You Know You Love Me (5 page)

The room fell silent. Well, almost. Look, see how Serenas resting her hands on her
stomach? Shes probably pregnant, Isabel Coates whispered to Rain Hoffstetter. You only do
that when youre pregnant. She could have had an abortion this morning. Maybe thats why
shes late, Rain whispered back. My father gives money to Phoenix House, Kati told Laura
Salmon. Im going to find out if Serenas been there. I bet thats why she came back halfway
through term. Shes been in rehab. I hear theyre doing this thing in boarding school where
they mix Comet and cinnamon and instant coffee and snort it. Its like speed, but it makes
your skin turn green if you do it too long, Nicki Button piped up. You go blind, and then
you die. Blair caught snippets of her friends chatter, and it made her smile. Mrs. M
turned to nod at Serena. Girls, Id like you all to welcome back our old friend Serena van
der Woodsen. Serena will be rejoining the senior class today. Mrs. M smiled. Why dont you
find a seat, Serena? Serena walked lightly down the center aisle of the auditorium and sat
down in an empty chair next to a chronic nose-picking second grader named Lisa Sykes.
Jenny could hardly contain herself. Serena van der Woodsen! She was there, in the same
room, only a few feet away. So real. And so mature-looking now. I wonder how many times
shes done it, Jenny wondered to herself. She imagined Serena and a blond Hanover boy
leaning against the trunk of a big old tree, his coat wrapped around both of them. Serena
had had to sneak out of her dorm without a coat. She was very cold, and she got tree sap
in her hair, but it was worth it. Then Jenny pictured Serena and another imaginary boy on
a ski lift. The ski lift got stuck and Serena climbed into the boys lap to get warm. They
began to kiss and they couldnt stop themselves. By the time they were done, the ski lift
had started again and their skis were all tangled up, so they stayed on the chair and rode
it downhill and did it again. How cool, Jenny thought. Hands down, Serena van der Woodsen
was absolutely the coolest girl in the entire world. Definitely cooler than any of the
other seniors. And how cool to come in late, in the middle of the term, looking like that.
No matter how rich and fabulous you are, boarding school does have a way of making you
look like a homeless person. A glamorous one, in Serenas case. She hadnt had a haircut in
over a year. Last night shed worn it pulled back, but today it was down and looking pretty
shaggy. Her

boys white oxford shirt was frayed in the collar and cuffs, and through it, her purple
lace bra was visible. On her feet was her favorite pair of brown lace-up boots, and her
black stockings had a big hole behind one knee. Worst of all, shed had to buy all new
uniforms, since shed thrown hers down the garbage chute when shed gone away to boarding
school. Her new uniform was what stuck out the most.

The new uniforms were the plague of the sixth grade, which was the year Constance girls
graduated from a tunic to a skirt. The new skirts were made out of polyester and had
pleats that were unnaturally rigid. The material had a terrible, tacky sheen and came in a
new color: maroon. It was hideous. And it was this maroon uniform that Serena had chosen
to wear on her first day back at Constance. Plus, hers came all the way down to her knees!
All of the other seniors were wearing the same old navy blue wool skirts theyd been
wearing since sixth grade. Theyd grown so much their skirts were extremely short. The
shorter the skirt, the cooler the

girl. Blair actually hadnt grown that much, so shed secretly had hers shortened. What the
fuck is she wearing, anyway? Kati Farkas hissed. Maybe she thinks the maroon looks like
Prada or something, Laura sniggered back. I think shes trying to make some kind of
statement, Isabel whispered. Like, look at me, Im Serena, Im beautiful, I can wear
whatever I want. And she can, Blair thought. That was one of the things that always
infuriated her about Serena. She looked good in anything. But never mind how Serena
looked. What Jenny and every other person in the room wanted to know was: Why is she back?
They craned their necks to see. Did she have a black eye? Was she pregnant? Did she look
stoned? Did she have all her teeth? Was there anything different about her at all? Is that
a scar on her cheek? Rain whispered. She was knifed one night dealing drugs, Kati
whispered back. I heard she had plastic surgery in Europe this summer, but they didnt do a
very good job. Mrs. McLean was reading out loud now. Serena sat back in her chair, crossed
her legs, and closed her eyes, basking in the old familiar feeling of sitting in this room
full of girls, listening to Mrs. Ms voice. She didnt know why shed been so nervous that
morning before school. Shed overslept and gotten dressed in five minutes, ripping a hole
in her black stocking with a jagged toenail. Shed chosen her brother Eriks frayed old
shirt because it smelled like him. Erik had

gone to the same boarding school as Serena, but now he was away at college, and she missed
him terribly. Just as she was leaving the apartment, her mother caught sight of her and
would have made her change her clothes if Serena hadnt been so late.

