Writing a Wrong (18 page)

I scooted back against the dresser, pulling my knees up to my chest to shield myself. Earlier I thought I had suffered all the pain I could handle. Now I was on the verge of losing the man I was supposed to spend forever with. How do you possibly get over that?

Chapter 19

I opened my eyes and sat up abruptly, spotting the digital clock on the bedside table that read 2:01 a.m. I was still on the floor, but I had a blanket pulled over me. I stretched my legs out, feeling stiff and slightly numb in my toes. Alec sat on the bed, looking like he hadn't moved in hours. "When did I fall asleep?"

"When we stopped talking. You drifted off, so I covered you up."

"Oh thanks." I wasn't sure if it was a good or bad sign that he was still here. We seemed to be at a stalemate. Maybe we both knew it was over but neither could say the words. That should have given me hope. Something to grasp, but I knew it was only a matter of time. Betrayal was that way.

"Just tell me the truth. Do you have feelings for him?" Alec abruptly asked as the clock moved to 2:03.

I jumped at the sudden sound of his voice in the quiet room.

"Alec. How many times do I have to say it? Absolutely not."

"He wants to fuck you."

After feeling shell shocked when I got back to the room earlier, I was now starting to become frustrated about answering the same question over and over again. "I don't want to fuck him," I finally stated sternly.

He looked taken aback. "You kissed him, and you had every intention of doing more. You were under the impression I was sticking it to Candace, and you took that as a green light." His words were true, but he was spinning them in a way to make it seem like he had done nothing wrong.

"Let's talk about you and Candace for a second. You expect me to believe things haven't changed between you two while I've been gone? You've been all up in her ass since I left." Finally it was my turn to express all the insecurities I had been feeling.

"She's the mother of my child. Of course I'm going to see her."

"Yeah, but multiple times a week? And coincidentally after I'm out of town. Anything else that needed fixing besides her shower? Oh wait. She also needed someone to taste her recipes. How convenient. You don't think I can see what's going on? She's trying to drag you back into her life."

He shook his head, denying my claims. "It's not like that."

"Really? Then tell me how many times she invited you over for dinner before I left? None, right? Greg may want to fuck me, but don't think Candace isn't looking for a husband."

The look on his face said everything. I knew I wasn't crazy.

"That's where we're different. Even if Candace has developed feelings for me, I would never act on them."

"Oh bullshit, Mr. High and Mighty. What if you believed I was in the shower with Greg?"

He looked disgusted at my question. "Revenge sex isn't my thing."

"Whatever." Just like that, all the wind left my sails. No matter how you diced it, I was still the cheater. I had my test and failed. Now I would pay the consequences.

We lapsed back into silence. The minutes moved by—2:21, 2:32, 3:01. I watched them come and go. By 4:39 am, I realized what I needed to do. It was my fault all of this had started. It only seemed fair that I end it. Alec could not seem to say the words, but his intent was clear.

I formed the words in my mind, trying them out. My tongue was swaddled in cotton, refusing to cooperate. The clock moved to 5:02 a.m. and I finally blurted them out.

"It's over." The finality stomped my heart with steel-toed boots. I expected the words to set him free. To finally acknowledge why he was here. I had given him his opportunity to leave. He stretched out on the bed, lying back against the pillows with his arm over his eyes. The movement was my undoing. I tossed the blanket off my lap and climbed up on the bed next to him. He flinched when I placed my arm around his waist, but he didn't pull away. I could feel him shuddering slightly beneath my arm. Pressing myself closer until my face rested against his side, I could no longer hold back the tears I'd been fighting all night.

This would be our goodbye.

Neither of us moved, even when my tears soaked the side of his shirt. Eventually the long night caught up to both of us. Alec was the first to drift off. I could feel the tension leave his body as he succumbed to sleep. I lifted my head and watched him until my eyes became heavy with fatigue and closed on their own.

