Wyoming Sweethearts (16 page)

“I’ll agree with that.” In the crowd, Eloise spotted a familiar shock of dark hair. Wide shoulders. Six-foot-plus height. A dimpled smile and a rugged, handsome face.

Sean. Her pulse screeched to a dead halt. Every neuron she possessed went into a ceasefire. She could only stare, captivated against her will as he moseyed up to Tucker and Owen. Ever since Tucker had proposed to Sierra, her little boy had been glued to his future father’s side. It was nice to see the happy child holding on tight and trustingly to the man he clearly adored. Sean lit up as he talked with the little guy. He knelt so he was eye-to-eye with the child, his masculine strength and kindness the most attractive thing she’d ever seen. She caught the word “horse,” and “Bandit,” so she didn’t have to wonder about the topic of conversation.

He would make a good dad. That realization sailed right past her defenses, another wish she could not give voice to. Good men might be rare but they were out there. Sean was the best of the best. She tamped down the dream before it took form. Whatever God had in store for Sean’s future, one thing was for certain. She could not be a part of it. She breathed slowly, carefully
past the knot of pain behind her ribs and took another sip of punch.

“I never thought the day would come,” Martha spoke up again. “Frank has chosen a bride.”

“Oh, they aren’t engaged so soon, are they?” Sandi Walters commented. “I’m never going to get over the fact that he didn’t choose me.”

“Me, either. My heart is forever broken,” Arlene Miller agreed. It was no secret to anyone the two middle-aged women had been holding out hopes for Frank’s interest over the years, but it had never happened. “I keep praying and praying for a handsome widower to move to town. But so far, God hasn’t seen fit to answer that prayer.”

“It sounds like a good one to me. I wonder what the holdup is?” Sandi quipped.

“Ooh, look who’s coming this way.” Addy leaned close. “He doesn’t seem to be looking at either one of us, Cheyenne.”

“No, I think you’re right. He seems awful focused on someone else. I wonder why?”

“Ooh, romance.” Addy grinned. “I’m all for it, as long as that dreaded disease doesn’t come my way.”

Eloise swallowed, unable to speak. The sisters’ conversation faded, drowned out by the mad drumming of her pulse pounding in her ears. Her neurons began to fire again, but the rest of the world was fuzzy. Only Sean was clear as he shouldered his way closer. Be still my heart, she pleaded.

It was already too late.

“Looks like I’ve found the prettiest girls in the room.” His easygoing charm was turned up to full wattage.

“What did I just say about great guys being hard to find?” Cheyenne teased.

“I can’t win with you two.” He grinned, unthwarted. “Eloise. I was hoping you wanted to grab some fresh air with me. I’ve had about all the wedding festivities that a lone wolf like me can stand.”

“A lone wolf?” Addy laughed at that. “Try again, Sean. Eloise, we’ll see you later.”

“I don’t even get to say no?” she protested as Cheyenne plucked the nearly empty punch cup out of her hand and Addy spun away on her heels.

“I’m not sure they agree with the whole lone-wolf thing.” He shook his head and nodded toward the open doors nearby, where green leaves rustled and a patch of blue sky beckoned.

“You can try to be something you’re not, but it doesn’t always work out.” Her tone remained light. Golden hair tumbled forward like a curtain, shielding her.

“You’re right.” He agreed, shoving his hands in his pockets, determined to stay casual. “I’m not a loner type. I would like to be, but I may have to admit defeat.”

“You can only be yourself.” She led the way into the bright fall of sunlight searing the steps. He’d never recalled a time when the green had been greener. The deep verdant color hurt his eyes. The sky burned a bright robin’s-egg blue, so stunning the only thing rivaling it was Eloise in her light pink dress, the hem swinging knee length, making her look like a little piece of cotton candy. Nothing on this earth could be sweeter.

He may as well face it. He’d failed because of her. He hadn’t been able to wall off his heart or keep himself from tumbling head over heels.

