You Only Love Twice (8 page)

“I get it. You wanted to watch me so you could find out if I
had any contact with operatives in the Middle East.” So smooth. So reasonable.
He sounded like he really understood. He let his hand drift further up this
time before coming back down to her feet. “Flex them for me. I want to make
sure you didn’t lose circulation.”

“Jesse, I know you’re not in touch with anyone from that
time.” She flexed her foot like a good girl, her voice tentative as though she
wasn’t sure what to make of him. “I’ve watched you very carefully. I know
you’re not involved in anything.”

Good. He wanted to keep her off balance. “Did you have to
play me the way you did? I would have just been your friend.”

Honesty. She was right. A kernel of truth was always good
when playing the spy game. It was something he’d had to learn the hard way.
He’d always viewed himself as muscle, but maybe he could change. Maybe he could
be more than the guy who took the first bullet.

She leaned over, her hands finding his hair as she forced
him to look up at her. “It wasn’t like that. Not in the end. Li and Charlotte
are right. I came to care about all of you. I got a little lost here. I liked
who I was when I was around you. I just liked being with you.”

He stood and it wasn’t lost on him how close they were or
how she’d been forced to move her legs apart to accommodate him. He didn’t give
her any space. “I liked being with you, too, but you always put me off. I
thought you wanted me to kiss you at first. The chemistry was there. It was
there from the moment I saw you. Do you know what I wanted to do to you the
first time I saw you?”

She shook her head.

“I wanted to eat you up. I saw you standing there that first
day I came to McKay-Taggart and you were wearing a yellow dress and that little
white sweater and I thought you looked like sunshine. I cornered McKay and
asked if you had a boyfriend. That was the first day I brought you coffee, but
what I really wanted to do was get my hands on you.” Definitely no lies there.
He’d thought he’d seen pure sweetness. He’d wanted to cuddle her and kiss her
and take care of her. He thought he’d found someone who needed him.

He still wanted to eat her up.

“That’s not a good idea.” The words came out on a breathy
sigh, and he couldn’t miss how her nipples were hard against the filmy material
of the dress she was wearing.

“No. It’s not, but then I’m not known for being an idea man.
I have to follow through on the ones I do have.” He lowered his mouth to hers
and hoped he could remember he was a man on a mission.

Phoebe was pretty sure she couldn’t breathe. He was so
close, his lips hovering over hers. All it would take to push him away or draw
him closer was a simple raising of her hands, but she was caught. She knew what
was right.
Push him away. Don’t let this happen. Don’t let the last man to
seriously kiss you not be James. Don’t.

But another voice seemed even louder in her head as he
slowly moved toward her.
Bring him in. God, don’t you want to know how it
feels to have this man kiss you? Don’t you want his hands on you? Don’t you
want to show him how worthy he is? Of love, of affection, of protection.

One kiss. Just one. Soon she wouldn’t see him. He would be
as lost to her as Jamie was, and shouldn’t she have this one kiss?

His lips touched hers and she was through with arguing.

He’d kissed her before but it had been an awkward thing.
He’d been tentative and given her too much time to think. Jamie had inevitably
come between them, but this was different. His hands came up and caught her
face, holding her still for his long, slow discovery. The word stuck in her
head as he moved his mouth across hers. Discovery. Something new and fresh.
Something with potential.

She was discovering him.

Her hands came up as though drawn to his body. She found his
lean waist and did what came naturally. She explored over the soft cotton of
his T-shirt as he caught her bottom lip between his teeth and gave her the
gentlest nip. She shivered, though it wasn’t from the cold. Her body was hot,
but then she was always warm around him.

His tongue demanded entry and she opened her mouth, feeling
his triumph as he surged inside. He moved closer, placing himself firmly
between her legs and letting her feel everything he had to offer.

His cock. Oh, god, that was his cock rubbing against her core.
Her skirt had pushed up, and she could feel the denim of his jeans on her
thighs. He moved in, spreading her legs further as his tongue glided along
hers. Her body was melting. So long. It had been so damn long since she’d felt
this electricity running in her veins.

“I told you I wanted to eat you up. Sweet. I knew you’d be
so damn sweet.” The words rumbled along her lips before he devoured her mouth
again.

She let herself feel for the first time in forever. Feel the
strength of his body under her hands, feel his heat, let her heart beat in time
with his, let her mind sink into the experience.

The first time she’d seen him, she’d thought that the
universe wasn’t fair to hide such a coward under pretty skin and gorgeous eyes.
When he’d shown up with that coffee, she’d poured it out. She’d gone home and
cried and hated Ten for sending her. Why hadn’t he let her go? She’d been happy
fading away.

