You Shouldn't Kiss Me Like This (11 page)

He entered the living room. “Good book?” he asked cheerfully.

“
I like it.” Smiling though her stomach had twisted into a knot, Kyla set it beside her and stood to give him a hug. “Did you sleep well?”

“Very well,” he assured her. His lips pressed against hers. “You?”

“Not so well,” she admitted. “Weird dreams, and then I woke up too early. I might take a nap later.” She yawned. “Or maybe now.”

“Now that I’m not there to toss and turn and keep you awake?” he teased.

She frowned at the guilt his words brought up in her. “It wasn’t you,” she said apologetically. “Like I said, I had really weird dreams. I can’t even really remember them, just that they were bizarre.”

“Honey, I was teasing about keeping you awake,” Alec said gently. “As for the dreams, I hate when that happens.” He brushed her hair back from her face. “I’m sorry you didn’t sleep well. Why don’t you go take a nap, and when you get up, we’ll see what we can find online?”

“Um…” Yeah. Online. She’d hoped he had forgotten about that.

“Unless you’ve changed your mind,” he said quickly. “You aren’t just agreeing to anal because you think I want it, are you? Because it’s fine with me either way, whether we do or we don’t. The idea just excites me, you know?” His voice took on a lower pitch, not quite a growl. “It sounds like such a dirty, nasty thing to do. Nasty in a good way, that is.”

“
I don’t know if dirty and nasty can be a good thing.” Kyla rested her head against his chest and breathed in his just‐got‐up scent. His love surrounded and calmed her. She had nothing to fear. The mean old butt plug monsters couldn’t get her.

She stifled a giggle.

“Sure it can,” Alec said seriously. Either he didn’t notice her amusement or he’d decided to ignore it. “I like it when we do dirty things. Like when I pound my cock into you so hard the bed moves across the floor.”

Kyla laughed. “Okay, I see your point. Anyway, I haven’t changed my mind, I’m just a little, I don’t know…” Her face grew warm. Damn it, she couldn’t even say what she meant. “I took a peek while you were sleeping,” she admitted. “For the plugs.”

“Wanted a head start, huh?” he joked. He put his arm around her. “What did you find?” “Way too much.” She gave a  mock shudder. “I never imagined there were so many

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different kinds of butt plugs.”

“You’re so cute when you blush.” Alec grinned. “Lots of choices, huh? That’ll just make it more exciting to choose. Go have your nap; we’ll take a look after.”

Right. As if she could even think about taking a nap now that he’d brought up the butt plugs. “I’ll wait,” she said decisively. “I’m not really tired right now, anyway.” Another yawn proved her a liar.

“Want to get it over with, huh?” Alec winked. “Let me get some coffee and we’ll see what we can find.”

He went into the kitchen. Kyla headed to the dining room and pulled a chair around next to Alec’s computer chair, which, along with his desktop computer, had lived at Kyla’s house for several months. Her heart beat faster, and knots twisted through her stomach and chest. They were actually going online to look for butt plugs.

She wanted to do this, for crying out loud. The thought of anal sex and butt plugs turned her on. If she could have reached her own butt with her foot, she’d have kicked herself. She couldn’t believe something she’d fantasized about for years freaked her out this much.

But of course, the butt plugs weren’t what had her freaked. Okay, ordering them and actually having one in her ass made her nervous, but what Alec might think of her really got to her. Anal sex sounded nasty and dirty, he’d said. She couldn’t help but wonder if that meant he’d think she was nasty and dirty for wanting it. And not in a good way.

Carrying his oversized coffee mug, from which steam and the wonderful aroma of French vanilla creamer rose, Alec came into the room. “You’re still blushing.”

“Yeah.” Kyla looked at her hands to avoid his eyes. She had to calm down, or she’d end up crying. She did that too often around him. “This is kind of weird. I’ve never shopped for a sex toy with anyone before.”

“You think I have?” He sat down and rested a comforting hand on her knee. “Hey, love’s all about new experiences, right?”

“
I guess,” she said doubtfully.

