Young Love (Bloomfield #4) (22 page)

All week I had wondered if this thing between Grey and I was over. I’d known the distance if I went to New York would be an issue, but I had never really expected it to be one so soon. I had actually thought we would work on it, and everything would be okay just like he’d said.

How stupid I’d been. I was naïve to think Grey’s silence meant anything other than the end of our relationship. As much as I had suspected it, I’d been telling myself it wasn’t true, and things between us would be fine. I’d had hope. And that hope had kept me alive until now.

Now I knew the truth. Love was stupid, and men could go to hell. I wasn’t going to sit around and let this destroy me. I’d go to that audition and make a life for myself without a man by my side. Because I was a strong, independent woman. I didn’t need Grey, and I didn’t need his damn love.

Tears streaked down my cheeks as I took a shuddering breath. I was strong, just not right now. Tonight I would cry, because no matter how much I told myself I didn’t need him, it still didn’t negate the fact that I had a gaping hole in my chest where he’d reached in and crushed my heart.

Tomorrow I would be better. Tomorrow I would be stronger.

Tonight, I would nurse my wounds and heal so that I would never have to feel this way again.

Chapter 26

Grey

I waited a few seconds before turning to see Honor disappear out the door. I’d done the right thing. Whatever we’d had, it would have ended eventually anyway.

So why did I feel like someone just ripped my heart out and now it hurt to breathe?

“I need more alcohol,” I said.

“Yeah you do,” Rannon said, sliding a shot in front of me.

It burned on the way down. I needed that. Needed the burn to wipe away the pain there. But it didn’t help. Neither did the next six ones I swallowed. I know I talked to Rannon and he said things back, but I couldn’t make sense of any of it.

All I knew was that Honor was gone, and I was the reason. I’d pushed her away. I’d tossed her to the side as if she hadn’t meant anything to me.

I’d screwed up.

“Let’s go, buddy,” I heard Rannon saying as I felt myself being lifted from the stool. I leaned on him, trying my best to put one foot in front of the other.

When had walking become so difficult?

I think I said something to him, but my words weren’t working. Why was talking so hard? Suddenly I felt myself falling on to something that squeaked beneath me, and then the floor was moving. Then that blackness I’d been waiting for all night took over, and I fell into it, grateful for the reprieve. Anything to take away the empty, hollow feeling.

***

I’d woken up the next day, face down on my couch. I didn’t know how I’d managed to get there, but I was pretty sure I owed Rannon a big thank you.

After pulling myself up, despite the pounding in my head, I managed to stumble into the shower. The water did nothing to help clear the fog from my mind. Scenes from the night before kept flashing through my mind as I let the warm sprays rain down over my upturned face.

I couldn’t believe I’d acted like such an idiot. It was like something had just snapped in me the moment I’d seen Honor and that Adrien guy together. Everything that happened after that wasn’t like me.

And yet, part of me still knew the end result was the right thing. As much as I wanted to be with Honor, I knew deep down it wouldn’t work. She was going to go on to do bigger, better things, and I needed to let her. Could I have ended things on a better note? Fuck, yeah. But what was done was done.

Shutting off the water, I toweled off and dressed, heading out to the shop. I had some designs that needed working on, and there was no way I could sit in my apartment all day knowing she was just on the other side of the wall.

As I locked my door, my eyes flittered over to hers. My mind screamed to go over there and beg for forgiveness. To hold her, touch her, kiss her, until all the bullshit from the night before was erased.

Giving myself a hard shake, I turned and walked to the stairwell, away from her.

When I walked into the shop, it was dark aside from the light coming from Kyle’s office. Bypassing my station, I headed toward it, knocking on the doorframe as I peeked inside to see him elbow deep in paperwork as usual.

“Hey,” I said, my voice hoarse from a night of hard drinking.

“Hey,” he said, smirking. “I’m surprised to see you up and about after talking to Rannon last night.”

I grimaced. “It’s not without a lot of effort, trust me.”

He nodded at one of the seats in front of his desk, which I moved to take gratefully.

“I can’t remember the last time I drank so much,” I admitted.

