Year of the Monsoon (16 page)

“Oh no,” Leisa groaned as she sifted through the mail, and held up a hand-addressed envelope from an Eleanor Miller in Ithaca, New York. “Not today.”

She deposited the mail on the kitchen counter and let Bron out the back door where the little dog promptly chased all the birds out of her yard. Leisa went back to the kitchen and picked up the envelope. She was supposed to have dinner with Jo and Bruce tonight, and was planning on telling them about the adoption registry. After her dinner with Nan, she realized she couldn’t keep this from them any longer, but it suddenly seemed more complicated if this letter turned out to be from her biological mother. Her heart was beating rapidly as she pried open the flap. Taking a deep breath, she removed the contents. A photo fell from the folded paper within. She picked it up and stared at it for a moment before reading,

Dear Margaret Marie,

I know that’s not your name now, but it’s what you’ve always been to me. I was so excited to receive your address and other information. You probably have many questions to ask me. I can’t help but wonder what you look like now and what you’ve become. You might be interested to know that you have a half-brother named Donald. He is 28. I am divorced now. I work as an administrative assistant to a dean at our university here.

I am enclosing a photo of Donny and me. Please send me a reply and a photo of yourself when you can.

Leisa picked up the photo again. Eleanor was a moderately attractive woman who looked as if she was in her late fifties, plump with blondish hair and gray-green eyes behind large eyeglasses. Donny was pudgy, dark-haired and pale. Leisa didn’t feel any connection to him at all, but she stared at Eleanor’s image, for the first time in her life seeing someone she looked like.

She suddenly felt nauseous and rushed to the bathroom where she threw up. This was the third time she’d vomited in the last few days.

“I must be coming down with something,” she muttered as she rinsed her face and mouth with cold water.

She ate a few saltines, trying to settle her stomach before facing her aunt and uncle. Jo Ann and Bruce had always been there for her, a second set of parents. She’d always been able to talk to them, even when she couldn’t talk to her own parents.

“You’ve got to be honest with your father,” Bruce had advised her at age seventeen when she confided that she wanted to quit the job her dad had obtained for her with one of his long-time customers. It was a sales job and she hated it.

“But Dad helped me get this job,” she fretted. “I don’t want to make him look bad.”

“As long as you handle it professionally, it will be okay,” Bruce said as he planed a board for a table he was making. “You give Mr. Thompson at least two weeks’ notice so he has time to look for someone else, and you do your best work until you’re done.” He grinned at her. “There’s nothing that can’t be dealt with if you’re honest about it.”

Sitting at the kitchen table now, she cradled her forehead on her arms, trying to calm her stomach. When it was time to leave, she called Bronwyn and leashed her for the walk to the Gallagher house. All the trees were leafing out, casting deeper shadows in between the lit patches of pavement under the streetlamps. At the end of their block, Leisa turned left toward her aunt and uncle’s house, but there was sudden tension on the leash as Bron tried to go the other way, toward Nan.

“No, we’re not going there tonight,” she said as Bron looked at her from the far end of the taut leash. “C’mon,” she cajoled with a firmer tug on the leather. Bron sat down, a tactic she had learned as a puppy when she was ready for a rest or wanted to sniff something a bit longer. For a small dog, she was amazingly strong, with a low center of gravity that made her hard to move. She was also amazingly stubborn.

“It’s a good thing she’s adorable,” Nan used to laugh when Leisa would get red in the face trying to train Bronwyn who was quietly training them. Or not so quietly. Like when they thought hanging a sleigh bell on the back door would be a good way for her to let them know when she needed to go out. Soon, she was ringing the bell every fifteen minutes.

“Well, we learned very quickly how to respond to that stimulus, didn’t we?” Nan observed ruefully as she untied the bell.

Now, Leisa stared at Bron who stared back, still not moving.

“We don’t have time for this, you stubborn beast,” Leisa grumbled as she picked Bron up and carried her in the direction they needed to go. After about fifty yards, she set the dog down. “Now let’s go.”

Bronwyn gave up and trotted toward Jo Ann and Bruce’s house like this was her plan all along. When they got to the house, Leisa knocked and opened the door.

“In the kitchen,” Jo called.

Bron trotted in to say hello, and Leisa followed.

“Oh, it seems like ages since we’ve seen you,” Jo Ann said as she hugged Leisa tightly. She held her at arms’ length and searched her face. “Are you feeling all right? You look pale.”

“To tell you the truth, I’m not feeling very good,” Leisa admitted. “So don’t be offended if I don’t eat much.”

At the table, she took tiny helpings and, bracing herself, began telling her aunt and uncle about registering to find her biological mother. She tried to gauge their reaction as she talked.

“Did they say how long it might be before you hear back?” Jo asked.

“Well,” Leisa said, “I’ve already heard back.”

“You’ve heard from her already?” Bruce asked in surprise.

Leisa nodded. “I guess she was already registered, and all they needed was for me to register also.”

Jo Ann tried not to look worried. “It sounds like she really wanted to find you.”

Leisa looked from one of them to the other. “You’re okay with this?”

