Yesterday's Tomorrows (7 page)

The storm was moving out, but it was still rainy and had turned noticeably cooler. I turned up the heat against the damp chill as I pulled out of the parking garage. Stopped at a light, I noticed Madelyn standing under a red umbrella at a bus stop. She seemed to be watching an older man trying to huddle under the roof lip of a convenience store. She took a step toward him, then stopped and looked around. She rocked back and forth a few times as if she couldn't decide whether or not to approach him. After several false starts, she dug into her shoulder bag and withdrew something small, and then walked over to the man and leaned down to speak to him, handing him whatever it was she took from her purse. He shook his head, but she took his hand and placed whatever it was in his. She straightened up, handed him her umbrella, and walked into the store.

A car behind me honked. I’d been so caught up in watching her I’d forgotten about the light. I waved my hand in acknowledgment and quickly pulled over to the parking lane at the first opportunity. I clearly had no shame, spying like I was in my rear view mirror. I told myself I just wanted to make sure Madelyn was okay, but I was also curious about what she was doing.

She emerged a minute later carrying a small plastic bag and a hot beverage cup. She handed both items to him. I saw him try to hand the umbrella back to her, but she shook her head, pulled the hood of her jacket over her head, and set off down the sidewalk in my direction. At that moment, the city bus pulled up, and the man stood and looked after her and then stepped onto the bus, still clasping the bag and cup like a new-found treasure.

"What's your story, Madelyn Stone?" I whispered as I watched her walk toward me, huddled in her sweatshirt.

Did I really care? Caring implied an emotional connection, and that entered dangerous territory when it came to women. In my experience, women seemed to have a hard time stopping at friendship. It would start off as a casual drink or meal together, but it wasn't long before they read more into it. My heart had already been claimed and broken, so there was no point in stringing them along. And so, I put the women in my life into separate categories: family, professional, and those I was willing to fuck, the third of which by far had the longest list. And I never, ever let the second two categories cross each other. If I couldn't put a woman into one of those columns, I basically ignored them.

But something about Madelyn made me want to blur the lines. For the first time, I wanted to know more about a woman than how she might help my case or how she felt coming around my cock. I tried to define my interest as mere curiosity, scrubbing aside any feelings that I was lying to myself.

Before I could stop myself, I lowered the passenger window and called to her as she passed. She hesitated and glanced around, but continued walking without seeing me. I grabbed for my umbrella in the passenger seat, shut down my truck, and hurried after her.

I
could have sworn
I heard someone call my name, but at a quick glance the only people I saw were a couple across the street, and they seemed pretty engrossed in each other, laughing and huddling together under an umbrella. There weren't many people out walking in this kind of weather. Shrugging my shoulders, I pulled my jacket tighter around me and kept walking.

I heard the sound of footsteps slapping against the wet pavement fast approaching me. Nervously, I quickened my pace, all of my senses on high alert. When a hand clasped around my forearm, I froze. I tried to scream, but my heart clogged my throat and spots formed in front of my eyes. For once I wished I was in a crowd; maybe there would be someone to help me.

Don't just stand there
, my brain frantically communicated through the flashbacks that filled my mind.
Fight back!

I could feel the raindrops stop pelting me as I sensed a large form over and behind me. I turned around and swung an adrenaline-powered fist. Pain throbbed as it made contact with something hard and warm. I was about to bring my knee up when the urgency of my name being called halted my movement.

"Madelyn! Madelyn, stop. It's me. Holt."

Air returned to my lungs as I registered his familiar voice. Startled, I stared at him in shock. The only thing that kept me from collapsing to the sidewalk were his hands clasping my arms. Raindrops dripped from his hair and ran down his face.

I groaned in relief and frustration before glaring at him. "Geez, Holt! Didn't your mother ever teach you not to sneak up on someone? That's twice tonight you almost gave me a heart attack!"

I shook my hand, still throbbing from where it hit him. I still didn't know where my fist had landed; only that it was hard as a rock, apparently like his head. Couldn't this man just leave me alone? The last thing I could handle tonight was more Holten Andrews.

"Didn't yours ever teach you to dress appropriately for the weather and not to walk alone in the dark? It's not safe." He practically growled the last words before he bent to pick up an open umbrella from the sidewalk. We stood close enough I could smell the subtle spiciness of his cologne.

He couldn't possibly know how much his words stung. "No, she didn't." I crossed my arms. "And dark nights aren't the biggest things to be afraid of," I added under my breath.