Kyle chuckled. “It’s not as fun as you remember from when we were younger, is it?”

I shook my head. We lapsed into a brief silence. “I’m sorry about last night, man,” I said. “I don’t know what got into me.”

“No worries, Grey. I get it. I’m just glad you didn’t fight us, because I’m not sure you could handle both me and Colt.”

I chuckled. “Probably not. Although, I’d have given it a try if I’d really wanted to.”

“No doubt,” Kyle said with a laugh. “That’s why we’re friends.”

“I really am sorry. I probably ruined everyone’s night.”

“Don’t apologize to me. Fights don’t faze me. You might owe Olivia an apology though, she was the one who was pissed their engagement party got interrupted.”

Fuck. I hadn’t even seen Olivia. Nor did I congratulate her and Colt. “I really fucked up,” I admitted.

“I think any of us would have hit that guy if we’d been in your shoes.”

Surprised, I looked up to see if he meant it. I could tell he did.

Kyle shrugged, sitting back. “You know me, man. I don’t like anyone who is that happy and chatty all the time.”

We both chuckled before falling silent again.

“So you and Honor?”

I sighed, rubbing a hand down my face. “Broken up.”

He nodded.

“It would have happened anyway,” I said, leaning forward. “She might be going to school in New York, and I couldn’t see a long-distance relationship really working out between us.”

“I see,” he said. “That’s definitely not the best situation.”

“I could have gone about it better, I suppose.”

He smiled. “We all fuck up, dude. It’s what us men do. But if this is ultimately what you wanted, then I guess it all worked out in the end.”

He was watching me closely, and it was making me nervous. Standing, I told him I was going to go sketch for a while and left him alone. I made a point to text Colt and apologize too. His response was pretty much the same as Kyle’s. For some reason, that didn’t make me feel any better about it.

I threw myself into work for the next week. If I didn’t have appointments, I was still at the shop working on new designs, or finishing up ones for upcoming clients. The less time I spent in my apartment, the better. The one space that had always been my sanctuary away from everyone else was now my torture.

I couldn’t sleep in my bed without thinking of Honor lying in hers on the other side of the wall. Her scent still lingered on the extra pillow I had in my bed. It had driven me nuts, to the point I’d had to throw it across the room so I’d stop leaning into it.

Being alone was no longer nice. It was just…lonely. I missed having someone there.

No, not someone. Her. I missed having Honor there.

When I’d gone to Mom and Dad’s that week, I’d avoided all questions and curious looks whenever someone mentioned her. I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it. I was sure Mom knew anyway the second I walked into the house. She always knew shit before we told her.

By the end of the week I felt like a walking zombie. I wasn’t eating properly, and I hadn’t had a decent sleep since the last night Honor had slept over. I was starting to wonder if I ever would.

“Hey,” Kyle said, walking into my station and leaning against the counter.

“What’s up?” I said, looking up from the drawing of a skull I’d been working on.

“The guys and I are going to go out for drinks tonight. Rannon’s been all moody lately for some reason, so we’re going to try and cheer him up. You want to come?”

“I don’t know,” I said. Even the thought of alcohol made me feel queasy after the amount I’d had that night.

“Come on, man. You can’t wallow in this shit forever.”

“I’m not wallowing.”

I heard a snort, and looked over to see Cat smirking, her eyes looking down at a magazine she was flipping through, even though I knew she was listening to us. She’d been giving me the evil eye all week, and had barely said a word directly to me.

I looked back at Kyle who was wearing an almost identical smirk to his sister’s.

“I’m not,” I insisted.

He shrugged. “Fine, you’re not. Either way, Ran was there for you, so you need to come out and be there for him tonight.”

Well, fuck. Now I felt bad.

Sighing, I said okay. Kyle slapped my shoulder as he walked away, and I couldn’t help but feel like I’d just gotten played.

***

We’d gone to two bars, and by the third I was ready to go home. It was nice to go out with just the guys, but my mind wasn’t in it. I wanted to be home, alone, where I wasn’t forced to make conversation with people when I didn’t feel like it.