This weekend, her mother said, were going shopping, and Im taking you to my salon. You
cant go around looking like that here, Serena. I dont care how they let you dress in
boarding school. Then she kissed her daughter on the cheek and went back to bed. Oh my
God, I think shes asleep, Kati whispered to Laura. Maybe shes just tired, Laura whispered
back. I heard she got kicked out for sleeping with every boy on campus. There were notches
in the wall above her bed. Her roommate told on her, thats the only way they found out.

Plus, all those late-night chicken dances, Isabel added, sending the girls into a giggling
frenzy. Blair bit her lip, fighting back the laughter. It was just too funny.

If Jenny Humphrey could have heard what the girls in the senior class were saying about
Serena van der Woodsen, her idol, she would have punched their lights out. The minute
Prayers was dismissed, Jenny pushed past her classmates and darted out into the hallway to
make a phone call. Her brother Daniel was going to totally lose his shit when she told him.

Hello? Daniel Humphrey answered his cell phone on the third ring. He was standing on the
corner of Seventy-seventh Street and West End Avenue, outside Riverside Prep, smoking a
cigarette. He squinted his dark brown eyes, trying to block out the harsh October
sunlight. Dan wasnt into sun. He spent most of his free time in his room, reading morbid,
existentialist poetry about the bitter fate of being human. He was pale, his hair was
shaggy, and he was rock- star thin.

Existentialism has a way of killing your appetite. Guess whos back? Dan heard his little
sister squeal excitedly into the phone. Like Dan, Jenny was a bit of a loner, and when she
needed someone to talk to, she always called him. She was the one who had bought them both
cell phones. Jenny, cant this wait Dan started to say, sounding annoyed in the way that
only older brothers can. Serena van der Woodsen! Jenny interrupted him. Serena is back at
Constance. I saw her in Prayers. Can you believe it? Dan watched a plastic coffee-cup lid
skitter down the sidewalk. A red Saab sped down West End Avenue through a yellow light. His

socks felt damp inside his brown suede Hush Puppies. Serena van der Woodsen. He took a
long drag on his Camel. His hands were shaking so much he almost missed his mouth. Dan?
his sister squeaked into the phone. Can you hear me? Did you hear what I said? Serena is
back. Serena van der Woodsen. Dan sucked in his breath sharply. Yeah, I heard you, he
said, feigning disinterest. So what? So what? Jenny said incredulously. Oh, right, like
you didnt just have a mini heart attack. Youre so full of it, Dan. No, Im serious, Dan
said, pissily. What are you calling me for? What do I care? Jenny sighed loudly. Dan could
be so irritating. Why couldnt he just act happy for once? She was so tired of his pale,
miserable, introspective-poet act. All right, she said. Forget it. Ill talk to you later.
She clicked off and Dan shoved his cell phone back into the pocket of his faded black
corduroys. He snatched a pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket and lit another one
with the burning stub of the one he was already smoking. His thumbnail got singed, but he
didnt even feel it. Serena van der Woodsen. They had first met at a party. No, that wasnt
exactly true. Dan had seen her at a party, his party, the only one hed ever had at his
familys apartment on Ninety-ninth and West End Avenue. It was April of eighth grade. The
party was Jennys idea, and their father, Rufus Humphrey, the infamous retired editor of
lesser-known beat poets and a party animal himself, was happy to oblige. Their mother had
already moved to Prague a few years before to focus on her art. Dan invited his entire
class and told them to invite as many people as they wanted. More than a hundred kids
showed up, and Rufus kept the beer flowing out of a keg in the bathtub, getting many of
the kids drunk for the first time. It was the best party Dan had ever been to, even if he
did say so himself. Not because of the booze, but because Serena van der Woodsen was
there. Never mind that she had gotten wasted and wound up playing a stupid Latin drinking
game and kissing some guys stomach with pictures scrawled all over it in magic marker. Dan
couldnt keep his eyes off her. Afterwards, Jenny told him that Serena went to her school,
Constance, and from then on Jenny was his little emissary, reporting everything shed seen
Serena do, say, wear, etc., and informing Dan about any upcoming events where he might
catch a glimpse of her again. Those events were rare. Not because there werent a lot of
themthere werebut because there werent many Dan had

even a chance of going to. Dan didnt inhabit the same world as Serena and Blair and Nate
and Chuck. He wasnt anybody. He was just a regular kid. For two years Dan followed Serena,
yearningly, from a distance. He never spoke to her. When she went away to boarding school,
he tried to forget about her, sure that he would never see her again, unless by some act
of magic they wound up at the same college. And now she was back.

