Young Annabelle Series: Young Annabelle, the Truth About James, What My Heart Wants (49 page)

The idea of making it back to English at the last minute and having to sit next to James was enough to push me to choose the selfish option and head straight to class. I could text Jenna the news, and since she had first period with Dana, she could be the one to tell her. I made it inside English, breathing a sigh of relief. I quickly scanned the room for every available seat and blinked in shock. The room was full, except for two seats in the back next to the window.

I didn’t get it. In all my other classes those seats were usually the first ones snapped up.  But in this class, the seat next to the window was always empty. It’s like James had them on reserve indefinitely, like the class knew not to sit there, just so they wouldn’t upset him.

I always knew he had power, just never to this degree. I didn’t care what power he thought he had. I took the seat next to the window, just like yesterday.

BOOM!

Fighting back!

I pulled out my phone and texted Jenna, discretely from inside the security of my backpack.

Annabelle:
Are you with Dana right now?

Jenna:
Yep, I’m her body guard. The rest of the team are more or less her security team today. Roy hasn’t been able to be within a few feet of her without the brotherhood getting into his face. You should have seen what happened fifteen minutes ago. It was awesome, and I will explain in detail during lunch.

Annabelle:
Is Dana upset?

Jenna:
She was, but she’s getting better. Hopefully this time she’ll be able to ignore Roy forever from now on.

Annabelle:
I watched the video last night and in my opinion I think it was all Latisha.

Jenna:
What are you talking about Anna? It was the both of them. His arms were all over her.

Annabelle:
He was trying to pull her back nicely. She was obviously drunk. Didn’t you see the look he gave his boy’s afterwords. He looked annoyed.

Jenna:
Where are you going with this Anna?

Annabelle:
I think he’s innocent. Besides I heard some crazy things in the washroom just now, right out of Latisha’s mouth. I’ll explain it to you and Dana at lunch.

Jenna:
I hope you’re not going to try and pull her back into being in love with Roy. She’s getting over him Anna, don’t ruin that!

My forehead creased, why was Jenna so determined to keep Dana away from Roy?

Annabelle:
The truth is the truth Jenna. I’m sure Dana deserves to know the truth. Right?

Jenna:
Whatever, class is about to start. Talk to you at lunch.

I didn’t text her back. I didn’t get why she was acting like this. And she didn’t even mention the last bit of the video, Donna’s horrible rejection. Maybe they didn’t even watch that far, turning it off as soon as Latisha pulled away from Roy.

I don’t know….about anything anymore.

I buried myself into my backpack, waiting for the bell to ring and class to start so something else could occupy my mind.

“Hey.” A familiar voice murmured next to me, making my heart beat faster. I felt his callused fingertips brush briefly across my bare arm, resulting in an intense shiver I had to supress.

“You’re not even going to say hello?” He murmured after a few seconds of silence. I wished I could do more than say hello to him, but things weren’t the same between us. We weren’t the type of people who said hello to one another anymore.

And it was all his fault!

I kept my face hidden beneath the shield of my forearm, pretending I wasn’t aware of his presence.

“Did you see the video?” James asked, quietly. My eyes snapped open and my heart started thumping one long beat at a time. The video that proved his innocence had not left my mind, but it still didn’t make a difference. I couldn’t forget what had happened on Monday.

And Tuesday.

And Wednesday.

His chair squeaked and I assumed he was leaning towards me. “Answer me,” He whispered.

I sighed and pushed myself up, leaning against my chair. I stared at him, as beautiful as ever, smoothing his hair back beneath his backwards Baseball cap. He wasn’t allowed to have it on during class. I wanted to inform him of that. He probably already knew the rules, but chose to ignore it anyways, thinking he’d get his way because of who he was.

One of the star athletes

I stared deep into his eyes, not even blinking. “Why do you care?” I asked him, lifelessly.

His forehead creased and his hand grasped the edge of the desk. “You know why.” He whispered, looking sad. 

“I don’t know, honest.” I shrugged. 

Stay strong Annabelle! You have to fight with everything you have.

