Wrestling With Love (24 page)

Shock registered on Tyrell’s face and then he smiled. “I’ll be damned. I’ve never had someone tell me that they weren’t into me before. It’s kind of hot.”

Derek wanted to reach across the table and strangle him. “Tyrell, was there something in particular that you wanted to talk to me about?”

“I just find you incredibly interesting and would like to get to know you better.”

He seemed sincere enough, but so far, Derek saw none of the genuine side of Tyrell that had begun to reveal itself that last day of orientation. He had never been one to dismiss someone so completely without at least taking the time to get to know them first, but Tyrell’s yo-yo behavior made it difficult to want to try. “Okay, so what do you want to know?”

“Well, I’m going to guess you knew you were gay in high school. Guys who just figure themselves out in college don’t come to gay meetings their freshman year.”

“And how would you know that? You’re a freshman. Do you have some knowledge about how people behave in college that the rest of us don’t?” Derek was surprised by the acid in his voice. “Sorry, that came out nasty. I didn’t mean to sound like that.”

A feeble smile crossed Tyrell’s lips. “Actually, I have more experience with what college kids are like than I care to admit. Where I’m from, if you’re going to have contact with any gay people, you have to go to a very specific area in Birmingham. Most 114

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of the guys there are college age or older. I’ve had more experience than I’m proud to admit because I thought that was the only way guys would be interested me.”

Listening to Tyrell and watching the way his arms had lowered to the table, relaxed and open, eased some of the tension that had been building up inside of him. This was the Tyrell he could be friends with. He internally commended himself on withholding judgment. “What do you mean?”

Tyrell blushed. “Let’s just say I did things I wasn’t prepared to do way sooner than I was ready to do them. I’ve come to expect that people only want what they can get from me and when they get it, they seem to lose interest rather quickly.”

“Oh, I see.” Derek had only experienced physical intimacy with Scott and had never felt pressured into anything they had done together. Quite the opposite, they weren’t moving fast enough for Derek’s taste. The more they were connected emotionally and physically, the more they wanted to be together. It was becoming clear their experience was completely different than Tyrell’s, probably different than most young people who were in first relationships, gay or straight.

“Have you ever had experiences with guys? Sexual experiences I mean?” Tyrell was looking down at his pizza, his demure and shy manner causing Derek’s defenses to lower.

“I’ve only been with one guy and we haven’t had sex yet.”

“Really. Why not?” Tyrell’s interest seemed to perk up a bit too quickly.

“We just haven’t. I’m sure we will.”

Tyrell’s eyes sparkled, as if he were scheming. “So, you’re still dating him? Who is he?”

Derek’s defenses surged back into place. “Let’s just take our friendship one step at a time, Tyrell. I didn’t come out to you when I knew you were gay on the first day of school. I’m certainly not about to talk to you about other people.”

“So it’s someone that goes to school here? You would tell me if it wasn’t.” Tyrell’s persistence grated on Derek’s nerves.

“Maybe yes, maybe no. The point is, I’m not going to tell you. What is it with you anyway? One second you start to act nice and then you get all pushy and obnoxious. It’s just like at orientation.” Derek took in a deep breath and held it for a few seconds, trying to settle his annoyance. “I want to be friends with you, Tyrell. I do. But you need to stop pushing so hard. If and when I want to tell you about my personal life, I will. Until then, could you please just drop it?”

A sense of relief seemed to cross Tyrell’s face. “Well, I guess that explains why you weren’t interested in me when I came onto you on that first day?”

“No, I wasn’t interested in you because you made me feel uncomfortable and because I thought you were a jerk.” Derek felt guilty his comment had come out as harshly as it had, but it seemed Tyrell didn’t get the message unless you slammed him over the head.

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“Ouch. Wow. You really aren’t interested in me at all are you?” Tyrell’s surprise was genuine.

“No, I’m really not.”

“Okay, well, do you think we could maybe be friends?”

”Didn’t I just say I want to be your friend? You need to start listening.” Derek shook his head. This conversation wasn’t going well and he was behaving badly. “Do you think you can quit coming onto me and respect the fact all I will want from you is friendship?”

Tyrell leaned back in his seat and stared at Derek, an expression which could have indicated hurt or deep thought, Derek wasn’t sure which. After a moment, he spoke.

“Honestly, I’m not sure, but I am willing to try.”

Derek decided to take Tyrell’s comment at face value. It was probably the best he would get for now. “Okay, then we can see how things progress. I really do need to get going though. I spent the better part of yesterday preparing a party mix for my dorm and I still have some work to do before classes tomorrow.” He got up and picked up his bag. Turning back to Tyrell, he said, “Thanks for the soda and pizza.”

Tyrell jumped up from his seat. “Do you have to go so soon? Come on. We’ve only just begun talking.”

“I do, Tyrell, but I’m sure we’ll see each other again, if not before the next meeting, then I’ll see you in three weeks.” He then turned and walked away, heading back to his dorm.

On his walk back, Derek considered his evening. He had enjoyed the meeting. He really liked Jared and believed there was a lot he could learn from him. Tyrell was another story, though. Most of the time, he was over the top and offputting, but there was another side to him that seemed sweet. Every once in a while, Tyrell showed a hint of someone Derek could be friends with. For now, he would keep his personal life to himself and see how things went.

When he got back to his room, Scott was still sitting at his desk, working on his paper. Seeing Scott sent a warm thrill through Derek and he leaned against the doorframe and simply watched him working. He had been so preoccupied with the events of the evening, Scott hadn’t been on his mind as much as usual. Finally, Scott looked up, a wide smile crossing his face. “You’re back.”

Walking over to Scott, Derek sat in his lap and placed his hands on either side of his face. “Hey baby. I missed you.”

