Worth the Fall (14 page)

I was the wrecker of all things good.
 

“I’m so sorry.” I tried not to literally wring my hands, but they were hanging there at the end of my arms doing nothing. “I don’t know what came over me.”

“I do.” Hailey said and nodded her head toward Max.
 

Dane snorted again. “Yeah, not yet.”

My gaze shot toward Max and watched as his neck slowly stained red as he glared Dane down.

“You know what?” I set down my drink and stood. “I’m really sorry. I’m just…tired. I’m going to head out. Thanks so much for having me.”

“No.” Jenna picked up her pillow again and threw it at Max, taking him by surprise and knocking him upside the head. “You don’t have to go.”

“It’s okay. You guys finish the game. I’m just going to go get some rest. Thanks.”

I rushed toward the door, knowing it was rude even as I did it. I felt like crying for the first time after everything that had happened. I had no idea what had gotten into me. Max Darby just rubbed me the wrong way and I was letting him get to me. I don’t know why. You’d think after years of not noticing how horrible Jason was, Max’s little nudges wouldn’t bother me.
 

I pushed through the foyer’s door and had to take a moment to figure out which way was home. With my luck, I’d just start walking and end up at my old place. I’d made it halfway down the block, before I heard the footsteps rushing after me.

“Tuesday!”
 

Yeah. Like I was going to answer to that.

“Kasey!”

Okay, I should answer to that, but I just wanted to get home. I was blowing Step One of my Begin Again plan. Unless it had magically become,
New Friends…tick them off
.

Then I was all,
Check
! on that one.

“Kasey, wait.” Max caught up with me and slowed to match my steps.
 

I looked up at him, not wanting to apologize to the guy who nagged me into humiliation. I know it was on purpose. Every time I said something he had a comeback. Everything I did he insisted on the opposite. It was as if he’d spent the night trying to drive me out. Well, out I was. I’d apologized for my part of it, but that’s as far as I was going.

I just shook my head and continued down the street, enjoying the crisp evening air.
 

We walked on, Max at my side, the street quieter than the early evening bustle of when I’d arrived.

“You don’t have to walk me all the way home.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Actually, I’d rather you didn’t.”

He stopped. Just stopped. I couldn’t tell whether it was because I’d offended him—again—or if he was just taking me at my word.

I decided to believe it was the latter. I walked the blocks, listening to the sounds of the city during the evening. The birds that seemed to come out of nowhere as I got closer to the tree-lined neighborhood. The cars got nicer…and quieter. I hadn’t thought there were peaceful places right in town. But The Village gave that idea a run for its money.

And that’s why I heard the quiet, steady steps half a block behind me, walking along, measured with mine. There was no tingly spine or nervous twitches. I knew, just knew it was Max back there making sure no one else was following me home.

When I got to my building, I climbed the elegant arched staircase and turned back to see him standing in the tree-shadowed spot under a streetlight waiting for me to go in. I raised my hand, annoyed through my thankfulness, and watched as he stood there stubbornly waiting for me to head inside.

Part of me wanted to stay there, waiting him out and see what he’d do. But, goodness knew Max was obstinate. He’d probably wait until I got all the way up to Ben’s apartment and he saw the lights go on before heading home.

After climbing the steps to my new front door, I was tempted to slip inside and try to make my way among the boxes to the window and watch for his reaction to the long darkness. But, with my luck, I’d get close enough to the window before tripping over something and taking a header out my new third story home.

Then Max would probably have to do something and there’d be paperwork. That’s all I needed to be.

More paperwork.

EIGHTEEN

When my alarm clock went off the next morning, I asked myself why I was still bothering to set it. If my life was going down the toilet, I should at least get to sleep in. I rolled over, slamming my hand down on the snooze button and settled back in under my blanket.

I lay there, contemplating the night before and wondering if I should go back to The Brew to work. As soon as the thought crossed my mind, I was reenergized. I had work to do. I had a new business I was passionate about. Yes, I may have isolated my new friend, but life wasn’t over. I was no worse off than five days ago. Although, that whole
don’t know whatcha got until it’s gone
thing was feeling true.
 

I got up and checked my email. Three people I’d sent my press release to had already responded letting me know they were disappointed I no longer worked at Brockman and promising to pass my name on to any smaller businesses looking to hire a capable boutique.
 

Well, that was a win. I figured if they didn’t mean it, they’d just hit the delete button.

Checking out my website stats, I had twenty-two hits from the mailing. Not bad for a weekend.

Pulling myself out of my pity party, I headed toward the shower, my mind already racing with how I’d take over the marketing world. Or at least a tiny corner of it.

At the sidewalk, my feet automatically turned and headed toward The Brew. It was what it was. And also, since it was a Sunday maybe Jenna would be taking the day off. I wouldn’t have to run into her and see if she was as annoyed as I thought she might be because of me ruining game night.
 

I pushed through the front door, sucking in the sweet smell of blended drinks and baked chocolate treats and stalled out.
 

Not only was Jenna there, but all of them were sitting around the little beat-up coffee table drinking frothy beverages and eating scrumptious desserty breakfast things.

Crud.

Jenna caught my eye, but before she could say anything I gave a little wave and headed to the other side of the room. I pulled out my laptop and set it up making it obvious I was there to work. Work was why I was there. Yup. There was work to be done.

Not that work was a lie, but I wanted it super clear that I had things to do.
 

I really didn’t need a pity invite over to their cool kids’ table.
 

Before I could finish setting up, Jenna slid into the seat across from me.

