.

She'd wondered if Ribbon Ridge would be big enough for both of them, and she had her answer—no. She'd been a fool to think she could come back here and live in the same town as him and his family. Worse, to think she could
work
for his family.

Then again, she hadn't anticipated the impact of coming back. Of being with Hayden. Seeing him had rekindled feelings she'd thought long buried. About him and the life they could've had. A life he no longer wanted. Yeah, staying here would pretty much be a huge middle finger in his face.

Which was why she had to leave.

She'd texted Tori and Sara and asked them to come to her office at noon. She'd brewed another batch of beer in a kind of haze, feeling sad that she wouldn't get to do this for very long and hoping she could find another job relatively quickly.

Tori and Sara came into the brewhouse together. Bex stood from her desk, where she'd been nervously tapping her foot, and called for them to come on in. She had just two other chairs situated around a small worktable.

She tried to infuse as much cheer into her voice as possible. “Hi, have a seat.”

And apparently failed spectacularly. Tori immediately frowned. “What's wrong?”

Sara took one of the chairs and looked from Tori to Bex. “
Is
something wrong?”

Bex took a deep breath. “I need to give you my notice. I'll do it in writing, but I wanted to tell you both first.”

“What?”

They said the word in unison, both of them sitting forward in their chairs, their faces reflecting shock and surprise.

“What happened?” Tori sat back, her eyes narrowing. “Is this Hayden's fault?”

Bex shook her head vehemently. “No. It's mine. I thought I could come back here, but I was wrong.” Maybe she was as emotionally stunted as she'd always been. No, that wasn't it. For whatever reason she was different now. She realized she was going to regret not having the chance to be a part of this crazy, complicated family, that somewhere along the way she wanted the closeness they all shared. Maybe it was the Only Child Club or the camaraderie, or yes, even their parents' meddling. What she wouldn't give to have two parents who cared as much as Rob and Emily did. But if she couldn't have Hayden, she couldn't have his family either.

Sara's brow puckered. “I don't understand. Why can't you be here? I thought you liked it here. I heard you all had such a good time last weekend on the campout.”

Bex thought about spilling everything—found that she wanted to for the first time—but she didn't for Hayden's sake. In the end, it was far easier to bury everything. “It was really fun, but . . . but I just can't stay.”

Tori crossed her arms over her chest. “I don't get you. You left town practically overnight five years ago, breaking our brother's heart. Now you come back, and you're going to bail again?”

Put like that, Bex sounded like an awful person. And right now, she felt like one. But she was really trying to do the right thing, particularly since she was the one who'd screwed it up in the first place by coming back. “Why were you all so forgiving after I left? I don't understand why you stayed friends with me.”

“Yeah, you broke his heart, but maybe he deserved it.” Tori shook her head. “I don't know what went on between you. I love my brother—and I'll choose him over you in a heartbeat—but I grew to love you, too.”

Sara's eyes were kind as she looked at Bex. “I think in our minds, you were already our sister-in-law. When you left, you broke up with all of us.”

Bex's heart twisted. She loved them, too. All of them. “I'm so sorry. Things were . . . I can't tell you everything, I'm sorry.” She winced, but let the words come. “I did break up with all of you. Frankly, you were all part of the problem.”

Tori's eyes widened, and Sara's brow wrinkled with confusion.

“I don't understand,” Sara said. “You didn't like us?”

Bex was really screwing this up, too. “I liked you very much. I loved you, even. But I come from a tiny family. Actually, I barely come from a family at all. You're scary as hell.”

Tori uncrossed her arms, and her shoulders relaxed slightly. “I get that. You're not wrong.”

“No,” Sara agreed. “Why do you think we all left town?”

Wait, what? Bex blinked at them in surprise.

“We needed space,” Tori said. “Just to spread our wings a little, to find ourselves, I guess.” She glanced at Sara, who nodded in response.