He exhaled and looked away, shaking his head. “That’s bullshit.” He muttered.

I didn’t respond and sat silently, ignoring his pleading eyes as they returned back to me with motive.

“I know you watched it,” James stated, quietly. “I told you I was innocent.”

I glanced away from his hypnotizing stare and focused on my fingers twiddling with my bag strap. I wished the proof that the video gave me was enough to wipe the slate clean with him, but it wasn’t enough. Our demise had to do with so much more than him enjoying a weekend away with his friends.

A lot more.

I sighed and met his eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Before he could tell me he didn’t believe me again, the bell rang. Mr. Doors shut the front door loudly, signalling everyone to stop talking and pay attention.

“Alright, everyone pull out a piece of paper and a pen, it’s time for that midweek quiz I promised last Friday,” Mr. Doors chuckled and started erasing the blackboard. “And for everyone else that decided to skip last Friday, making last weekend an unofficial long weekend, you should have been here for class, we covered a lot that’ll be on today’s quiz. So tough.”

Tough!
I told James silently as we stared at each other. Now he had two reasons to regret skipping Friday.

*~*~*

“Alright, papers down. Pass them upfront and make sure your name is on the top right hand corner.” Mr. Doors instructed a few minutes before class was over. I handed my paper to girl in front of me and leaned back into my chair, sighing.

Well that was harder than I thought it was going to be. As I relaxed, doing my best to pretend James wasn’t sitting next to me, probably staring a hole into me, my phone beeped. Not taking my phone out of my bag, I checked to see who it was from inside it. Expecting to see Jenna’s name, my eyes widened when I saw who it was actually from.

James?

Why was he texting me? He was sitting right next to me.

Then again, I was ignoring him.

Tiger:
I want to talk to you.

You want to talk? Don’t you mean manipulate?

Tiger:
Baby, please! You saw the video. I’m innocent.

What does the video have to do with you treating me like crap?

Tiger:
This has to stop.

You’re right it does. So stop texting me and move on with your life. Geez, stop ruining all the hard work you’ve done in making me feel like I’ve meant absolutely nothing to you!

Tiger:
You know you’re my everything.

I’m your everything? Don’t you mean I’m your nothing!

Tiger:
I blew her off a thousand times last weekend, didn’t you see?

But you still went without telling me, after you promised me it would be just you and me from now on.

Tiger:
I hated what happened on Monday. You caught me off guard and I reacted like a dick.

What about on Tuesday during lunch? You also acted like a dick there too.

Tiger:
I’m going through a lot of things.

Aren’t we all?

Tiger:
I care about you.

Heard that one before!

Tiger:
Why won’t you answer me?

Because I don’t want to, don’t you get that by now?

Tiger:
I’m stupid.

Bingo!

Tiger:
I’m an asshole.

Well look who finally said something right for once.

Tiger:
I’m fucked up.

That’s true too!

Tiger:
And I love you.

That’s also…..wait….what?

He loved me?

Wait….what?

I blinked rapidly, rereading his last text. I felt my face heat up and my heart rate accelerate.

“It’s true.” James murmured, leaning into me as I continued to stare at his last text. “I love you, baby.”

I felt a familiar lump in my throat, aching for me to react to his words. I wasn’t happy right now. I was ashamed. Those words shouldn’t have resulted in me feeling like this. I should have felt hollow and numb.

But I didn’t.

What the hell happened to fighting back?

Everything in the room went still and silent, the only thing I could hear was the sound of my heart beating against my chest. It begged me, pleaded with me to answer him and let things happen the way my fantasies would have only desired.

“Nobody’s going to feel for you the way I do. Not those idiots from yesterday, and definitely not that pussy pitcher guy from Pleasant View.” James murmured. “You belong to me.”

I couldn’t look at him. I felt like he was killing my soul. “What do you want from me?” I whispered, my lips rippling, struggling to break free of the iron hold I had over it.

“Did you really see the pitcher last night?” James asked.

I nodded, not looking at him.

“Before or after you saw the video.” James asked.

