Young Love (Bloomfield #4) (13 page)

Grey had been really funny when we’d gone for sushi. So much so, my face had begun to hurt from smiling so much. I don’t know what had possessed me to accept his offer, considering I’d already eaten, but I couldn’t regret it.

As much as we had an awkward tension between us at times, there were also times where all that melted away and things were incredible. I don’t know what caused the tense moments.

Okay, maybe I did. I’d be lying if I denied that there was an unspoken attraction there that both of us were clearly trying to ignore. I still couldn’t decide if we were epically failing at that, or sincerely developing a real friendship.

When the class was called to an end, I walked out in a daze, my thoughts a million miles away. I barely managed a wave to Chloe and Adrien as I headed to my next class.

The rest of the day was much the same. Every time I stared at my paper or blackboard all I saw were blue eyes and wide lips. When my teachers spoke, all I could hear was the deep rumble of a laugh, and the raspy voice that brought goose bumps to my arms.

When I finally made it back to my apartment, I had no idea what I’d learned that day. Great. My money was going down the drain if I kept this up. I needed to snap out of it. No more dwelling on boys and sushi.

Heading to my room, I grabbed some comfy clothes and underwear, and headed for a shower. I just needed some water to wash away these thoughts, and get my head back on straight. Some dinner and a little House of Cards were sure to help too.

Feeling better about everything, I took my time in the shower, even blowing out my hair before leaving the bathroom.

As I bent over to place my frozen pizza in the oven, I heard a knock at the door. Looking through the peephole, my heart instantly began to race at the person waiting on the other side. I opened the door, a smile immediately blooming on my face.

Grey’s lips turned up, and I swear my breath stopped.

“Hey,” he said in that voice that had me distracted all day long.

“Hey,” I replied.

“You busy?”

I shook my head. “I was just going to eat and watch some TV.”

He nodded, shoving his hands in his front pockets. “Would you like some company?”

This was probably not a good idea, considering where my thoughts had been all day, but I couldn’t stop myself from motioning him inside.

Grey entered, walking over to sit on my couch, making himself at home. He looked good on my couch. Too good.

I swallowed, suddenly nervous even though we weren’t technically doing anything wrong.

“What were you going to watch?” He asked.

“House of Cards. Do you watch it?”

“Nah, politics isn’t really my thing.”

I gasped. “You have no idea what you’re missing.”

“Is that so?” He said with a chuckle. “Then I guess I’m about to find out.”

“There’s no way I can fill you in on all the awesome-ness that is Frank and Clair. We’ll have to start from the beginning.”

He raised both brows. “You don’t mind?”

“I’m willing to take one for the team.”

“Okay, let’s see what all the hype is about then.”

I set up the show before getting us some drinks. We sat on opposite sides of the couch as the show started. When the oven buzzed, I went and got the pizza, splitting it between us and bringing two plates over.

Just like we had before, we watched TV in a comfortable companionship. It was clear after the first episode he was hooked so we went straight into the next one.

At some point the plates had been removed to the coffee table, and we were sitting closer. My eyes started to grow heavier, and before I knew it I was asleep.

When I woke, my head was nestled against Grey’s chest, his arm casually stretched across the back of the couch behind me.

I jolted up, looking down at him. “I’m so sorry!”

He chuckled, sitting up and stretching. “For what?”

“For...” I gestured at him and where we’d been, struggling for the right words.

“For using me as a pillow?” He offered.

“Basically, yeah.”

“No worries. I’ve been told I’m comfortable.”

He was. He really was.

I could feel my cheeks heat as he regarded me with a small, crooked grin.

“Relax, Honor. It’s no big deal. And your snoring was only marginally distracting from the show.”

A burst of laughter escaped me just as all the embarrassment evaporated.

“Shut up, I do not snore,” I said, tossing a pillow at him.

“You most definitely do. I had to turn the volume up.”

I was full out laughing now, the playfulness in his eyes causing a funny sensation in the pit of my stomach.

“You’re such a liar. I know for a fact I don’t snore.”