I remembered nothing after falling asleep. I had always been a big dreamer when I slept, but most of the time couldn't remember much the next morning. Unlike the nightmares I had been having lately, I now felt at ease. A gentle touch stroking my back provided the sweetest of sensations. My eyes fluttered open and I found myself tucked against Alec's chest.

I closed my eyes again, feigning sleep as his hand continued in a gentle motion up and down the length of my back. His intention seemed to be more relaxing than sexual, but each pass ignited a fire inside me. My body always responded to him. What had been missing from a kiss with Greg could flare up from the simplest of touches from Alec.

Despite my ploy to pretend to sleep, I couldn't help my body from moving against him, seeking to be closer. He didn't pull away like I might have expected after all the earlier tension. Instead, he urged me toward him, holding me within the comfort of his muscular arms.

My leg crept up and draped over his thigh as I fisted his shirt in my hand. I lifted it slowly while my mouth moved across the taut skin of his chest, capturing his nipple in my mouth. My tongued swirled, tickling him the way he liked and causing him to knot his fingers in my hair, anchoring my head in place.

A rapid fever of desire spread through me as my hand trailed down his stomach and discovered he was hard and ready. I stroked my hand against his jeans, feeling how badly he wanted more. His hips lifted slightly against my hand and I continued teasing his nipple with my tongue until it was equally hard. 

Rolling to my back, I pulled Alec on top of me, gripping his ass until we were pressed together. The thunderous look in eyes made me want to rip his jeans off and demand that he enter me. Before I could say anything he crushed his lips to mine, taking my breath away unexpectedly. He was rough and bruising, but I wanted more. My heart raced faster as I felt my adrenaline pumping. My hips left the mattress over and over again, practically begging for him to remove the layer of clothing that separated us.

He rocked against me, continuing his assault on my mouth with his tongue. Without breaking contact, his hand found the snap of my jeans. I lifted my hips, allowing him to tug them roughly off my legs.

Alec stood up and removed his tee shirt and jeans swiftly as I watched. When he lay back down, my hands slid smoothly down his back, cupping his bare ass and pulling him against me. He responded by sitting up and positioning himself between my thighs, lifting my knees to my chest. His entry was as rough as his kiss had been. I gasped in pleasure, welcoming the full length of him. He pounded furiously against my hips, never taking his eyes from mine. It was the most primitive sex we'd had together. I not only accepted it willingly, but I welcomed it by moving frantically in rhythm with him.

His hand found the back of my neck, anchoring me in place before he stopped moving and pulled out of me. "No," I said, moaning my displeasure, but he covered my mouth with his as he entered me again in one hard thrust.

"You're mine," he growled against my lips.

A tear leaked from the corner of my eye. "Yes," I gasped against his mouth, feeling him pulsate inside me. "Yes."

His lips softened as his pace changed.

"Got it?" he whispered, pulling back so he could look into my eyes. His hand caressed my neck while his hips slowly rocked against me. Each thrust was slow and smooth, filling me completely.

I felt my climax approaching and tried to fight it back, not wanting the moment to end. It was no use. He slid in and out, over and over again. The end was coming like a runaway train. "I love you," I gasped, gripping his backside as I rode out the wave. He swallowed my words with another kiss, thrusting faster before finding his own release.

He collapsed on top of me, shuddering slightly. I stroked my hands over his back to soothe him. I felt him go soft inside me, but neither of us moved. My legs remained locked around him. "I'm sorry," I finally murmured, placing my lips on his shoulder.

He responded to my words by rolling off me. I was so crushed, I climbed from the bed without looking back and raced to the bathroom. Closing the door behind me, I turned on the shower and stepped inside, letting the warm water wash away the tears falling freely down my cheeks.

Even after the closeness we had just shared I still had no idea where we stood, especially after his lack of response to my apology. I tipped my face up to the shower nozzle, accepting the fact that Alec and I may have made love for the last time. The bathroom door opened and I kept my face in the downpouring water. I wasn't sure I could handle whatever he had to say.

Alec slid the curtain open and stepped into the shower, sliding his arms around my waist. "I love you too." He squeezed me tightly as his lips kissed the back of my shoulder.