“You are right.” He let humor sound in his words but he kept back other emotions. Ones that he might not be ready for, but they came anyway as purely and truly as a Sunday morning hymn. The musical sweetness
enveloped him, leaving him forever changed. Tenderness rolled through in persistent and powerful waves, drawing him inexorably closer to a truth he had to confront. “It’s time to face the truth.”

“What truth?” She curled a strand of hair behind her ear, deliberately avoiding his gaze.

“There’s something I’ve been fighting. I’ve tried to forget it, ignore it, deny it and it hasn’t worked.” He drew her to a stop with a hand on her arm.

“What do you mean?” Nerves quaked through her and a spike of fear she couldn’t explain stabbed at her chest.

“I know you have said you aren’t ready for this, but I want to talk with you.” His amazing blue eyes darkened, so deep they revealed his heart. “We have been spending a lot of time together lately.”

“We have. It’s been nice.” What she saw in him made her palms go damp. The nerves quaking through her turned into tremors.

“Nice?” He shook his head. “No, it’s been more than that. Being with you has changed me.”

“For the better, I hope. Isn’t that a sign of a good friendship?” Keep it breezy, she told herself. He didn’t ever need to know how much the word “friendship” hurt. He didn’t need to know how much she wanted the affection she saw in his heart.

“Friendship, sure.” He nodded, no longer easygoing as everything about him became serious. “It’s turned into something more. My feelings for you have deepened. I’m hoping yours have, too.”

How was she going to stay in denial now? Air hitched in her throat as he leaned closer. The nerves tremoring through her became a full-fledged earthquake as his
gaze focused on her mouth. No, she thought, don’t give in. Hold on to the denial.

“We agreed on friendship, Sean.” She gasped for breath, taking a rapid step back. “That’s all it can ever be.”

“It’s true. I’ve been fighting it for so long. I’ve come up with all kinds of excuses but none of it is the truth. It’s time to be honest, Eloise, both of us. I can’t help how I feel.”

“Sean, I am definitely not ready. I’m not going to be. Ever.” How could he do this? His feelings may have changed, but they couldn’t last. She gripped her cane tighter, feeling wrenched apart. In front of her was everything she wanted and everything that she couldn’t have.

“I don’t want to look back in life and wonder, what if?” He brushed the pad of his thumb against her silken cheek. “I don’t want to stay silent and think about what my life would have been like if only I’d had the courage to speak my heart.”

“Sean, this has to stop.” Pain laced her plea. “Please.”

Didn’t she see? From the moment he’d spotted her at the drive-in with his ice-cream cone, he’d been caught like a fish on a hook doing everything possible to try to get away. But watching Autumn pledge her love to Ford made him realize how deeply he felt about Eloise. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, through good times and bad. That was how he loved Eloise. With all he had, with everything he was, and he could not get the images of the future he wanted out of his mind, images that came from his soul.

“Don’t push me away, not again. Not this time. Please.” He brushed at the fine, flyaway strands of hair
stirred across her face by the wind. “Let me show you how I feel.”

“Sean, I—”

“Just close your eyes.” Tenderness rose within him like a summer’s dawn, gentle and cozy and certain. There would be no going back and he didn’t want to. As he cupped her face with his hands, devotion shimmered within him like the rarest of gems, perfect and flawless and valuable beyond all measure.

The images began to unfurl. He saw sunny summer days and cheerful banter over the supper table with Eloise. He saw weekend horse rides, ice-cream cones at the drive-in, a ring on her finger and a baby cuddled in the crook of her arm. He envisioned everything when he gazed upon her. His hopes, his happiness, his dreams. This was what he wanted her to feel in his kiss as he slanted his lips over hers and opened his heart.

P
anic rattled through Eloise’s system, but she hadn’t believed it was real until his mouth captured hers. Time stood still, their surroundings vanished and there was only the tender, reverent brush of his lips to hers. Her pulse halted, her soul stilled and she prayed the moment would never end.