“Oh yeah? Do you tape yourself sleeping or something?”

“No! Perrie would have told me.”

He snorted. “Well, doll, I’m telling you, you snore. Maybe your cousin just didn’t want to embarrass you.”

I shook my head, my mouth dropping open. “And you don’t care about embarrassing me?”

His smirk widened. “Absolutely not. The blush on your face right now is adorable.”

My smile slipped a fraction as our eyes held. The light atmosphere plummeted as that familiar tension between us ignited. My breathing became shallower when his bright, blue eyes lowered to focus on my mouth.

Without realizing it, I started to lean in toward him until suddenly our mouths were barely a whisper away from each other. We paused there, the air between us thick and heavy as we stared at one another.

This was wrong. So, so wrong. He knew it, I knew it. The space left between us knew it.

How badly I wanted to close that distance and feel his mouth on mine again. I wanted that rush of need and desire that he had stirred in me the first time we kissed. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

As if my distress was answered by some unseen force, Grey’s phone that was on the table began to vibrate, breaking into our tension. Our heads turned at the same time. My stomach sank when I read Kelly’s name lit up on his screen, even as my rational side shouted out a “thank God” inside my head. Reality set in. Moving back, I leaned as far as I could against my corner of the couch. Grey, not meeting my eyes, grabbed his phone, clearing his throat as he stood.

“I should probably head out and let you get back to sleep,” he said, his voice gruff.

All I could manage was a shaky nod, my head lowered as he eased by me.

“Have a good night, Honor,” he said at the door.

I looked over at him, offering a weak smile. “You too, Grey.”

I watched as his jaw twitched, just before he opened the door and left, shutting it behind him.

Like a robot on autopilot, I stood and walked to the door, locking it. Then I made my way to my bedroom, falling face first onto the mattress, groaning into the pillow.

What the hell had I almost done? How could I have been so stupid and selfish? That wasn’t me. I wasn’t
that
girl. I didn’t sneak around with another girl’s man.

It was obvious that Grey’s and my friendship wasn’t what we had been pretending it was. There was no denying it, at least to myself, that I had stronger feelings for him than just a friend.

“Damn,” I said, curling into a ball.

I liked Grey. Like,
liked
, liked Grey. Even though I knew he wasn’t my type, and I wasn’t really his, that didn’t change the fact that I was attracted to him more than I’d been with anyone else in the past.

Now what was I going to do? Obviously these little TV nights were out of the question. All alone-time with Grey from now on would have to be off limits. That fact left me feeling empty and depressed. I’d found someone I could be around and feel...at home with. There was no other way to explain it. And I couldn’t have that. At least, not with him.

Sighing, I closed my eyes and decided maybe things would look better in the morning. They would have to, because I’d never been the type to dwell on the opposite sex, and I wasn’t about to start now. I had my goals, and my friends and family, and that was enough. Grey Anderson was just going to have to be my neighbour and nothing else.

That was all there was to it.

Chapter 16

Grey

I strolled into work Tuesday morning, feeling much the same as the name my mother had decided to bestow on me. I’d barely slept the night before as I replayed that moment with Honor a million different ways in my mind.

What if I had never stared at her the way I had? Or leaned in when she did? What if I had kept my desire for her completely at bay so I didn’t ruin the delicate friendship we had only just established?

What if I had closed that distance? What if I had finally kissed her again like I’ve wanted to since that very first night? What if I had pulled her against me and felt her softness beneath me?

I couldn’t decide which direction appealed to me more - maintaining our friendship, or saying fuck it, and kissing her again. I knew whatever we had built was damaged now. It fucking killed.

When I had woken up that morning it had taken me a second to remember just what had taken place the night before. For the briefest of moments, I’d smiled to myself thinking about Honor, and how I would manage to see her.

And then it had hit me, and I realized I’d screwed up a really good thing. A fucking amazing thing, and now I felt like punching my hand through a wall.

“Geez, who kicked your puppy?”