Neither of us wanted to leave the soothing hot water. It was as if all the pain from the past few days was being washed away. I lathered up my hands with body gel, gliding them over the surface of his perfectly sculpted physique. He watched me without saying a word, allowing me to control his body. I turned him around and added more soap to my hands. As I moved sensually down his side to his butt, I pulled him against me, pressing my breasts to his back. I swayed back and forth, my hardened nipples sliding across his slippery skin. My hands slithered around his waist to find him hard and ready again. Unable to take any more, Alec turned and spun me around. I pressed my palms to the wall as he took me with the water streaming down my back. Our gasps of pleasure and declarations of love echoed against the walls of the bathroom.

We spent the rest of the afternoon lying naked in bed. The rest of the Love Bus crew had already headed out, but I had an extra day in Philadelphia before catching a flight out west. Now that Alec and I had calmed down and mended fences, we were able to talk about the hurt and misgivings that had plagued us. We also decided it would be best if we left nothing on the table, so we hashed out everything, including the kiss, Greg's feelings for me, and what Alec would do about Candace. The only elephant left in the room was the small jewelry box that sat on the dresser. Neither of us brought it up.

We napped for several hours when our sleepless night from the day before crept up on us. It was the healing and time we both needed. The broken shards of my heart had found their way back together. I felt whole again.

Chapter 20

"What do you want to do today?" Alec asked, stroking a hand over my naked hip the next morning.

"Um, this," I mumbled with my eyes still closed.

He chuckled, softly kissing my shoulder. "We need to make the most of the day before tomorrow morning."

I cracked an eye open, trying to gauge whether he was bitter about our impending separation. His face was smooth and worry free.

"We could play in the snow," I offered.

"You want to build a snowman?"

"Ha, sure. I guess the hotel won't care. We'll have to be creative for the face."

Alec jumped from the bed, naked as a jaybird. He yanked the covers down, exposing my nudity. "Time to get this show on the road," he said, patting my bottom softly.

I sat up on one elbow, trying to tempt him back into bed. "Wouldn't you rather spend a little more time here?"

"We'll have to work up an appetite for that," he said, winking.

I climbed from the bed under protest. Of course, it was more for show. Knowing how close we had come to no longer being a couple gave me a new appreciation for our time together. Things between us were still a bit cautious, but with every hour that passed I could feel us loosening. Today was the start of our second chance and there was no way in hell I was going to blow it again.

After getting ready and grabbing a bite to eat, we decided to take a walk around the small pond adjacent to the hotel. The air was crisp, but the bright, shining sun gave the illusion of warmth. I couldn't stop shivering initially, but I quickly warmed up as we maneuvered through the snow. The wind had blown the snow around, creating drifts that were deeper in some spots.

It took us the better part of an hour to walk around the pond, which turned out to be larger than we thought. Instead of making a snowman, we opted to sit on one of the benches surrounding the pond to rest.

Alec slung an arm across my shoulders to pull me close once I started shivering again. "The colder weather is kind of refreshing, but I think I'll enjoy going home to the low seventies," he joked, watching his breath as he spoke.

"Me too." My teeth chattered. Being stationary had allowed the cold to seep back into my bones. "I've had my fill of cold weather on this trip," I said, lacing my gloved fingers through his. "And hotels. And traveling," I threw in for good measure. "I can't wait to sleep in my own bed and to see Severus."

"That cat is spoiled. He's been sleeping on your pillow every single night."

"He's just used to being pampered. I miss him. I can't wait for these next few weeks to be over."

Alec placed his lips against my temple. "Me too. I've missed you a ton. Honestly, I think that's why I've spent so much time with Lily and Candace. You've ruined me. Before we got together I was quite satisfied being alone. Now I walk around the apartment like some lovesick bitch-boy."

"Poor baby. There's nothing wrong with being my bitch," I laughed. "Seriously though, I get it. It's the same for me. I've always loved being by myself. Not sharing my time or my bed with anyone. Now I have to stuff the other side of the bed with extra pillows at hotels so I don't feel alone."