Derek ran his fingers through Scott’s hair, enjoying the silky softness of the blond locks. Leaning down to cover Scott’s lips with his own, Derek allowed his passion and his love to pour out of him. He clung to Scott, pulling him as close as he could against his body. Scott laughed into his mouth, opening to Derek and allowing him to explore his mouth. Holding Scott, kissing him, being held, all of it washed away any concerns he had about the day and Tyrell. He was where he belonged and everything felt perfect. 116

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When the kiss ended, Scott looked at Derek with a dazed expression. After a moment, he was able to regain his composure. “What was that for?”

Derek smiled, resisting the urge to grab Scott and start kissing him all over again. Instead, he allowed Scott to cradle him in his lap and leaned his head against Scott’s shoulder. ”I just had a long night. The meeting was awesome. I met the group leader, Jared, and he wants to organize several events that sound really fun. Parties and stuff. But then I had a bite with Tyrell and he was…annoying.”

Scott remained silent for a few minutes, just holding Derek close, then kissed him lightly on the side of the head and caressed his back. “Derek, I’ve told you over and over, your optimism and your belief that people are genuinely good is one of the things I love most about you. I don’t ever want to see that change. With that being said, I feel a bit relieved to see you haven’t completely abandoned the guard you kept up all through high school. I was getting a little concerned for a while, thinking you might just throw all caution to the wind.”

He nuzzled Derek’s neck, rubbing his lips back and forth, tickling him. “I’ll love you no matter what you choose to do, but I don’t want to see you get hurt. Just take it a day at a time. Jared sounds cool, but I still think Tyrell is a dangerous person. If he hurts you, I’m going to want to hurt him.”

Derek stared at Scott, feeling slightly reproachful. “Don’t give me that look,” Scott said. “If someone hurts you, they’ll pay for it one way or another. Don’t argue with me on this because you’ll lose.”

Derek realized he had no chance of winning, so he remained silent, enjoying the feeling of Scott’s arms around him. “Come on, let’s go to bed. It’s been a long day and an eventful weekend.”

Scott closed his laptop and flicked off the desk light. Stripping down to their boxers, they slid into the lofted bed they had been using as their own and Derek snuggled into the embrace that had become their natural position. Although he felt comforted being held by Scott, thoughts of Tyrell kept him from falling to sleep. As agitating as the kid could be, he had a genuine side to him that was likable. The problem was, that likable side rarely revealed itself.

Could he really be dangerous? The idea seemed extreme to him. Scott was probably just being overly protective. Drawing in a deep breath, he let out a yawn, surprised by how tired he really was. As much as he enjoyed college and living with Scott, coming out, meeting people, dealing with people who were so different from himself; it was all so much harder than he had imagined it would be.

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Chapter Ten

Over the next couple of weeks, Derek fell into a comfortable routine with Scott. His classes had picked up in terms of the amount of work they required which kept him busy studying most days. He and Scott spent many evenings in their dorm, hanging out with the other students, watching television and playing ping-pong or foosball. Derek had also taken to mixing as a method for releasing tension. Having Scott and his mixing equipment in the same room was his personal idea of heaven on Earth. In fact, Scott had become much more actively involved in the technical aspect of mixing and had even mixed a few songs which Derek played at some of the parties he had been asked to DJ. Although Scott complained he didn’t think his own songs were any good, he became as giddy as a kid in a candy store when he joined Derek at the various parties and saw how the crowd responded.

His music was one aspect of his life from Cambridge he was very happy to have brought with him to BU. Not only did it get him invited to lots of parties, but it made him instantly recognizable by many of the students. He found that he was quickly making friends. Since Scott always came along to the parties, Scott was also meeting lots of people. He had actually met some of the members of the wrestling team and was excited that pre-season was going to begin in a few weeks. On the weekends, the two of them usually went for long runs. BU was located near the Charles River, although it was an entirely different section of the river from where they had run when in high school. Together, they explored new routes and enjoyed new scenic views which consisted of the urban landscape.

There were only two things that stood in the way of perfect happiness for Derek. First, his growing popularity impacted his comfort level with coming out. The more people recognized him, the less he wanted to put himself in a position to lose everything. The part that rankled him was that he felt himself sliding back into old habits; habits he had been determined to shed. The second thing that bothered him was that he had begun to push the thought of sex with Scott to the side. It had been almost a month since he made the decision to wait and see when Scott would take the initiative. Other than their continued oral sex, which occurred at least once daily if not more often, Scott showed no indication that he was yearning to take that final physical step as a couple. Each time Derek thought about it, he felt himself slip just a little bit further away from Scott and had to work just that much harder to bring himself back. Ironically, Scott was becoming more and more affectionate with Derek in public. He was constantly touching him, draping an arm over his shoulder, running his hand down an arm, even brushing hair out of his eyes when the wind blew it out of place. The gestures were small, but each touch was like feathers sending whispers of tickling sensation along his skin. They never talked about it, but each time Scott touched him, it erased each time he didn’t touch him the way he yearned for in bed at night. Still, in those moments when Scott touched him in public, Derek would glance around at the people watching them. Sometimes no one noticed, but other times, they clearly did. He 118

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would then look at Scott who didn’t seem in the slightest bit affected by what others had seen him do. It was in moments like those when Derek wondered why he was keeping his mouth shut. Why he wasn’t just telling Scott the things going on in his mind and how he was feeling. The same answer always sounded in his mind and echoed as if mocking him. Because you want him to make the first move. It was Saturday night in late October and Derek was mixing for a party in another dorm in their quad. Scott suggested they go out to dinner before the party, but wouldn’t tell Derek where they were going and insisted on paying for everything. Derek didn’t like when people paid for him, but there was no arguing with Scott on this. He was adamant and it would have caused more problems than it was worth. “Are you ready yet?” Scott was becoming impatient.