He held the umbrella over me, making it easier to look up at him. He gazed back. "Know a lot about dark knights, hmm? Does that have anything to do with your previous accusations? What was it you said? My 'ivory tower 'and my 'barb-coated arrows'?"

I ignored his misunderstanding of my words. "Yeah, um, I'm sorry about that. I swear I used to have a brain to mouth filter. I seemed to have lost it over the past few years. Manners don't get you as far in prison as they do in this life. But, I shouldn't have said that. I read a lot, and sometimes I tend to have a flair for the dramatic."

"I noticed." His hand rubbed his shoulder. "By the way, next time, aim for the crotch. It will have more of the result I think you were looking for, although, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t try it on me."

"Mr. Andrews," I sighed, "as nice as this is, why are you out here in the rain besides scaring the shit out of me?"

"It's Holt. And I stopped because I saw you walking alone in the dark on a rainy night. I was an ass earlier this evening, but I'd like a chance to make it up to you.

I eyeballed him carefully but saw nothing but sincerity in his expression. "So you left the warmth of your ivory tower to rescue a damsel in distress?" I added a small smile to prove I was only teasing.

His grin warmed the chill right out of me. "I even have my trusty black steed over yonder." He pointed down the street a short ways where I recognized his truck.

It was tempting, but things didn't usually end well when the two of us were together. "Thank you, but I'll be fine. It's only a few blocks."

"Please get in the truck, Madelyn. It's a lot easier to rescue a damsel when she cooperates. Besides, I can practically hear your teeth chattering."

I snorted. But I was cold. And the way I figured it, he did owe me from earlier. "Well, I wouldn't want to tarnish a knight's armor by keeping him out in the rain, so thank you."

He chuckled and placed his arm around my back and held me close so that the umbrella continued to cover both of us. It was a comfortable feeling, warm and secure, and I missed it the second he pulled away to open the door.

Holt turned up the heat and by the time we reached the end of the block, I had stopped my shivering. He was quiet as he navigated the streets. I used the silence to reflect on the shift that had occurred between us tonight. I was about to ask him why he was working so late when he spoke.

"I have a confession."

"Shouldn't you have counsel present before you say anything?"

He chuckled. "You'll have to do for now." His face grew serious. "I didn't just happen to drive by and see you walking. I saw you at the bus stop and how you helped that old man. Why didn't you get on the bus, too?"

My jaw dropped. "You were spying on me?"

"Let's just call it an observable moment."

"Potayto, potahto," I smirked.

"Answer the question, Maddy."

Bossy much? "Does it really matter?"

He shrugged. "I'm just curious. It's not something most people would have done."

I stared out the window. "You mean, especially someone who would kill a man." My words were barely above a whisper, yet they echoed off the window and back at me as if confronting me, challenging me to deal with my real identity.

"Madelyn." His deep voice was tinged with exasperation. "You're projecting again, putting words in my mouth that weren't there."

I sighed. He was right. I'm not sure why I reacted this way to him. Maybe because he’d seen me at my most vulnerable - leaving prison alone where he, a stranger, had to step in because no one else cared enough to meet me.

"I could see by the way his hands curled that he had arthritis, and I'm sure this weather makes it particularly painful. He said he was trying to get to a shelter, but it had started raining, and they didn't like him hanging out inside the store. So I gave him my bus pass and some hot coffee to warm his hands while he held it, plus a sandwich to eat."

"So why didn't you buy another pass or pay cash for your own fare?" He knew how to pursue an answer, that was for damn sure.

"Because I didn't have the right change," I mumbled.

"You mean because you spent it on the food you bought him, don't you?"

He didn't miss a thing. I shrugged it off as if it were no big deal because to me, it wasn't. "Well, I'm younger and healthier. A walk in the rain won't hurt me, and thanks to the kindness of others, I have a warm place to go home to tonight."

He pulled into my complex and parked his truck. He shut off the engine and swiveled around so he could look at me.

"That's one of the kindest things I've witnessed in a long time." The light of a street lamp reflected on his face, dotted by shadows of raindrops on the windshield. He shook his head. "You really are an enigma."

"First a cat and now an enigma. Throwing stones again, Mr. Andrews?"

He smiled and shook his head. "No, just learning more about you. And it was 'barbed arrows' I believe."

I was glad it was dark so he couldn't see how red my face turned. "Yeah, about that. I'm sorry." I smiled shyly. "Anyway, thank you for the ride." I started to open my door.

"Stop." Lightning flashed again, and the rain started to pour. Holt grabbed his umbrella and reached for his handle.

