Wray (31 page)

Wray slowly released Kim and went to Tora,
gripping one of his shoulders with a firm hand so he couldn’t turn
away from him. "The blame has always been
mine,
Tora. Not
yours." He could tell Tora didn’t believe him and didn’t know how
to convince him.

“Wray told me that the warriors who were with
you, ignored your protests.” Kim said softly, moving to Wray's
side.

“I could have ordered them to leave me.” Tora
told them.

"They never would have followed that order
Tora.” Wray informed him, squeezing his shoulder. “
You
are
my first male.
Their
future Emperor.
Your
survival is
always the priority. It has been that way since the dawn of the
Empire.”

“Then I should have gone back for him.” Tora
argued back angrily, his voice breaking.

"Then you both would have been lost." Kim
said quietly.

"I don't care!" Tora lashed out at her,
ripping away from his manno’s grip. "At least it would have been an
honorable death and I wouldn't have to live with this shame."

Suddenly Kim understood... it was guilt...
Tora was filled with guilt over what had happened.

What he had done.

What he hadn't done.

Kim understood perfectly.

"Tora..." Wray began only to have Kim cut him
off.

"Are you really that selfish, Tora?" Kim
demanded, stepping in front of Wray. "Is it really
all
about
you?"

"How dare you!" Tora took a threatening step
towards her, expecting her to back away, to hide behind his manno.
All females fled before an angry male instead she stood her ground
sticking her small chin out.

"I dare because it is the truth." Kim fired
back. "You were a young male, caught up in circumstances outside of
your control and you have to live with the decisions others made.
You can stand there and rage because you don't like it but... too
bad, so sad... that's life and it isn't always fair." Kim paused
and tipped her head slightly to the side. "You know, you weren't
the only one that lost Van... Wray did too, and he was his manno.
Did you ever
once
stop to think about what it did to him?
What it would have done to him if he had lost
both
of
you."

"He would have taken another Empress and
replaced us. Just as he is doing now!" Tora told her.

"You know, Tora," Kim leaned towards him.
"You are an asshole! I wanted to like you because you are Wray's
offspring, but I don't think I'm going to. I've never had
offspring, but even
I
know that they aren't 'replaceable'.
Each one is special in his or her own way. Did you ever think about
the pain that it caused your manno to lose Van? Did you?" she
demanded and saw his eyes widen. "I've seen the pain in Wray's eyes
when he talks about losing Van, about how he nearly lost
you
. It was as strong and sharp as the day it happened. It
still haunts him that
he
wasn’t there to protect
both
of you."

"Kim is correct, Tora." Wray said quietly,
his eyes boring into Tora's. "The failure has always been mine. The
shame. Never yours."

Tora stared at his manno and for the first
time he saw
his
pain. They had never talked about Van and
Tora had thought it was because his manno blamed him. Now he saw it
was because he blamed himself.

"I understand what it's like to lose a
sibling, Tora." Kim said softly and Tora pulled his eyes away from
his manno to Kim and saw in her eyes all the pain he felt. "To feel
like it's your fault... I lost my older sister, Jen, not long ago.
We had a fight. It
was
my fault and then she was gone. I
never got the opportunity to take back the hurtful words I said.
Never got to tell her how much I loved her. The only thing I can do
now is to try and honor her memory by not making those mistakes
again.” Kim’s voice broke and she felt Wray's gentle hand on her
arm, silently giving her his support.

“You can't go back, Tora," she forced herself
to go on. "No matter how much you want too. You can't change what
happened in that river. You can only go forward as Van would have
wanted you to and live the best life you can. You
dishonor
him by questioning the sacrifice
he
made. He gave his life
for his future Emperor... for his brother. Only the truest and
fittest of warriors can do that.
Honor
him, Tora, because if
the situation were reversed, wouldn't that be what you would want
him to do."

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Both males were speechless after Kim's
impassioned speech, but for different reasons.