Bex wanted to say that Hayden hadn't had that chance. That his not taking it was a key point of their breakup, but that was between them. Just like the baby. If he wanted to share any of that with his family, that was his decision, not hers.

“So that's why you're leaving?” Sara asked. “You just can't tolerate our crazy?”

Bex laughed, glad for the humor. “You're not crazy. Just a bit overwhelming. But yes, I don't really fit here.” Although she desperately wanted to. Wasn't irony a bitch?

Tori pursed her lips. “You're so full of shit. This isn't about us. This is about Hayden. I saw the way you were looking at each other when we were camping, and Jamie said he saw you guys coming out of the woods. Late.”

Sara sucked in a breath. “You guys aren't—?”

Bex shook her head firmly. “No, we aren't.”
Anymore.
“We are no more together now than when I got here.” That was certainly the truth.

Tori rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I'm not buying it. Just please tell us if we're going to have to pick up the pieces again.” She looked at Bex intently.

“No,” Bex said quietly. At least not where Hayden was concerned. Bex, on the other hand, might need a mop to clean up the mess of her heart.

Tori's gaze softened. “You're still in love with him.”

She shouldn't confirm that. It wasn't their business. But the pull to strip away her armor and reach out to them was too overwhelming to ignore. She nodded.

Tori scooted forward in her chair. “That jackass. What did he do?”

Bex blinked, coming out of her stupid lovelorn haze. “
Nothing.
He did absolutely nothing. I've put him through enough. I'm leaving because it's best for him.”

Sara looked confused again. “I don't understand. Does he know how you feel?”

Again, she probably ought to file this under “none of their business,” but she didn't want them talking to him about it.
At all.
And yeah, it felt good to share this with them. Like they were the sisters she'd never have. Which they totally were. “He does, and he . . . ” Bex shook her head.

Tori exhaled, looking defeated. “That sucks. I would've thought he'd be open to getting back together.”

“Because he was hung up on me for so long?” Bex asked.

Tori nodded. “You knew about that?”

“Not until recently. If I'd known . . . ” What would she have done? She had no idea, and she never would.

“Are you sure he won't come around?” Sara asked. “You guys were pretty great together.”

She'd thought so too this past week, but it didn't matter. “No, that ship has sailed. His words.”

Sara got up and went to Bex's chair to hug her. “I'm sorry, Bex.”

Bex stood and hugged her back. “Me too.” She smiled sadly.

Tori joined them. “This sucks. You were supposed to be our sister.”

Bex blinked back tears. She suddenly wished she hadn't shared so much. This was more painful than she'd imagined. She didn't want to go back to being alone. To being lonely.

The tough part of her—the girl her parents had conditioned to suck it up—swallowed the crushing emotions and cleared her throat. “Do you want any recommendations for my replacement? I could give you a few names.”

Tori shrugged. “I guess. What are you going to do in the meantime? Is the apartment ready yet? Can you at least move in there for the next few weeks?”

Bex didn't plan to tell them the full story regarding Rob and Emily's role in everything. “No, I'd rather find somewhere else. Away from the house entirely.”

“Come stay with us,” Sara said. “We have a spare room. The main bathroom is in desperate need of updating, but it works. Dylan plans to get to it this winter when things slow down a bit.”

Bex stared at her. “You guys got married like two weeks ago. No way am I staying with you.”

Tori looked at her sister. “Seriously. Dylan would shoot you.”

Sara giggled. “Okay, maybe. But she needs a place to stay, and your loft is too small.”

“True. I wish our house was done, but that's months off.” Tori pressed her lips together for a second then her eyes lit. “Duh, Evan and Alaina. They have scads of space. I'll call her now.” She pulled her phone from her pocket.

Bex wasn't sure. “I don't want to be a nuisance—they're newlyweds, too.”

“With an
estate
,” Tori said. “I'm pretty sure you'll have your own wing. Don't stress.”