"Um, thank you, but I can take it from here."

He frowned at me. "I didn't rescue you from a walk in the rain to have you get soaked at the end." He jumped out of the truck before I could argue further. He opened my door and extended his hand. I hesitated to accept his assistance, a combination of stubbornness to be independent and because I wasn't used to such politeness.

And maybe because you're afraid you'll enjoy it?

Other than Emma McCloskey's warm hug, it had been a long time since I'd known a kind touch. Despite some rough moments, Holt’s kindness tonight was making it hard to resist him.

I must have paused too long because the next thing I knew I'd been pulled from my seat and was standing next to him, his arm wrapped around my shoulders holding me close. I tried to put some distance between us, but I was quickly yanked back against him. "I don't bite, Ms. Stone. It's also not a big umbrella, and while I don't want you to get wet, I don't particularly feel like getting soggy either."

A streak of lightning with a crack of thunder right on top of it made me forget about any qualms I had of being close to him as the earth rumbled beneath our feet. I flung my arms around his waist and buried my face against his chest. I absorbed the smell of his soft wool suit coat and cologne, so completely masculine but comforting. I felt his stance stiffen but then relax and the arm around my shoulders squeezed.

He bent his head, and his breath felt warm as he rumbled directly in my ear. "Let's get inside before we become a human lightning rod."

I nodded and awkwardly disentangled myself from him, but he continued to hold me close as he kept us under the umbrella and guided us to the front doors of the apartment building. It wasn't a long distance, but it felt awkward bumping against him, and I instinctively put my arm back around his waist.

Holt snapped the umbrella shut and followed me into the lobby, then pushed the button on the elevator and followed me inside when the doors immediately opened. He caught my surprised look. "I was taught to always escort a lady to her door. Besides," he smirked, "my mother would somehow find out I didn't live up to her teachings, and truthfully, she's the only person in this world I'm a little bit afraid of."

"You're afraid of your mom?" I couldn't imagine Holt being afraid of anyone.

He chuckled and winked at me. "You wouldn't know it to look at her. She's shorter than you and comes across as pretty and sweet. But if you get her feathers riled up, look out. She's got every bit of a Scottish red-headed temper and has no issues taking someone to task, especially her children. But she loves us just as fiercely."

I was quiet, struck by his words. I wondered what it would be like to have a mother like that. He claimed she scared him, but his words were spoken with affection, not fear.

I unlocked my door and began to thank him, but stopped as I saw him rock on his feet with his hands in his pockets. If I didn't know better, I would swear he didn't want to leave. "W...would you like to come inside? It's still raining, and there's no need --"

"Sure." He quickly stepped past me.

Well, call me confused as a cow on Astroturf. Was that relief I saw on his face?

I
moved quickly
into her apartment as I blew out a breath of relief. I thought I had wanted to be alone tonight, but being with Madelyn was a much better distraction. Maybe it was because she didn't expect anything from me. Well, check that. She probably expected some sort of altercation since that’s what we seemed to specialize in. She definitely seemed surprised I accepted her invitation.

And you think she's pretty.

I tried to hush that annoying voice in my head. I'd certainly seen my share of beautiful, glamorous women, and I couldn't say that Madelyn lived up to their same attributes. She wasn't as tall, wasn't as perfectly made up, and didn't dress as seductively or elegantly as them. There wasn't exactly any one thing that stood out about her...except for her eyes. They were a complex mixture of brown and green flecks. I knew that depending on her mood, one color would stand out more than the other, like one of those damn mood rings that the girls wore when I was in grade school. They flashed like emeralds when she was spun up, but then they'd settle into a warm brown when she was calm.

And her hair. I'm sure there was a more appropriate name than reddish brown, but it wasn't auburn and it wasn't brunette. It was more like the chestnuts that fell on the ground at my grandfather's farm. And now that she'd finally let her hair down, literally and figuratively, it fell in silky waves below her shoulders. I longed to run my fingers through it.

I was definitely attracted to her. She was an enticing combination of sass and spice, sweet and tart, strength and vulnerability. She certainly fit into my fuckable category. But with Madelyn Stone, that didn’t feel quite right. That meant she was trouble. And yet, here I was.

The thump of her backpack as she dropped it near the door brought my mind back to reality.

"It's small, but welcome to my humble abode. Although, I guess you've seen it before," she was saying.

I glanced around. She'd added some colorful pillows and throws, as well as a few jewel-toned accent pieces that added life and personality. It was surprising, given how plain and simple she dressed. A couple of potted plants in corners and some kind of window covering made the small room feel warm and inviting

"You've made some nice additions. It looks homey. You should be proud."