“Of course we are,” Bruce assured her, laying a large hand on her shoulder as she slumped with relief.

“Were you afraid to tell us about this?” Jo asked.

“Kind of,” Leisa admitted. “I just didn’t want to hurt you.”

“We’ve been prepared for this for thirty-five years, honey,” Jo Ann reminded her. “The only thing that would hurt us is losing you.”

Leisa smiled in relief. “That will never happen.”

Chapter 13

LEISA GROANED AS SHE
used the armrests on her desk chair to gently lower herself to the seat. Her legs were so sore from yesterday’s workout that she could barely walk. It had been her first time back at the gym since her dinner with Nan. Partly because she’d been busy. Partly because she felt guilty about not telling Nan about Sarah. When she got there, she glanced around to see if Sarah was in the weight room with a client. She breathed a sigh of relief when she didn’t see her.

“Hey.”

Leisa stiffened and turned to see Sarah coming out from behind the staff desk.

“Hi.” Leisa forced a smile.

“I was starting to think you weren’t going to come back,” Sarah said teasingly. Leisa wasn’t sure if she was only imagining the taunt in Sarah’s eyes.

“I’ve been busy at work.”

“What are you doing these days?” Sarah asked as she handed Leisa a towel and herded her toward the weight room.

“I’m a social worker at a home for orphaned and abandoned kids.”

“Really?” Sarah paused in the midst of pulling on a pair of weightlifting gloves. Leisa tried not to let her eyes drift down to the muscles she could see rippling in Sarah’s arms.

Leisa felt a grim satisfaction at the fact that she was doing something more worthwhile to society than working in a gym, until she remembered that Sarah was probably making a lot more money than she was. She realized Sarah was leading her toward a squat rack.

“Don’t you have a client?” she asked hopefully.

“No,” Sarah smiled. “I’m done for the evening and I was going to work out anyway, so how about working out with me?”

Unable to quickly think of a reason why not, Leisa allowed Sarah to take her through a lower body routine that soon had her legs trembling.

“I love this workout,” Sarah growled as she finished her last couple of repetitions on the knee extension machine. “This is better than sex!”

Leisa scoffed as she dropped onto an empty bench. “You definitely need better sex,” she retorted before she realized what she was saying. She could feel the flush creeping up her neck to her cheeks.

Sarah got off the machine and leaned close. “You’re right,” she whispered conspiratorially. “But I remember when it used to be incredible.”

Leisa leaned down to re-tie her shoe, waiting for Sarah to move away. “I don’t think my legs will take any more tonight,” she said to the floor.

“How about going to grab something to eat?” Sarah suggested.

“I don’t think –” Leisa protested.

“Oh, come on. You should eat right away after that workout, and I’d like to catch up with you,” Sarah insisted. “You’re not afraid to have dinner with me, are you?”

A few minutes later, Leisa found herself seated across from Sarah in a dark corner of a tavern near the gym. Sarah talked freely about her marriage and divorce, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the marriage had coincided with her painful breakup with Leisa. Or maybe not so painful for her, Leisa realized.

“And what about you? What about this?” Sarah asked, reaching out to take Leisa’s left hand, twirling the ring there, her eyes scanning Leisa’s face curiously.

“Me?” Leisa stalled, uncomfortably aware of the other people sitting nearby. She sat back and pulled her hand from Sarah’s. She swirled her ice water in the glass so that the ice clinked rhythmically, filling the brief silence as she tried to figure out how to answer. “I’m with someone. Ten years,” she added, forcing herself to smile and look up.

“A woman?”

“Of course,” Leisa answered sharply. Suddenly furious, she bit off the scathing reply that leapt to her lips.

“For years, you’ve fantasized about having the opportunity to tell her what a hypocrite she was for loving women, and only marrying for social approval,” Leisa would say to herself later, “and when you had the chance, you couldn’t do it. You are such a goddamned coward.”

Leisa felt confused, off-balance. She didn’t understand where all these volatile emotions were coming from. All the garbage with Sarah was years in the past. Why did it suddenly feel so raw?

“But… she’s not working out with you?” Sarah pressed, leaning forward with her elbows resting on the table. Leisa tried not to stare at the cleavage showing above her sports bra.

“She works evenings.” Leisa glanced at her watch. “I really need to get going.”

Sarah accompanied Leisa to her car in the dimly lit parking lot. Leisa unlocked her door and turned to find Sarah standing very close.

“Does she ever tell you how beautiful you are?” Sarah asked softly. When Leisa didn’t answer, Sarah brushed her fingers over Leisa’s bare arm. She smiled a little as Leisa shivered, but didn’t pull away.

Leisa felt hypnotized, powerless as she looked into Sarah’s eyes, like a bird hypnotized by a snake. Sarah drew closer and kissed her.

Sitting at her desk, Leisa closed her eyes, remembering the wetness, the softness of that kiss, the slightly salty taste of Sarah’s mouth, the heat of her body as she pressed Leisa against the car, the way her body had responded to the touch of Sarah’s hands….