I sighed. “Before.”

I felt his hand tug at my hand, pulling it down. He intertwined our fingers and held tightly.

“Don’t touch me.” I murmured, and then pulled my hand back. I glanced at him, with a pained expression. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“It does,” He whispered. “It’ll always matter.”

“You can’t have everything you want in life. I’m not somebody you can play with anytime you want.” I shoved my things back inside my bag and got up, awaiting the bell to ring eagerly. I needed to get out of here.

“Stop running away from me.” James said, getting up. The bell rang, and I pushed passed everyone in front of me to exit first. Once in the hallway, I rushed towards the washroom, there he couldn’t follow. Just as I was to push through, he grabbed me and pulled me away.

“Stop it, we need to talk.” He pleaded. “I just want to talk to you.”

“Why?” I whimpered, eyeing the hallway as it became busy, worrying that we were about to make another show.

“You really want to do this in the hallway?” James hissed, jerking his chin at our fellow classmates who were already beginning to notice us.

I shook my head.

“Then come with me,” James ordered, pulling my hand towards the field exit.

It was happening again. He was taking control, and I was letting him.

What happened to fighting back? What happened to not letting him get away with it anymore?

I couldn’t let this happen again.

Even if I really wanted it to.

“No,” I hissed, yanking my hand out of his grasp. I turned and ran, leaving him flabbergasted at the end of the hallway. The bell rang and I pushed into the washroom, heading for my stall at the end. I collapsed against the wall after locking the door. My head nestled against both my knees, using my arms as another layer to lock out everything bad.

He claimed he loved me.

How could he when he didn’t even know what love was?

I really wanted to cry, but I held it back. “Damn it.” I whispered.

CHAPTER
39

I was getting tired of this…the mind games needed to stop.

My heart needed an intervention. The fact that it raced like crazy whenever I was around him, still, was a huge issue. He humiliated me this week. I should have been cold as ice when it came to anything involving him.

But it wasn’t.

He wanted to talk.

I wanted to listen.

Still sitting on the floor beside the toilet, I pulled out my phone.

Annabelle:
Meet me by your car in five minutes.

I waited anxiously for a few seconds before my phone beeped with his text.

Tiger:
I’m inside my car right now. I’ll wait for you, baby.

He was already there? He was supposed to be in class now. Why’d he go straight to his car?

Don’t tell me he’s sad!

He had no right to be sad!

I was the one being played with left to right with his mind games.

I exited the stall, fixed my high ponytail and charged out of the washroom, through the empty hallway towards the exit. Once I arrived to the parking lot, I scoured the vast area searching for his black SUV. There must have been about a hundred cars today, but I soon found his car in the middle a few rows down.

As I came up to his car, I came up with a quick plan of how the conversation was going to go. I was going to let him talk, and then I was going to say what I needed to, without letting him touch me. It was time for him to stop with the mind games and leave me alone. I hoped this time he’d actually respect my wishes and let me move on. And whether or not he wanted to be with Donna or any other hot girl was not my problem anymore.

I did not want to talk inside his car with him. The car was too private and at least if we were outside things could go more according to my plan. I rounded the last car arriving to the SUV. I couldn’t see him thanks to the tinted windows. The car was parked facing the opposite way and I was in the same lane as his driver’s side door. As I approached his car I stopped, noticing a dent on the back door. Upon closer inspection a tiny bit of blood gleamed underneath the sunlight in the knuckle indented mark.

What?

I rushed to his door and saw him holding his right hand with a shirt wrapped around it. I opened his door. “What happened? Are you bleeding?”

“It’s not a big deal.” He muttered, putting pressure on his hand with the other. “Get inside baby.” I shut his door, and rounded his car, sliding into the passenger side.

“What happened?” I stammered, dropping my backpack onto the floor mat. “Did you punch your car?”

James glared at his steering wheel. “It doesn’t hurt.” He murmured. “It’ll heal quickly.”

I cringed, glaring at his covered hand, imagining the horrible state of it. “Why’d you punch your car?” I whispered.

