Wrong Girl (45 page)

“You
really hired a private investigator to find me?” I ask him, choosing to linger
by the doorway as I watch him take a seat on my sofa.

“You
didn’t exactly leave me with much choice, did you?” He accuses me, narrowing
his eyes at me in what I can only describe as resentment.

“You
know why I had to leave.”

“Do
I?” He challenges, striding towards me until I’m forced to take a step back
against the closed door behind me.

“I
did it for you and I did it for Rachel too.” I whimper, trying to explain. “I
knew you wouldn’t be able to be a proper father if I was still around and I
couldn’t do that to you or the baby.”

“Don’t
you
dare
try and justify your selfishness by saying that you did it for
me.” He growls, deepening his voice. “You did it for yourself! You left because
you wanted to try and make yourself feel better about what you had done.”

“And
so what if I did?!” I cry despairingly, shoving him in the chest as I try to
put some distance between us. “So what if I did try and do the right thing by
leaving, are you really going to punish me for that?”

“You
don’t get it, do you? I loved you, Samantha. I really fucking loved you. I
would have done anything for you, I would have sacrificed anything to keep us
together.” He admits, lowering his gaze as he rakes his fingers through his
hair in desperation.

“Even
your baby?” I ask him, already knowing what his answer will be.

“Of
course not.”

“And
that’s why I left. You need to be a father, Zack. I wasn’t going to stay and
get in the way of that.”

“Yeah,
well… things have a way of working out differently to how you planned.”

He
turns his back on me and walks over to the window, staring out at the dark
night on the other side of it.

“I
know they do.” I reply softly. “Do you really think I imagined myself ending up
here? I have Audrey who I see now and again but besides that, I have no one.”

“You
will not make me feel sorry for you. Not after you wrote me off like you did
and refused to even give me a chance to work everything out for us.”

“There
was no future for us, Zack. Don’t you see that? Sure, we could have gone away
for a few days for some rest and recuperation but we would have still been
forced to come back and face the music. I couldn’t face the shame or the wrath
of the rest of my family and I also knew I couldn’t deal with my own sister
carrying your baby. I just couldn’t do it and as much as you think this makes
me a coward for leaving you… I
know
my decision was a brave one. You
don’t think it’s been a Goddamn marathon for me every single day that I’ve had
to carry on existing with you?! Knowing that you’re now with her when it should
have been me. You don’t think I wake up every single night with you inside my
head? You think my soul is content now that we’re apart? It’s not. I am in a
constant state of torment every second of every hour because of
you
!
Because I can’t have you and you yet again belong to someone else.”

“Who
do I belong to?” He demands, whirling around to face me as he strides across
the room, pushing me back into the corner of the room.

“Your
baby! You’re its father and I know you will spend the rest of your life being
there for it. How can our love even begin to compete with what you two will
share? It won’t and I know this because I remember how I felt about
my
baby.
I remember how quickly I fell in love with this beautiful little life inside of
me and how nothing on this earth will ever mean as much to me as that baby
did.”

My
fists are clenched as they pelt against him, no doubt causing him some pain or
at least a fraction of discomfort. Months of deep-rooted and suppressed emotion
is released, pouring down upon us until I honestly believe I could drown in my
own sadness.

“Samantha,
calm down. You’re going to hurt yourself!” He yells, turning me around in his arms
so he can restrain me.

“Let
me go! Let me go! I want you out of here right now!” I scream, twisting and
turning against his hold.

“Not
until you calm down.” He informs me, making sure I know he is deadly serious.

I
know he won’t let me go, not until I prove to him that I’m going to remain calm
and still.

“Fine.
Let go of me and I’ll stop screaming.” I promise him, believing it to be the
only way out of the constraint he has over me.

“You
never used to have such a problem with me touching you.”

He
releases his grasp, making sure I understand the meaning behind his innuendo.

“That
was a long time ago.”

“Really?
Because I remember it like it were yesterday.”

He
reaches out, curling his strong fingers around my wrist before tugging me
towards him.

“W-what
are you doing?” I stammer, unable to control my body’s instinctive reaction to
him.

“I’m
going to refresh your memory.” He groans, tightening the hold he now has on my
waist as he presses his body against my own.

His
grip is possessive. It’s commanding and controlling, insistent that I pay
attention to him and the fact that he is in charge.

“Zack,
please don’t do this. I can’t go there again. I can’t spend the night with you
and then watch you walk out of here tomorrow.”

“Who
says I’m going to walk out? Why the hell would I leave when I’ve just spent the
past five months trying to find you?”

He
lowers his mouth towards my neck, gently caressing the skin just above my
throat. His touch is electrifying, jumpstarting me into submission. My
breathing turns erratic and my body begins to tremble, awaiting his next move.

His
tongue glides across my skin, savouring the taste of it. His fingers tangle in
my hair, forcing my head back until my neck is completely exposed to him.

“You
have no idea how many nights I’ve thought of this, the sleepless nights I’ve
pictured us together and imagined you beside me.” He groans, worshipping every
part of me with his hands and mouth.

“Me
too.” I moan helplessly, surrendering myself to the exquisite sensations that
come with being reunited with him.

Every
thought I have leaves my head, disappearing into the atmosphere until I’m left
with nothing else but him. He consumes my entire being and fills the dark,
empty, gaping hole inside of me. The same one which has been causing me so much
torment since I left.