It was perfection. Never had there been such a kiss. Fairy tales ended with kisses like this. All the wishes she had fought against rose as if they had sprouted wings. Affection welled up through her, affection she’d tried to banish, but hadn’t been strong enough to. Love ebbed into her and she reached out to lay both hands against his chest.

For one breathless moment, she had the dream. A fairy-tale ending could be hers. It was just a breath away. Then the metallic clink of a cane striking the concrete shattered the moment and reality rushed in. The dream vanished. She opened her eyes, back to herself, and broke the kiss. Sean’s poignant gaze searched hers.

For one blissful minute she’d forgotten who she was. The cane lying at her feet reminded her.

It would always remind her. The joy ebbed away. The hopes uplifting her now gently lowered her back to the ground. The happy-ending wishes evaporated like mist in a wind, leaving her with a reality that she could not dream away.

“That was some kiss.” He cradled her face in his hands with infinite tenderness. She wanted his tenderness more than anything. Sincere affection transformed him. He seemed taller, a bigger man in her view. The corners of his mouth hooked into a quiet grin. “I say we do that again.”

“You, sir, have an inflated opinion on your kissing ability.” She had to let go of the moment. She had to step away from the closeness and she had to end things, but the very essence of her being wanted to hold on, to keep dreaming, to never let him go. “It was a perfectly adequate kiss.”

“Adequate?” Humor danced in his tender blue eyes. Affection warmed the low notes of his voice. “That kiss was a good deal more than adequate. I’m a great kisser.”

“I’m not exactly sure where you got that idea.” She smiled, fighting to keep things light but the grief inside her began to grow. She could not stop it. It wrapped around her in icy swirls.

“I’m apparently misinformed. That means only one thing.” Unaware, Sean gazed at her with honest love, tall and stalwart and everything, just everything. She wanted his love so much, but her injury was a burden. He leaned in, his fingers feather-light against her chin. “Practice makes perfect. I’m going to need a volunteer to practice on. Interested in the job?”

“That sounds like cruel and unusual punishment to me.” Just a little longer, she hoped. Maybe she could
hold on to the gift of being close to him, laughing with him, just a little longer. She drew in a shaky breath, straightened her shoulders and grabbed hold so very hard to the moment. “You might have to find someone else.”

“Sadly, there have been no other takers. I can’t think why.” Gentle amusement stretched his kissable mouth, softening the lean lines of his face. A face she could gaze on forever and never get her fill. A face she would never forget through the years. He leaned in closer still. “Are you ready for kiss number two?”

Yes, her heart answered. No, her common sense insisted. No. Misery pulled her down and she felt smaller, shorter, diminished. Unable to hold on, the dream slipped through her fingers. This perfect moment shattered and time rolled forward again. She could not deny the past or wish foolishly for the future that the accident had taken from her. Gerald’s words rolled into her mind, no matter how hard she tried to stop them
. No one wants a burden for a wife. No man can take that long-term liability. It’s too much sadness.

She steeled her spine and took a step back. She had to do the right thing. She had to be realistic.

“No more kisses, Sean.” She hated the shock that swept across him. He stared at her for a moment, blinking, as if not sure he had heard her correctly. His brows arched in confusion. Crinkles dug into the corners of his eyes in bewilderment.

“I hadn’t thought. You’re right.” He glanced slowly from side to side. A soccer ball rolled with two grade school kids in pursuit. “This is a public place.”

“A really public place,” she agreed.

“What we feel for one another is private. Just between you and me.” The tenderness within him deepened with
a strength he’d never known before. It bound him to her with a steadfast connection that would never break. “Why don’t we take off? Autumn is happily married, they are about to leave for the airport at any minute. No one will miss us if we don’t stay for the send off.”

“I can’t go with you, Sean.” Her words were heavy with sadness. “That kiss was wonderful, but it never should have happened.”

“Shouldn’t have happened? I don’t understand.” He couldn’t wrap his mind around it. Maybe because he didn’t want to. The depth of devotion he felt for her was greater than anything he’d known before. How could something this powerful be one-sided? Didn’t she feel the same way, swept up by feelings too amazing to deny?