She twisted her hands nervously. "I, uh, I know it's sort of late, but um, I have some leftover homemade chili I threw together last night. It's only meat because I don't like beans, but it always tastes good when it’s cold and miserable outside. I was planning to have some tonight, and there's plenty if you'd like some. I mean it's nothing fancy, but it will be warm and..."

I laughed softly at her rambling. "That happens to be one of my favorite comfort foods if you're sure you have enough and don't mind sharing."

Her mouth pulled up at the corners, and her cheeks turned a pale pink. "It will be nice to have the company. It gets a bit lonely around here, sometimes." She turned quickly as if shocked by her admission, and I couldn't stop the warm feeling that crept outward from the place I thought had grown cold years ago.

I watched as she moved gracefully about, pulling out everything she needed to warm the chili. She grabbed a bowl and a muffin tin and opened a mix to make cornbread. My stomach growled in anticipation.

I walked the few steps from the living room to the kitchen. "What can I do to help?"

"Um, maybe get a couple of glasses from that cabinet? I'm sorry, I don't have a lot of choices for drinks."

I got the glasses down along with two plates and found some silverware in a drawer. She stayed quiet, intent on the pot on the stove. I hoped she wasn't regretting inviting me in.

"Do I make you nervous?" I knew I could be intimidating in the courtroom. I used that to my advantage often. But I didn't like the idea that she might be scared of me. I crossed my arms and ankles and leaned against the counter next to where she stood pouring the muffin mixture into the tin mold.

She put the pan in the oven before turning to face me.

"Truth?"

"Well, I don't usually prefer to be lied to," I answered wryly.

She crossed her arms as well. "Yes, you do. I mean, every encounter between us has ended with one of us throwing insults, including just over an hour ago. I don't understand why you're here, with me of all people, when there must be other people you'd rather spend your time with." She blew out a breath. "So, yes, I'm waiting for this...this," she waved her hand in the air, "niceness to end in another argument."

I slipped my hands into my pockets and held her gaze. "I'm really sorry about earlier. I didn't know it was you who was in there when I barged in. My big mouth ran away with my imagination before my eyes caught up with it."

More green than brown eyes stared back at mine as if trying to discern if I was sincere.

"It's no excuse, but today has been a shitty day, and I was already in a bad mood. I'm sorry you were on the receiving end of it. So I'm not here to make trouble. Would you believe me if I said I just want to get to know you better?"
Not to mention you're providing a much-needed sanctuary tonight.

She appeared to contemplate my words while she turned the stove off. Her hair hid her face as she bowed her head. "I'm not used to people wanting to get to know me without an ulterior motive."

I watched the woman whose life read like a mystery. The problem was, I loved mysteries. I found real pleasure in picking up clues and trying to piece them together before the final chapter confirmed if I was right or wrong. But her wall was up, understandably, so I put my questions on hold for now.

"My only motive is to prove to you that I'm not always an ass." I resisted the impulse to pull her into a hug. I settled for tucking her hair behind her ear.

She flinched at my touch, so I withdrew and changed the subject. "What would you like to drink?"

She visibly relaxed and smiled. "I'll have ice water, please. But there's some soda in the fridge if you'd like it. I'm sorry I don't have any beer or wine to offer."

I filled both of our glasses with water and ice while she poured the chili into the bowls and set them on the table. She pulled a block of cheese from the fridge and started to grate it.

"It smells really good. Where did you learn to cook?"

"My grandmother was one of those natural kinds of cooks," she replied. "I don't think there was anything she made that wasn't the best you could imagine, although maybe not the healthiest." She grinned and looked sideways at me. "Nothing fancy, but lots of butter and baked goods. Very country."

"Sounds delicious."

"My favorite memories all happened in her kitchen by her side." Her smile faded.

"What happened to her?" I asked gently.

"She died." She said it so matter-of-factly, but I didn't miss the flash of pain that whispered across her face before it was gone.

She blew out her breath. "I think dinner's ready."

She whirled around and grabbed some potholders and pulled the cornbread from the oven. She dumped them onto a plate and set it on the table along with the cheese and gestured for me to sit. I recognized deflection when I saw it, but I accepted it. I waited until she was settled and took a bite. Whatever else I didn't know about Madelyn, I knew she could cook. The masterful blend of flavors infused in the meat was amazing. If she could do this with chili, I hoped I had more opportunities to sample more of her cooking.

