Worth It (54 page)

I kneel on the grass and sit back on my heels, my eyes tracing the name one letter at a time, as the tears continue to slip from my eyes. I’m tempted to squash pain back down, so I don’t have to deal with it anymore, but I can’t, and I won’t. Letting it out and letting it go is why I’m here today. I need to face this and experience this, so I’m able to move on with my life and truly have my happily ever after.

Warm arms encircle me, and I melt into them, welcoming the safety they provide.

His soothing voice calms my soul as he asks, “You okay?”

I take in a deep breath as my tears start to dry up, and I turn around to wrap my arms around the neck of the only person who’s ever known all of me. “I love you, Jed.”

“I love you, too, baby.”

I let him hold me as the emotions run their course.

That night, six months ago, the first shot that tore through Jed and me drew a crowd. Thank God, one of the bystanders had a concealed carry permit, and he shot Todd right before Todd shot Jed. I can’t imagine what it was like to take a life, even a life as vile as Todd’s, but that man saved two others, and I will forever be indebted to that hero.

When Jed fell forward on top of me, his head hit the pavement hard, knocking him out instantly. The bullet hit his lungs, and they quickly filled with blood, but the paramedics were able to get him to the hospital in time to save his life. Thankfully, the bullet didn’t hit any other vital organs.

The moment I woke up in the hospital for the second time, the first thing I was told was that Jed was in the hospital and that he was going to be okay. The relief that flooded me was so huge that the wind was knocked from my lungs, and I cried so hard with happiness that I became hysterical. I had to be sedated again, but when I drifted away that time, I was full of warm bright light instead of darkness.

Because I had to have multiple surgeries to fix all the damage, the love of my life was released before me, and he came to see me right away. After he checked me over and I did the same with him, he took the engagement ring out of his pocket and explained what he had planned to do that night. He said that he was going to wait until I was released from the hospital, so he could plan another proposal, but he couldn’t wait one more second to make me his forever. After what happened, he said he couldn’t waste a single moment, and I agreed with him. I gave him a tearful and happy
yes
.

I take my blade out of my back pocket and lay it on the ground in front of the tombstone. I haven’t needed the box cutter in a long time.

Today, I’m putting everything to rest.

After taking one more deep breath and stealing one last glimpse of the gravestone, I offer Jed a smile. “I’m ready.”

He smiles back. “Okay, beautiful. Let’s get out of here, so I can take you home.”

One major change in my life that I have welcomed wholeheartedly is my dad—not my biological father, but the man who raised me. Mike was so shaken up after everything that happened that he initiated a long conversation. He said I’ve always been his daughter, and he loves me so much, but he realized that he never told me. Conversation has been hard for him, and it was a little awkward at first, but he’s made a serious effort to talk to me and to get to know me. It’s been really great to get to know him, too, and even though our burgeoning relationship came a little late, I’m thankful to have it now.

Jed and I are getting married in two weeks, but I wanted—no, I
needed
to come here today, so I can forgive and move on. The first few months after the shooting, any forgiveness I might have managed to achieve was wiped away, and my anger and hatred increased tenfold. As time went on, the burn of fury and loathing ate at me. By the time I was able to have my first therapy appointment since the incident, I was a ball of rage for that disgraceful excuse of a human being.

It was then that I had an epiphany. I truly understood what Dr. Jenson had been trying to show me sooner. Todd is dead, so what does holding on to my anger accomplish? Even if he were alive, he wouldn’t care. He was a sick and twisted man who would have gotten off on my rage and disgust. Just like that, I decided I wasn’t giving him one more ounce of grief. It was as if the clouds opened up, and the angels sang. I realized I wouldn’t be forgiving his actions. I would only be forgiving him, so I could let go. I could do that for
me.

The last month, I’ve been preparing myself for this—for letting go and moving on. I wept for what he put me through because I never truly grieved the loss of my innocence, and in a way, the last seven years of my life. Other things added to my state of mind, but in the end, his actions hurt and damaged my soul. I’m not letting him do that to me anymore because in forgiving him, forgiving others, forgiving myself, I can let go and be happy. I can finally have my happily ever after because I’m worth it.

Two weeks after I took Anna to the cemetery, Zach turns to me and says quietly, “I’m happy for you, bro.”

I turn to my brother, my best man, who stands beside me, as I wait for Anna to walk down the aisle, so I can make her mine till death do us part.

My lips tip up on one side. “Thanks, man.”

I turn back toward the church doors, anxiously willing them to open, so I can see her, so I can watch her beauty and strength light up the room as she makes her way to me, to our forever.

I hear Zach let out a defeated sigh. “I want it, too.”