“It’s not a big deal.” He murmured again, eyeing the steering wheel more intensely. “Everything’s so messed up.”

“What are you talking about?” I whispered, hoping he was speaking about this week. My heart did flip flops as his good hand tightened around the bruised one.

I jumped over the gap between our seats. “You need your hands to play Baseball, don’t do that!” I exclaimed, grabbing his good hand away from the bruised one. I was practically sitting on him, but I didn’t care. The only thing that mattered was that he didn’t make his injury worse. “Don’t do that.” I whispered, as he squeezed my hand. I began moving off of him and he let go of my hand, but then quickly wrapped his entire arm around my waist, pulling me back down onto his lap.

“James, don’t.” I warned, grabbing his shirt to hold myself from falling on to his chest. My fingers curled into his shirt. Feeling his hard chest accelerated my already beating heart to maximum. It’s been awhile since I felt any part of him.

Too long actually.

I needed to get off and away from him, like now. This ‘thing’ was heading into dangerous territory, where he had every advantage that I didn’t. “Let me go.” I hissed.

“Got into a fight with my dad after I dropped you off last Thursday.” He stared deep into my eyes, looking sad. I inhaled a deep breath, still holding myself from touching chests with him.

“I thought your family went to the lake?” I said, trying to push off his body, but his grip wouldn’t budge. His fingers curled into my body through the fabric of my top, making me feel things that I shouldn’t have. I didn’t want to, but I was at the mercy of my traitor body, yet again.

“He came back to get something.” James explained.

“Okay,” I said, not sure where to go from here.

“I couldn’t think straight afterwards, so I left the house and went to Peter’s for the night.” James explained. “The trip was planned a week ago, and after we got back together I was going to cancel.”

“But you didn’t.” I murmured, halting struggling in his arms.

“I had to get away,” James said. “My mind was all over the place. Coach called my dad’s cell, complaining that I wasn’t focused enough during the game, even though we won.”

“And your dad got angry with you?” I asked.

James nodded. “I told you, my dad’s a dick. He got in my face, calling me a pussy.”

“That’s horrible.” I murmured.

Why was I consoling him!

He didn’t deserve to be consoled, well, at least not from me.

“I’m no pussy. I showed him I wasn’t, but things got bad after that and I had to leave. The trip was the perfect reason not to be at the house anymore.” James explained.

“Then why didn’t you tell me?” I asked.

“What was I going to tell you? That my daddy was mean to me, so I ran away.” James smirked, bitterly. “I was still pissed the next day. I calmed down once we were all sitting down around a fire Friday night.”

“You seemed pretty happy in those pictures Latisha put on her Facebook.” I tried to push off of him again upon remembering that beautiful memory, but, he wouldn’t budge. “Let me go.”

“No,” He said. “And I remember pictures of you, all happy with that pussy pitcher guy’s arm around your shoulder.”

“You broke my heart when you didn’t show up Friday morning. I tried calling you and texting you, but you wouldn’t answer me.” I snapped.

“I was out of it, I just explained that.” James exclaimed. “Was I off hugging and kissing Donna? You saw the video. You saw her rubbing up against me. Did I hug her back? I didn’t. I didn’t even look at her.”

“What do you want, a medal for your noble actions?” I snipped, pushing at his chest. “You didn’t show up Friday morning after you said you would. You didn’t call, you didn’t text. You sent me to voicemail. Don’t even deny that.”

“Why can’t you understand that I needed to get away? I didn’t want to talk to anyone. My mind was fucked!” He yelled.

Tears spilled down my face.

Damn it….I didn’t want to cry.

“Let me go.” I pushed off his chest with all my might and he reluctantly let me go. I slid back into my seat. “I get it, I’ve been there. Don’t you remember last summer? I left the house too, but I didn’t run away from you. We spent the whole day together. You didn’t want to talk to anybody last Friday, yet you did with your group of friends. It was me you just didn’t want to talk to.”

“But I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t hook up with Donna. I just needed to get away. Why don’t you get that?” James said. “The video’s proof of that!”

“What do you want from me?” I asked.