"So, tell me, did you always want to become a lawyer?" she asked.

I chuckled. "No. I used to want to be a cowboy, but my mom wouldn't buy me a horse, so I eventually lost interest. Then I wanted to be a paleontologist, but my mother once again put a halt to it." She raised questioning eyebrows at me. "Apparently she wasn't impressed by the holes I dug in the backyard in search of the great Holtasaurus."

She giggled. A real honest-to-god happy sound that went along with a huge smile that lit up her face. "A Holtasaurus?"

I shrugged my shoulders and grinned back. "Well, I figured if I did the work, I deserved the credit."

She leaned back in her chair and raised her eyebrows. "Why do I suspect you were a handful growing up?"

I winked at her, wanting to keep that smile on her face. "What makes you think I'm not still?"

She rolled her eyes. "I'm sure you are."

Long after the chili was gone, I was still making her laugh with stories from my childhood.

"Your poor mother," she gasped after a particularly funny story about my and Cal's plan to become firemen heroes. "At least you didn't burn the house down."

"No, but after the lecture from the real firemen, we were pretty much scared straight, and life got a little easier for her."
That is until I was an adult and put her through pure hell
.

Madelyn suddenly yawned, although she tried to hide it behind her hand. I glanced at my watch. It was after ten. Not overly late, but I couldn't believe the two hours I'd been there had passed so quickly.

"I should be going," I announced. I stood and carried my dishes to the sink. "Thank you for the late dinner. It was delicious."

She joined me at the sink. "You're welcome. I enjoyed it."

"You sound surprised."

"A little. I honestly wasn't sure what to expect tonight, but you did a good job hiding your assiness."

I choked. "My assiness?"

"Yeah. You said you wanted to prove you weren't always an ass." She gave me an innocent look, but there was a certain glimmer in her eye. "I had my doubts."

At first, I was insulted, then suddenly I burst out laughing. "You'd make a good lawyer, Madelyn. I recognize that tactic. Trying to make me throw my game to see if it was all just a ruse. I'm impressed." I walked to the living room and put my jacket back on.

"Maddy."

I turned to her, confused.

"My friends call me Maddy, not Madelyn."

"Are we friends then, Maddy?"

"Maybe? I mean I'm not sure what we are, but you know more about me than most people, so that can make you either my friend or my enemy, and I could really use some more friends."

Her arms were crossed again as if she was bracing for me to reject her. I suspected there had been a lot of hurt in her life.

"I'm not your enemy, Maddy." I stood in front of the door. "I'm sure you have good reason to keep people out, but maybe it's time to allow someone in. It's a tough road trying to navigate through life all by yourself don't you think?"

She looked startled by my comment. "I wish it was that easy."

"What happened to you, Madelyn?" I whispered.

She was quiet for a long time, and I regretted the turn in our conversation.

"Just a matter of being born," she said, so softly the words seemed to get lost in the air. But I heard them. Sure, maybe life had dealt her a shit hand somewhere along the way, and she'd made bad choices. But her comment, as extreme as it was, sounded like she believed it, and my cold heart broke for her.

I bent my knees trying to bring my eyes level with hers, but it was hard since she was intent on staring at our feet. "Being born isn't a bad thing, Madelyn."

"It was in my family," she muttered.

"I'm glad you were born," I whispered and ran my fingers through her hair over one ear and dragged them to the back of her head. "You've helped me get through a really bad day, even helped me forget for a few precious minutes. And I don't think anyone else could have accomplished that, not even the bottle of Scotch I was headed home to."

"What did I help you forget?" she whispered back, finally looking into my eyes, as if desperate to believe my confession.

I started to pull her in for a hug, but as I looked into her warm brown eyes, I felt lured to her. I managed to shift before it was too late and pressed my lips to her forehead instead of her lips.

"An even worse day," I mumbled against her skin.

Knowing I better leave before I did something stupid, I quickly released her. I turned and left before she could ask the question I knew she wanted to ask. Maybe I could keep from showing my ass, but I wasn't ready to bare my soul.

Back in my truck, I turned the radio up as I made my way home on the rain-slicked streets. I needed the distraction from thinking too much about the past two hours. And once I was home I attempted to lose myself in some movie on television. It somewhat worked. But when I finally crawled beneath my covers, I tossed and turned before finally falling into an exhausted sleep. Only just as I succumbed, it wasn't the blonde hair and blue eyed face that I adored that whispered good night to me. This time it was a girl with hair the color of a warm autumn day and dark eyes that didn't know my story, but understood it just the same.