Young Annabelle Series: Young Annabelle, the Truth About James, What My Heart Wants (15 page)

“Six hundred and fifty calories,” I told her, trying not to burst out laughing.

Her mouth dropped in astonishment. I had never burned that many calories this fast. She leaned forward and grabbed my arm, checking my watch for herself.

“Six hundred and fifty calories, wow. Good for you, Annabelle. How’d you do it?” She was eager to know how so I could repeat it every day.

I headed for the stairs as I told her how. “Just spent the day experiencing the neighborhood. Every inch of it.” I ran up the stairs and into my room before she could question me further.

That’s if the neighborhood was James!

I shamelessly burst out laughing. I shook my head at myself and changed my clothes. I left my phone in my bag even though I was heavily tempted to check if James had sent me anything. But I didn’t touch my bag. Instead I turned on my radio, settling on a popular channel playing R&B.

I lay down on my bed and folded my arms behind my head, gazed up at the ceiling and flew to another world as the music filled the room.

*~*~*

I was on my bed, about to go to sleep.

It was almost midnight.

I’d stayed in my room checking my Facebook and email, and doing some searches of diet and fat girl blogs.

Those were interesting.

I finally emerged when I was called for dinner. I entered the dining room on edge about how everything was going to turn out considering the last time all of us were together I had screamed at everyone for being unfair.

Charles and Katherine were sitting side by side. I sat across from them without saying a word. Dad came marching up the stairs, saying hello to everyone as if this morning hadn’t happened.

Denial. They’re all in total denial.

I stared at each of them in turn, watching them go about their business as usual. I couldn’t believe it. I’d practically called out my brother and sister this morning for not treating me right and they were acting like all was well in the world.

All was definitely
not
well.

I was still deeply offended by their treatment. I was their older sister, someone they were supposed to respect and look up to, yet it’d been anything but that for the last couple of years.

I blamed one person for this.

Okay, maybe two people.

Firstly, Mom, for pushing the image of me as a failure down their throats every chance she could. Even if, in her twisted brain, she meant well.

Secondly, myself.

I understood that to gain respect you had to earn it; what had I done to show my younger siblings that I was someone they could look up to? All I’d been doing these last couple of years was taking Mom’s below-the-belt hits about my image. I’d done nothing to show them that I was a strong person regardless of Mom’s opinion. I’d only showed them how good at self-pitying I was.

Things needed to change. I needed a new game plan. But that was easier said than done. It would take time for me to one draw up. So I stayed silent during dinner, serving a reasonable amount of food on to my plate – salad, rice, and chicken – eating it as I listened to the conversation going on around me.

Today had been one of the strangest days I’d ever experienced. I had gone from low to high and now I didn’t know what I was…medium?

The high I felt coming home from James’ house didn’t waiver in the slightest. Even though I wasn’t with him now, I knew my phone might be filled with missed messages from him asking where I was and what I was doing. Earlier today I’d decided that I wouldn’t check my phone for the rest of the day. All I had to do was wait until midnight to follow through with the promise I’d made myself. I knew once I could check my phone, I’d savor each missed message, reading it multiple times and allowing that happy bubble inside of me to grow to a size my body, mind, and soul had yet to experience.

I stared at my alarm clock for the last ten minutes, watching each minute pass slowly. The day was almost over and my hand was itching to grab my phone from my bag to see if he’d sent me anything. I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling, trying to distract myself from the clock as each minute seemed to pass slower than the last. I was beginning to feel irritated.

Calm down,
I told myself. I needed to relax. If I continued to stay excited like this, even after I’d turned in, I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, slowly releasing it. I repeated this process several times. Finally giving in to my impatience, I turned to my right and checked the time. 12:02am.

“Yes,” I whispered victoriously as I got off the bed and reached for my backpack. I pulled out my phone and tapped it on. I stared down at the empty screen in shock.

No messages!

It felt as if someone kicked me in the stomach.

I tapped on my inbox to see if I’d missed any accidentally. Sometimes the phone didn’t recognize a new message. My last message was the one James had sent while I was walking home. I slouched back onto my bed, extremely disappointed.

What happened?

CHAPTER
10

Friday September 7
th
2012

There should have been a disclaimer flashing high above his head when I first met him, then maybe I wouldn’t have gotten myself into such a state.

Attention unassuming females! Attention unassuming females!

Beware!

Assholes disguised as cute guys that have no problems with the word ‘No’! That is, until you leave the scene of the crime and then they never call you again.

Beware!

I blinked a few times from shock.

How the hell did I make it
to the kitchen?
The last thing I remembered, I was on my bed gazing up at the ceiling, trying to imagine a new scene that would make me feel better. I’d come up with nothing.

All of a sudden I was in the kitchen with my back to school clothes on.

“That’s a nice shirt you’re wearing, Annabelle. Green really suits you, especially forest green,” Mom complimented as she sipped her morning coffee.