He just stared at me, bewildered why I wasn’t jumping into his arms.

“You hurt me this week.” I whispered, as new tears streamed down my face. “You hurt me so bad. In front of the entire school, multiple times. You said on Tuesday I made you look like a
fucking dick
in front of everyone. Well how about how you made me look?”

“I’m sorry,” He said.

“It’s not enough.” I shook my head. “It’ll never be enough.”

He dropped the bloodied shirt, revealing a slightly less bruised knuckle that I’d originally imagined. “What do I have to do?” He pleaded. “Tell me.”

“You can’t do anything!” I yelled at him. “There’s nothing you can do, except to stop mind fucking me!”

“I told you I loved you.” He reminded, like it made a difference. It did and it didn’t, if that made sense.

“And what? That’s supposed to solve all our problems. That’s supposed to make it okay that you humiliated me in front of your little group of friends so you’d look cool.”

“You attacked me on Monday.” James said.

“I attacked you?” My jaw dropped.

“Yeah, you started on how Donna and me look good together, in front of everyone. You were trying be a wise ass in front of everyone. She caught on. You think she was going to let you get away with making her look like a fool!” James yelled.

“I’m not scared of her_”

James burst out laughing, it sounded anything but happy. “You have no idea! You have no idea what kind of a person she is.”

“I know exactly what kind of a person she is.” I scoffed. “I heard her fighting with Latisha this morning in the washroom. I know she’s not nice.”

“Not nice?” James repeated, cringing. “It’s more than that. I told you, those girls get claw-y when they see one of us hooked on another girl. They won’t stop until they ruin whatever’s in their way.”

I sighed. “But I’m not in her way James, haven’t been for almost a week now.”

“I’m not into her.” James muttered. “I can’t stand her.”

“Not my problem. Move on to someone else then. There are more hot girls for you to choose from.” I told him. “You and I are never, getting back together.”

He grabbed my hand suddenly, pulling it into his lap. “You don’t mean that.”

I faced him, leaning over and smoothing back his ruffled hair beneath his baseball cap. “I do.”

He leaned into my hand and shook his head. “No,”

“Yes.” I said. “You ruined me this week. I can’t let you back in.”

“But I love you.” His green eyes looked sad. “It was a fucked up week, a misunderstanding that we both took too far. How come I can forget, but you can’t?”

“Because, I’m not a masochist.” I smirked, bitterly. “Last time, was really the last time for us.”

He pulled my hand, squeezing it. “Tell me you don’t love me too?”

I eyed him, seriously. “I do, more than you’ll ever know.”

“Then don’t make it complicated. Just forget and we can move on, together.” He murmured. 

I yanked my hand back. “I have to get to class.”

James sighed. “You already missed most of second period. There’s no point going.”

I unlocked the door and opened it. “Then I’ll hang out till third.” I got out before he could say anything else and shut the door. I couldn’t be in that car any longer, it was getting more and more difficult to deny him what we both wanted.

I couldn’t go back to that, and it seemed that’s about as good as it would get with him regarding having a relationship.

I heard his door open and shut. He rounded the car joining me with his backpack on his shoulder. “Don’t tell me you’re going to be with that pussy pitcher guy now?”

“His name is Dean.” I snapped, speed walking away, but James caught up easily, halting me behind a green Ford Focus. We were all alone in the middle of the large parking lot.

“I don’t give a shit what his name is. If he touches you,” James warned. “I swear to God, I’ll kick the shit out of him.”

My eyes widened. “What’s wrong with you?”

“You,” James said. “You’re what’s wrong with me. You belong to me, always.”

“I don’t.” I told him, shaking my head. “I belong to no one.”

James smirked. “Even the pussy pitcher guy?”

“His name is Dean and no, I don’t belong to him either. He’s got a girlfriend now.” I informed him. “I ruined my chances with him, because of you!”

Before he had a chance to respond, I spun around and ran with everything had out of the parking lot, towards the School’s front entrance.

I hoped he wouldn’t follow me. I was at the end of my rope in the emotional department.