“Hey.”
 

It was that smile. She used it like a weapon. Oh, she looked sweet. She looked like one of the nicest people on the planet. But then she gave you that smile and made it so you couldn’t say no to anything she suggested.
 

I was going to say no. I was going to be strong and say no.
 

“Hi.” I used my own smile like a weapon.

Or, at least I thought I did, but when Jenna looked at me like I could possibly be deranged, I wished I had a mirror.

“So, you’re working today?” She glanced at the table I’d taken over with my mock ups, potential customer list, and to-do sheets.

“Yup. You know, trying to get everything up and running seems to be two full-time jobs. I think I’m dreaming business plans.” I smiled when she laughed. “I woke up in the middle of last night and had dreamed I’d written my next to-do list. Only when I got up this morning the list said, Call Santa and request more work before Christmas, make green pancakes, and walk backward everywhere once a week to tighten your butt.”

She was laughing at me before I got past Santa.

“So, you made a real to-do list and then came here?”

“That is the real to-do list.”

Jenna shook her head at me and leaned over the table. “Are you going to come have breakfast?”

I glanced over her shoulder to where the others sat chatting and caught Max as he glanced away, that inscrutable look on his face again.
 

“I thought maybe…no.” I shuffled my pages around trying to stall. Trying not to fall prey to the Jenna Smile. “I mean,” How do you say this? “Aren’t you mad at me?”

“Mad at you?” She sat up, obviously surprised. “Why would I be mad at you?”

“I ruined your game night.”

This time, Jenna laughed so hard I thought Ben was going to come check on her.
 

“Ruined game night. Oh, that’s rich.” She wiped her eyes and gave me a softer, less threatening smile. “Last month Hailey threw a remote at Dane and gave him a black eye because he wouldn’t stop looking down her shirt. The month before that Dane brought a
girlfriend
with him who didn’t know the difference between right and left and kept having to stop and ask. He eventually wrote her a little note card and she still couldn’t remember. The month before that the guys ended up in a brawl basically because in Apples to Apples Ben thinks the funny answer is right, Dane thinks the stupidest answer is right, and Max kept getting angry because he thinks the answer closest to the original card is right and they were just messing with him. They broke my favorite yard sale bowl. The month before that—”

“Are you making this up?”

“Even I couldn’t make this up.” Jenna glanced over her shoulder before turning back to me, leaning in, and lowering her voice. “My friends are kind of crazy. I’d like to blame Ben and his friends, but I’m pretty sure mine aren’t any better.”

“I kind of doubt you were being nice to me to up the sanity ratio.”

“Oh, heck no! I just figured you’d fit right in.”

My eyes fell shut and I pictured it. I pictured fitting in. I pictured game nights and breakfasts and Shakespeare in the Park and holidays and celebrations and life. But the problem was, even as each picture shifted and the players moved, there was one constant. There, next to me, giving me that look halfway between his inscrutable stare and his dimple-blessed smile was Max Darby.

He’d tick me off then make sure I lived through another day. Talk about extremes.

I let my gaze drift over to the table again and wondered if I
could
fit in. With Jenna, yes. With the guys and Hailey, maybe. But with Max…I didn’t know.

It was like he wanted to keep his distance and still be the boss of me.
 

“Come on.” She reached down and started shuffling my papers together. “You have to eat breakfast anyway. You might as well come over and put up with us.”

I glanced back over at the group wondering if they had seen my Situations like Max had, they’d be keeping their guard up with me too.
 

Jenna stopped, and set my stuff down. “I mean, you don’t have to. If we’re a little much for you, I totally get it.” She let out a little awkward laugh, her eyes dropping to the side. “We’re a little much for me sometimes too.”

It took me a minute to realize it
wasn’t me.
 

For years whenever something went wrong, Jason would sweetly take the time to explain why something hadn’t been the best idea or how maybe I might not want to word things a certain way. He’d do it about work too. He’d hear a story about work and assume I’d handled it in the worst possible way. He’d give me advice—lectures—about why I needed to be more patient and more influencing.

I’d once brought my yearly review home to show him how my boss had called me one of the most patient managers he’d ever had. How I was excellent at reading people and situations.

It did no good.
 

When we fought, Jason always let me know he forgave me. Even when he admitted he might have
read me wrong
…apparently the closest thing to
it was my fault
he could get.

I stood there, in the warmth of the coffee shop, realizing again that since I’d been a grad student basically off the bus from Ohio, Jason had been molding me into what he wanted and I’d lost more than my identity. I’d lost my ability to see my value and the weight of my own actions.

“Kasey?”

I snapped back to today, reminding myself I wasn’t there any more. Reminding myself that if I didn’t want to be that girl now, I was the only one who could control that.

I was the boss of me. I took ownership of my actions. I was not valued by who was standing next to me.

I glanced over to the group again, all of them relaxed back into their overstuffed chairs with their sweet breakfast drinks and knew I wanted to be part of that. Max shifted, his gaze colliding against mine and his brows drawing down just a bit in the middle.

“Sure. Of course, I’d love to join you guys.” I packed up my stuff and followed her over, feeling a little embarrassed by the fact that they’d caught me trying to not hang out with them now that I knew I was welcome.
 

“Hey, trying to escape us, huh?” Dane stood and took my bag, placing it on the floor next to the empty chair. “What can I grab you?”

“Oh, no. Don’t worry. I can get it.” The last thing I needed was to feel obligated to him for buying me a drink…which I know how 1987 that sounded.