You Know You Love Me (3 page)

Hitchhiked to Vermont to go snowboarding and spent the night dancing with the hottest guys!

Crazy night last night. Damn, my head hurts!

The last news Blair had received was a postcard this past summer: Blair: Turned seventeen
on Bastille Day. France rocks!! Miss you!!! Love, Serena, was all it said. Blair had
tucked the postcard into her old Fendi shoebox with all the other mementos from their
friendship. A friendship she would cherish forever, but which shed thought of as over
until now. Serena was back. The lid was off the shoebox, and everything would go back to
the way it was before she left. As always, it would be Serena and Blair, Blair and Serena,
with Blair playing the smaller, fatter, mousier, less witty best friend of the blond
Ÿber-girl, Serena van der Woodsen.

Or not. Not if Blair could help it. You must be so excited Serenas here! Isabel chirped.
But when she saw the look on Blairs face, she changed her tune. Of course Constance took
her back. Its so typical. Theyre too desperate to lose any of us. Isabel lowered her
voice. I heard last spring Serena was fooling around with some townie up in New Hampshire.
She had an abortion, she added. I bet it wasnt her first one either, Chuck said. Just look
at her. And so they did. All four of them looked at Serena, who was still chatting happily
with Nate. Chuck saw the girl hed wanted to sleep with since he could remember wanting to
sleep with girlsfirst grade, maybe? Kati saw the girl shed been copying since she started
shopping for her own clothesthird grade? Isabel saw the girl whod gotten to be an angel
with wings made out of real feathers at the Church of the Heavenly Rest Christmas pageant,
while Isabel was a lowly shepherd and had to wear a burlap sack. Third grade again. Both
Kati and Isabel saw the girl who would inevitably steal Blair away from them and leave
them with only each other, which was too dull to even think about. And Blair saw Serena,
her best friend, the girl she would always love and hate. The girl she could never measure
up to and had tried so hard to replace. The girl shed wanted everyone to forget. For about
ten seconds Blair thought about telling her friends the truth: She didnt know Serena was
coming back. But how would that look? Blair was supposed to be plugged in, and how plugged
in would she sound if she admitted she knew nothing about Serenas return, while her
friends seemed to know so much? Blair couldnt very well stand there and say nothing. That
would be too obvious. She always had something to say. Besides, who wanted to hear the
truth when the truth was so incredibly boring? Blair lived for drama. Here was her chance.
Blair cleared her throat. It all happened very . . . suddenly, she said mysteriously.

She looked down and fiddled with the little ruby ring on the middle finger of her right
hand. The film was rolling, and Blair was getting warmed up. I think Serena is pretty
messed up about it. But I promised her I wouldnt say anything, she added.

Her friends nodded as if they understood completely. It sounded serious and juicy, and
best of all it sounded like Serena had confided everything to Blair. If only Blair could
script the rest of the movie, shed wind up with the boy for sure. And Serena could play
the girl who falls off the cliff and cracks her skull on a rock and is eaten alive by
hungry vultures, never to be seen again.

Careful, Blair, Chuck warned, nodding at Serena and Nate, who were still talking in low
voices over by the wet bar, their eyes never straying from each others faces. Looks like
Serenas already found her next victim.

Serena was holding Nates hand loosely in hers, swinging it back and forth. Remember Buck
Naked? she asked him, laughing softly. Nate chuckled, still embarrassed, even after all
these years. Buck Naked was Nates alter ego, invented at a party in eighth grade, when
most of them had gotten drunk for the first time. After drinking six beers, Nate had taken
his shirt off, and Serena and Blair had drawn a goofy, buck-toothed face on his torso in
black marker. For some reason the face brought out the devil in Nate, and he started a
drinking game. Everyone sat in a circle and Nate stood in the middle, holding a Latin
textbook and shouting out verbs for them to conjugate. The first person to mess up had to
drink and kiss Buck Naked. Of course they all messed up, boys and girls alike, so Buck got
a lot of action that night. The next morning, Nate tried to pretend it hadnt happened, but
the proof was inked on his skin. It took weeks for Buck to wash off in the shower.

And what about the Red Sea? Serena said. She studied Nates face. Neither of them was
smiling now. The Red Sea, Nate repeated, drowning in the deep blue lakes of her eyes. Of
course he remembered. How could he forget?