It was more than that. “I don't want anyone to know about Hayden and me. I'd rather they think poorly of me—that I decided this job wasn't a good fit.”

Sara blinked at her. “No one's going to believe that. They'll figure it out, but we'll do our best to downplay everything. Okay?”

“Yeah, trust us,” Tori said. “The hard part will be Mom and Dad. I think they were hoping you'd get back together.”

They'd done a little more than hope, but she wouldn't tell them that. She also wasn't going to worry about their reaction to her leaving.

“So, we're good?” Sara asked, drawing her back to the present.

“Definitely. You'll always be my friends. I love you both.”

Tori smiled. “Even though our family's nuts?”

A loving family, even a crazy one, was still a damn sight better than what Bex had. And while she didn't agree with Rob and Emily's methods, she knew their hearts were in the right place. Anyway, none of it was her issue anymore.

“Even though,” Bex said.

“ 'K, I'm calling Alaina right now.” Tori pulled her number up on the phone and moved from the office into the brewhouse.

Bex thought of how awkward the next few weeks would be, but she wasn't going to leave them hanging. She'd stay until they found a replacement. Her mind was already working on whom she could recommend.

Tori came back into the office. “Done. Alaina says to come by whenever. She's texting you the code to their gate.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it. Now go, I have beer to tend.” She needed to keg a batch of Robin Hood ale.

They hugged her again then left, and she marveled at the complexities of family and friendship and how lucky she would've been to share both with those women. But Bex had never been lucky, had she?

H
AYDEN TOOK ONE
last glance in the mirror. He smoothed his hand over his hair then turned and walked through his bedroom to the hallway. He looked to the left, but Bex wouldn't be there. She'd moved out last night, going to stay with Alaina and Evan until they found a new brewer for The Arch and Fox. Then she'd leave Ribbon Ridge. Again.

He wanted to feel triumphant, like he'd somehow come out the victor this time around, but there were no winners here. If anything, he was angry for putting himself into a position where they'd had to go through this again, albeit on a much lesser scale.

He couldn't really compare this to before. That had been far more complicated with her wanting him to leave Ribbon Ridge, him refusing, the baby . . . No, this was easier. Or at least it should be on paper. Why then was he tied up in knots?

Because he'd started to allow the old feelings back in. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Yes, she said she loved him. Now. But for how long? When she got tired of Ribbon Ridge again, which he fully expected her to, what would happen then?

Just like five years ago, she was doing him a favor by leaving. Yep, a big fat favor.

He turned sharply and went downstairs. His folks were already over at The Alex—they were staying in the penthouse suite tonight—so he just had to drive himself. He stepped out into the driveway and saw the contractor walking from the garage apartment toward his work truck.

The contractor noticed him and changed direction. “Hey, is Emily or Rob here?”

“No, they aren't. I'm their son Hayden.” He offered his hand. “Can I help?”

The contractor shook his hand. “Maybe. I had an emergency come up and can't finish tomorrow. Do you think that will be a problem?”

Now that Bex was gone, there wasn't any rush. “No, I'm sure it's fine.”

The contractor visibly relaxed. “Great. I didn't think it would be an issue since your mom kept putting me off, but I wanted to check and make sure.”

Hayden's neck pricked. “What do you mean she kept putting you off?”

“She kept rescheduling the install.”

Ice formed in Hayden's belly. “I thought the materials were on backorder.”

The contractor looked thoroughly confused. He shook his head. “No. We had everything we needed.”

“Ah, my misunderstanding.”
Completely.
“I'll let her know you won't be here tomorrow.”

“Thanks. I'll finish up Friday. See you.” He turned and went to his truck while Hayden strode to the garage where they kept the Prius.

Hayden backed out and drove through the porte cochere, his mind churning. His mother had clearly lied about the apartment. The only thing he could come up with was that she'd wanted Bex to stay in the house. And why would she do that, other than to have her close to Hayden?