Wrong Girl (36 page)

“How
do you know?”

“It
doesn’t take a genius to figure it out. The stolen glances across the dinner
table when you think no one else is looking, the tension in the air when either
one of you comes within close proximity to the other. The way his eyes wander,
seeking out your presence when you leave the room. I’m surprise no one else has
noticed before now.”

“H-have
you spoken to him?”

“No
and I don’t intend do. This is going to stay between us.” She said decidedly.

“Why?”

“Because
you’re going to put an end to it and you’re going to be discreet about it.”

“I
can’t do that, Mum.” I confessed, fighting to remain strong and defiant.

I
was not about to let her tell me what to do. I would not allow her to dictate
my life.

“Oh,
yes you can and that’s exactly what you’re going to do. I am not going to stand
by and allow you to break your sister’s heart. It’s never going to happen.”

“I
love him.” I whispered, mustering every single ounce of determination inside of
me.

“Do
you really think I care about you or your feelings in any of this? You don’t matter
to me. You never have done. When are you going to get that through your thick
head?” She grabbed a hold of my hair and pulled, twisting my neck until the
pain of it made me cry out. “Look, at you, Samantha. You’re pathetic. You dye
your hair the exact same colour as hers and you still fail. You don’t measure
up and you never have done. She’s superior to you in every single way and
there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Why
do you hate me?” I whimpered, grasping hold of the hand which was still curled
around my hair, forcing her to let go. “What did I ever do to you to make you
despise me so much?”

“Do
I really need a reason to hate you?” She spat contemptuously. “Isn’t your
pathetic existence enough for me to loathe everything about you?”

“You’ve
always hated me, ever since I was a child. You’ve always disliked me and I want
to know why! What did I ever do to deserve your contempt?”

This
confrontation had been brewing between us for so damn long. I was resolute in
my decision to find out the truth and knew I was close to hearing it.

“You
were born.” she answered, once again turning her back on me.

“So
was Rachel!” I cried, grabbing her by the shoulder, needing her to face me. “She
was born first! Why didn’t she ‘destroy’ your life? Why is it me that ruined
everything?”

“Because
you’re not his!”

The
silence that fell between us is something I will never forget. I’ll never be
able to rid myself of that memory and I’m really not sure if that’s a good or a
bad thing.

“Because
I’m not whose?”

She
shook her head, refusing to answer my question. I was absolutely determined to
force it out of her if I had to, even if that meant shaking her until she
cracked. Luckily for us both, it didn’t come to that.

“Because
you’re not Harry’s.” She whispered softly, meeting my gaze for the first time
since her confession.

My
stomach lurched as nausea consumed my entire body. My palms were sweaty and I
felt faint, trembling uncontrollably as I tried to digest the life-changing
information just told to me.

“Harry
is Rachel’s dad?” I asked in disbelief.

“Yes.”
She sighed wearily, slowly taking a seat at the kitchen counter.

“But
how? When?” I demanded to know, shaking my head in denial. “Who knows about
this?”

“No
one. No one knows, not even Harry.”

“You
slept with him? You slept with him behind my dad’s back?”

“I
loved him.” She answered, lowering her head. “I still do”

Her
words made me feel sick. How on earth could she love that monster?

“I
don’t understand”

“He
was my first love. My first and last.” She declared, nervously picking the
loose skin on one of her nails. “I was only sixteen when we first got together,
before I even knew who your father was. I was with him for a while but Harry
was five years older than me and remarkably ambitious. I knew he wouldn’t stay
around for long. I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep a hold on him.”

“So,
you got pregnant?”

I
took a seat on the other side of the counter, refusing to back down from this,
resolute in my quest to uncover the truth.

“Yes.”
She finally raised her head, all of a sudden bold and fearless in our showdown.

“At
sixteen?”

“No.
I was nineteen by this time and knew that if I wanted him to stay then I would
have to give him a reason to. I thought it was the only way to keep a hold of
him. I remember I was two months gone before I worked up the courage to tell
him about it. I had it all planned out, hardly able to contain my excitement.
It was when I turned up at his house and asked to see him that his mother told
me he had gone. He had left the country for work and hadn’t even told me he was
leaving.”

“He
walked out on you?” I said incredulously.

“He
didn’t even know about Rachel.” She said quickly, trying to make up excuses for
his behaviour. 

“But
he still left you!”

“I
never told him about her. I never even came close. Your father eventually put
two and two together and confronted me about the father of my baby. I broke
down on his shoulder one night and told him everything. I was eight months
pregnant at the time, emotional, terrified and alone. My own mother kicked me
out as soon as she found out, I even had to stay in a hostel for a while.”

I
could scarcely manage to absorb everything she was saying, confused, angry,
indignant and… sad.

“What
happened next?” I inquired, prompting her to continue.

“Your
father offered to take care of me and take on the responsibility of the child.
He said she was his niece and he wanted to do the right thing by her. We
decided to raise Rachel together and never told anyone the truth.”

She
wiped away the single tear that had fallen and stood, making her way to the
cupboard before reaching for a glass.

“And
that’s why you hate me?” I asked, preparing myself to hear the hideous truth.

