Yes Please (35 page)

The first thing I did was cry. Because, see, I had a lot of writing on my laptop that I hadn’t truly backed up, maybe forty or fifty pages. Technology can often feel like a club that didn’t accept me, and so I punish it by ignoring it, which in turn often hurts me. Then I cried because I was tired, and worried about this book and getting it done while also being a good mom and a pleasant face on camera. Then I cried because I knew this was a first-world problem and I had no right to cry. Then I called TSA Lost and Found.

I spoke to a human. A man. He took my information. He was polite and he listened. He wasn’t a machine. He put me on hold and took a quick look. He came back and said he didn’t see anything matching that description. I started to cry again. He said, “Come on, Amy, you gotta stay positive.” I thanked him. He took my e-mail and I considered my laptop gone for good. For like the millionth time during this process, I considered e-mailing my editors and asking them if I could give the money back and not write this book. The only difference was this time I had a real reason.

A day later I received this.

To:
“Poehler, Amy”

From:
“Fields, Sharita”

Date:
March 5, 2014 at 8:51:04 AM PST

Subject:
Recovered Laptop by LAX TSA Lost and Found

Hello Mrs. Poehler,

This is to inform you that your Laptop was located by the TSA at LAX. Your TSA Tracking Item number is 14389 Report Number 192.

(TSA LAX Lost and Found only retains lost items for 30 days from the date of this email.)

1. You can stop by our office in person with your Tracking Number and photo ID. They will return your item after completing the Release Form.

2. You may have someone claim your item on your behalf. On the attached Form, please write in the upper margin: “I (your name) authorized (name of person), to pick up my (items) on my behalf.”

3. If you would like your item shipped to you, please complete the Form and write your FedEx or UPS account number on Line 11 (described on the Return Information Instructions); and TSA Tracking Number on Line 15. Please allow 5-7 business days from the receipt of the Form.

Please let me know if you have any questions.

Sharita J. Fields

TSA Lost and Found

Airport Spectrum Building

Every book needs an angel.
Yes Please
had Sharita Fields.

I went straight to the LAX Lost and Found and recovered my laptop. I explained to Sharita that I was writing a book and I had been sure most of it was lost. I told her I would thank her in my book and send her a copy as soon as I finished. She was polite and professional. She let me take her picture. Look at how cute she is.

She also works with Homeland Security, so you know she knows people.

The only way we will survive is by being kind. The only way we can get by in this world is through the help we receive from others. No one can do it alone, no matter how great the machines are.

YES PLEASE THANK YOU SHARITA.

Acknowledgments

First thanks go to my wonderful parents, Bill and Eileen Poehler. Thank you for contributing to
Yes Please
, and thank you for loving and supporting me. You always clapped for me when I roller-skated in our driveway. This book is all your fault.

Thanks to Carrie Thornton and Kate Cassaday, my badass editors. Your positive reinforcement and great ideas shaped this book. I’m sorry I constantly e-mailed you and told you I would never finish. It’s very unlike me.

Thank you to Erin Malone, Dave Becky, and Sharon Jackson for believing I could do this and also for making me do this.

Thanks to Will Arnett for our amazing boys, Archie and Abel, and for your many years of love and support.

Thank you to Michael Schur and Seth Meyers for writing stuff for me. I know how busy you both are.

Thank you to Nick Kroll, who encourages me in all the right ways.

Thanks to my first friend, my brother, Greg Poehler, and his beautiful family. Thanks to Lewis Kay, Jeff Wolman, Warren Dern, Kate Arend, Charna Halpern, Del Close, Kelly Leonard, Rashida Jones, Aubrey Plaza, Keri Downey, Amy Miles, Rachel Dratch, Louis CK, Emily Spivey, Kristin (Umile) Haggerty, Andrea (Mahoney) Thomas, Susan Hale, Alex Sidtis, Kathy Dalton, Lorne Michaels, Mike Shoemaker, Kemal Harris, Karla Welch, Chad Strahan, Robert Moulton, Kelly Campbell, Jeff Clampitt, Mary Elllen Matthews, Liezl Estipona, Anna Tendler, Kirston Mann, Tina Fey, and Lesley Arfin for the title. Special thanks to Meredith Walker, who is always on my side and likes to remind me I am from Boston and we finish our shit.

Thanks to Dr. Jane Aronson, Wendy Bovard, Melissa Willock, and everyone at Worldwide Orphans.

Thanks to Mercy Caballero, Dawa Chodon, and Jackie Johnson for taking such good care of my children.

Thanks to Anastasia Somoza, Spike Jones, Marianne Leone, and Chris Cooper for letting me tell our story.

Thanks to the writers, cast, and crew of
Parks and Recreation
. Especially Morgan Sackett.

Thank you to the UCB theater community, and Ian Roberts, Matt Walsh, and Matt Besser. Special thanks to Besser, who sent me old flyers and remembered everything.

Finally, thank you, Dolly Parton. Just because.

About the Author

AMY POEHLER
is a writer, actress, producer, and director. She lives in New York City and Los Angeles with her two boys. She hopes this book will get her invited onto her hero Judge Judy’s yacht,
Triumphant Lady.

Discover great authors, exclusive offers, and more at
hc.com
.

Credits

Cover design by Mary Schuck

Cover and author photographs by Mary Ellen Matthews

Unless otherwise indicated all photographs are courtesy of the author.

Copyright

YES PLEASE. Copyright © 2014 by Amy Poehler. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins ebooks.

FIRST EDITION

ISBN 978-0-06-226834-1

EPub Edition OCTOBER 2014 ISBN 9780062268372

14 15 16 17 18 OV/RRD 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

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^*
   It is at this point that Julia Louis Dreyfus’s lawyers would like me to point out that she won the Golden Globe in 2013.

^†
   It is at this point that I would like to point out that once I won a Golden Globe, in 2014. I was sitting on Bono’s lap this time and I was genuinely surprised. I am now forced to admit that PUDDING IS DELICIOUS.