Wray silently thanked the Goddess for
bringing this amazing female into his life, for she understood him
as no one else did. No one understood that he still grieved for
Van, that it still troubled him. Males weren't supposed to grieve
for those they lost… remember them… yes... but grieve... that was
for females... not that he had ever seen one do so.

He would like to believe Adana would have
grieved for Van but he couldn't be sure. Once she had turned Van
over to him, she had taken no further interest in him. But Van had
wormed his way into Wray's heart with the little pranks he had
liked to play on Wray's Warriors, especially Veron. He would always
wait until just before the Warrior would enter Wray's command
center. He still remembered the time Veron reached into his pocket
and pulled out a baby Kele. Veron had acted as if he knew it was
there all along, but Wray had known better.

Tora was silent because... well, he was
stunned. This female... she seemed to understand loss and pain. How
was that possible? She was
female
. They were never harmed.
Never had to sacrifice. If a male somehow failed
them
, they
just chose another to replace him. Yet Kim had stood by his manno,
even after his own warriors had attacked her.

She understood
his
pain, even after
the Ganglians had... when he had barely shown her the respect she
deserved. He felt his shame grow and it had nothing to do with
Van.

Wray watched the emotions racing across
Tora's face and understood every one of them. Tora had never known
a female could be caring or understanding. Wray hadn't either, not
until Kim.

She was showing all of them that their world
could be different. Should be different. It was going to take some
time, but he knew that together they could overcome anything.

Wray pulled Kim close, wrapping her in his
arms. He has never been filled with so much pride before. This
female of his... she was amazing. She loved him, faults and all.
She cared about his offspring.

Wray had known Tora felt guilty over Van's
death, but he never knew the extent of it. Had never known how much
Tora blamed himself. He was only twelve years old at the time. The
blame was never his. Kim had made him see that, and they were both
better for it.

But it had cost her, he could see it... it
had made her remember the things
she
couldn't change, the
things that happened with her sister. He needed to ease
her
pain now, just as she had done his.

"Come, my Kim. You need to rest." Wray told
her.

"She needs to eat first." Tora informed him
quietly, his eyes still on Kim.

"What?" Wray looked to the platters and saw
they were still full. "You were supposed to eat while I was gone."
He turned concerned eyes to Kim. "Why didn't you eat, my Kim?"

"I wasn't hungry and then Tora and I started
talking. You know, you weren't really gone that long, Wray." She
could see her answer didn't satisfy him. "What did your brother
want?" She asked, trying to distract him.

"I will tell you after you eat." Wray said,
putting a hand on her waist, guiding her to the table. "I will tell
both of you."

"Wray..." Kim tried to protest. She still
wasn't sure her stomach would take it.

"Don't, Kim." He said angrily. "I wasn't able
to see that you were properly cared for on Pontus. I will now!"

Sighing heavily Kim let him lead her back to
the table. She understood his anger, knew it
still
frustrated him that there had been so little to eat on Pontus. She
needed to let him care for her now.

“Alright. Fine, but both of you will eat
too.”

Kim was surprised at how well the meal went
after that. Wray and Tora talked. She listened. She even chuckled a
few times at some of the stories Wray told.

She tried a little from every platter,
agreeing that Reeve's cook had over seasoned the meat and that she
didn’t like it, although the pastry was good. She found she liked
the items from Wray’s platter the most. It was like the food Jen
would have made. Simple yet tasty. The thought had her hand
stilling as a sense of homesickness overwhelmed her.

"What is wrong, Kim?” Wray asked, instantly
knowing
something
had upset her.

“I was just thinking about Jen." Kim told him
her eyes filling as she looked at him. "About how she would have
prepared this. She would have made it unbelievably good.”

“Your manno truly had two females?” Tora
asked tentatively.

“Yes." Kim said, forcing the tears back to
answer Tora. "It’s not that uncommon on Earth.” Kim missed the
shocked look Tora sent his manno. “She was older than me by five
years. She was a trained chef, she loved to take the raw foods like
these,” Kim gestured to her platter, “and make them into wonderful
things. She was going to open a restaurant with her husband and
then my parents died and she had to care for me instead. When they
disappeared, I was devastated.”