“I shouldn’t have let you kiss me,” she confessed. “I should have stopped you.”

“Just like last time?”

“Yes.” She sounded as though she were strangling, as if she were breaking apart from the inside out, just like he was. “This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have let it happen.”

“What do you mean? You kissed me back. I felt it. I know this is right.” He raked a hand through his windblown hair, frustrated. “I am in love with you, Eloise. More than I ever thought possible.”

“Maybe you just think so.” Didn’t he know how his words were tearing her apart? With as much dignity as she could summon, she knelt to retrieve her cane. “You called off a wedding. Seeing Autumn get married today affected you.”

“Sure it did. I was happy for her.” He straightened his spine, drawing himself up taller than ever. “The past is
over. I’ve dealt with it. You are the one who affects me. Just you, Eloise.”

She barricaded her heart so those marvelous words would not penetrate. He really meant it. He loved her. She took a step back, holding her cane so tight because her knees went shaky. His love was the one thing she wanted above all else and the one thing she couldn’t have. Agony sliced through her like a sharpened blade. Her dear, sweet Sean. He’d done what she hadn’t thought was possible. A man had fallen for her, cane and all.

But it couldn’t last. She knew better than to believe.

“This is the part where you say, ‘I love you too, Sean.’” He swallowed hard, tension bunching along his jawline. He towered over her, magnificent and vulnerable. He was all she could ever want, her most cherished of dreams, a prayer she dared not ask for.

“I can’t.” Tears pricked behind her eyes. She would give anything to simply savor this precious moment, forget the past and lay her cheek against the unyielding plane of his chest. To know what it would be like to be enfolded in his strong arms and to feel the beauty of his love.

But she had been down this road before. She didn’t want to hurt him, but she had to be honest. He deserved no less.

“Sure you can,” he persisted, fighting pain that crept across his face and cut grooves around his failing smile. “You might add how you didn’t expect to feel this way for me, too. It’s overwhelmed you but it’s everything you want.”

“I wish.” She wanted that more than her very breath. The words stuck on her tongue, the ones that would drive them apart forever.

“Then we don’t have a problem.” His smile won out, driving away his hurt. Nothing was more dear to her than a loving smile on his face, than the amazing truth of his devotion twinkling like a promise in his eyes. “Now, about that kiss.”

“There can’t be another.” How could she end this, if there was? No, she had to hold on to her resolve. She gripped her cane tightly, drawing herself up as straight as she could.

Lord help me, please. Help me to do this the right way.
She swallowed hard. Hurting Sean was the one thing she’d never meant to do. The notes of the string quartet wafted on the wind, the faint drone and laughter from the church hall, the merry sounds of a wedding party all reminded her of what she could never have.

“Sure we can kiss again. It’s entirely possible.” He winced, as if he were in pain, but he was stubborn. He didn’t want to let go either. “You just lean in, close your eyes and we kiss. It’s that simple.”

She wanted to fight for him. If she did as he asked, if she accepted his kiss and grabbed the wonderful lifeline of the love he offered her, then what would happen? What would their future be?

She knew the outcome. She’d already lived it. She knew how hard he would try to love her over time, as her disability became a bigger and bigger issue between them. How could she hold a man like him? He was out-doorsy, he was always on the move, he lived a physically active lifestyle. His precious love for her would fade and so would the amazing love in his eyes when he looked at her.

How could she survive that? Imagining it crushed her as if an essential part of her was dying. Ending this now was the only choice for either of them. If she rejected
him now, one day he would have the happy future he deserved with someone whole, with someone who would never let him down.

“I don’t want another kiss.” The words felt torn from her, leaving her raw and bleeding. She could not endure the flash of agony darkening his gaze. “Trust me, you feel this way now but over time that will change.”

“Impossible. My love for you will never fade, never alter, never diminish.” So sincere. He braced his feet, mighty shoulders squared, looking like a Western hero to whom legends could never do justice. He was bigger than life and genuine to the core, everything she’d ever wanted, every dream she’d ever had.