“What are you worried about?” he asked, concerned. “Am I going to think something horrible about you because we’re looking at butt plugs? I’m not, you know.” He gently lifted her chin and looked into her eyes. “Honey, this was my idea. I think it’s incredibly sexy to look for them together, and I think after we’re done you’ll probably wind up in bed for a reason other than napping.”

She had to smile. “Is that a proposition?”

“It sure is.” He put his arm around her and hugged. “My girl.”

“My man.” Her wonderful, caring, reassuring man. Anxiety relieved, she hitched her chair closer to his. “Okay, let’s see what we find.”

He used the same search engine she did, and got the same results. Thousands and thousands of results. “Hmm, porn.” Alec leered. “That could be interesting. Want to watch some butt‐fucking, honey?”

He had to be kidding. At least Kyla hoped so. No way would she be comfortable watching porn with him. “Um, maybe, but not right now.”

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He laughed. “I’m joking. If we did watch porn together, it would be on your DVD player. Your TV has a bigger screen than my computer.”

God, he was such a geek. Kyla grinned and shook her head. Alec winked again and clicked the link to an online store that sounded like it had every type of sex toy anyone could want. Suddenly pictures of butt plugs covered the computer screen. Different shapes, different sizes, different colors. “Lots of choices,” Alec observed.

“Too many.” Her mind boggled, and she blinked at the sight. “How do you even know where to start?”

“Look at the pictures, see if any appeal to you,” he explained. “Then read the descriptions and see if it would work for a beginner.” He scrolled down the page, carefully studying each item’s description. “You know, they really should have something just for people who are new to this. Anal for dummies or something.”

Kyla laughed. “A beginner’s book of anal.”

“Yeah.”  He  chuckled.  “There  probably  is  one.”  He  went  back  to  the  search  engine. “Wonder what would happen if we used that term?”

“Try it and see.” She could only imagine what that search might turn up.

Most of the results showed how‐to articles or books about anal sex. Incongruously, they included one for a book about guitar instruction. But at the bottom of the page, a link to a search for “anal toys beginners” appeared.

“That looks promising.” Alec clicked it.

Despite the remaining heat in her face, Kyla squelched the last of her embarrassment. After all, like Alec had pointed out, neither of them had done this before. She shouldn’t be embarrassed.  Besides,  this  search  should  never  have  been  this  hard,  and  now  her stubbornness took over. She’d find the damn butt plug even if it took all day.

She  scanned the  web  page.  Partway down,  a  listing  for  something called  the  “Anal Beginner’s Kit” jumped out at her. The description called it perfect for those who wanted to “break the anal barrier.” It sounded like just the kind of thing they wanted. “Check that one out.” She tapped the screen with her finger, proud to have found something useful.

Smiling at her reaction, Alec clicked the link. The browser shifted to an online store page with a full‐color picture of the kit. “Let the anal training begin!” it read.

Kyla couldn’t hide her nervous giggle. Anal training. Not at all an appealing term, but certainly accurate. They needed to train her ass. More laughter boiled to the surface, so much that tears came to her eyes.

“What’s so funny?” Alec asked, surprised.

“A
nal training.” Kyla barely managed to choke out the words through her laughter. “Oh, my gosh, do people really say that kind of thing? Hey, honey, I want you to train my ass.”

He gave an “I’m just going to humor you” smile and patted her knee. “Yeah, it does sound weird. Does it embarrass you that I’m seeing this with you?”

Um, duh. But not nearly as much as it had embarrassed her a few minutes earlier. “A

little, but I guess it’s okay. I mean, we’ll be using it together, right? Whatever we buy.”

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“Of course. I have to ‘train’ that adorable ass of yours if I want it to let me fuck it.” His voice became thick with lust. “I think it would be hot to play with toys together. Any sex toys, not just butt plugs.”

“You do?” She blinked, astonished. She’d also never dared to ask him about using toys together. Two unasked questions answered in one weekend. Wow. She’d read that watching women masturbate turned some men on, and she’d wondered if Alec might be one of those men. A more confident woman might have just gone ahead and tried it. She really needed to work on that confidence thing.