“What happened to them?” Tora asked.

“I don’t know. I just know they’re dead.”

“You don’t know that for sure, Kim.” Wray
told her lifting her into his lap as he always did when they were
in the cave. Knowing she needed to be held as much as he needed to
hold her. It was an amazing thing… touch. He never realized how
important it was until Kim. Had never understood how comforting it
could be. Now he couldn’t live without it. “They could have been
found by now.”

“No, Wray, thank you for saying that, but
no.” Kim laid her head on his chest, letting the steady beat of his
heart ease her pain. “Jen never would have abandoned me like that,
no matter how much I deserved it.”

“You didn’t deserve it, Kim. None of it.”
Wray told her as he leaned down, pressing his cheek against the top
of her head.

“Maybe… I just wish I knew what happened. I
miss her.” Kim whispered, cuddling in closer.

“I know Kim and if I could, I would bring her
back to you.”

“I know you would Wray, just like I would
bring back Van for you and Tora if I could.” Kim eyes went to Tora,
who was sitting, silently watching them.

“What did Grim need?” Tora finally asked.

“They found the wreckage of the Jerboaian
ship.” Before Tora could ask, Wray quickly filled him in on how
they had found Jerboaian males on the Ganglian ship.

“That’s what was so urgent?” Tora couldn’t
keep the disbelief out of his voice and Wray frowned at him, then
looked down at Kim.

“You don’t want to talk about it in front of
me.” Kim said not even having to look up at Wray to know she was
right. Pressing against his chest, she eased out of his arms.

“Kim…”

“It’s alright Wray.” Kim said, leaning over
to kiss him lightly on the lips. “I’m tired, so I’m going to go to
bed. You and Tora can stay up and talk about all those things
males
talk about that you don’t want
females
to
hear.” She gave him a slight smile, then looked to Tora. “It was
very nice meeting you Tora. At least for me. I’m sure you don’t
feel that way, but…” Kim just shrugged her shoulders.

“Kim, I’m sure Tora has been just as pleased
to meet you. Aren’t you Tora.”

“Wray stop.” Kim puts her fingers across his
lips. “You can’t tell Tora to accept me and have it be true. It’s
going to take time and work. Time you are going to give both of us
and hopefully we’ll get to the point where we can at least be
friends.” Replacing her fingers with her lips, she gave him one
last kiss. “Wake me when you come to bed.” She whispered, then left
them alone.

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Tora watched Kim walk away with a frown on
his face. Had she really just said she would like to be ‘friends’?
How was that possible? Males and females were never ‘friends’.

“She is nothing like our females Tora.” Wray
told his offspring quietly. “She is more. More loving. More
understanding. She is everything I’ve ever wanted but didn’t know
was possible. She makes me… whole.”

Tora couldn’t believe it was his manno
talking like this. He couldn’t believe
any
male would talk
like this. Yes, every female deserved to be treated with respect,
Tornian or not, but to make you ‘whole’. How was that possible?

“I know you don’t understand.” Wray rose from
his chair to walk to the window, trying to organize his thoughts as
he watched the flashes of lightening in the distance. “If a male
had come to
me
saying what I just said, I wouldn’t
understand it either. I couldn’t, because I had yet to experience
Kim. I can only hope the Goddess will see fit to bless you with a
female such as my Kim.”

“Even if she gives you no offspring?” Tora
couldn't help but ask.

“Even then. She matters more to me.” Wray
said, turning to face Tora.

Tora sat quietly watching his manno for
several minutes. Finally, he spoke his truth. “The Assembly will
never accept her as your Empress. She isn’t Tornian.”

“She will be Tornian once I have declared her
so.”

“What!" Tora's chair hit the floor as he
stood. "But…”

“It is within my power as Emperor to declare
anyone Tornian I deem worthy.” Wray told him.