You're Still the One (21 page)

Maybe because there was too much of his past holding him back.

W
HEN THEY STARTED
up again, Bex was surprised to find herself alone with Hayden at the back. Had that been by design? She'd taken her pack off when they'd stopped and now had to readjust it a little as they got moving.

“You got all that?” he asked her.

“Yep.”

“That's quite a pack. I'm sure it weighs more than mine.”

“I doubt it. We spread the stuff out pretty evenly last night.” She and Liam had taken on organizing the gear. “It just looks bigger because I'm smaller than you.”

He nodded. “That must be it.”

“You don't have to hang back here with me,” she said, still wondering why he was.

He cast her an amused glance. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”

“Not at all. I'm just wondering about your motives.”

He laughed. “I need a motive? What, do you think I'm going to whisk you off into the trees and seduce you?”

That sounded heavenly. “No, but don't let me stop you.”

He kept his face straight ahead, but she saw him smile. “I wanted to know how you got into hiking in the first place.”

“Oh, that's easy. A friend I worked with at the brewery in Bend invited me.” She left out the part where she'd been a walking zombie for a few months after leaving Ribbon Ridge. The invitation had come at her lowest point, when she'd been certain she'd never be happy again. “Jill's an avid hiker and she took me under her wing.” That day had been the best Bex had felt in ages. For the first time, she'd felt the return of peace. Of hope that stretched beyond making it through the workday or sleeping through the night.

“So that was it?”

“Pretty much. I was hooked.” She'd gone every weekend and after a few months had done an overnight. “Jill and I did part of the Pacific Crest Trail a couple of years ago. That was amazing.”

He tossed her a look of admiration. “Oh wow, I had no idea. That's so cool.”

“Thanks. I'd love to do the whole thing someday. Maybe when I retire.”

“Bucket list?”

“Sure.” They'd talked about their bucket lists when they'd been together. His had included making wine in France, while hers had included making beer in Germany. “Seems like you're crossing things off yours,” she said.

“Am I?” He was quiet a moment. “Oh, right. We talked about that. What have you done?”

“Nothing that we talked about. I don't know that I've really thought about it until now.” No, she pretty much lived for each day because that's what you did when you had parents who didn't plan or organize, when you weren't sure what was happening that weekend, let alone what might be for dinner. The usual answer to both questions had been
figure it out yourself
.

“I'm surprised you didn't take off for Germany. Or did you have something keeping you here?”

“Just work. And money. We don't all have trust funds,” she said without heat. “I've been saving to go to Oktoberfest in Munich. Maybe next fall.”

“So you were working and hiking the past five years. Anything else?”

She sipped from her water pack. “That's about it. I tried living in Seattle to see if Debbie and I could have a better relationship as adults.”

He let out a laugh. “I can just imagine how that went over. Your mom's a piece of work.”

Hayden had heard the stories of course. How she'd put a thirteen-year-old Bex up in a hotel during one of their scheduled visitations because she was hosting an elegant party and having a guy sleep over. She didn't think it was appropriate to have her daughter there. But instead of planning her party around their weekend, she'd just done what she'd always done—her own thing.

He looked at Bex askance. “I'm surprised you tried that.”

“I guess it was on my bucket list, though not officially. I'd hoped we'd establish some kind of closeness, but I've given up now.”

He slowed his gait for a moment. “I'm sorry.”

She shrugged. “It's okay. It's hard to miss something you've never had.” That wasn't precisely true, but she didn't miss having a connection with her mother the way she missed having one with Hayden. She'd had that once, and she wanted it again. She hadn't realized how much until she'd come back to Ribbon Ridge. And it wasn't just about him. It was about the entire package. She'd kept his family at arm's length before, but now she found she wanted to open up, even if she was having trouble. Like with Emily and with the Only Child Club members.

“What about you?” she asked. “What were you up to in Ribbon Ridge before you went to France?”

“Same old, same old. Working for my dad, hanging out with Derek and Alex. And Cam, of course.”