Dan walked halfway down the block, then turned around and walked back again. His mind was
racing. He could have another party. He could make invitations and get Jenny to slip one
into Serenas locker at school. When Serena came to his apartment, Dan would walk right up
to her and take her coat, and welcome her back to New York.

It rained every day you were gone, hed say, poetically. Then they would sneak into his
fathers library and take each others clothes off and kiss on the leather couch in front of
the fire. And when everyone left the party, they would share a bowl of Breyers coffee ice
cream, Dans favorite. From then on they would spend every minute together. They would even
transfer to a coed high school like Trinity for the rest of senior year because they
couldnt stand to be apart. Then they would go to Columbia and live in a studio apartment
nearby with nothing in it but a huge bed. Serenas friends would try to lure her back to
her old life, but no charity ball, no exclusive black-tie dinner, no expensive party favor
could tempt her. She wouldnt care if she had to give up her trust fund and her
great-grandmothers diamonds. Serena would be willing to live in squalor if it meant she
could be with Dan. Fucking hell, weve only got five minutes until the bell rings, Dan
heard someone say in an obnoxious voice. Dan turned around, and sure enough, it was Chuck
Bass, or Scarf Boy, as Dan liked to call him, since Chuck was always wearing that
ridiculous monogrammed cashmere scarf. Chuck was standing only twenty feet away with two
of his senior Riverside Prep pals, Roger Paine and Jeffrey Prescott. They didnt speak to
Dan or even nod to acknowledge his presence. Why should they? These boys took the
Seventy-ninth Street crosstown bus through Central Park each morning to school from the
swanky Upper East Side, only venturing to the West Side for school or to attend the odd
party. They were in Dans class at Riverside Prep, but they were certainly not in his
class. He was nothing to them. They didnt even notice him. Dude, Chuck said to his
friends. He lit a cigarette. Chuck smoked his cigarettes like they were joints, holding
them between his index finger and thumb and sucking hard on the inhale.

Too pathetic for words. Guess who I saw last night? Chuck said, blowing out a stream of
gray smoke. Liv Tyler? Jeffrey said. Yeah, and she was all over you, right? Roger laughed.
No, not her. Serena van der Woodsen, Chuck said. Dans ears perked up. He was about to head
inside for class, but he lit another cigarette and stayed put so he could listen. Blair
Waldorfs mom had this little party, and Serena was there with her parents, Chuck
continued. And she was all over me. Shes, like, the sluttiest girl Ive ever met. Chuck
took another toke on his smoke. Really? Jeffrey said. Yes, really. First of all, I just
found out that shes been fucking Nate Archibald since tenth grade. And shes definitely
gotten an education at boarding school, if you know what I mean. They had to get rid of
her, shes so slutty. No way, Roger said. Come on, dude, you dont get kicked out for being
a slut. You do if you keep a record of every boy you slept with and get them hooked on the
same drugs youre doing. Her parents had to go up there and get her. She was, like, taking
over the school! Chuck was getting really worked up. His face was turning red and he was
spitting as he talked. I heard shes got diseases, too, he added. Like, STDs. Someone saw
her going into a clinic in the East Village. She was wearing a wig. Chucks friends shook
their heads, grunting in amazement. Dan had never heard such crap. Serena was no slut; she
was perfect, wasnt she? Wasnt she? Thats yet to be determined. So, you guys hear about
that bird party? Roger asked. You going? What bird party? Jeffrey said. That thing for the
Central Park peregrine falcons? Chuck said. Yeah, Blair was telling me about it. Its in
the old Barneys store. He took another drag on his cigarette. Dude, everybodys going.
Everybody didnt include Dan, of course. But it very definitely included Serena van der
Woodsen. Theyre sending out the invitations this week, Roger said. It has a funny name, I
cant remember what it is, something girly. Kiss on the Lips, Chuck said, stubbing out his
cigarette with his obnoxious Churchs of England shoes. Its the Kiss on the Lips party.