I almost laugh out loud at my brother declaring that he wants out of the dating circus. I knew he would eventually, and it’s going to be hilarious to watch him actually date instead of just fuck around. Where I need the strong yet vulnerable maternal woman to appease the caregiver, family man in me, I think Zach needs a feisty woman who will challenge him, frustrate him, and keep him on his toes.
Yes, it will definitely be hilarious.

“You’ll find it, brother. When you meet her, you’ll know,” I say, not taking my eyes off the door. I’m going to be married to Anna, to have and to hold, in a matter of minutes. I don’t think I’ve ever been so excited to have something happen.
Open up, doors!

“I sure fucking hope so.” Then, in panic, Zach glances toward the priest when he realizes he just swore in church.

I try my hardest to press my lips together to stifle my laughter, but my shoulders shake.

Then, the priest throws us a look that says,
Simmer down now
.

I don’t think a priest would actually say that, but that’s how I take his look, so I rearrange my face the best I can and smother my laughter at my brother’s hilariously panicked expression.

Finally, the doors open, and the air freezes in my lungs as I take in the stunning vision of my soon-to-be wife standing just on the other side of the aisle.

I want to jump up and down and shout for all to hear,
She’s mine!

Instead, I stand there, trying to breathe and contain the smile threatening to break my face in half. Her white satin strapless dress hugs her boobs and emphasizes her thin waist. Then, it flares out like all those Disney princess dresses I saw when I watched movies with my sister as a kid. The whole thing showcases her tiny hourglass frame that I love to love so much.

With every step she takes, the happiness and love we share for each other swells inside me so much that I find myself fighting the onslaught of tears. I thank God every single day that she wasn’t taken away from me because I don’t think I could have survived it. After finally finding the other half of my heart and soul, having it snatched away would have broken me. I’m so glad that I wasn’t taken away from her because she’s been through enough. Knowing how much she loves me, the loss would have crushed her. I thank God every day for bringing us together, so we can love, honor, and cherish each other forever.

Her father lifts her veil and kisses her on the cheek. The relationship they have built over the last few months means the world to him. I can tell by the tears in his eyes as he gives away the woman who, in every important way, is his daughter.

Standing before the priest, family, friends, and God, I take Anna’s hand as Father Adams begins the ceremony. When it comes time for our vows to be said, I clear my emotion-clogged throat and proudly promise to love, honor, and cherish Anna through sickness and health and through good times and bad for as long as we both shall live. Then, Anna stares into my eyes like I’m the sun that brightens her day, and she repeats her vows to me.

When I kiss my bride, I pour all of my love and devotion into the barely church-appropriate embrace, and the awareness that this woman is mine forever nearly brings me to my knees. As we walk up the aisle as Mr. and Mrs. Moretti, I know that we will have our ups and downs, that we’ll argue and fight, that we’ll get depressed and fall down, but we’ll always have each other to pick the other back up. No matter what, I have her, and she has me, and in the end, it’ll all be worth it.

First I’d like to thank God. I know it’s cliché, but it’s important to me to thank Him for all the blessings He’s given me and for holding me up at my lowest, even if I didn’t realize He was there.

I’d also like to thank my husband, Greg, for his patience, encouragement, and support. You are the best thing that ever happened to me and the best person I know. You’re my rock. I’m so thankful that I wrote my number on your sub all those years ago. Love you to the moon and back, baby.

I’d like to thank my kids, Greg and Gabs, for inspiring me every day. At four and three, you drive me nuts sometimes, but you remind how wonderful life is. Your knock knock jokes crack me up, and your kisses give me strength, especially when I’m down. You guys are my world.

To my family and friends, thank you for being here for me to lean on, to laugh with, and help me become the person I am today.

The Indie Book world is huge and I’m thankful for the community and the love that goes around. Authors, bloggers, beta readers, editors, cover artists, promoters, and most importantly readers keep this book world going. Thank you for all the work you do.

A.L. Zaun- I honestly can’t thank you enough for all the advice you’ve given me. You encouraged me when I wanted to give up, you guided me, and you gave me some of the best critiques ever. You really should make a business out of it. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Alison Bailey- You are possibly one of the sweetest people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Thank you so much for checking in with me, giving me guidance and for helping me spread the word. You’re reactions to the story made me smile and laugh, even when it made you “straight up gasp.” Love you chica.

Kristina Amit- I’m proud to say I made a few good friends while I was writing this book, and you have become one of the closest. Thank you for reading, and re-reading, bouncing ideas around, and giving amazing feedback. You inspired new scenes and pushed when I needed it. I love our talks and I treasure our friendship. Thank you for all your hard work. Love you.

Tabitha Willbanks- Thank you so much for all your hard work. You helped me scour for typos a billion times, and gave awesome feedback. You’re one of the best cheerleaders I could ask for. Thank you.