Slowly, she’d come to know the real Jesse Murdoch. She’d
come to think of herself as protecting him, not spying.

His hand was on her waist, moving down, and she thought
about all the times she’d put him off. She could have been doing this with him
for months. She could have been in his arms, in his bed. In the moment, it
seemed like a silly thing to have given up on.

So good. His mouth felt good and right on hers. And that big
hand of his felt really good as it moved on her thigh.

Too good. “Jesse, we can’t do this here.”

He shook his head and his hand moved up again, fingers
teasing at the edge of her panties. “Everyone else is busy. No one’s going to
bug us. Let me in. Just a little. I’ve wanted you for so long. Just a little,
baby.”

He kissed her again, stopping the weak protest she wasn’t
even sure she wanted to make. She gave over to him, his tongue plunging inside
as she felt his fingers close to her core. She ran her hands up the strong
muscles of his back and wanted to get rid of the material between them. Skin.
She wanted to run her hands over his skin and really feel his heat.

“You want me.” He whispered the words as his fingers found
the folds of her pussy.

“I shouldn’t.” Doubt started to creep back in. She shouldn’t
want him because she’d promised to love one man for the rest of her life.

“Your pussy says differently, baby.” He groaned a little as
he slid a finger up through her soaked pussy.

Pure pleasure swamped her senses, consigning her every good
intention straight to hell. This was why she’d stayed away from Jesse Murdoch,
erecting wall after wall to keep them apart. She’d always known that this man
could blow through her every defense if she let him.

But the thought of never seeing him again…she couldn’t
fight. She had to have this one beautiful moment with him. One physical memory
to go with all the good days and nights she’d spent with him.

“You’re so fucking wet for me.” One finger slid through her
labia and worked its way up to her clitoris. “Do you know how many nights I
dreamed of this? How many nights I lay awake and thought about getting you
underneath me? I wanted you to take my cock, Phoebe, but I thought I was too
rough for you. I’m not too rough for you, am I?”

“God, no.” Not even close. She needed more. He was playing
with her, but it had been so damn long, she felt like she couldn’t wait. She
moved her hips, trying to get him to press down harder. She was close. She
could feel the orgasm shimmering right on the edge of her consciousness. Just a
few hard strokes and she would come.

It had been so long since she’d come.

She felt his free hand tug on her hair, lighting up her
scalp and making her gasp. It didn’t hurt exactly. It was just enough to get
her attention.

His face was enough to let her know he meant business. Sweet
Jesse’s face had turned hard and demanding, his sensual lips curled in the
sexiest little smirk. “No, sweetheart. Do you remember when I said this was
going to be my way all the way? I’ve danced to your tune since the moment I met
you, but this is where I rule. You want what I can give you, you better get
used to following the rules, and rule number one is you obey me. Spread your
legs wider.”

This wasn’t the Jesse she knew, but she’d sensed him under
the surface. When she’d thought about him at Sanctum, she’d seen him like this.
In control. Masterful.

She didn’t have to think. She merely had to obey and
pleasure would be given to her.

Shit. She’d been reading way too many of Serena Dean-Miles’s
books. She spread her knees wide, giving him access as he brought his fingers
up. They glistened from the arousal coating her pussy. He stared at them for a
minute before sucking them into his mouth, his blue eyes rolling back in what
looked like pure pleasure as he sucked them clean.

“So goddamn sweet. Behave or we’ll have trouble. I know you
think I’m an idiot, but I can handle you. I can make you fucking beg for me.”

“Please, Jesse.” Her whole consciousness was focused on one
thing. This moment. This man. Everything else fell away. It was so easy when he
was in control.

“Yeah, baby,” he growled against her ear. “This is going to
please Jesse. This is going to make me feel so much better.”

He pushed aside her panties and two fingers worked inside
her pussy as his thumb found her clit.

Her vision went blissfully fuzzy as he fucked those big
fingers inside and worked that sensitive pearl.

“You’re so tight. You would feel so good wrapped around me.”
He worked her, taking her higher and higher.

Everything tightened as his thumb worked perfect circles
around and over her clit. Closer and closer and closer until she snapped and
pleasure swamped her system. A tidal wave crashed over her, and she panted as
she tried to get her breath back. She let herself curl into his body. His free
arm held her up or she would have been a puddle of goo on his desk.