Green!
I felt that familiar ache resurface in the pit of my stomach. The one that had been getting worse as each day of the past two weeks went by. It was the result of one thing: my phone and no new messages from anyone except Jenna.

There was nothing from him.

I felt like a live-action teen magazine article about pressure and how
not
to handle certain situations.

It was Friday. Two weeks had gone by and there was still nothing from him. As if our morning together never happened.

Was it because I didn’t want to take off my shirt?
I pondered for the hundredth time. I shook my head, that didn’t make sense.

Or did it? Was I just too stupid to read the universal signs of the average teenage guy?

Even if he was upset, he really shouldn’t have been. We hadn’t even known each other for that long and it wasn’t as if I was going to have sex with him so early on in our (none)relationship.

He hadn’t claimed me as his girlfriend and what kind of girl would have sex with a guy who wasn’t her boyfriend?

Not me.

Douchebag!

Asshole definitely trumped cute. Every point he’d earned from before was null and void. There were no more chances for him. If I saw him at school, I was going to ignore him.

Bye, bye James!

“Although, Annabelle,” Mom hesitated, “the shirt is nice but don’t you think it’s a little snug in the…you know…belly area.”

That’s good, she’s treading carefully because she’s scared I’ll snap again!
I smiled, realizing my little stunt two weeks ago might have given Mom that attitude adjustment she needed.

“It feels fine to me, Mom.” I pul
led my shirt down past my waist, it had scrunched up a little when I had sat down but I hadn’t realized it because I was so out of it this morning. I didn’t even remember walking in here.

“Alright, darling, no problem. Be comfortable the way you are,” she said as I took my final mouthful of the organic cereal she’d poured for me. I didn’t remember her pouring the cereal either. I wouldn’t have let her pour this for me had I been awake enough to protest.

Be comfortable the way I am? What the hell did that mean?
Confused, I got up from the table and put my empty bowl in the sink.

“I’m off,” I announced to everyone. Yes, everyone. Apparently I’d been so out of it up until five minutes ago that I didn’t even realize the whole family had descended on the breakfast table.

I glanced at Charles and Katherine taking the final spoonfuls of their respective bowls. Charles munched on Cheerios while Katherine enjoyed her Cornflakes; both got to have a tiny bit of honey on it too – dancers and soccer players burned a lot of calories, so Mom had no problem with them having honey even though she’d gone crazy this summer about everything that went into my mouth. Damn it, I wanted honey too. It would have certainly helped with whatever it was I’d had for breakfast. It looked like a hundred small twigs swimming in milk. Not only did it not look appetizing, it didn’t taste like anything. Even the milk tasted watered down.

Did she mix water with skim milk for me? I contemplated, horrified. No!

I shook it off and tried to focus on something else.

I wonder…if she knew that I made out with James, would she have asked me how many calories his saliva was? I grinned as I walked towards the front door.

Disgusting,
I thought as I recalled the word ‘saliva.’

Did I really mix my own saliva with his?

I grabbed my shoes and sat down on the last step.

“Annabelle, wait for a moment, please!” Mom shouted from the kitchen as I put on my black Converse. I tucked my black skinny jeans over the top of my shoes, covering the looped laces and got up off the stairs. I swung my backpack over my shoulder and waited by the front door to see what she wanted now.

Mom came out of the kitchen with a brown paper bag in her hand. I stared at the bag in horror.

“I made lunch for you,” she exclaimed, happily waving the bag back and forth.

I shook my head.

“No way, Mom. I’m not taking a paper bag lunch to school,” I sternly told her.

“Why not?” she asked, flustered. “The food in this bag is calorie-controlled.”

“Why? Because I’m a senior now. I’ll look like an idiot walking into the cafeteria with a paper bag lunch while everyone else is buying their lunch.”

She didn’t say anything for a moment, looking conflicted. This was it; this was what she’d been going on about all summer. Senior year. The diet, the daily calorie burn, the exercise, the food monitoring. It was all for senior year and how I’d look to my peers.

“Can you assure me that you’ll buy salad or something low calorie?” Her tone was dead-serious.

“I can assure you I won’t buy anything fattening.”

“That’s not good enough,” Mom said shortly. “I need to know if I can count on you to be responsible with your lunch selections from now on.”

Jesus! What does she want from me, to sign a contract in blood that I won’t buy cheesy fries and hamburgers?

I began to feel anxious; her tone was putting me off. I was an adult, if I wanted to eat something I should be able to eat it without having to explain it to anybody.

“I won’t buy any hamburgers or fries or hot dogs. If I see a salad, I’ll choose that. If I see low calorie wraps, I’ll choose that.” I did my best to not sound irritated, but even I could detect it in my tone. Hopefully, she didn’t notice. I wasn’t in the mood for a fight; I just wanted to get to school before I was late.

Walking in late on the first day in front of everyone? No, thank you!

“Good enough?” I asked calmly, my hands itching to open the door.

She remained silent for a few seconds, her face busily contemplating what I’d said.

“Yes, I’m satisfied with that.” She smiled as her shoulders relaxed. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I’m going now. Bye.”