I glanced up to see Rannon watching me from Kyle’s office door.

Ignoring him, I headed to my station.

“Kelly got you in the dog house or something?” He pressed, walking over to me.

I grunted. She didn’t - not yet at least.

If there was one thing I was sure of this morning, after all my inner conflict, it was that I needed to end things with Kelly. This wasn’t fair to her. While I didn’t feel as though I had cheated on her, I also knew I was getting dangerously close. Too close for my comfort.

Kelly deserved more. I didn’t know what I was feeling when it came to Honor, but I knew it was enough to make me realize whatever I was doing with Kelly wasn’t what I wanted. It wasn’t real. While I liked her as a person, I didn’t have the same attraction to her that I had for Honor.

She’d called me three times last night after I had left Honor’s. I couldn’t even bring myself to answer the calls. Guilt had weighed on me, and I didn’t want Kelly to sense it in my tone. I might not have kissed Honor, but I’d come damn close, and most of all, I’d wanted to.

Now I had to figure out how I was going to break things off with Kelly. I wasn’t good at this shit. And I wasn’t really looking forward to hurting her. I’d made things so fucked up for myself. I hated drama and here I was causing it left and right.

“I see you’re as chatty as usual,” Rannon said, reminding me that he was still standing there.

I leaned back in my chair, looking over at him. “I’m sorry, man. I have a lot of shit on my mind.”

“You and me both. Girls sure make life crazier,” he said.

I didn’t know how he knew it was about girls, but I didn’t deny it. Nodding my head, I went back to setting up for my first tattoo of the day, pushing all the shit to the back of my mind for the time being. When I got home later, I’d call Kelly and end things.

***

I saw the back of Honor disappear into our building just as I was pulling into my parking space. Throwing my truck into park, I practically jumped out of it, running before she made her to her apartment.

I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say, but I knew I needed to talk to her. If I understood Honor at all, I knew she’d likely avoid me as much as possible if she could. There was no way I was letting that happen.

Taking the stairs two at a time, for the first moment since I’d moved in three years ago, I was actually thankful the elevators were always broken. As I entered our floor, she was a short ways in front of me, her head down as she walked gracefully down the hall. You’d have to be blind not to know that Honor was a dancer. It was in everything she did, every move she made.

“Honor,” I called out, catching the way her shoulders stiffened before she stopped and turned to look at me.

“Oh, hey,” she said, nervously tucking a stray hair behind her ear.

I stopped just in front of her, letting my eyes soak her up. Just seeing her somehow soothed the tension that had been clouding my head all day.

She was wearing a plain white t-shirt and black tights, her sweater thrown through the straps of the large bag hanging off her shoulder. She exuded that vibrant youth that most new college students did, and for the millionth time I wondered if I was right to be attracted to her. I was six years older than her, and an entire universe more jaded.

“Look,” I said, rubbing the back of my neck. She watched me, those wide eyes never moving from my face. The urge to grab her and finish what I had started last night was almost too hard to ignore, but I knew I had to until everything was settled.

“About last night,” I continued. She opened her mouth to speak, probably to offer some lame excuse, but I didn’t let her. Holding up a hand, I said, “I want to apologize for it, but I also want to say I’m not sorry.”

That crease between her brows appeared. “That makes no sense.”

I chuckled lightly, looking down as I shook my head. “I know. It’s just, I know what happened, or
almost
happened, was wrong. And I’m sorry for putting you in that situation. But I’m not sorry for spending time with you and getting close. I like you, Honor. I enjoy being around you. And I want to make things right on my end of things so there’s nothing for us to feel guilty about.”

Her lips formed a little “o” before she snapped them shut. “Okay,” she said softly.

I nodded. “Okay. So, everything’s fine between us?”

“Of course,” she said, nodding her head.

“Good. I’ll see you around then.”

She offered me a hesitant smile before saying bye and hurrying to her place. She went in without a backward glance. I didn’t know what she was thinking, but I could sense she wasn’t completely sold on what I’d said. I would just have to prove to her I meant it.