Good thing Alec’s patience with her made up for it. “Absolutely,” Alec said firmly. “Do you have any toys now?”

“
I have two vibrators,” she confessed. She’d bought the first one online, after a friend dared her to. The other had been a gift.

“You do?” Alec raised an eyebrow. “Is that how you keep yourself occupied when I’m not here?”

Again she blushed. Damn it. At least Alec found it cute. She couldn’t believe they were having this conversation. Love was all about communication—fine. But communicating about something like masturbation would take some getting used to. She swallowed hard. Might as well be honest. “Sometimes. Usually I just use my hand.”

“Really?” He sounded like the idea enticed him. “I wouldn’t mind seeing that sometime.” Maybe he wouldn’t, but she knew she couldn’t handle having anyone watch her touch

herself. She hated performing for anyone. A lump formed in her throat and she inhaled

deeply. I will not get upset about this. “I’ve never masturbated in front of anyone. My ex wanted me to a couple times, but I was too embarrassed, so I just pretended for a minute or two and then he decided he was bored with it.”

“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; your ex‐husband was a moron,” he said in a hard tone. His voice softened. “Why did it embarrass you, though?”

“
I don’t like putting on a show,” she snapped.

“A
nd yet you’ve told me you’re an exhibitionist.” He sounded perfectly calm, as though he hadn’t even noticed her annoyance.

Deep breath, Kyla told herself. She wasn’t angry with Alec, and she refused to speak angrily to him. She swallowed a couple times and managed to make her voice neutral as she replied, “I said I have exhibitionist tendencies. I like being looked at, but I don’t like doing something that makes me the center of attention.” Great, that made no sense at all. She couldn’t even be coherent when she tried to talk about things like this. “It’s hard to explain.”

Alec patted her hand. “No problem. I think I understand. Does that mean you wouldn’t let me watch you masturbate?”

So he did like to watch women masturbate. Now if she could just get herself to like having him watch. If he wanted it, she wanted to do it for him. He did so much for her; he deserved some reciprocity. “I don’t know,” she said quietly. “I mean, I’d let you, but I don’t know if I’d be able to finish while you were watching. I think I’d feel too self‐conscious.”

“Okay,” Alec said agreeably. “Then I’ll use one of the vibrators on you. Would you like

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that?”

The pulse beginning to beat between her legs said she would. “Yes,” she whispered. “Good.” He turned back to the computer. “We’ll try it sometime.”

“Sometime?” She couldn’t decide whether to be disappointed or relieved that he hadn’t

meant right away.

“Unless you want to try it now.” He leaned closer to the monitor. “I thought we were ordering an Anal Beginner’s Kit.”

“Yep, but that isn’t going to take very long, is it?” She hoped it wouldn’t. And she hoped he didn’t plan to stay on the computer and ignore her after they finished ordering.

“Just a few clicks of the mouse and a little bit of financial information to type in.” Now he completely focused on his task. Just like he always did when something involved a computer. “I’ll pay for it. Consider it a… how many months have we been together?”

“Eight. It’ll be eight on Wednesday, actually,” she said, smiling at his lack of memory. She kept herself from arguing about paying for the kit. If he wanted to buy it for her, she could let him.

“Okay, so consider it an eight‐month anniversary present.” He stood and took his wallet out of his back pocket, then went through the process to place the order. “There,” he said, satisfied. “Seven to ten days and we’ll have it. Which means I think the weekend after next, we should plan to spend some quality ass time together.”

“Quality ass time?” Another attack of laughter hit her.

“Well, you wouldn’t want it to be ass time with no quality, would you?” he deadpanned. “Speaking of quality time, when do you have to pick up the kids?”

“Before four.”

Desire filled his eyes. “Which means we have about three hours until you have to leave. So let’s spend a little quality time together now.” He pulled her to her feet. “Race you to the bedroom.”

“I’ll win,” she taunted.