One hot August weekend, the summer after tenth grade, Nate had been in the city with his
dad, while the rest of the Archibald family was still in Maine. Serena was up in her
country house in Ridgefield, Connecticut, so bored shed painted each of her fingernails
and toenails a different color. Blair was at the Waldorf castle in Gleneagles, Scotland,
at her aunts wedding. But that hadnt stopped her two best friends from having fun without
her. When Nate called, Serena hopped right on the New Haven line into Grand

Central Station. Nate met Serena on the platform. She stepped off the train wearing a
light blue silk slip dress and pink rubber flip-flops. Her yellow hair hung loose, just
touching her bare shoulders. She wasnt carrying a bag, not even a wallet or keys. To Nate,
she looked like an angel. How lucky he was. Life didnt get any better than the moment when
Serena flip-flopped down the platform, threw her arms around his neck, and kissed him on
the lips. That wonderful, surprising kiss. First they had martinis at the little bar
upstairs by the Vanderbilt Avenue entrance to Grand Central. Then they got a cab straight
up Park Avenue to Nates Eighty-second Street townhouse. His father was entertaining some
foreign bankers and was going to be out until very late, so Serena and Nate had the place
to themselves. Oddly enough, it was the first time theyd ever been alone together and
noticed. It didnt take long. They sat out in the garden, drinking beer and smoking
cigarettes. Nate was wearing a long-sleeved polo shirt, and the weather was extremely hot,
so he took it off. His shoulders were scattered with tiny freckles, and his back was
muscled and tan from hours at the docks, building a sailboat with his father up in Maine.
Serena was hot too, so she climbed into the fountain. She sat on the marble Venus de Milo
statues knee, splashing herself with water until her dress was soaked through. It wasnt
difficult to see who the real goddess was. Venus looked like a lumpy pile of marble
compared to Serena. Nate staggered over to the fountain and got in with her, and soon they
were tearing the rest of each others clothes off. It was August after all. The only way to
tolerate the city in August is to get naked. Nate was worried about the security cameras
trained on his parents house at all times, front and back, so he led Serena inside and up
to his parents bedroom. The rest is history. They both had sex for the first time. It was
awkward and painful and exciting and fun, and so sweet they forgot to be embarrassed. It
was exactly the way youd want your first time to be, and they had no regrets. Afterwards,
they turned on the television, which was tuned to the History Channel, a documentary about
the Red Sea. Serena and Nate lay in bed, holding each other and looking up at the clouds
through the skylight overhead, while they listened to the narrator of the program talk
about Moses parting the Red Sea. Serena thought that was hilarious. You parted my Red Sea!
she howled, wrestling Nate against the pillows.

Nate laughed and rolled her up in the sheet like a mummy. And now I will leave you here as
a sacrifice to the Holy Land! he said in a deep, horror-movie voice. And he did leave her,
for a little while. He got up and ordered a huge feast of Chinese food and bad white wine,
and they lay in bed and ate and drank, and he parted her Red Sea once again before the sky
grew dark and the stars twinkled in the skylight. A week later, Serena went away to
boarding school at Hanover Academy, while Nate and Blair stayed behind in New York. Ever
since, Serena had spent every vacation awaythe Austrian Alps at Christmas, the Dominican
Republic for Easter, the summer traveling in Europe. This was the first time shed been
back, the first time she and Nate had seen each other since the parting of the Red Sea.
Blair doesnt know, does she? Serena asked Nate quietly. Blair who? Nate thought, with a
momentary case of amnesia. He shook his head. No, he said. If you havent told her, she
doesnt know. But Chuck Bass knew, which was almost worse. Nate had blurted the information
out at a party only two nights ago in a drunken fit of complete stupidity. Theyd been
doing shots, and Chuck had asked, So, Nate. What was your all time best fuck? That is, if
youve done it all yet. Well, I did it with Serena van der Woodsen, Nate had bragged, like
an idiot. And Chuck wasnt going to keep it a secret for long. It was way too juicy and way
too useful. Chuck didnt need to read that book How to Win Friends and Influence People. He
fucking wrote it. Although he wasnt doing so well in the friends department. Serena didnt
seem to notice Nates uncomfortable silence. She sighed, bowing her head to rest it on his
shoulder. She no longer smelled like Chanels Cristalle like she always used to. She
smelled like honey and sandalwood and liliesher own essential-oil mixture. It was very
Serena, utterly irresistible, but if anyone else tried to wear it, it would probably smell
like dog poo. Shit. I missed you like crazy, Nate, she said. I wish you couldve seen the
stuff I pulled. I was so bad. What do you mean? What did you do that was so bad? Nate
asked, with a mixture of dread and anticipation. For a brief second he imagined her
hosting orgies in her dorm room at Hanover Academy and having affairs with older men in
hotel rooms in Paris. He wished he couldve visited her in Europe this summer. Hed always
wanted to do it in a hotel. And Ive been such a horrible friend, too, Serena went on. Ive
barely even talked to Blair since I left. And so much has happened. I