She imagined the four of them leaving a stream of broken hearts in their wake. “Did Cam convert you to the dark side?”

This drew a puzzled look from Hayden, but then realization dawned. “You're asking if I turned into a manwhore.” He shook his head. “No. At least, I don't think so. Ask Derek. I think we kept our heads on straight.”

“So there's a teensy potential?” Why was she asking? Did she really want to know?

“Bex, are you fishing for information about who I slept with when we weren't together? If you want to know, I'll tell you, but it's not a short list.”

She stumbled but caught herself. Her chest ached. Why had she pursued that topic? “No, I don't really want to know, sorry.”

He stopped and looked at her, his gaze full of concern. “You okay?”

“Yeah, just hit a rock with my toe.”

“Be careful. You're supposed to be the expert.”

She laughed. “Thanks. Even experts can trip.”

“We're all just a step away from total disaster, aren't we?”

His tone was light, teasing, but she wondered if there was something more to his statement. Was he a step away from disaster? She couldn't shake the sense that he was holding something back, that he wasn't really at ease. She began to wonder if this had anything to do with her, or if there was something else going on with him.

“So when do we get to taste your beer?”

She almost wanted to steer the conversation back to him, but she was the last person to press someone to reveal emotions. “The first batches should be ready Monday. One's a loganberry ale.”

“Sounds great. What're you calling it?”

“I asked Evan for suggestions. He came up with Legolas. Because he's an archer, and it sounds kind of like loganberry.”

Hayden laughed. “And it's from his favorite book and movie series of all time.”

She grinned. “True, but I still like it.”

“I like it, too.”

“The other's an IPA, but it doesn't have a name yet.” She'd thought of a few, but nothing had stuck. “I designed it with hints of pine and spice. We'll see how it turns out.”

“How about calling it Hot Prick?”

This time her stumble was much bigger, and he had to reach out and grab her. She laughed hard. “Are you serious?”

His eyes glinted with mirth. “Hey, we get away with calling our stout Shaft.”

“True, but Hot Prick is maybe a little over the top. How about Spice Whirl?”

He laughed. “As in the Spice Girls movie? That's lame.”

He was right, but she pretended to be offended anyway and failed miserably as she laughed with him. “Hey, I
loved
that movie when it came out.”

“So did my sisters. But I doubt that's your audience. I'm still voting for Hot Prick. Or how about Zestactular?”

She narrowed her eyes, still laughing. “That's ridiculous.”

“It's better than Spice Whirl.”

“I think you're right. Hot Prick is better. Why don't I just go with a dirty theme? Instead of Legolas, I'll call that one Twig and Berries.”

It was his turn to burst out laughing. “Brilliant. You need a honey beer that you can call Sweet Lick.”

She dabbed at her eye as her laughter continued. “You're terrible. What about one I can call Goldenrod? It'll be a wheat beer.”

He laughed with her, bending at the waist. “Pink Lips. Something with cherries. Better yet, Pop My Cherry.”

She gulped air. “Hey, when I was in Eugene I got away with naming one Beaver Beater.”

He stopped, his hand catching hers so she stopped, too. He laughed harder. “You didn't. No, of course you did. Those Duck-loving assholes.”

She loved that he was touching her. “They especially loved it since I was a Beaver. They thought it was a funny joke, and that I was just being a good sport. I laughed the entire time.”

“Come on, they got the double entendre, right?”

“Of course they did, but since it was a Beaver slam, they didn't care.”

He took a deep breath as he wiped his eye, unfortunately letting go of her hand in the process. “This is kind of turning me on.”

“Me too.”

“I suppose stopping for a quickie now would be a bad idea,” he said, finally reining in his laughter.

“Probably. We can sneak away later after everyone's asleep.”

“We're keeping it a secret then?” He nodded. “I'm on board with that.”

That he asked gave her pause. Was there a chance they could go public? She'd like that. She'd love to be with him outside of the bedroom. The past five minutes were a prime example of how much she enjoyed his company. He'd always made her laugh, made her feel like the most important person in the world, something she'd never experienced before. Or since.