He nodded his head, pulling me closer as another shiver made my body shake. "Just a few more weeks. It'll be over before we know it and things will go back to normal."

"I hope so," I said. My life had changed so much during the past year I had no concept of what normal was anymore. All I knew was that I wanted to get back home and continue my life with Alec. Anything else I would tackle as it came along.

We lapsed into companionable silence, staring out over the pond. Two white rabbits appeared from the line of trees, hopping along the edge of the pond. It was hard to make them out at first since their hides blended with the snow on the ground. We tried to remain quiet as their pink noses sniffed the surrounding air. They looked skittishly in our direction even though we sat like statues. The two rabbits moved forward cautiously, stopping only at the sound of creaking branches behind them. Each sound made them pause with their noses in the air, sniffing for any possible threats. I couldn't help identifying with them. Alec and I seemed that skittish at the moment, treading cautiously to avoid any threats that might pull us apart again.

Eventually the rabbits made their way across the frozen pond, disappearing into the forest on the other side. Alec and I stood up to leave without commenting. Being together seemed to be all that mattered.

When we walked back around the front entrance of the hotel, we noticed a shuttle van and found out from the manager that it was available to take us to a nearby shopping plaza that had several restaurants and a theater. Rather than spending the rest of the day watching TV and eating room service, we decided dinner and a movie would be fun.

The shopping plaza turned out to be larger than we thought. The shuttle dropped us in front of a twenty-screen mega-plex theater showing pretty much every new movie in release. Alec breathed a sigh of relief when I agreed to an action flick rather than a sappy romantic drama.

"I'm kinda thinking of waiting until dinner. You sure you want anything?" I asked as Alec stopped in front of the concession counter.

He looked at me, smiling with his eyebrows raised. I don't even know why I bothered to ask. Alec ate constantly and still managed to look shredded. He blamed it on good genetics, but working out six days a week didn't hurt either.

"Fine. I want M&M's then," I said, spotting them in the display case.

"I thought you weren't hungry?"

"Since when do you have to be hungry to eat chocolate?" As far as I was concerned, my reasoning was sound. Besides, chocolate was a food group in my world.

We walked into theater ten juggling Alec's large tub of popcorn, Diet Cokes, and my candy, which I agreed to share if he was a good boy. I tried reasoning with him to get the small popcorn, but he said it made no sense since the large was only a dollar more. 

"Too bad we're not alone. We could have had some fun," Alec said, shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

I snorted, eyeing the dozen or so other couples sitting in the auditorium. Even though it was a Friday afternoon, the theater seemed relatively dead.

"You've never made out during a movie?" he whispered as the house lights went out.

I shook my head. "God no."

"You don't know what you're missing." He placed his hand on my thigh and began sliding it between my legs.

Luckily we were the only people sitting in our row, but my eyes still darted around in case we were being watched. "Be good," I whispered out of the corner of my mouth. I did allow his hand to remain on my thigh as long as he didn't move. The idea of getting it on in a theater did have a certain naughty appeal, but I was too afraid of getting caught. The walk of shame afterward would kill me.

The movie started with an intense action segment with a plethora of bullets and dead people. It was an intense scene and hard to get through without cringing slightly. An elderly couple two rows away got up and left, obviously displeased with the gore and language.

Alec offered me some popcorn, but I still wasn't ready to eat. I slouched down in my seat and rested my feet on the armrest of the empty chair in front of me. Alec set the tub down but kept his hand on my thigh, drawing small circles with his pinkie. The touch was innocent enough that I didn't think anything of it until he inched up slightly. I looked at him to give another warning, but his eyes remained glued to the screen. I wasn't buying his innocence routine and tightened my hand around his fingers.

He stopped just long enough for me to focus on the high-speed car chase happening in the movie, but eventually his pinkie began creeping up again. I had to admit, I was becoming slightly turned on watching his finger move closer and closer to the junction between my legs. I began looking around again, but everyone was heavily into the action on the screen. We were tucked off to the side anyway, with no one within five or six rows of us.