can already tell shes mad. She hasnt even said hello. Shes not mad, Nate said. Maybe shes
just feeling shy. Serena flashed him a look. Right, she said mockingly. Blairs feeling
shy. Since when has Blair ever been shy? Well, shes not mad, Nate insisted. Serena
shrugged. Well, anyway, Im so psyched to be back here with you guys. Well do all the
things we used to do. Blair and I will cut class and meet you on the roof of the Met, and
then well run down to that old movie theater by the Plaza Hotel and see some weirdo film
until cocktail hour starts. And you and Blair will stay together forever and Ill be the
maid of honor at your wedding. And well be happy ever after, just like in the movies. Nate
frowned. Dont make that face, Nate, Serena said, laughing. That doesnt sound so bad, does
it? Nate shrugged. No, I guess it sounds okay, he said, although he clearly didnt believe
it. What sounds okay? a surly voice demanded. Startled, Nate and Serena tore their eyes
away from each other. It was Chuck, and with him were Kati, Isabel, and, last but not
least, Blair, looking very shy indeed. Chuck clapped Nate on the back. Sorry, Nate, he
said. But you cant bogey the van der Woodsen all night, you know. Nate snorted and tipped
back his glass. Only ice was left. Serena looked at Blair. Or at least, she tried to.
Blair was making a big deal of pulling up her black stockings, working them inch by inch
from her bony ankles up to her bony knees, and up around her tennis-muscled thighs. So
Serena gave up and kissed first Kati, then Isabel, and then she made her way to Blair.
There was only a limited amount of time Blair could spend pulling up her tights before it
got ridiculous. When Serena was only inches away from her, she looked up and pretended to
be surprised. Hey Blair, Serena said excitedly. She put her hands on the shorter girls
shoulders and bent down to kiss both of her cheeks. Im so sorry I didnt call you before I
came back. I wanted to. But things have been so crazy. I have so much to tell you! Chuck,
Kati, and Isabel all nudged each other and stared at Blair. It was pretty obvious she had
lied. She didnt know anything about Serena coming back. Blairs face heated up. Busted.
Nate noticed the tension, but he thought it was for an entirely different reason. Had
Chuck told Blair already? Was he busted? Nate couldnt tell. Blair wasnt even looking at
him.

It was a chilly moment. Not the kind of moment youd expect to have with your oldest,
closest friends. Serenas eyes darted from one face to another. Clearly she had said
something wrong, and she quickly guessed what it was. Im such an asshole, she scolded
herself.

I mean, Im sorry I didnt call you last night. I literally just got back from Ridgefield.
My parents have been hiding me there until they figured out what to do with me. I have
been so bored. Nice save.

She waited for Blair to smile gratefully for covering for her, but all Blair did was
glance at Kati and Isabel to see if theyd noticed the slip. Blair was acting strange, and
Serena fought down a rising panic. Maybe Nate was wrong, maybe Blair really was mad at
her. Serena had missed out on so much. The divorce, for instance. Poor Blair.

It must really stink without your dad around, Serena said. But your mom looks so good, and
Cyrus is kind of sweet, once you get used to him. She giggled. But Blair still wasnt
smiling. Maybe, she said, staring out the window at the hot-dog stand. I guess Im still
not used to him. All six of them were silent for a long, tense moment.

What they needed was one more good, stiff drink. Nate rattled the ice cubes in his glass.
Who wants another? he offered. Ill make them. Serena held out her glass. Thanks, Nate, she
said. Im so fucking thirsty. They locked the damned booze cabinet up in Ridgefield. Can
you believe it? Blair shook her head. No, thanks, she said. If I have another, Ill be
hungover at school tomorrow, Kati said. Isabel laughed. Youre always hungover at school,
she said. She handed Nate her glass. Here, Ill split mine with Kati. Let me give you a
hand, Chuck offered. But before he could get very far, Mrs. van der Woodsen joined them,
touching her daughters arm. Serena, her mother said. Eleanor would like us all to sit
down. She made an extra place next to Blair for you, so you two girls can catch up. Serena
cast an anxious glance at Blair, but Blair had already turned away and was headed for the
table, sitting down next to her eleven- year-old brother, Tyler, who had been at his place
for over an hour, reading Rolling Stone magazine. Tylers idol was that movie director,
Cameron Crowe, who had toured with Led Zeppelin when he was only fifteen. Tyler refused to
listen to CDs, insisting that real vinyl records were the only way to go. Blair worried
her brother was