As soon as we entered the newest bar, I knew things were going to go bad. Chloe came running up to Kyle with a happy squeal, wrapping her arms around his neck as they shared a passionate kiss that had my stomach turning.

I looked away from them to see Cat by the bar chatting up some dude. Everything inside me stiffened in apprehension. My eyes swept over the crowd, even though every ounce of self-preservation inside me told me not to. I should have just turned and left. Still, I looked at every face until I found the one I was looking for.

She was there, looking as beautiful as always, if not more so. Honor stood on the dance floor, her body moving effortlessly to the music pounding through the speakers as though she were directly connected to it. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her.

Then two arms wrapped around her tiny waist, pulling her against a male chest. My eyes rose to see Adrien smiling down at her, his grin that drunken, crooked kind that most guys had when they’d been drinking.

I started moving, warning bells ringing in my mind. No matter how much I told myself not to, to just leave and forget her, my feet kept moving.

Chapter 27

Honor

The girls had been relentless with begging me to come out tonight. I hadn’t felt like it. I hadn’t felt like doing anything. All week I’d been holed up in my apartment, working on my schoolwork and routine for the audition. That’s exactly what I should have been doing tonight, but Cat was nothing if not persistent.

So I found myself at the bar, dressed up in some sexy number Chloe had lent me, and dancing all my troubles away. Despite my initial hesitation, it was actually nice to get out and let loose. When Adrien showed up, I was happy to see a familiar face who I knew would make the night fun and not be all moody and brooding like some
other
people.

Fun was…nice. It was easy. There were no hurt feelings or expectations that were bound to be let down when I was around Adrien. We danced, drank, and laughed all night, and for the first time all week I wasn’t obsessing over Grey Anderson.

At least, not until I spotted him heading in our direction. Déjà vu crashed over me when I met two stormy eyes, his large body pushing through the crowds as if everyone else was beneath him. A Viking on a warpath. Adrien stopped moving when he noticed I had, his eyes searching my face curiously.

“We have company,” I murmured, fear etching up my spine. I prayed Grey didn’t hit him again. Not that he had a reason to, since we were broken up. I wasn’t doing anything wrong.

That didn’t mean just seeing him wasn’t playing havoc with my emotions and body. Every ounce of me wanted to both run to him and run from him. Even those lips pressed into an unhappy line couldn’t make me stop remembering how they felt on my own, or moving over every sensitive part of my body. I shivered with those thoughts.

“Great,” Adrien said with a sigh, turning to face Grey, blocking him from my view. I peeked around him just as Grey stopped a few feet away from us. “Can I help you?” Adrien said. I cringed when I saw Grey’s anger spike.

“I’d like to talk to Honor,” he said, his deep voice rolling over me.

“Honor is no longer any of your concern, remember?” Adrien replied.

Grey simply cocked an eyebrow at him, undeterred. “Do you speak for her now?”

Crossing his arms over his chest, Adrien widened his stance as though he were an actual wall between Grey and me.

“Maybe I do,” he replied.

I pushed around him, standing in the middle of the two with both hands raised, one at each of them. “No one is speaking for me,” I said, glaring at both of them. I gave Adrien a pointed look, telling him to keep his mouth shut, as I turned to deal with Grey myself.

“What do you want?” I asked, feeling suddenly exhausted.

“I want to talk to you,” he answered.

“There’s nothing left to say,” I said. “Just go back and hang out with your friends, Grey, and I’ll hang out with mine. There’s no reason why we can’t be in the same place and avoid speaking to each other.”

His lips pressed into a firm line. “Fine,” he said. Our eyes held for a moment before he turned and marched back over to the guys who were watching from the bar. I let out a breath I hadn’t known I’d been holding.

“Man, that guy just can’t get a clue,” I heard Adrien say behind me.

I turned back to him, tearing my eyes off of Grey’s retreating figure. Whatever I’d been feeling before was gone now. Suddenly the music was too loud, the people too close, the air suffocating. I wanted to leave.

“Hey,” Adrien said, gripping my arms. I looked up at him. “Don’t let him ruin your night. He’s not worth it.”

“Isn’t he?” I said, speaking my thoughts aloud before I could think better of it.