Damn, she'd been a colossal fool.

She was suddenly overcome with love for him. Had it always been there, or was this a new, slightly different emotion? It was both, she realized. She'd loved him before, of course, but this was deeper, richer. Not because of him—he was the same man she'd fallen for in college—but because of her.
She
was different. More able to love, perhaps more able to
be
loved.

She looked ahead and saw Sean and Tori holding hands, recalled Aubrey and Liam embracing when they'd stopped earlier. She wanted that with Hayden. But she also knew it was too soon to expect it. That was okay because she was willing to wait. Slow and steady won the race, right? She'd be patient and love him. He deserved that and so much more.

She smiled at him. “Probably best to keep things uncomplicated.”

He turned from her. “Yep. We should catch up.” He started up the trail then after a moment called back, “You coming?”

She'd gotten caught staring at his backside and thinking about sneaking into the trees later. “Yes. Right behind you.”

T
HEY
'
D REACHED THE
summit and set up their rudimentary camp. Kyle and Maggie had arrived around six thirty, toting a wagon full of food and drink. Kyle's campfire cooking skills proved as sophisticated as in a professional kitchen. With the beer and wine flowing, it was a very pleasant evening, maybe the best Hayden had enjoyed since he'd been home.

They sat around the fire, the sun finally going down, everyone in low chairs that Kyle had also brought during a second trip to the car with the wagon. Cam sat to Hayden's right and gave him a questioning look. They'd looped Jamie into their plan to share the big news tonight.

Hayden answered with a subtle nod. “So, Cam and Jamie and I have some news,” he said loudly.

Kyle finished stowing some cooking items in the wagon then came to sit down. “Hey, same-sex marriage is legal, but polygamy is still out.”

Laughter erupted around the campfire. Hayden smiled and shook his head. You could always count on Kyle to inject humor into pretty much every conversation. It was a gift. And sometimes a curse when you wanted to be serious. Fortunately this wasn't one of those times.

“Very funny, but that's not quite it,” Hayden said when the laughter had died down. “We're starting a business together—with Luke. A winery.”

This was met with whoops and exclamations and Tori jumping out of her chair and practically tackle-hugging Hayden's chair into the dirt.

He patted her back, grinning. “Thanks.”

Liam sat forward in his chair. “Details. Spill.”

“There's not a whole lot to share just yet. We're buying the Quail Crest vineyard, and we'll hopefully be in production next year.”

Kyle drank from his beer—he'd brought bottles from Dad's home brew stash. “How long have you been keeping this secret?”

Hayden bristled. “It wasn't a secret. We were getting our ducks in a row. It happened pretty quickly. Just the other day.”

“This is so great!” Tori yelled into the sky. “We're all going to be home now. Do Mom and Dad know?”

“Not yet. I'll tell them tomorrow.”

Liam sat back in his chair. “We won't steal your thunder, bro. They're going to be stoked.”

Hayden nodded, glad that he would make them happy. That's all he'd ever wanted. But then that had been his problem, hadn't it? He'd been so busy caring about everyone else that he'd forgotten about himself. But he was over that. This was the Hayden show now.

“So, Tori, let us know when we can get together and talk architecture plans,” Cam said.

“Oh,
yay
! I can't wait. Oooh, you
could
put the facility at The Alex. But that means trucking the fruit over.”

“Nope, not doing that,” Hayden answered. Even if it hadn't been a logistical headache, he didn't want his new venture commingled with his family's. Not in any way, shape, or form. He was good paying them to provide services—such as Tori doing the design—but at the end of the day, it was his thing with the Westcott boys.

“What are you calling it?” Bex asked.

He smiled, thinking she had to be recalling their conversation earlier. He thought of several inappropriate responses, but kept them all to himself. “We haven't decided. West Arch or Arch West are in the running though.” They'd wanted to somehow combine their names if possible. “I'm partial to West Arch myself.”