“Your
father eventually wanted to have his own child and refused to let the matter
go.” She poured herself a glass of water whilst continuing to stare out the
kitchen window with her back to me. “I didn’t want another baby. I was happy
with my beautiful little girl. However, I eventually ran out of excuses and
decided to go along with his idea about having another baby. I prayed for you
to be a boy, needing to keep Rachel as my only daughter. Of course you weren’t
the son I thought I could tolerate… you were the second daughter I never even
wanted. Your brother came along a few years later, surprising us both. Especially
me.”

“Why?
Because you actually felt something other than resentment for him?”

“Yes.”
She admitted, turning around to face me. “You are the one I wish I could erase,
the mistake that never should have happened. I was young and naive, foolish in
my decision to listen to your father. I went against my instincts, ignoring
them to the point of denial and agreed to have you.”

She
stared at me with those dead eyes, narrowing them in disgust and revulsion.

“And
Harry?”

“I
waited for the day he would settle down, marry and have his own children. That
day never came and that’s what makes my first born even more sacred to me.
She’s my one accomplishment, the one thing I would not change.”

“Why
did you never tell Harry? There was nothing to prevent you from being honest with
him when my father died.” I stated, struggling to understand why she would have
still kept it from him.

“I
might have done if it weren’t for your lies.”

“Lies?”

“The
disgusting lies you told me when you were twelve years old, the ones you made
about him… the man I love.”

Suddenly
it all made sense to me. I understood the reason why she chose to turn me away
when I told her what had happened to me. It wasn’t because she didn’t believe
me, it was because she couldn’t bring herself to. Knowing that someone has hurt
your child must be agonising, an unbearable pain that no mother should ever
have to experience… but to actually know that the man you are in love with is
the bearer of that pain must be inconceivable, especially to someone like her.

“Mum,
I’m not saying this to hurt you. Despite everything you have said and done to
me I
still
love you… but you need to know that I wasn’t lying. Harry did
those things to me and I think you know that. Deep down you
know
and
that’s the real reason you can’t even bring yourself to look at me right now.”

“You’re
wrong! I know him! I know he would never, ever do that.” She cried, throwing
her glass of water in a rage.

The
glass shattered, making us both flinch. I stared at the irreparable, broken
glass, shattered and damaged beyond repair. Just like us.

“How
old were you the first time you had sex with him?” I questioned her, standing
up as I slowly closed the distance between us. “How old were you, Mum?”

“That
doesn’t matter!”

“Doesn’t
it?” I challenged her. “Because it matters to me. How old were you?”

I
thought she wasn’t going to answer, I was convinced she would not dignity my
question by telling the truth.

“Fourteen.”
She eventually murmured, moistening her lips as she grasped onto the worktop
for dear life.

“And
you’re still telling me that an eighteen year old man who chooses to sleep with
a fourteen year old girl is not capable of hurting me?”

For
the first time in my life I saw her doubt. I saw it in her eyes and I have to
admit that it did provided me with some comfort. She believed me, even if it
was just for a single second. She
knew
.

“You
could have been there for me when I found out I was pregnant. You knew how it
felt to be alone and scared, desperate and lost. You could have helped me, you
could have supported me. Instead, you left me to it and then accused me of
murdering my baby when I was still grieving. What kind of woman does that make
you?”

“And
what about you?” She snarled viciously. “How can you stand there on your moral
high ground and accuse me of failing you and being an immoral person? You’ve
been sleeping with your own sister’s fiancé, the man she’s chosen to spend the
rest of her life with, the man she
loves
.”

“You
don’t think I know that?! You don’t think that I’m in agony every single moment
of the day because I have to live with the guilt of what I’ve done? If I could
change it, I would! I would do anything to change how I feel about him but I
can’t! I love him, Mum.”

My
warm tears fell, cascading down my cheeks in their unceremonious journey. The
possibility of losing Zack was inconceivable, the ache in my chest was
excruciating, unbearable and for lack of a better word… heart-breaking.

“Don’t
call me that again, Samantha. From this day on we are through. I feel nothing
for you now and I never will. If you want to do the right thing by your sister,
the one and only person in this family who has ever stood by you then you will
end it with him
now
. You will step aside and let them be happy.” She
replied indifferently, cold and unfeeling.

“How
can you ask this of me?”

“How
can
you
even
think
that you and Zack would be able to make it work?
You and him are hardly compatible, are you? I mean, he’s so far out of your
league… it’s not even funny.” She scoffed, a heartless smirk contorting her
face.

She
was laughing at me.

“You
are a cruel, heartless and bitter woman. You are someone I will never, ever
turn into. I wish you weren’t my mother and if there was anything in my life
that I would change… that would be it. You are beneath my contempt, you’re beneath
my hatred and if I could have one wish it would be to never have to set eyes on
you again.”

I
shook my head, struggling to believe that the woman standing before me was
really my mum. I walked away from him and did not turn back, resolute in my
decision to move forward, away from my mother, my past and the person I used to
be.

Remembering
the events of what happened causes me to sob even harder. It’s been an hour
since I left my mother’s house and an hour to comprehend everything that was
said. My phone has been ringing since I got back home and I know it must be
Zack wanting to discuss the argument we had earlier about Aaron.

How
am I going to tell him about my mum? How am I going to tell him that she knows
about us? It feels like my whole world is crumbling around me and all I can do
is sit there and watch. I could lose everything, everything in my life that I
care about. Zack and Rachel, even Jason when he finds out the truth.