“We
did.” I respond simply, picking up a menu as I pretend to peruse the specials.
“Where
did you two go?” Zack asks, leaning forward as he rests his elbows on the
table.
Jason
becomes tense beside me. I know he’ll hate the fact that he’s somewhat lying to
my sister, I wish I could have kept him out of all of this and know I’m going
to have to answer his questions later on.
“We
were going to get a cheap hotel but ended up changing out mind. We just hung
out at home.” I shoot a sharp look at Zack, demanding with my eyes for him to
drop it.
“I
wish you two had invited me over. I spend the night discussing weddings dresses
with mum and Aunty Carol.”
She
rolls her eyes, causing me to smile. I can’t think of anything worse than
staying home with mum and her cruel sister. I then realise that Rachel wouldn’t
have had to if I wasn’t sneaking around and sleeping with her fiancé.
“Poor
you.” Jason jokes, sympathising with my sister over our messed up family.
“Are
you read to order?” A friendly faced waitress asks, taking all of us by
surprise.
We make
our orders and wait for our food. Jason and Rachel continue to make small talk with
one another whilst I try to avoid Zack’s spiteful glare across the table. My
phone’s vibration inside my bag distracts me from the awkward atmosphere and I
reach for it, eager to divert my attention in any way that I can. However, one
glance at my phone’s screen thwarts all hope of that. It’s a message from Zack.
Zack: I need to be
inside you again. I can’t stop thinking about that beautiful body of yours
underneath that gorgeous dress. I can’t get the image I have of fucking you on
this table out of my head.
My
eyes widen and my stomach churns as I read the text message Zack covertly sent to
me. I didn’t even notice him on his phone but now that I secretly observe him,
I can see his hands are beneath the table in his lap. I moisten my lips and
shove my phone back in my bag. I want no part of this whatsoever and refuse to
play along with his twisted little mind games.
“I’m
just going to the toilet, back in a minute.” I smile at Rachel and make a dash
for the ladies.
I
knew that if I hesitated she would suggest coming with me and I really need to
be alone right now. I need to get away from Zack and his fucked up idea of fun.
I don’t even use the toilet, I just stand in the cubicle for several minutes,
trying to regain some control over my breathing and anxiety.
Why
is this happening? Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?
I ask myself,
struggling internally with everything that’s happened to me in the last
twenty-four hours.
You
know what you did.
I
shake my head, demanding the intrusive thoughts to leave my head. I need to
forgive myself for what happened, I need to forgive myself for what I did all
those years ago. I have to find a way of moving past the termination, a
decision I made five years ago during the darkest period of my life.
And
what about last night? You slept with your sister’s fiancé and you want to
sleep with him again.
My subconscious whispers, taunting me with its cruel
voice. I have to ask myself if it’s speaking the truth. Do
I really want
to spend the night with him again?
I
spend a couple more minutes alone, I try my best to get a hold of myself and my
tumultuous emotions. I have to pretend. I have to get through this damn meal if
it kills me and I refuse to let that bastard out there get to me. I won’t let
him win.
I’m
walking down the corridor which leads back into the restaurant when someone
grabs me around the waist, tugging me backwards against a hard and solid chest.
I know exactly who it is, my senses are on red alert and I would recognise his
cologne anywhere. He swiftly opens a door and pulls me through it, pressing me
up against the wall before he turns the lock, barricading me in the confined
space. It only takes me a moment for me to realise that we’re standing in the
disabled toilet.
“What
the hell do you think you’re doing?” I shout angrily, trying to push him away.
“I
need to talk to you.” He responds calmly, as though he’s trying to reason with
an irrational child.
“About?”
“Us.
What happened last night and the reason you ran out on me this morning.”
He
closes the gap between us, caging me against the wall as he crushes his chest
against mine. Being in such close proximity to him stirs something deep down
inside of me. My body is on fire, I’m incredibly aroused and I want him so
badly. I want to taste him, kiss him, grind against him and feel his release
inside of me all over again.
“I
already told you why I left.” I murmur softly, battling against the desire I
have to look him in the eye.
“What
I remember is you hung up on me.” He replies solemnly.
“I
had no choice!” I exclaim, raising my voice in frustration.
“Yes
you did. You had a choice last night and you have a choice now.” He persists,
lowering his mouth towards mine.
“So
I have the freedom to choose?” I challenge him, pressing my body against the
wall behind me, willing to do anything to evade his touch.
“Yes.”
He whispers huskily.
“You
really think you gave me a choice about this? You’re the one who insisted that
Rachel call me and invite me out tonight with Jason. You knew how that would
make me feel, how uncomfortable and excruciating this would be for me. You knew
all of this and did it anyway, you sent me that text at the table and got a
kick out of watching my reaction to it.”
“You’re
right. I did all of those things and I’d do it again. I had to see you, even if
that meant watching you squirm. You told me you were going to be hanging out
with Jason tonight and I couldn’t help myself. I
had
to see you again
and I knew I would do anything to make that happen, even if it meant that I had
to be a little devious.”
“And
what about my sister? You think its ok to use her and involve her in your sick
little game? How could you send me that text whilst you were sitting right next
to her?”
“Because
I desperately wanted to get a reaction out of you. You were just sitting there,
ignoring me and refusing to look in my direction. It was killing me and that’s
why I did it. I’m sorry.”
“You’re
sorry
?” I say incredulously.
“Yes!
I shouldn’t have done it but my prediction was right, it did stir up something
inside you. I watched you get turned on by what I sent you and as much as you
hate to admit it… you want me just as much as I want you. I need a repeat
performance of last night, I need to be inside you again. One night with you
will never be enough.” He grabs a handful of my hair, bringing my mouth up
towards his. His lips make contact with my own as his tongue slides along the
seam of my mouth, demanding that I let him in.