“Have a great first day. Senior year, Annabelle!”

Like I needed the reminder as I walked out. “Yes, Mom, I know.”

What the hell was that?
I thought as I took in the morning air.

*~*~*

“Girl, where have you been?” Jenna shouted from the bottom of the stairs at the front of the school. I did a little jog towards her.

“Sorry, had a paper bag lunch scare this morning,” I explained in faux horror.

She laughed and leaned against one of the cement pillars.

“Well, I assume the crisis was averted then?”

“Yeah, I put my foot down.”

“Good. Anyways – you look good today, great color,” Jenna complimented.

“Thanks. But do you notice anything else that looks great?” I asked playfully shimmying.

Jenna pretended to think for a moment, scanning my body from head to toe.

“Well, if I’m being honest, those ten pounds you lost – you
r body’s showing the loss.”

“Really?!” I exclaimed.

“Dude, I’m your best friend! I wouldn’t lie about how you look – I’m always going to be a hundred percent honest. It’s the only way.”

“Okay, okay. Tell me, what are the biggest differences you notice?”

“Definitely a loss in the chin area, you don’t have a double chin anymore.”

“I had a double chin?” I hid my chin with my hands, horrified.

“Only a little one –”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I interrupted.

“Because it didn’t matter. It was barely noticeable,” Jenna shrugged. “I mean, you’d have to be up really close to notice anything.”

“Okay… But it’s gone now, right?”

“Yes, for the second time, you don’t have a double chin anymore – Gone!”

“Good,” I smiled. “What else?”

Jenna shook her head at me before grinning in a way that made me worry.

“Well. If you really want to know, the first thing I noticed was you
r boobs look nicely curved now that your neck is more defined.” She burst out laughing and I grabbed her shoulder with one hand and covered her mouth with the other.

“Be quiet! At school – You’re talking about my boobs at school! On the first day!” I hissed in her ear.

She couldn’t contain her laughter and soon I was laughing too, at what a crazy friend I had. We linked arms and climbed the stairs.

“So tell me, what’s up? What’s the work situation?” Jenna asked.

“I’m just doing Saturdays now.”

“Anything else going on? Anything you want to share?”

I hesitated. I hadn’t told her about James yet. My palms grew sweaty at the thought of spilling my guts about my super brief time in paradise. In a perfect world I would have told her everything, but it wasn’t a perfect world and she wouldn’t be as understanding about the entire situation as my psyche needed. I’d told myself countless times that it was all good, that things like that happened all the time. I was blown off, hitched and ditched, left high and dry.

“Nah, my life is the same: boring!” I lied. It wasn’t boring; it was torture.

“Damn girl! We need to get you a boyfriend.”

“Hahaha, very funny – now stop joking.”

“We’ll see,” She sung loudly.

There was promise in her voice. Her go-to phrase almost always guaranteed that she’d do what she wanted, even if I didn’t approve.

We stepped up onto the final stair, the front doors were hidden behind a mob of students hanging out on the terrace, trying desperately to hold on to the last moments of summer vacation before making that painful first step inside the school. Jenna led the way, zig-zagging around everyone. I grabbed onto her backpack and let her do all the work.

We made it through the doors and I let go of her backpack. I turned down the hallway my homeroom was in; unfortunately, Jenna’s homeroom was in a different hallway, very far from mine.

“See you at lunch,” I shouted to her.

“Later,” S
he called back.

I found my locker, opened it, and checked inside. I breathed a sigh of relief. It was clean and not that badly damaged. Behind me the hallway was filling up quickly judging by the number of yells and screams I could hear. I took out a small magnetic mirror from my backpack and placed it on the inside of my door.

New Year.

New rules.

With a mirror now in my locker, I was going to check my appearance regularly. This year could be my year, maybe I’d finally find someone that didn’t want to just make out with me then disappear without a text or a call. I checked my pale skin for any imperfections – no blemishes, check. I checked my brown eyes – alive and well, mascara sitting on my eyelashes nicely, check and check.

Here’s hoping!

I took out my spare umbrella, placing it in the bottom of the locker. This was Florida, spare umbrellas were imperative if you wanted any hope of getting home dry in a spontaneous storm.

I feel a weird tingle in my legs.

I heard a laugh behind me, in fact, I heard a lot of laughs, a whole group of them. One laugh stood out. I’d heard it before. My legs knew it before my mind realized it and now they were frozen.

The realization crashed into me and I felt a tightness grow in my throat. The laugh grew louder, then all their laughs grew in volume, ostentatiously taking over the hallway like they were so important that every student here needed to know they were here. The sad part it was, without looking, I knew who they were. The loudest laugh belonged to a familiar voice, a familiar mouth – which had been hungrily plastered on mine just weeks ago.

Just breathe,
I ordered myself, the air in my throat beginning to feel hoarse and ragged. I was about to come face to face with the splitter, the dasher, the runner.

What do I do? How do I act? Should I walk past him and ignore him like he ignored me?