“How
could you leave me? Why did you do it? You can explain it to me a thousand
times over and I still won’t get it.” He whispers darkly, tearing at my clothes
in his haste to remove them from me.

“Don’t
speak.” I beg him, placing my fingers over his mouth. “Don’t ruin this.”

I
know that talking has always brought us so much trouble and this time decide to
do the unthinkable and
not
think. I won’t allow my thoughts to get in
the way of this. Not again.

He’s
inside me within seconds, satisfying my body and my soul at the exact same
time. He had me wrap my legs around him so he could take me against the door he
just entered, thrusting himself inside of me until our lovemaking becomes
violent and frantic.

Our
tongues tangle together as we transfer our oxygen, our mouths wide open as pant
against one another. I claw at his back with the intention of marking him,
needing to know that a part of me will remain. Just like a part of him will
remain inside me when he releases himself inside my body.

“I
can’t wait, Sam. I need… I need to come.”

“So
come. Give me everything, I need you inside me, Zack. I want to keep every
single drop of you.”

“Fuck,
baby. You have no idea what hearing those words does to me.” He groans loudly,
supporting me with one arm as the fingers of his right hand press against my
clitoris. “I need you to come for me, Sam. Don’t deny me this, I need to feel
the war juices of your pussy all over me.”

I
do as he asks and explode around him, crying out his name as I beg for more. I
grind my hips against him as I feel his release shooting all the way inside me,
clenching my legs around his waist so I can milk him of every single drop.

We
cling to each other, unable to let go even when we’re both exhausted from the
physical position we’re still in. I’m the one who eventually breaks away from
him, coaxing him into putting me down so I can get dressed.

“We
shouldn’t have done that.” I murmur, fatigue and exhaustion forcing me to
collapse onto the sofa behind me.

“Don’t
you dare.” He warns me. “Don’t you
dare
tell me that was a mistake and
that you didn’t enjoy it.”

“I’m
not saying that. I’m just saying that there are going to be consequences to
what we just did.”

“So
what?” He snarls contemptuously. “There’s always going to be consequences to
every single action that we make, does that mean that it’s wrong? Does it mean
we shouldn’t do it?”

“I
don’t know!” I wail desolately, tugging on my hair in torment. “All I know is
you’re going to have to leave here tomorrow, you’re going to go back to London
and we’re going to be back at square one again. You can’t live two lives, Zack.
You can’t expect to be with me and still get to play at being happy families
with her.”

“What
the hell are you talking about?” He raises his voice in agitation, clearly
bewildered by what I know about his rekindled relationship with my sister.

“Rachel
of course!” I sob, infuriated by his lack of honesty with me.

He
stares at me, appearing perplexed and confounded by my sudden outburst.

“Sam,
I haven’t seen Rachel in four months. Not since June.” He speaks evenly, making
sure to look me straight in the eye.

“
What
?”

“Tell
me what you think has happened since you left.” He instructs me, taking a seat
next to me on the couch.

“Well,
you and Rachel got back together… you both moved to London and decided to raise
the baby together as a couple.” I answer, noticing the amount of space Zack has
deliberately left between us on the sofa.

“Jesus,
Sam.” He sighs wearily, closing his eyes in utter disbelief.

“That’s
not true?” I ask incredulously, struggling to keep the tremor out of my voice.

“Of
course it isn’t. Who told you that?”

“Jason.
He said that you and Rachel had decided to give things another go.”

“That
son of a bitch. He told me he had no idea where you were when I asked him and
then he has the fucking nerve to lie to you about me. Just wait until I get my
hands on him…” He snarls menacingly. “You really think I would go back to your
sister when I’m still madly in love with you. You really think that she would even
want to get back with me when she knows how I feel about you and after
everything that happened? I’ve spent the past five months searching for you and
she knows that.”

“So…
you’re really not together?” I murmur, sounding sceptical.

“No.”
He states firmly, leaning forward so his elbows rest against his knees.

It’s
as though there’s something else, something else he’s not saying and I refuse
to contend with any more secrets between us.

“I
don’t understand.”

“Yes,
it’s true that Rachel moved back to London. I think she’s been there since she
left your mum’s place in June.”

“So…
will she move back up here when the baby is born or do you plan to move down
there?” I inquire, struggling to understand their current situation.

“There
is no baby, Sam. Not anymore.”

I
stare at him in shock, covering my mouth with my hands when I realise what they
must have been through.

“Oh,
God. You mean… she had a miscarriage?”

“No.”
He hesitates, as though he’s contemplating telling me the next part. “She had
an abortion, Sam.”

My
stomach churns. I think I’m going to throw up but somehow manage to keep hold
of my emotional reflexes. His desolation is enough to convince me that he’s
telling me the truth. Zack would never, ever lie about something like this.

“B-but
why? She was so happy when she first told me she was pregnant.”

“Things
changed. She finally came to realise that there was no hope for me and her. She
eventually understood that there would be no reconciliation between us. She figured
out that my only interest in her was because of the baby and my only intention
was to be its father. I guess that’s what ultimately made her decide to do what
she did.”

He
hangs his head, focusing his intense gaze on the floor beneath his feet. He
can’t even look at me and I know it’s because he’s trying to fight the
whirlwind of emotions swirling around inside of him. I recognise the darkness
he is carrying, I remember it all too well and I would give anything to take
just an ounce of his misery away from him.

“Zack,
I’m so sorry. I truly am… for both of you. She must have been in agony when she
made that decision.”