The movie became nothing but background noise as I focused on Alec's hand. I loosened my grip, allowing him to continue exploring where he wanted. He remained still, watching the movie without noticing my willingness to let him continue. I fought the urge to move his hand where I wanted it, since I suspected he might be toying with me. Playing it cool seemed like the better move.

Keeping my eyes on the large screen, I moved my feet from the armrest in front of me and parted my legs, giving him better access. As I suspected, he took the hint and moved his hand to where it barely skated across the part of me that was humming with desire. He began slowly rubbing up and down in my lap and I had to work to keep my breathing even.

Time lost all meaning after that as I found myself lost in the sensations Alec was sparking inside me. My hips moved on their own accord and I placed my coat on my lap to hide the evidence. The snap of my jeans popped open and I closed my hand around his. I wanted him badly to continue, but perhaps it was a step too far. That's what I thought anyway until his fingers slowly lowered my zipper. I looked around again at the rest of the people in the theater and double-checked the coat on my lap. Alec's hand moved inside my jeans and around my panties. I wouldn't have let him stop at that point even if he wanted to. His finger slid inside me and I nearly moaned out loud as he took me beyond the point of no return.

Believe it or not, we actually managed to finish watching the movie. As we made our way down the steps of the theater, we stopped to allow an elderly gentleman and his wife out of their row. "Good movie, huh?" he asked, making my face flush with guilt. I couldn't bring myself to answer him and nearly stumbled down the steps if Alec wouldn't have caught me by the arm.

"It sure was," Alec said, helping me gather myself while the old man looked at me like I was drunk.

"Yeah, well, that young man is no Clint Eastwood but he's not bad," the elderly man commented again, helping his wife down the last two steps.

"No truer words have been spoken," Alec agreed, winking at me. "You're adorable when you look guilty," he whispered in my ear. "By the way, never commit a crime. You're a dead giveaway."

I elbowed him in the gut with one arm while holding the rail with my other hand. I no longer trusted myself while descending the steps in front of me. "Not funny," I muttered.

When we reached the bottom step he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me flush against him. "Maybe only slightly funny, but fucking hot as hell," he whispered. He was still aroused—clearly, if what I felt pressed against my side was any indication. "I can't believe I let you do that," I murmured as we stepped into the well-lit lobby.

"Are you kidding? That's going to get me through the next few weeks while you're gone. Remembering how wet you were and those little noises you made," he growled, tugging me against him one last time before adjusting his jacket to hide his erection.

"You definitely have a way with words. I think you've been reading too many of my books. You want to go back to the hotel?" I asked, smiling when I saw him readjusting himself again.

He grinned wryly. "No way. I promised you dinner. Besides, I think you worked up an appetite in there," he teased.

Thankfully the sun had already set when we stepped outside, so the darkness camouflaged my embarrassment to the crowd of patrons milling around the front of the theater.

"I'm never going to live that down, am I?"

"Not in your lifetime, babe. That memory is forever burned in my head."

"You're a perv."

"Hell yeah." He laughed, slinging an arm around me. "What would you like for dinner? Looks like you have your fair share of choices," he said, indicating the restaurants surrounding the theater.

"Uh, how about Thai food?" I suggested pointing to a small restaurant tucked at the end of the shopping plaza.

He reached for my hand. "That works."

The restaurant turned out to be larger inside than it looked and busy, which was a good sign. I figured if the locals liked it, we couldn't go wrong. Thankfully, the food didn't disappoint, although the knot in my stomach slightly took away my appetite. Alec noticed the way I pushed my curry chicken around the plate without taking many bites, but I chalked it up to being tired. Truthfully, I was clock-watching. In less than twelve hours, he and I would be separated again.

After dinner we called the shuttle to pick us up. I was anxious to get back to the hotel and savor the remaining hours between us.

Alec must have shared my sentiment because he wasted no time leading us through the lobby and onto the elevator. We were almost home free when my phone rang.