Wrestling With Love (18 page)

He wanted to protest, to tell Scott that his comment made absolutely no sense, but simply couldn’t bring himself to do it. Things were going too well between them. He didn’t want college to begin with tension. He didn’t want to fight. Hustling Scott out of bed, he led them to breakfast. It took all of his concentration to withhold from bringing up the one thing on his mind. Yet not bringing it up caused it to become a weight sitting on his chest, stealing his appetite, and crowding his thoughts out of his head. Maybe tonight will be the night. The thought helped to alleviate some of his doubts, but some still lingered.

Derek remained filled with anxious energy during breakfast, drawing several strange looks from Scott, but he simply played it off as excitement about being at college. Finally, Scott finished and they headed out to the athletic complex. Hank had asked Derek’s group to meet by a large tree just to the left of the entrance of the athletic complex. Leaving Scott once they arrived was hard enough, but when he spotted Tyrell standing under the tree branches, his chest tightened. Although he found the aggressive behavior over the top and pushy, he still admired his openness. That, combined with Tyrell’s unusual good looks, sent a mixture of sensations through him. Excitement was undeniable, but guilt and anxiety spun around it like electrons revolving around the nucleus of an atom, fast and furious, crowding out his ability to enjoy his new acquaintance. Each step toward him heightened the uncomfortable sensation of walking into an interrogation room or onto a stage, two things Derek would normally avoid at all costs.

Derek sat down and remained quiet, listening to Tyrell rattle off the events of his evening without really paying attention. When the whole group had shown up, they took off to find a relaxing, sunny patch of lawn on the football field. For the day’s activity, Hank had planned for the group to pair off and answer a series of questions about each other and then present their partner to everyone else. When Hank called Derek’s name, there were several students still unmatched, Tyrell being one of them. Again, warring emotions battled inside him. Part of him prayed he wouldn’t be paired off with Tyrell. Deep down he knew his life would be much easier if he could get through these two days and then never have to deal with 86

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him again. But a much larger part of him, the one that overshadowed his better judgment, hoped they would be paired. He had made a snap decision about Tyrell the day before and it bothered him. There was no way anyone should or could be judged in one day. His father’s words from a few days earlier echoed in his mind. I’ve rarely seen you pass judgment on others. Not many adults are able to do that. If his dad thought it was a good quality, Derek assumed it must be.

Hank reached into the baseball cap which had the names of each group member and pulled out a slip of paper. Turning it over in his hand, time seemed to slow down.

“Tyrell. You are matched with Derek.”

Tyrell stood up in what could only be characterized as a leap and walked excitedly over to Derek. The two of them headed off to one side of the group. Derek had barely sat down when he felt an immense pain in his ass…and it wasn’t a pain coming physically from the ground. “So, your friend seems like a real shit head. I mean, he basically ripped me to shreds in the cafeteria last night. What was that all about?”

A moment of rage caused his vision to blur and for a moment he actually thought he saw tinges of red. Tyrell didn’t know he and Scott were boyfriends and so he had no idea what he was saying was deeply offensive. Still, why would he insult Scott when he knew he was Derek’s friend? He wanted to grab the front of Tyrell’s shirt, pull him roughly in so their noses were almost touching, and tell him that Scott was his boyfriend and he should steer clear of both of them if he valued his perfectly sculpted facial features. Knowing he wouldn’t, he simply shrugged his shoulders. “Scott’s very protective of his friends.”

Tyrell flipped over the paper Hank had given them. “Well, let’s get started. These questions are straight forward enough. Where are you from? What interests and hobbies do you have? Why did you choose to come to BU? Do you know what your major is going to be? That sort of thing.”

Derek reminded himself he didn’t want to judge Tyrell too quickly. Beneath that aggravating exterior may be a genuine person Derek might be able to like. And he was the first person his own age Derek had met who was openly gay. Being able to talk to someone about the things going on in his head and in his relationship would be a nice change from high school. If Tyrell could just stop being such an ass, some redeeming qualities might have a chance to shine through.

He began by asking questions. Tyrell was from a small town just outside of Birmingham, Alabama. He had chosen to go to BU because it was the biggest college he’d been accepted to and was the furthest away from home. “My hobby? Hmm. I guess my hobby is to find cute guys to spend time with.” He raised his eyebrows suggestively as he had the night before.

Derek leveled him with a steady gaze. “That’s your hobby?”

Tyrell smiled. “Well, maybe it’s not a hobby, but it’s what I spend most of my time doing.”

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“What else did you like to do in high school?” Derek was not about to share with the group that Tyrell’s hobby was scoping out hot men. Why can’t he drop the act for just one second?

“All right, fine. I really enjoy art. All forms of art. Painting, photography, theater, and especially ceramics. I’ve developed a nice line of kitchenware. It’s not on the market or anything, but my whole family has their kitchens stocked with things I’ve made.”

For a moment, Derek began to see Tyrell as a normal person who had interests which extended beyond the male gender. This would be what he would share with the group. He looked at his list and saw there was only one question left. “So, the last question is what do you fear most about being in college?”

Tyrell’s face took on a serious expression. “Honestly, my biggest fear is that people will be just as closed minded as they were back home in Alabama. Being gay at home sucked and I caught a lot of hell. I was beat up a number of times and, although most of my family accepted me, the ones who didn’t are convinced I’m going straight to hell, and they weren’t afraid to tell me and anyone else who would listen.”

Sadness filled Derek as he considered Tyrell’s experience. He knew some people reacted strongly to gay people, becoming upset or uncomfortable, but damning gay people to hell wasn’t something he had ever been exposed to. Meeting someone who had actually had it happen to them was an eye opener.

“How did you handle that?”

Tyrell surveyed Derek. “You really want to know, don’t you?” His entire demeanor tensed. “Why?”