I
do as he asks, moaning with pleasure when our tongues reacquaint themselves
with one another. My fists curl themselves in the material of his shirt, half
tugging him against me and half pushing him away. This is so wrong. It’s sick.
It’s so, so wrong and that’s why I don’t understand how it can feel so right.
“I’d
give anything to feel you inside me again. I really would.” I whisper breathlessly,
gasping for more oxygen as I break away from his commanding kiss.
“You
can, baby. I’m yours. You can take anything you want from me.” He responds
ardently, increasing the pressure and the force of his mouth.
We’re
breathing in each other’s air, it’s surprisingly erotic and intensifies the
heated passion between us.
“No,
no I can’t. You’re not mine and you never will be. We knew that we only have
one night to be together, to get it out of our system and move past it.”
“I
know! I know everything that I said and now I’m taking it back. Maybe I’ll go
to hell for it but I need to fuck you again.” He groans loudly, thrusting his
arousal against me.
It’s
incredible to know that I’m the one who has done that to him, that all of his
desire is because of me. The rush this gives me is intoxicating. Even his crude
and offensive words surprisingly flood me with heat. It’s almost unbearable,
the unyielding, physical yearning I have for this man is out of control and I’m
absolutely terrified that I will do anything in my power to make it go away.
“We
have to get back before they get suspicious.” I insist, pressing the palms of
my hands against his chest, inhaling sharply when he refuses to budge.
“Please.” I beg him.
“I’ll
let you out of here if you promise I can see you later on tonight.” He fires
back, fixing his scorching gaze upon my face.
“How
is that even possible?” I ask him, seriously considering the glorious
possibility of being alone with Zack again.
“Don’t
worry about that. I’ll make sure I can get away, just promise me you’ll let me
see you.”
“You
can’t.” I whimper “What about Jason?”
“What
about him?” Zack snarls hatefully, grabbing me by the shoulders.
“He
lives in the same building, he might see you. He also wants to talk to me about
what I told him in the taxi over here.”
“And
what did you tell him?” Zack demands, nuzzling his face against my neck as he
inhales deeply.
I
know he’s trying to distract me, he wants to get me drunk off this feeling. He
wants to captivate me like he did last night, he knows I’m far too easy to
bewitch.
“I
told him that I had a one night stand last night. I said it was with someone
who has a girlfriend and someone I can’t be with.”
“What
the fuck, Samantha?! Why would you do that?” He breaks away from me, shaking me
in frustration.
“I
had no choice! I already lied to him about hanging out with Rachel last night.
I had to tell him that never happened in case he said something to her about it
tonight. I couldn’t think of any other reason why I would lie to him about
being with my sister and decided to be somewhat truthful with him. He knows
that I’m keeping something from him and he made me promise that we would talk about
it later on.”
“I
don’t see what any of this has to do with him. Why can’t he keep his damn nose
out of it?”
“It’s
my fault. I’m the one who dragged him into this. I also told Rachel I was with
him last night. God, this is so screwed up! I can’t deal with this, all of the
lies and the sneaking around. It feels dirty,
I
feel dirty and I hate
that feeling!” I wail, tugging on my hair in vexation.
“And
what about last night? When you were with me, when I had my tongue on your
pussy and my dick inside you, did you feel dirty?” He asks, trailing his finger
against the exposed skin on my chest.
“No.”
I confess, unable to lie to him.
Everything
about last night was sensational. Yes, I feel guilty but I never felt dirty or
impure when I was with Zack. If anything, it felt right. I felt like we
belonged to one another and the rest of the world didn’t matter.
“That’s
all I need to know.” He exhales loudly and swallows, closing his eyes for
several seconds. “I’m coming over later. You can tell Jason whatever the hell
you want, his feelings don’t concern me.”
I
gape at him in astonishment, grappling with the idea of being with him again.
My body burns for his exquisite touch but my head still screams at me to run
away from him.
“You
expect me to just come back to the table and pretend like nothing is wrong?” I
ask in disbelief.
“We
don’t have a choice, we have to go along with this ridiculous charade. Just tell
them that there was a long queue for the bathroom. I already told them I had to
take a call from work. I’ll be over later.” He turns to leave, finally
unlocking the door before he opens it.
“Zack…”
I whisper helplessly, not wanting him to leave me on my own. Terrified that the
overwhelming anxiety will return as soon as he walks out the door.
“One
more thing, make sure you keep some distance between you and that fucker you’re
sitting next to. This isn’t some lame ass double date, don’t make it resemble
one. I’m the one who’s going to be inside you later, not him.” He gloats,
throwing me a smug look before he leaves.
I
gape at him in astonishment, unable to move and unable to process anything
apart from the final thing he just said to me. What the hell am I doing? Am I
really going to embark on an affair with my sister’s fiancé? Am I really going
to risk everything for the sake of a man who is entirely willing to cheat on
the woman he loves? I can’t help wonder what type of man that makes him. What
type of person does that make me?
I
wait a couple more minutes before I take a deep breath and make my way back to
the table. Zack is with them and I decide to use the excuse about there being a
long wait for the toilet. The rest of the meal is extremely uncomfortable, I
try my best to get involved in the conversation and participate but my mind refuses
to cooperate and continues to transport me some place else. I can barely eat my
food and struggle to even sit still with the penetrating gaze of Zack on me the
entire time. I start to worry that Jason and Rachel will notice the tension
between us and suspect that something is seriously wrong. However, they both
seem oblivious and spend a lot of time catching up with one another. It’s been
so long since they saw one another and they always got along so well, I can’t
say I blame them.