Every muscle felt relaxed and loose. Warm. She was warm when
she always felt so cold. She would be even warmer with Jesse on top of her. Now
he would lay her down on the desk and bring them together finally. All that
heat between them could be quenched.

God, she was going to miss him.

Jesse kissed her forehead sweetly as he drew his hand out of
her pussy and straightened her soaked undies. “Baby, tell me who you work for.
You can tell me.”

The words didn’t penetrate for a moment. He used a soft
voice and she could almost fool herself that he was saying something sweet.
“What?”

“Who do you work for, Phoebe? It’s time for you to tell me
the truth.” A touch of hardness entered his tone.

Phoebe forced herself to push away. Between the orgasm and
the drugs that had run through her system, she felt so weak. It didn’t stop her
though. She got to her feet, her knees shaking a little, and looked at him. His
hair had gotten longer in the last few months. When he’d come to McKay-Taggart,
he’d worn it in a purely military style, but now it curled over the tops of his
ears and brushed over his brows. Blond and blue-eyed angel.

Who had just practically fucked her for information.

“Why?” Tears threatened. It had been a beautiful moment and
he’d ruined it. Their last moment. The only one she could carry with her and
he’d ground it into the dirt.

All of her life there had only been Jamie. She’d suffered
through pawings when she was in foster care, but she’d managed to avoid what
happened to a lot of girls in the system. She’d learned to defend herself.
She’d only ever been intimate with two men, and one of them was dead and the
other had just wanted information.

Jesse’s eyes were colder than she’d ever seen them as he
stared at her. He made no move to hide his erection. “I’m doing what you did.
I’m working a relationship to make an operation go more smoothly. Wasn’t that
more pleasant than being deprived of food and water and human contact until
you’re willing to talk?”

“I didn’t do this to you.” Anger invaded her system. The
reasonable, rational side understood that she was at least partially angry with
herself for being such a complete idiot. She’d ruined everything. She’d cheated
on Jamie and it had felt so good.

Damn him, but two minutes on a desk with Jesse Murdoch had
been better than all the sex she’d ever had with her husband. Her sweet,
strong, brave husband. She should have been happy with what they had.

Stupid. She was so fucking stupid. She’d been Jamie’s wife
and now her body was a convenient tool for Jesse to play like a Master.

Jesse stared at her while he sucked his fingers into his
mouth again.

And that infuriated her. She pointed a finger his way. “You
don’t get to do that.”

His eyes were hot on her. “Yeah, I do. This right here, this
is mine. I got you hot so this is mine and I’ll do what I want with it.”

“No, it’s mine.” She couldn’t stand the way he was staring
at her, sucking his fingers into his mouth. It had been hot before when she
thought he’d meant it, but now she knew it was all an act and his fingers were
nothing but ten little whores that went to do his bidding. Damn it. He didn’t
deserve to taste her. “You give it back.”

It had been a long time since she’d felt this anger rising.
She’d learned to channel it, learned to take that violent street-rat core of
her being and suppress it. It was showing up again. Humiliation wasn’t
something she handled well.

Years had passed and she’d shoved down everything. She’d
shoved down every time she’d had to play mousy and take Taggart’s eye rolling.
She’d buried her rage deep when they’d all laughed about how weak she was. She
knew they weren’t really being mean about it, but it didn’t matter. She’d felt
weak for years, and now she wanted every single one of them to know how strong
she was—especially the man in front of her.

He stopped, his eyebrows rising. “Baby, I’m not sure what
you want me to give back.” A sexy smirk hit his face. “But I can get you to
make more. It’s obvious you’re not ready to talk yet. Hop on the desk and I’ll
get my mouth on you. Then we’ll see if you’re ready to talk. You should know I
can do this all day.”

“I didn’t do this to you.” She had to stay calm. She
couldn’t lose her shit. Not now. Psycho Phoebe, as Jamie and Ten had called
her, was gone and she was never coming back. Reason. That was what Franklin
Grant had taught her to use. “I didn’t treat you like this.”

His hands came down and his shoulders squared as though he
was ready for battle. “You damn straight did. You played me. You played me hard
and well. You had me panting after you and then you pointed a bullet straight
at my fucking heart. Do you see the irony, Phoebe? I was falling for you and
you were here to kill me.”

“I was here to watch you. I was here to figure out if you
had turned.” The one good thing that could come of this was she got to ask a
couple of questions. “When you were discovered, you were hundreds of miles away
from where they buried the bodies of your team. It took an Agency team another
year to find the burial site. Why wouldn’t you tell them where the bodies were
buried?”