Derek remained silent, trying to process the simple question. How could Tyrell think he wouldn’t want to know why? Because you haven’t come out to him. That’s why. He doesn’t know you’re gay. Guilt flooded him in one huge wave; guilt at not being open and at not being true to himself. Whatever Tyrell might be, he wasn’t a liar. “I think it’s horrible you had to face that. Families are supposed to love you unconditionally.”

Something in Tyrell’s body language relaxed. Almost as if he had aged and was looking at Derek through adult eyes. “Not all families are like that. If you’re lucky enough to have one who loves you without question or condition, cherish it.”

He stared at Derek, as if waiting for him to say something. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell Tyrell everything. To open up and accept him as a friend, but when he spoke, the words didn’t come. Instead, he kept the focus on Tyrell. “So what did you do when those family members condemned you like that?”

Tyrell remained silent for a moment, then settled into a more comfortable position, a slight sigh emitting from his chest. “Well, as you can probably guess, I told them I would rather be down in hell with a bunch of hot guys than stuck in heaven with tightass shit heads like them.”

“I bet that got a reaction.” Derek couldn’t help the smile that pulled at the edges of his mouth.

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Tyrell smiled as well, but his eyes became distant, as if he were picturing the event in his mind, but not with pleasure. “It worked to shut them up.”

Derek smiled. It wasn’t because he thought what Tyrell had shared was funny, but this honest side of him was very likable. “Okay, so that translates to you’re afraid people won’t accept you for who you are but, deep down inside, you don’t really give a damn who accepts you.”

Tyrell nodded. “That’s a reasonable summary. Before I begin asking you questions, I’d like to ask you one not on the list.”

Derek steeled himself, not knowing what to expect.

“Why do you feel the need to reduce my answer to a general summary? Why can’t you just answer the questions the way I’ve answered them?”

Derek hadn’t realized he had done that, but to have it expressed so plainly caught him off guard. “I’ve always kept a low profile and tried to avoid saying or doing anything which would draw attention might make people uncomfortable. It’s just the way I have always been. Sharing some of the things you have said would make me feel uncomfortable.”

“I can buy that. Keeping a low profile has never been my skill. I’m always over the top and I tend to piss people off.” There was a hint of sadness in Tyrell’s voice as he spoke. He shifted his position so he sat closer to Derek, their legs almost touching. The closeness made Derek uneasy, but he pushed the feeling aside, not wanting to set Tyrell off again. “See, that was a cool thing to say. It’s honest. You aren’t trying to pretend you’re something you’re not. You’re just being yourself.” Despite Tyrell’s annoying traits and his flagrant manner of putting people ill at ease, he was showing a side of himself Derek could actually like. As soon as the thought crossed his mind, Scott’s warning flashed through his mind. He’s extreme and he’s dangerous. Tyrell remained quiet for a moment. “No one’s ever said anything that nice to me before. I guess I’m so busy being an image of someone, I never learned how to be myself.”

Derek liked this Tyrell much better than the one he had met yesterday.

“Do you think your roommate hates me?”

He was pretty sure Scott not only hated him, but had thought of several ways to keep Tyrell far away from both of them. “Hate is a strong word. Scott’s a really nice guy. He doesn’t like conflict and tries to avoid it. Not in the same way I do, he’s not nearly as guarded when it comes to his feelings and his likes and dislikes, but he does avoid strong emotions like hate.”

“And love?” Tyrell asked.

Derek shook his head. “See, that was not a cool question. What are you trying to imply right now?”

Tyrell flushed. “Nothing. I just hate it when I don’t think people like me, so I try to find things wrong with them.”

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Derek understood but didn’t find the practice to be to his taste at all. “Scott is perfectly capable of love.”

“How do you know?” Tyrell’s interest seemed a little too intense and prying for Derek’s liking.

Taking the safe road, he replied carefully. “Because he’s my best friend and I’ve seen him in love before.” Tyrell accepted the answer without argument or further questioning.

After about thirty minutes, Hank called the group together and each pair took turns introducing their partner. It was interesting to get to know some of the more personal details of his group. He could certainly see how some of these students could become good friends. When all of the pairs had shared, Hank let them know his dorm and room number. “If you guys have any questions or if you just need someone to talk to, please feel free to come and see me.”

With that, the group dispersed. Tyrell walked with Derek. “So, interested in heading over to the student center for a bite to eat? Maybe we could continue talking?”

Derek was tempted. Tyrell had revealed a side of himself today he could be friends with. But he wanted to get back to Scott. No matter what the differences were between his own desire to immerse himself in the gay community and Scott’s desire to remain private, he still preferred spending time with Scott more than anyone else and for the past two days they had been forced to spend time apart. “I’m gonna take a rain check. I want to settle into my room.”

Tyrell nodded. “Okay. I’ll see you around I guess.” An expression of doubt and sadness passed over his face.

Derek reached into his pocket and pulled out a receipt he hadn’t thrown out from his shopping spree with his mother. “Do you have something to write with?” Tyrell shook his head. “Fine. Give me your phone.”

Tyrell handed his phone over with a perplexed expression on his face. Derek took it from him and entered his cell phone number into it. Handing it back, he allowed his fingers to brush against Tyrell’s soft caramel skin, a slight ripple of electricity running along his arm at the contact. He pulled his mind from the sensations of touching Tyrell, shocked he would have any such reaction at all. “Here’s my number. Call me and we’ll make plans.”

Tyrell smiled, then tucked his phone back into his pocket, turned, and walked away. Derek allowed his gaze to linger on the retreating figure. The way the other man’s jeans hugged his hips and molded to the round of his ass drew his eyes in like a magnet and he had to shake his head to break the momentary trance. What the hell? Derek headed back to his room. Scott was already there standing between the two lofted beds.