Everything she had to walk away from.

“You say that now. You have the best intentions. But this is for the best.” She leaned on her cane and backed down the sidewalk. “From now on, I’m going to have Cheyenne help me with any horses that need rescuing.”

“Don’t do this, Eloise.” He clenched his jaw until it hurt, until tendons stood out on his neck. “At least give us a chance.”

“I can’t.” Tears swam in her eyes but didn’t fall. The silent plea pinched her lovely face. Silently, she begged him to understand. She wanted him to let her go.

“Goodbye.” She choked on the word. Misery wreathed her features as she spun around, tapping down the sidewalk away from him with great determination. As if she could not get away from him fast enough.

Crushing pain left him in tatters.

“At least tell me why.” His call echoed down the sidewalk and she stiffened. Her shoulders straightened. She stopped, clutching her cane. The wind swirled the hem of her skirt around her slim knees and ruffled the
straight fall of her glossy blond hair. Alone, a solitary figure on the empty sidewalk, she broke his heart. The pain he felt was nothing compared to hers.

“Why do you think this can’t last?” He jogged to catch up with her. She could end this, push him away, never want to see him again, and all the resulting pain would be nothing compared to the torture of knowing she was hurting.

“You know why.” She kept walking, the tap of her cane counterpoint to the strike of her low heels on the concrete.

“I’m a man. I don’t know anything.” Humor had always worked with her in the past. “You have to clue me in.”

“Look at me.” She tapped faster, chin up, jaw set, so tense she looked fragile, as if she were holding herself so tight because she was ready to crack apart. She might think she was hiding her despair, but not from him. Never from him.

Tenderness deepened, becoming impossibly profound. In all the world, nothing could matter more to him than her. “I’m looking. I see a beautiful woman who has made me fall in love with her.”

“I made you?” She stopped, faced him, her eyes dark with sorrow. “I did no such thing.”

“Yes, you are completely to blame.” He brushed windswept bangs from her eyes, moving in close because he could not stay away. “You captivated me right from the moment I saw you at the drive-in. Then you roped me into helping you with the horses, and I was a goner. The least you can do is tell me why I’m not good enough for you.”

“Not good enough?” Her face twisted. Concern for
him layered her voice. “You are entirely too good. Don’t you see? The problem is me.”

“How could you be a problem, darlin’?” He’d never seen anyone look so defeated, as if the sun would never shine again. His soul buckled and he fell harder, loving her more. Maybe he’d been so busy trying to be a lone wolf protecting himself he hadn’t realized that she had been doing the same. “Maybe now is a good time to let me know. So I can understand why you have shattered my heart.”

“Oh, Sean, you already know the answer.” Tears pooled in her eyes, but they didn’t fall. Tears for him, he realized. “It’s because of this.”

She tapped her cane.

“I told you, I don’t see that. Eloise, I only see you.”

“Yes, but you said that as a friend.” A friend was different from a boyfriend. She’d learned this the hard way.

“I mean it always.” Stalwart, that was Sean.

He didn’t know the truth about her injury. What if she leaned on him, opened her heart without reservation and gave him all the trust and devotion she possessed? All she could see were her fears that Gerald had been right. No man was going to love her enough to stay. She squeezed out the images of Sean growing tired of the challenges, of Sean leaving her for someone else, of Sean breaking her heart.

Too late for that. She was already shattered. She had to tell him the whole story.

“I remember the exact moment when Gerald fell out of love with me.” She hated the tremulous sound in her voice and the catch in her throat that she could not swallow or clear away. “It was when he came to visit me at
the hospital as he’d been doing faithfully, but it was the first time he’d seen me using a wheelchair.”

“You were in a—?” He didn’t finish. He looked startled.

She nodded. Here was where Sean would see her differently. She straightened her spine, steeling herself for it. It had to be done. He deserved to know why. He would want to end this.